Damages

I'm sure you people that still check this blog are getting tired of the very rare updates and vows to fix that. I truly will, come December, when student teaching is over, and I can afford to have a life again. Until then, I am behind on everything. It's already the 25th of the month and I haven't even started my short story for my book web site. I know, I know. I'm terrible. But I will prevail, and after December, you will feel my presence. Until then, if you want your regular does of Jimmy, check out the podcast I do with Nick Nitro, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky. We update every week. We didn't always, but we have kept that schedule for a month or so, and we do intend to keep it going. It's really taking off. You can find it on iTunes, or at the show's web site. It's really something, I think, and we have lots more surprises in store for our loyal listeners! And yes, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 will be out soon.

What could possibly break my once-again lengthy code of silence on the blog? Every once in awhile, a show comes along that just completely wows you. I mean, really. I know I like lots of shows, but the ones that join my top tier are few and far between. We're talking your Buffy the Vampire Slayers, your Deep Space Nines, your Sports Nights. Shows unique in nature, and long lasting in mind. The newest to join that rank: the first year drama Damages, which just completed its initial run on FX. While the show has not yet been picked up for a second season, they should just hand the Emmy and the Golden Globe to Glenn Close. While they're at it, give a supporting actor nod to Zeljko Ivanek (Live Free or Die Hard, Oz, The Manchurian Candidate). Rose Byrne stars, and Ted Danson and Tate Donavan round out the actors you need to know. I haven't watched the finale, it's paused on my tv screen right now, but I know without a doubt it will finish strong.

The show began in the summer, with poor Ellen (Byrne) in a trench coat covered in blood on a dark street. Over the ensuing thirteen weeks, we soon learned that her fiance was dead, and her boss, Patty Hughes (Close), may have tried to kill them both. Most of the story takes place in the months leading up to that fateful scenes as Patty and Ellen attempt to make a case against Ted Danson, but the action catches up the opening by the penultimate episode. I have much to say about this show, and will this Sunday on our podcast, but I can delay my anticipation no longer. It's on to the finale!

Qop!
"I predict that by the time I get back, you and David will be together again." ~ Patty Hughes (Glenn Close) to Ellen (Rose Byrne), Damages

I Broke My Pledge

Yeah, sorry. I let it go another two weeks and didn't do my Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I've decided not to make any more promises about posting until student teaching is over, because as much as I'd like to keep them, I'm not sure I can. And now for some brief random thoughts that should have been on our podcast, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, but wasn't.
Did anyone watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend? Chevy Chase on freakin' Weekend Update! How cool was that!!!!
When did Heroes become Star Trek? I mean, yes, shows have had lots of ST people before, from the tv movie Roots: The Gift which featured many ST actors before they were ST actors, and Boston Legal, which starred two major ST alumni, but Heroes got crazy! First they had George Takei (Sulu), whom they recently killed off. And then the villain, Sylar, was cast to play Spock in the new movie. Then last night, Nichelle Nichols (Uhura) showed up, and she will surely be seen again, and Dominic Keeting (Reed from Enterprise) was there, too! It's getting crazy up in here!

Qop!
"I'm still...and you're still not." ~ Chevy Chase, SNL

It's Only Been Two Weeks

I'm sorry guys, but this time it's only been two weeks! I did much worse over the summer. I also pledge to return to the Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger posts in October. But for now I just want to mention how much I love student teaching! Don't get me wrong, I really wish I was getting paid, but in the past year I started to doubt if I even wanted to teach. However, with the school that I am at, the staff I am working with, and especially my mentor teacher, I am having a really good time. I can't wait to have my own classroom! It would be even better if it was at this school I am at now, but that's beside the point. I am just having a great time.
In the meantime, I am busting my ass to finish Book Three and get it out on time. I am still doing my last run through, but with my student teaching, part time job, etc., I haven't had a lot of time. Plus all of that tv I have to watch for our iTunes podcast, The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky. You should definitely check it out.
Anyway, I have to go clean and do homework. Lisa, Joe, and the gang are coming over for the season premiere of Heroes, so until next time, Bye!

Qop! (Freakazoid, how Nick ends TGTBATG)
"Get out of here with that cheese! You're a creep! Go away! We're having a good time, I tell you, %&#$&%$! Go have some coffee with some cream or something! Because I tell you something, this is a happy place!"

Back to School

So I began my final leg of my grad school work towards getting my PreK-3 teaching license today. Yes, that's right folks, student teaching. I'm a bit old to be a student teacher, in my opinion, but that's ok. Yes, thirteen weeks seems excessive for someone who has already logged a year and a half in the classroom as a substitute. But it's not like I have a choice. Luckily, I am in my favorite school that I sub for, with a fantastic teacher. I am in a third grade classroom, and from what I've seen so far, the kids are wonderful. I tried all morning to memorize their names, and by lunch I had them, which is amazing, because I am terrible with names. However, I will be spending sixty days with these kids, so it's good that I know them. I am really looking forward to it.

By the way, did anyone know there was a television show called "Ferris Bueller" in 1990 that ran for half a season? That's right. Jennifer Aniston played Bueller's sister, Jennifer Grey's character from the film. The other actors were also NOT the ones from the movie.


Also, Otterbein Alumni Book Club meets this Wednesday in the back room of Graeter's to talk about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Be there!

Qop!
Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.

Slang

It is interesting to me how slang changes. I am thinking of it because I was inputting the last comments of two of my editors, Lois and Nancy, in Book Three (due out in late October). I smile every time I see them circle and put question marks next to phrases that seem second nature to me. Two in particular I saw today were "Pathetic much?" and "It is so on." It amuses me that these simple things confuse them, having not heard them before. I guess that it part of the generational gap. Of course certain slang words like cool and such make it into the popular lexicon, but certain phrasing remains isolated, sometimes even to an area or group of people, long before it becomes common knowledge. Things I have said since high school sound strange and foreign to people when they first hear them. It makes me a little self-conscious, as my books are set about another generation or two into the future and I have not given them their own little language quirks; I've merely used the ones I know. Also, will people reading this a few years down the road even understand what I mean? Will they just be confused as my editors are and think that there are typos? I don't know, but that's ok. I don't plan on stopping the slang. I think it adds to the characters and gives them a distinct voice. And that is really all that matters.

Qop! (Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson in Clerks the cartoon)
[opening argument to the all-black jury of NBA players] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Dante Hicks is just like you. He lurves grape soda. He knows what it's like when the guy at the supermarket won't take your "food stamps". Or how it feels to wait all month for your "welfare check". [waving his arms from side to side] Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Thank you.

Alone

So I live alone now. This is, admittedly, probably a temporary situation. I have a roommate lined up for November, a possible one for December, and then maybe another one for next year. This is met with mixed feelings by me, honestly. I have only lived alone for two months. I like it a lot of the time. I can walk around, er, less than fully dressed. The temperature is what I want it set to. I can stay up late or go to bed early. The tv is always mine. Hell, every room in the house is mine. Yet, as I empty out the spare bedroom, that only had clothes and a bed in it anyway, in anticipation of the roommate coming in two months, I do feel a little happy. For one thing, I like to see people. And when I'm home alone all day, and every night, it gets lonely and sad. I think I would like a roommate. I think I would also like a bigger place to share with them, because while this place is big for me, it will not be big for two people. I use every inch in it except the spare room and a few kitchen cabinets. Ah, well. The mixed bag will stay for awhile now, and likely I won't be with roommate for long.

Qop! (this one's for you, Nick!)
"My name is Wil Wheaton. Jack Thompson can suck my balls. If you have a problem with that, go fuck yourself." ~ Wil Wheaton, Pax 07 Keynote Address

I'm off to see the Whizard

I am heading up to Ashland University today to see the campus briefly. I technically have been an Ashland student for just over a year now, and will only be one for a few short months. Yet, I have never seen the main campus. I go to a small, square building in Columbus just down the street from where I live. It seems strange to me that I have no idea what the place looks like. I do think their colors, purple and yellow, may be slightly less attractive than my undergard alum's red and tan. I don't particularly like either color scheme, but oh, well. Take what you get. Anyway, I am off to a world unknown. When I return, I will have seen wonders that I never dreamed or some such like that. Bon Voyage!

P.S. Yes, I'm just trying to get as many posts as I can in while I still have time. Enjoy!

Qops! (from the movie Strangers With Candy ~ Amy Sedars as Jerri, Stephen Colbert as Chuck, Paul Dinello as Geoffrey, Greg Hollimon as Blackman, Sarah Jessica Parker as Peggy, Debra Rush as Sara, and Joseph Cross as Derrik)
Geoffrey Jellineck: You pushed me away!
Chuck Noblet: I wasn't pushing you away, I was pulling me toward myself.

Jerri Blank: Faggot.
Chuck Noblet: What did you say?
Jerri Blank: What did you hear?
Chuck Noblet: I'd rather not repeat it.
Jerri Blank: Then I guess we'll never know.

Principal Blackman: Why would I doctor the books to improve the overall test scores of the student body just so I could collect bonus funds from the state which I willfully misappropriated in order to pay off large gambling debts? It just doesn't add up, Blank!

Derrick Blank: The coach made me co-captain of the junior varsity squat thrust team!
Jerri Blank: Way to go, faglick.
Sara Blank: Jerri, language!
Derrick Blank: I'll have you know, stump, that the varsity squat thrust team took third in all conference.
Jerri Blank: And how does that make you not gay?
Derrick Blank: What are you talking about, troll? We squat together, we spot each other on the workout mat, and we play grab-ass in the showers. How is that gay?

Jerri Blank: I'm Jerri Blank and my daddy's in a coma.
Grief Counselor Peggy Callas: You know what, Jerri? I wish my daddy was in a coma. He's dead, Jerri. He was executed for war crimes, but for insurance purposes, we say he was eaten by wolves. Anyway, my point is, Jerri, somebody's always got it worse.

Chuck Noblet: It's over.
Geoffrey Jellineck: What are you saying, Chuck?
Chuck Noblet: I need more out of this relationship than I'm willing to put in. I think I deserve better, don't you? Hey, I know this is hard on you. It would be hard on me, too, if I broke up with me. I know what you're losing.

I Dreamed a Dream

Yes, yes, I just blogged yesterday and you are not used to me blogging, as I have been slacking for several months. I have many blog ideas in me, however, and only a short time until the last few months seem like cake compared to the busy schedule coming, so why not post now? Those friends of mine that have blogs, I promise to link to you soon, but I only have 15 minutes before I have to go back and work the second half of my double shift, so it won't happen today. Sorry.

A few nights ago I had one of my strangest dreams yet. I dreamed I was at a church, and many of my close friends and family were there. That was weird, because I avoid church like the plague. Then I saw my friend Abby from Champps in a wedding dress. Weird, right? Even weirder, I soon found a program that said Abby's wedding was at 1pm and mine was at 4pm. There were lots of details I have mulled over, but the biggest that gets to me is that in my dream, I couldn't remember my bride's name. I remember thinking I was so nervous I forgot who I was marrying. Is it a sign that I need slow down, that I may marry the next girl I date? Or is it a sign that I'm not ready to be married, though I maintain that I have been ready since Kindergarten? Or is it a sign of impending nuptials? Or does it just show how desperate I sometimes am to find that one person for me? Or is it just a meaningless dream? I don't know, but it disturbed me and I spent much effort thinking about it for days afterwards. A wedding is in my not so distant future, I hope, but I haven't even been in a relationship for over four years. Oh, well. How does that help me now? It doesn't. So back to my dull and busy life, back to the things I don't want to do with the hope that if I do them now, I can afford to do what I want to do in the future.

Qop!
"Everything in life is only for now." ~ Avenue Q

Welcome Back, Wetzel

Taking a cue from my good friend Mr. Kotter, I welcome you all back to a new edition of my blog! The summer is over for me, and as such I promise regular updates of at least once a week. I'd love to do them more often, but things are about to get even more busy for me, if that is possible. I would love to tell you all about my summer, such as all the hours worked and class took, but that would be boring. Instead, I present 7 Fun Things That Happened to me!

1. I played duck-duck-goose with adults. Yes, adults. No, not those young adults in their twenties, but real adults whose age ranged from late 30's up into the 60's. It was quite fun. My family rocks. And are creative on getting a seat when there aren't enough chairs around the campfire.
2. I saw Jonathan star in Bye Bye Birdie. Yes, I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating He did a really great job, and it was really cool.
3. I drove Lisa to and from her job a few times. This was fun because I got to see her. I did hang out with her a couple of times that weren't job related, but I enjoyed those drives and frozen beverages.
4. Karoke night at Havana was also fun. Again, Lisa was involved, as were Joe, Mary, Esther, Cindy, Evan, and many others. I'm not a great singer, but I appreciate their encouragement and support. I look forward to more fun nights with them soon.
5. I watched lots of Gilmore Girls with Amanda and sometimes Andrea. Amanda sat through 12 seasons of Buffy and Angel with me, and this was her TV pick. We're late into Season 4 now, and I'm really enjoying it.
6. I went drinking with my Champps coworkers plenty of times. This was much fun.
7. I got a new kitten less than two weeks ago. His name is Snugglebunny Fucktard. Thanks to my brother David for helping me name him. Pics and stories of S.F. to come soon.

Qop!
"Up your nose with a rubber hose!" ~ Various characters from Welcome Back Kotter!

Bye Bye Birdie

For those of you who haven't noticed, while I never did post an official announcement, I have been on summer hiatus for the last two months. I have been extremely busy with work, school, moving, etc. I am very sorry if you missed me. By the way, very funny post here from Nick a few days ago. Scroll down and check it out. Thanks, Nick. I do not promise regular updates in August, either, but come September, I will be back in full force. I'll do an extra special Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger when I return.
But what could possibly bring me away from my lovely, and busy, summer to post? Is it Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? Nah, I covered that in our podcast, available through iTunes, The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky, which is not on summer hiatus. Could it be the discovery of adult flushable wipes, making toilet paper nearly obsolete? Nah, I've already told everyone I know about that. It's the summer musical Bye Bye Birdie by Center Stage Players! They perform at Axis downtown, and the show runs through next weekend. I highly recommend checking it out. And so, by popular demand, I break my break to give you My Review!
This was a fantastic show, from the chorus to the star. Mary Sink was a notable member of the chorus, and she was always worth keeping an eye on while onstage. So was Nikki, a character I had never heard of before, a gay male member of the all-girl Conrad Birdie fan club. Greg Holcombe was a natural for birdie, and R. Neil Palik and Emily Wise as the MacAfees kept me rolling. Equally fun were the kids, Nick Villilo, Zachary Justus, and especially Emily Edwards. They made Randolph, Hugo, and Kim come to life! I defintiely believed Emily's performance, and she perfectly balanced her love for Hugo and lust for Conrad. Kristin Gloege as Gloria and Jessica Hanley as Ursula were a delight, and Amber Thompson was also good as Rose. Stealing the show was Joanna Vansickle as Mae Peterson. I've seen several versions, and that character is always fun, but it was great joy to watch Joanna. And of course, the star of the show, my good friend Jonathan Stewart was Albert. He was awesome! Really a good chance to shine. From his facial expressions during "Put on a Happy Face", to his corny improved line, "Rose, I wish I knew how to quit you." kept me highly entertained. I was very impressed by him in this performance. As I said, the show is still running, so go check it out!

Qop! (Albert from Bye Bye Birdie, as portrayed by Jonathan Stewart in a slightly adjusted line)
" He's as sober as a judge! He subscribes to ev'ry charity! And his hobby's packing fudge!"

This Space For Rent

If this space seems interesting to you, and you would like to buy this space for a small fee, then please contact me. I greatly wish to be used. I feel unloved, un-used and need some attention.

I will even house pictures of naughtiness; that is how desperate for attention I am.

All prospective renters apply inside.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger June 2007 Edition

TIP OF MY HAT TO iTUNES
For finally letting me get some music that's not locked out of every other program. Hurry up and finish the library please! Copyrights are for pussies. Except for my books. Then copyright rocks.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby don't belong in jail. But while they're there, who are we going to be pissed off at for acting like total buffons and getting away with everything? It takes away the righteous indignation.
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE LAUGH FACTORY
For enslaving Jon Lovitz in Hollywood and spinning it as a good thing, when he got his record breaking contract that means he will perform every Wednesday night there until he dies.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ABC
I don't want to wait until December for the latest seasons of Lost and Grey's Anatomy to come out on DVD. And the price increase? What were you thinking???
TIP OF MY HAT TO MERCURY
Despite recent worries, it turns out you haven't been poising us lately. Good for you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO NON-SLIP SHOES
What do you have that my regular shoes don't? Special gripping action? Ha! Just because you keep from falling down, does that make you think you're better than other shoes?
TIP OF MY HAT TO OIL COMPANIES
Some people actually like being anally raped. On behalf of them, I thank you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO THE GILMORE GIRLS
For being oh so seductively funny, and hooking me into yet another show. At least they're off the air and have a finite number of episodes. You evil temptresses.
TIP OF MY HAT TO YOUR MOM
It's nice that she's going to college. She can better herself there, and get plastered, making it much easier for me to sleep with her.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO COOL, JUNE DAYS
It's just not fair! You know how much I hate the heat, and you tease me, make me think that maybe this summer won't be so hot. But it will be!

Lots of Sunshine

Those of you who know me, know that I dislike being outside when it's very hot, especially without a good reason. And standing around watching people have fun is not a good reason. :) Search has been my lot for three days of the past six. I won't go into details, but thank goodness it won't continue. I HATE humidity. That's not to say I don't like to be outside. There are lots of fun things to do outside. I just hate being hot. It's why summer is my least favorite season.
Anyway, Memorial Day was great. We had a big family part at the 'rents' house. Lots of food and good times, and corn hole. Someone was even given the nickname 'The Hole', which I think was rather risque, but that's my family for you.
My mother decided to help one of her nieces get even with her older sister (the kids in question here are in Kindergarten and Fourth grade) by getting some water balloons. They all had a little fun tossing some balloons. Then my 17 year old brother Bob told me he needed my help. I said ok, as long as I don't get wet. He assured me I wouldn't. At first, his plan seemed sound. He and I help up two sides of a big slingshot, while another little cousin pulled it to the ground. The balloons sailed over the house and hit the unsuspecting people in the backyard. And the house is TALL, yet they did make it over. Well, mostly they missed people. But there was intent. Then my Uncle Joe, age 35 going on 11, the youngest of my mom's five siblings, comes running around the house and hits...you guess it...ME with a balloon! My shorts were soaked! So I helped them finish off the bucket, saving one balloon for myself. I start to run towards the backyard, payback on my mind, when my uncle comes running around, too, only feet in front of me. Direct hit to the chest! I left a welt. Oops. No hard feelings, though. Then my brother David, age nineteen, sprays me down with a hose, voiding the me not getting wet further. I managed to get the hose and soak David back. Lots of water was tossed around, and my uncle and I both ended up changing clothes, but it was a good time.

Qop! (from Kitchen Confidential)
Jack Bourdain: Tanya, let's talk. Let me start by saying you're very sweet and stylish. One might say that you... you put the "ho" in "hostess."
Tanya: Why, thank you!

To Boldly Go

It's time for a big shift in gears in An Actor's Nightmare. For those of you who haven't known me forever, actors_nightmare@hotmail.com was an e-mail address I registered in SIXTH GRADE, many years ago. Around that time I launched a series of short comedy stories called Star Wreck: An Actor's Nightmare. Star Wreck became an important part of the now defunct UFK. Other stories were also written and posted, but that project was abandoned years ago. After many more years and several false starts, An Actor's Nightmare reemerged in 2003 an idea, and in early 2004 there was a webcomic. The animation was crappy, and the story was a little cheesy, but many of those first thirty or so pages made their way into the first few chapters of a book, called appropriately enough, An Actor's Nightmare Book One, published in 2005. This was quickly followed by An Actor's Nightmare Book Two in 2006, and the launch of Actor's Nightmare EXtra online.

The next year and a half is going to be big for An Actor's Nightmare. Book Three will be out around October, and ANEX stories will be posted through the end of the year, and beyond. I will be attending a convention in Columbus, OH over Thanksgiving weekend. An issue of Dribble for Kids (a popular webcomic by Nick Arganbright) written by me will begin appearing in the fall. Also, the online sitcom (text only) Excerpts From the Morning Show will premiere in September. By summer 2008, the paperback ANEX Volume One should be out with eighteen short stories (seven of which have never been seen before), and An Actor's Nightmare Book Four will be out later in the year. Beyond that, a wide variety of projects are planned.

Lastly, there is a rumor of a possible merger between An Actor's Nightmare and another online creative company that offers slightly different projects. This is by no means confirmed, but if it happens, it will be announced later this year. I won't go into details about what this would mean for AAN at this time, but it would be very exciting, and I promise to announce it here as soon as anything is confirmed, if it pans out.

Qops! (from A Prairie Home Companion)
Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

And I'm Back

I have taken, recently, to posting several blogs at once and then just changing all of the dates and times so that it looks like I update my blog on a regular basis. I thought about doing that today, as if I haven't added a blog in two weeks, but I couldn't think of any entries to add, so you all get a brief reprieve. Next week may bring something different. The last couple of weeks have been very busy, finishing a semester at school, starting a new one, working two jobs, reading lots of Janet Evanovich books, watching Gilmore Girls with Amanda B., attending a concert wherein Nathan Haley performed, having drinks at bars with Sarah, seeing Spiderman 3, and watching season finales. Yet, I don't feel the need to write in length about all of that. Usually I do lots of television coverage on this blog, but that has probably changed almost permanently. Which is the topic of this week's blog.

Creatively, I have been branching out quite rapidly. The biggest news right now is The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, a podcast available on iTunes or through Dribble for Kids. I cohost with my good friend Nick Arganbright. It is entertainment based, thus no need for me to write down all of that on here, as I already give my views in length in a public forum. We also read e-mails of listeners, talk movies, news, etc. We plan on doing an episode every other week or so, although we just did one yesterday and have plans to do one Saturday in a special Season Finale Spectacular two parter! If you didn't check out our previous podcast (The No Name Show), which was very irregular and unstructured, it is still available on iTunes, but this new one is drastically different.

Also, the issue I wrote for Dribble for Kids will begin appearing online in the not too distant future, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 is still on schedule for a fall release, short stories have continued to appear on my web site (the most recent will be up within the week), and I plan to launch a series of sitcom scripts online in the fall, as if it were a real television show. Lots to keep me busy right now. Plus school, work, a possible move...

Stay tuned and I'll keep you updated!

Qop! (from The Simpsons: "24 Minutes" / 400th episode!)
(Jack Bauer) Chloe, I need those schematics now!
(Bart) Who is this?
(Jack) I'm Jack Bauer - who the hell are you?
(Bart) Me? I'm, uh, Ahmed Adoodie (pronounced "I Made a Doodie")
(Jack) Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoodie. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoodie?
(Chloe) Ahmed Adoodie - wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late '90s.
(Jack) Really?
(Chloe) No, Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up!
(Jack) Dammit!

Great Weekend

What a fantastic weekend I had! I don't want to go into all of the details, because some things are just not for public consumption, but a big shout out to anyone I came into contact with that made this weekend so much fun: Diane, Sarah, Chris, Susie, Jonathan, Michael, Lisa, Mary, and all the rest. Big shout out to Jonathan. I have to admit, the first time I saw the show, during your first song my attention still kept getting drawn to Michael with his funny hijinks. This time I really paid attention to you, and you were so great, I can't even tell you. Brilliant performance. Twice as funny as last week's show. And of course, Lisa, Michael, and Mary. You were all still fantastic, too. It was awesome. Thank you so much. Can't wait for the next show. Also, a shout out to my mom's garage sale, which netted my personally over $100 from my old junk. Yay!

Qop!
"How many geese in a gaggle?" ~ Lisa as Philia in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger May 2007 Edition

TIP OF MY HAT TO CENTER STAGE PRODUCTIONS
For putting on A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, and at least half of the gay males in the cast actually acted straight!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO AXIS NIGHTCLUB
You make us sit on bar stools with no backs for over two hours to see the great CTP shows!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE MAN
For always bringing me down and keeping my humble.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ICE-CREAM
It certainly is delicious, isn't it?
TIP OF MY HAT TO JENNIFER HUDSON
For winning the Oscar, and now being available for my viewing pleasure on DVD.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO GREY'S ANATOMY
For introducing so many great new cast members for the spinoff. The last thing I need right now is another show to watch!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO LOST
For bringing the naysayers back into the fold with your brilliant plot twists.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO LOST
For setting a cancellation date of spring 2009. That's cutting and running! Haven't you learned anything from our president??? Never set a timetable!!! Now the Others just have to sit back and wait until the show goes off the air to kill our heroes.
TIP OF MY HAT TO GHOSTS
Because once I pretended to be one and scared the shit out of my friend and it was HILARIOUS!!!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO EVOLUTION
If I'm so evolved, how come I can't get a date? :)

Qop!
Eh, I don't feel like doing one today. Sorry.

On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

Death of The No Name Show

Few have heard of the fabled No Name Show, which made its appearance in early 2006, and occasionally delighted us with fifteen episodes over the past sixteen months, including six in the last couple of months alone. The radio show was intended to be like a morning show, hosted by Nick Nitro and Nathan Haley. From the start, Nathan had a bit of a hard time making the podcasts, and so the originally named 'Jimmy the Street Guy' often filled in as co-host. Wendy Webb took a turn or two when Nathan and Jimmy were both unavailable, and once Nick even did the show solo. Many times the show changed format and theme, and was often just rambling... But still, fifteen episodes were released, and no more will be forthcoming. I would recommend you go ahead and subsrcibe on iTunes, though, and download the full run of the show, which will probably still be available for some time, and invoke many chuckles. Highlights include when Nick was compared to Hitler during the Cat Vs. Dog battle, the various insults Jimmy suffered (especially when not present to defend himself), Nathan's distaste for anything good, and Wendy putting up with it with magnominity. For the final cast last night, all four cast members gathered for the first and last time on-air, along with a call-in guest, Paul, who told us all that we watch too much tv, and we agreed with him. It was a bittersweet hour, and a memorable one at that.

That being said, next Sunday, May 6, 2007 will be a pivotal date with the unveiling of a new program, much more structured, from Nick Nitro. The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky, co-hosted by Jimmy, and featuring a structure and schedule of entertainment news. There will be stories, important info, reviews, debates, guests, and tom foolerly. What's more, if you stay current with it, you will be informed of recording times and may call in and participate yourself! It will be a jovial time, and worth listening to, I'm sure. So sit tight gentle listeners, and prepare yourself for the first in what will probably be a series of Arganbright / Dailey joint projects, but more on that later. For now, listen!

Qop!
Let us share a moment of silence for the show that is no more, and not tarnish it with petty quotes.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

It's time for the long awaited review of Center Stage Player's production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. It was FABULOUS!!! Incredibly hilarious! I cannot emphasize enough just how good it was. Yes, I do have friends in the show, but this isn't a biased review. They were also absolutely incredible. I loved it so much, I will probably go again next Friday. I would love to go on about every cast member, even the ones I am not friends with, but I forgot my program at the show and I don't remember all of their names. So instead, I'll just talk about my friends. But rest assured, this was a great show, and you should go buy tickets right now for Friday and Saturday's upcoming productions!
irst of all, a shout out to Evan, Paul, and Brianna, who kicked it up in the pit orchestra. It was great, guys. Mary Sink was Domina, the overbearing wife. She was deliciously wicked, and yet somehow a bit sympathetic in her control of Senex, her husband, who also performed fantastically. I giggled in glee at her angry rants. Props also to the actor who player Erroneous and his "third time around!" Then Jonathan Stewart in his macho turn as Miles Gloriosis blew me away. I actually believed he was straight. :) His ego ruled the stage, and even I found myself almost admiring the jerk. I saw the all important ending plot twist coming from a mile away, but I still reveled in every second he was on stage, trying to take the girl he rightfully brought.
Speaking of the girl, Philia was played wonderfully by Lisa Pruitt's boobs, er Lisa Pruitt. I'm sorry, but they were totally on display, and were practically the stars of the show for any straight man or lesbian woman. And who knew Lisa could capture the dumb blond who can never remember the difference between three and five so well? As the woman on whom the plot is based, I couldn't wait for Lisa to keep coming back on screen. I do have the mention the chief slave, Hysteria, whose name I forgot, for his part. It was awesome. I especially loved when he was pretending to be a dead Philia he was instructed to "Think Anna Nicole"
And the person who did the instructing? The shining star of the show, Michael Newsome. I do not wish to minimize the others contributions, because without a doubt, each of them performed outstandingly. But Michael was the star, and never had I expected him to rise to the occasion as well as he did. If you read my last review of this cast, you know how dazzled I was by his last part, but that was nothing compared to this one. As Psedulous (and Prologus), the slave who wants to be free, and barely controls the chaos of the story, Michael go to rant and rave and joke and trick and run all over the stage, playing with the audience, and being the perfect host. When he announced during the Prologue that it would take a superb, talented, etc, etc. actor to play the part of Psedulous, and then told us he was doing it, I laughed, and never stopped. Michael Newsome should have a career of acting, truthfully. I can't get over it. The Soothsayer scene may have been my favorite, but it's hard to tell with all of the great bits he had. Again, I urge you all very strongly to make time and see this show next weekend. You will not regret it.

Qops! (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)
Pseudolus: Wait!
Hero: Yes?
Pseudolus: A brilliant idea!
Hero: Yes!
Pseudolus: That's what we need, a brilliant idea.

Senex: A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Lycus: Is it contagious?
Pseudolus: Have you ever seen a plague that wasn't?

Domina: Forgive me for ever having mistrusted you, my darling. But you HAVE been a little distant these past 29 years.

Miles Gloriosus: What is she like?
Pseudolus: A face so fair, a heart so pure - Sir, if you had been born a woman, you would have been she!
Miles Gloriosus: As magnificent as that?

Let's Impeach the President

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

LOST - NO!!!

TV Guide's website has 'confirmed' that AT LEAST five cast members of LOST will DIE before this third season comes to an end. I am almost speechless. What in the hell!?! FIVE cast members??? Admittedly, the show has had a high death toll. There have been twenty two main characters over the first three seasons, and with these new numbers, that puts that death count at fourteen, more than half the of the cast! Nine castaways have left so far. Let's take a look at those, shall we?
Boone - Fell out of a plane and died from complications. (late Season 1)
Shannon - Accidentally shot to death by Ana Lucia in the jungle. (early Season 2)
Walt - Not dead, but kidnapped, and thus removed from the cast, and then later left the island with his father. (disappeared early Season 2, left island late Season 2)
Ana Lucia - Killed by Michael in the hatch. (late Season 2)
Libby - Killed by Michael when she caught him killing Ana Lucia. She never even got a flashback! (late Season 2)
Michael - Not dead, but left the island on a boat, and so left the show. (late Season 2)
Mr. Echo - Killed in the jungle. (late Season 3)
Nikki & Paolo - Buried alive after being bit by a paralyzing spider that made the others think they were dead. Only episode they actually had a good sized part in, thought they were considered main characters for more than half the season. (mid Season 3)

Now five more will be gone??? Who will it be? Let's look at the main characters and how likely I think it is that they will die. I rank them most likely to least.
Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley - Not at all likely. They are too essential to the story.
Claire - Nah. No one would care. Plus she and Jack need to figure out they're related.
Sayid - Ditto about no one caring. I'm not sure if that should push him closer to death, as he doesn't have any loose end story lines...
Desmond - Prior to this week, I would have put him at least likely, as his girlfriend Penny is definitely going to play a part in what's coming. But after last week, I wonder if it might be coming soon, and his time will be up. Still, someone needs to have happy love.
Sun & Jin - Sun is pregnant and pregnant women don't survive on the island. Also, Jin has been shown a bit more lately, but not in an essential capacity. Might he be next?
Locke - Was always important, but might this may be his final showdown coming up.
Juliet & Ben - They are evil and plotting against our heroes. Of course they're time is limited. But it might be more interesting if one survives and slowly reforms.
Charlie - His life has been saved four times, but death won't rest 'til it gets him.

Now of course next season the cast won't consist of just the nine left from the above list, but who will they add to beef it up? I'd like to see Bernard, Rose, Alex, and Rosseau get a promotion, but past experience tells me it will probably be new people. We'll see.

Qop!
"Lost on an island, Far from home. Lost on an island, but they're not alone." ~ 'Charlie' on the Jimmy Kimmel show, making up a theme song for the show

Blast From the Past

So, because I'm a total loser, I was googling both my name and the title 'An Actor's Nightmare' to see what I could turn up. I found a tun of stuff that I did back when I was in middle school, and I realized just what a huge dork I was. I also realized that Geocities and Tripod never took down the pages. I obviously had too much time in my hands in those days. Of course, my parents didn't let me go anywhere unless they wanted to take a 'family trip', and I was rarely permitted to go to parties or hang out with friends, so what else was there to do? Then I got to high school and got a life. A very, very busy one. These projects fell to the wayside and were abandoned to one day be dredged up. I still have the same e-mail address. I bet I could still log in and edit them. Hmm. Yes, I even used the pen name back then. And so in the spirit of self emasculation, I present some links for you to click on so you can revel in just how dorky I really was. Am. No. No. Was. Yeah, was.
The Star Wreck Fleet
Data's Joke (click on Star Wreck)
The Geek Space Dominion (I was a contributor, but THAT e-mail doesn't still work)

Also, I've watched three of the four aired episodes so far of Thank God You're Here! The first episode was funny, but the second was fantastic, and the third was pretty good. Anyone who wants to see Harland Williams, Jason Alexander, Edie McClurg (the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Kevin Nealon, Wayne Knight, Jane Lynch, Jennifer Coolidge, George Takei, Richard Kline, Mo'Nique, Shannon Elizabeth, Tom Green, and others battle their way through improvisational scenes, check it out! It's really good. Best reality type show. It's like a better version with more talented people of Who's Line Is It Anyway?

Qops! (from 30 Rock)
Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?
Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?

Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

Pete: [Tending to one of three cast members who have been rendered unfilmable for that week's episode] Liz Taylor really messed him up! He might have brain damage.
Liz Lemon: God. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. Who is it?
Pete: James Blunt.
Liz Lemon: Ugghh.

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

An Actor's Nightmare

Raise your hand if you've read at least part of An Actor's Nightmare. If your hand isn't up, why not? If you read my blog, you must know me, so please read my book. Ok, that sounded pathetic. :) Let me give you some reasons on why you should read An Actor's Nightmare.

10. It's like 500 pages long. Who doesn't like reading 500 page books? Also, An Actor's Nightmare Book Two is like 550 pages long, and Book Three (out this fall) will be even longer! Yay for long books! There will be NINE total. In your face Harry Potter. I will beat you!
9. People you know may be in it. Sort of. For legal reasons, they aren't. But some of the characters may have been inspired by real people. That's true. The characters really don't reflect the real people so much any more. Read it anyway.
8. You're my friend. I'm nice to you. Be nice to me and read my book. I'm not even saying you have to buy it. Borrow it. Or go to the Westerville or West Jefferson public libraries. They have copies. Other libraries might, too.
7. I may have let a little of my politics slip into Book Two. Just a bit. Down with Dictator Bush!
6. Flashbacks. There are lots of them. Every seven or eight chapters there is an Intermezzo with back story, much of it ancient. It's deep. Or so I imagine it to be.
5. Death. I kill main characters. Yes, I make you love people, and then I brutally rip them away from you. Hahahaha. I mean, cool deaths. Yeah, cool deaths.
4. The short story (#1-4 available free on the web site right now!) companion book, with seven stories not previously released, will be called ANEX (Actor's Nightmare EXtras). How cool is that title? Thanks Nancy for thinking of it! I mean, thanks me. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was all me.
3. My mom likes it. So does yours. At least, that's what she told me in bed last night. Snap!
2. Geese have nuclear weapons. What more do you need?

AND 1. I said please, goddamnit! What part of please don't you understand!?!

Qops! (from Lost)
Hurley: Great idea dude, go look inside the burning death hole.

Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.

Kate: Come on. You're going to see Jack.
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?

Mr. Artz: I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pally! You know, you people think you're the only ones on this island doing anything of value. Well, I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash and we are all people, too.

Danielle Rousseau: You've only got three choices: run, hide... or die.

Boone: [to Locke] John? You been using that wacky paste stuff that made me think my sister got eaten?

Sawyer: [faintly] I would've left you behind.
Michael: Shut up man, don't try that.
Sawyer: [even fainter] I did leave you behind.
Michael: Yeah well, good thing I ain't you.

Shannon: [after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked] What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!

Desmond: Jack, I'm Desmond. Good luck, brother. See you in another life, yeah?

LOST

After catching up on the last few episodes, Lost has jumped to the top of my favorite shows list once more. Juliet's second flashback, and the surprise ending, led to me yelling at the screen at the top of my lungs at the television set. Thankfully, I was home alone, and so spared the embarrassment. Nikki & Paolo's episode was also awesome, and completely unexpected. I am looking forward to Desmond's third flashback, Ben's first, Charlie's next one (likely resulting, unfortunately, in his death), and even the season finale of yet another Jack episode, as it has promised to be shocking. But as thrilled as I have been, and as excited I am for the last few episodes of the season, I have found that I have forgotten a lot. I haven't rewatched any old episodes, ever. So I popped in Season One, which I remembered as being a bit dry and slow. Not the case. Perhaps it's because I knew where it was going, but I was riveted. I ended up watching twelve episodes, a full half of the season. I plan on watching the rest over the coming weeks, and Season 2 this summer. Ideally, I can buy and rewatch Season 3 in the fall before the Season 4 premiere, but we'll see. This show has it all. It's so smart, and involved. I really hope they do a Rosseau flashback soon, so we can see how everyone went crazy and why she had to kill them. I also want to know what has happened to Mr. Locke, whom I am become bored with until he blew up the sub and found his father on the island. The ratings have dropped, but the show keeps getting better. Let's hope it's kept on the air.

Qop! (from Lost)
Locke: [explaining why he wanted to let the island monster drag him off] I believe that I was being tested.
Jack: Tested?
Locke: Yeah, tested. I think... that's why you and I don't see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack because you're a man of science.
Jack: Yeah, and what does that make you?
Locke: Me, well, I'm a man of faith. Do you really think all this... is an accident? That we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence, especially this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason.
Jack: Brought here? And who brought us here, John?
Locke: The island. The island brought us here. This is no ordinary place, you've seen that, I know you have. But the island chose you, too, Jack. It's destiny.
Jack: Did you talk with Boone about destiny, John?
Locke: Boone was a sacrifice that the island demanded. What happened to him at that plane was a part of a chain of events that led us here that led us down a path, that led you and me to this day, to right now.
Jack: And where does that path end, John?
Locke: The path ends at the hatch. The hatch, Jack all of it. All of it happened so that we could open the hatch.
Jack: No, no, we're opening the hatch so that we can survive.
Locke: Survival is all relative, Jack.
Jack: I don't believe in destiny.
Locke: [pause] Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet.

R.I.P. Shawn Goodrich

Click to read the brief story in The Columbus Dispatch.


Who has Shawn Goodrich? I've known the kid practically my entire life. Mostly, I felt he was kind of a jerk, racist, but after working with him for awhile in high school, I discovered he wasn't all bad. He once asked me if I would go see a play at OSU with him that he had to go to. I said sure, but never followed up on it. Now I kind of wish I had. I mean, I don't see him as the type of guy I would be friends with, but who knows? Maybe he just needed a friend. I mean, he obviously went through some rough patches in his short life. Would it have been different if he had had a friend there for him? I know he had friends, or at least did at one time. Did they know how upset he'd been?

What can I say about Shawn? This is hard to write. I haven't seen him in years, and probably wouldn't have given him a second thought if not for this. But I can't help but feel weird that this guy I knew is no longer around. No one deserves death, and I definitely don't think that Shawn did. It makes you wonder what drove him to do what he did. And it makes you sad, too.

I know we weren't close, and I may not remember you always, but right now, Shawn, I miss you, and Godspeed.

Pure Plugging

This post is merely to plug two things I think everyone should check out, because they're awesome.

The first thing is a Myspace blog from my coworker at Champps, Tammy. Tammy is a really cool person, and this blog really hits home to anyone who has ever been a server or had a server. Plus it already has 37 comments so it's obvious it struck some nerves. Support your servers people!

Second, there is a podcast out there called The No Name Show, available on iTunes. You can do a search in your iTunes store or at iTune's website under 'Podcasts'. Nick is the host, and at times either Nathan or I cohost it with him. There are eleven 'shows' at present, but we will add more as time goes on. Even if a couple of months go by (as they have before) without a new entry, stay subscribed, because we WILL be back eventually. Recently, though, there have been three casts, so we're doing pretty good. Let us know what you think!


Qop! (from Tammy's blog)
"DON'T take it out on the server!!! I don't know how many times this has happened. I didn't go back there and cook it! Don't take it out on me and the tip you leave me! You're not hurting the cook or the management by tipping less. You're only hurting the server that did nothing wrong!"

I Have Class

No, seriously. I have class. Right now. I am in class. And very bored, even though class just started. It was supposed to start twenty minutes ago. I really don't want to be here. I just want to get to Dana's and have movie night.
Do you all read Dribble for Kids? If not, get over there right now. It's a fantastic comic, and this issue is hand drawn. It looks really neat. Different from the others. Yes, my friend Nick makes this comic, and it is the only comic I read, so I am biased. But it's a really good story. He just finished a huge arc called Lord of the Sweaters, that was pretty neat. This new issue is a bit depressing so far, but the new page features yours truly in full Klingon regalia. Cool, huh? Also, I wrote an upcoming issue, so check it out!
Ok, enough stump speech. I might actually pay a little attention to class now. Maybe.
Oh, and BTW, it was NOT the girl from Lost in TMNT.

Qop! (from TMNT)
Michelangelo: Did anyone get the license plate of that thing that hit us last night? It looked like your mom, dude!
[laughs]
Donatello: ...Yeah, that would make her your mom too, doofus.
Michelangelo: ...Nuts.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger April 2007 Edition

It's April 2nd, but at least I am posting it this month, as this is only my third TOTHWOTF, and only my second keeping to the schedule. Yay!

Tip of the Hat to Lost
As long as Nikki and Paolo are actually dead. Fantastic episode.
Wag of the Finger to my New Manager at Champps
Learn how to make cuts!!!
Tip of the Hat to Steak Quesadillas
I have been eating these delicious things at Champps after work several times in the last few weeks, and they are quite tasty. Everyone should have some.
Wag of My Finger to Network Television
Every year they tease us with tantalizing morsels of good television, such as The Winner, Eyes, The Nine, and Reunion, and then they yank the plug. Some they even let on go long enough for me to fall in love with like What About Brian?, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and The Class. How dare you take away my shows and replace them with shit like Two & A Half Men!!!
Tip of My Hat to Congress
For finally passing a budget that stipulates a pullout from Iraq. Yes, I know it's a mess, but it's over, we can't do any more good without doubling our troops, and no one wants that. Give it up. We're done. Let us go home.
Wag of My Finger to Congress
Since only just over half of you are willing to pass the aforementioned law, you won't be able to overturn Premiere Dictator Bush's veto. Shame on you lame Congressional Republicans!
Tip of the Hat to China
Even though you have been rated our biggest threat for about the last decade, if not longer, you haven't attacked us yet. Thank you!
Wag of My Finger to Paper Cuts
You are small and insignificant. Quit hurting so badly! It's just not fair!

Qops! (from American Dad!)
Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!

Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately.
Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too.
Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.

Hayley Smith: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stanley Smith: And your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute... Daddy didn't think that one through.

April Fool's

Happy birthday Grandma! 76 years young today.

I walked into Champps tonight to discover a disturbing notice posted on the office door. Apparently there will be a meeting next Saturday morning at 7am, mandatory to all employees. It announced that Champps had been bought out and our location was to be renamed U-Cinema Bar & Grill. Made sense to me. We were right in front of a movie theater, afterall. The notice went on to say there would be hour changes, menu changes, and of course, theme changes. We would each be required to choose three characters from movies or television shows to dress up as. At this point, most of the staff stopped reading and began to loudly complain. Several threatened to work out when they read this. I kept reading and learned that a small stage would be installed, and every hour we would be required to perform skits and scenes. This is when a little bell went off in my head that today was April 1st. April Fool's Day. So as gullible as I am, I didn't fall for it nearly as much as many others, who only half read it. Still, mad props to TJ, for a fantastic April Fool's prank.

Qop!
"She said Paolo lies." ~ Hurley, Lost
(she actually said 'paralyzed' are they dead???)

Birthday Sharers

I have a Top Ten list today, but first some entertainment news. The season finale of What About Brian? is tonight, and Molly Willow, tv reporter for The Dispatch, whom I usually agree with seemed to think it would be the series finale, and that it was a good thing. That is one of my favorite shows! I loved it at first, and it got much better with some retooling of the cast this year. I will be deeply upset if this is the last episode ever tonight. Also, Shannon and Boone are on Lost this week. What the hell!?! And Billy Dee Williams. Gotta love Lando. And the Battlestar Galactica season finale last night was FANTASTIC!!! OMG!!! I can't believe who The Four are!!! And who is the last one? I have to wait until frackin' January to find out? Come on!

Ok, Top Ten People I'm Glad Share My Birthday (which is today, by the way)
10. J-Kwon - Ok, I don't even know who the rapper is. But I only found ten people who share my birthday. Although a Krogers clerk a couple of weeks ago should prob beat him for #10. And the fictional character of Capt. Kirk (Nimoy's dig on Shatner) also has this birthday. Let's call it a three way tie.
9. Martin Short - Sorry. I don't think he's been funny since Three Amigos.
8. Diana Ross - So, yeah. Um. Yeah.
7. Kenny Chesney - I actually own his greatest hits, though I haven't listened to them since I bought them. I was dating a country music fan at the time, who was in love with him.
6. Alan Arkin - I want to see Little Miss Sunshine!
5. James Caan - Great actor. Just great.
4. Steven Tyler - I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep. Cause you'll probably be dead before I wake up, you old geezer. :)
3. Keira Knightley - Soooooooooo hot!
2. T. R. Knight - Yep, good ol' George from Grey's, even I'm still pissed with him for sleeping with Izzy. You're a married man, George! Tequilia is no excuse!

And #1. Leonard Nimoy. Spock will always be my #1. Yay Spock!


Qop! (I haven't really kept up with Idol since the final 24, but props to this quote)
"Did you know that Sanjaya is an ancient Indian name meaning 'William Hung'?" ~ Jay Leno

Frozen Beverages

I love frozen beverages. Who doesn't? I always have, from my first Icee or milkshake, to my most recent daiquiri or mudslide. Any one is tasty, even in cold weather, and I indulge from time to time. My problem is that I can never make a truly great one at home. I can do all right with a blender, but they just don't have the consistency to be really really great. You would think with today's technology, and the fact that frozen beverages are not a new invention, that an easy-to-use machine would be available for the general public. Or has there not been enough demand for one? And if so, why not? I, at some point in the next few years, will probably invest in an industrial style drink mixer, so that my frozen beverages will be close to the real thing. But will I ever accomplish my goal of making restaurant or bar quality beverages at home? I don't know.

Qop! (The Nine, Kim Raver & Tim Daly)
Kathryn Hale: Guess we go back to our lives, then...
Nick Cavanaugh: I guess so

My Birthday Celebration!

My birthday is Monday, March 26th, and as I haven't really done much the last few birthdays, and I have been a very busy guy, I am more than ready to blow off some steam this year. My good friend, Nick Arganbright, has graciously agreed to help me celebrate on FRIDAY, MARCH 23rd. I think we're going to begin the evening fairly tamely, maybe some grub, a showing of TMNT. Then we'll hit some bars at Easton, possibly look for a few more, um, interesting places to go, and then some more bars. Basically a lot of drinking will be involved. It will be very unstructured, and there will be no schedule to keep. If you would like to meet up with us at any point in the evening, just text me (e-mail me if you don't have my phone number and I'll give it to you: me@actorsnightmare.com) and I'll tell you where we are at that moment, and if we are changing venues soon. It should be a blast. Also, we would really really really appreciate it if someone would agree to drive Nick and I around, so that we may partake as much alcohol as we like in a safe and responsible way. Any volunteers? PLEASE???

Qop!
"You gotta fight, for your right, to parrrrr-tay!" ~ Beastie Boys

Grey's Anatomy Spinoff

I have been getting more and more excited about the new Grey's Anatomy spin off. I love the show, and I can't wait for a double helping every week. Luckily, in the next 3 or 4 episodes before they do the two hour finale slash spin off pilot, there will be some more great things, including a new doctor, and Shoresh Adshaloo, or whatever her name is. I adored her on 24, X-Men 3, and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. And Callie (Tony award winning actress Sara Ramirez) will supposedly be discovered to be a lounge singer during her off shifts from the hospital. Yay! The bad thing is, the cast is supposedly up in arms that Addison got the spin off. They all wanted it. Oh, well. Now for the Top Ten Reasons I'm excited about the new Grey's Anatomy spin off. Most reference actors cast to star in the new show.
10. Chris Lowell... this actor has been so barely used on Veronica Mars this season that I have no idea if he's any good or not.
9. Merrin Dungey... although I was never a big fan of Francie on Alias, it's cool that she's been cast. Maybe I'll like her more this time.
8. Amy Brenneman... Star of Judging Amy and NYPD Blue, I never watched either. I hear she's great. Can't wait to see her.
7. I'm bound to learn to do some medical procedures if I keep watching this stuff.
6. No Meredith. That will make me smile. Meredith can be pretty lame.
5. Kate Walsh is like my favorite Grey's Anatomy star. If anyone deserves the spin off, it's her.
4. Lisa Kudrow... Who doesn't like Phoebe from Friends, or the numerous movie and other tv roles that Lisa has played? It surprises me that she has signed on to star, but I'm ok with it.
3. Marti Noxon... She helped Joss keep Buffy and Angel both high quality shows. I'm sure she can help Shonda do the same.
2. Tim Daly... I was so disappointed when Eyes and The Nine flopped, because I love Tim Daly, and I loved both shows. It's about time he was attached to a winning project. He's being billed at McDreamy 2.0 and a love interest for Addison.
1. Have you read that all star lineup I just talked about? Yeah, enough said. Grey's Anatomy as if it had been made with big names. It's got to do well.

Qop! (from Eyes, which I guess aired the rest of their season one from spring 2005 these past few months, but I missed them :()
Meg Bardo: Sir, with a soundproof room, a butane lighter and a pair of pliers, I'll get him to tell where that girl is.
Chris Didion: Well, be all that you can be.
Meg Bardo: Yes, sir.
Chris Didion: Let's keep that for the backup plan.
Meg Bardo: Right.

New Car!!!

Those of you who know me know what a crappy car I've been driving. Granted, I paid $900 two years ago, so I more than got my money's worth, but it's not a good feeling to have the brakes stop working. I felt like I was in a death trap every time I went out on the road. It got really bad last Saturday when the brakes were gone, and then only the right side got fixed, so every day I hit the brakes, the car lurched to the right majorly. My CV-something or other was also about ready to go, and that repair would have cost me more than I originally paid for the car. Now, after days of frustrating car shopping during time I didn't have, I had found my new car.
Now most people say new and mean new to them. I actually mean new period. It's a 2007 Suzuki Reno. That's a four door hatchback. It had 5 miles on it the first time I got inside. I didn't intend to buy a new car. I was always told that that was a bad idea. Yet the deal offered to me, especially taking into account the fantastic warranties (3 years bumper to bumper....they even change flat tires on the road for free!), it ended up being the best deal I found. I'm back in a year-long finance plan, payments and everything, but it's a really cool car. It gets 30 miles to the gallon. The oil only needs changed every 7,500 miles. It's the first car I've ever owned with a CD player. I'll try to get pictures posted soon. Oh, did I mention that the color is Sunburst? That's orange. Well, a really cool metallic orange; not a lame bright orange. I had my choice of colors, so this was intentional. It is awesome.

Qops! (from The Colbert Report)
"Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job."

Stephen Colbert: Look, I just think that Rosa Parks was overrated.
Conan O'Brien: Rosa Parks was overrated? That's-that's madness!
Stephen Colbert: Conan, last time I checked, she got famous by breaking the law.
Conan O'Brien: Breaking the law? She was standing up for a whole race of people. She was a freedom fighter!
Stephen Colbert: Conan, how do I know that there wasn't an old, sick, white man who needed that seat in the front of the bus?
Conan O'Brien: How can you say that?
Stephen Colbert: Conan, I'm gonna keep saying this until Rosa Parks's children apologize for what their mother did to that bus company!
Conan O'Brien: You want Rosa Parks's children to apologize?
Stephen Colbert: Absolutly.
Conan O'Brien: Gah! Okay, I'm sorry. I have no choice.
[shoots Stephen in the chest, who then rises up a second later]
Stephen Colbert: [unaffected] Typical East-coast, Ivy League educated response.
Conan O'Brien: [pause] We'll take a break. We'll be right back.
Stephen Colbert: Look, I respect your right to disagree with me. Don't get me wrong.
Conan O'Brien: I shot you very near the heart!

Vote Dailey for Vice President

Joe Blundo, a hilarious Columbus Dispatch columnist is running for President. To read all about his campaign (it is totally worth a read if you want a laugh), click here. I have applied through e-mail to be Vice President, on the ticket, and it would be awesome if you all e-mail Joe at jblundo@dispatch.com and lend your support to me as a Vice Presidential candidate. I don't think that anyone else of the roughly one dozen people that have applied for the position that have had people e-mail Joe. I really want this position. I think it would be awesome, and might even get a mention in the Dispatch, which could be good publicity for my book. Please please please do it! Thank you so much!

Qop! (The West Wing)
President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Poor Car is Dead, Poor Fried Car is Dead...

So my car is dead. Sort of. The brakes went, and now the CV something or other is about to go. The brakes have been sort of fixed last night, but when you hit the brakes, the car lurches to the right because only the right side brakes work really well. Still better than the last few weeks, as Jonathan can attest to you. I am going car shopping today, but I have no money. I guess I need to do a loan, but with student teaching coming up and stuff, I am wary about committing to big bills. I am prob gonna try to buy about a $2500 car, but we'll see. Anyone know of a car I can buy? I HATE my car! I hate all cars! I need a mechanic who takes care of my car for me so that I don't have to worry about it. Anyone know someone willing to do it for $1 a week? :)

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Beck Bristow: [talking about working on the set of 'OZ'] Funny story about that... see... one time I was filming this scene where this guy was raping me...
Debbie DuPree: Ummm... how exactly is this story funny?
Beck Bristow: Oh, I forgot to say he was wearing a clown suit at the time.

LOST is a PUZZLE!!!

There are a series of FOUR Lost puzzles out, and there are no pictures to go by. I really wanted them when I saw them at Barnes & Noble before Christmas, but they retail for like $15 a piece! Then I found them last week on the clearance table for only $1! Well, I found two of them. They had two copies of #1 and two copies of #3. For that price, I bought them all, and passed one of each to Jonathan. They are each 1000 pieces. So it takes forever to put them together. When you finally do get it put together, it is just a series of scenes from the show. Then you have to carefully flip the whole thing over and turn off the lights, and letters on the back glow in the dark! Apparently, though, its all coded, and you have to put together all four to figure out the spoilers. I spent a long time this weekend on #1: The Hatch. Thank you David, Bob, Malissa, and Lauren for helping me to finish in just four days! The other ones won't come nearly so quick.

Tomorrow, provided my Ebay box arrives, I will be starting #2: The Others, and then there is #3: The Numbers and #4 Before the Crash. #4 was only released a couple of weeks ago so I don't know when I'll get it. Lots to do! I don't have time for this. Why did I even start??? Still, you have to agree, its way cool!

Speaking of Lost, the recent episodes have been very good. I know that the Hurley episode didn't advance the arcs, but the Hurley / Gin / Sawyer / Charlie stuff was just fantastic dialogue and acting. The Jack episode was lame, like him, but Juliet was pretty good, and Desmond was one of the best to date!

Qop! (from Sealab 2021)
[Discussing what they would have if their brains were in robots]
Captain Murphy: Wait a minute, he gets eye beams, but I can't get x-ray vision?
Sparks: Okay... everybody gets x-ray vision.
Captain Murphy: Yeah, and big chainsaw hands!

Marco: Once again, your stupidity has killed us!

Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Okay, okay. So, say I put my brain in a robot body and there's a war. Robots versus humans. What side am I on?
Debbie DuPree: Humans! You have a human brain.
Sparks: But... the humans discriminate against you. You can't even vote!
Marco: We'd better not have to live on a reservation. That would really chap my caboose.
Captain Murphy: Yeah, but... nobody knows you're a robot. You look the same.
Debbie DuPree: Uh, uh. Dogs know. That's how the humans hunt you.
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: They're gonna' hunt me? For sport?
Marco: That's why we have to CRUSH mankind! So you might as well get on board for the big win, Stormy.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger March 2007 Edition

I have neglected my 'new' feature that I announced several months ago, a Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I now pledge anew to post one every month. This is my edition for March 2007.

Tip of My Hat to NBC
For The Black Donnellys. This show is fantastic! I love it! I did not expect Tommy to go ape shit at the end at all! But then again, it is a drama, and a true one at that. The flashbacks are kind of lame, but everything else is a-ok.
Wag of My Finger to NBC
For pulling Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip off the air for the time being. DO NOT cancel it! DO NOT cancel 30 Rock either. It had a rocky start, but ended up being really funny.
Tip of My Hat to Anna Nicole Smith
Why you may ask? I mean she was totally lame and gross and... But she died! So even though the news is obsessed with her now, that means stories about her will finally go away! YAY! You may think that sounds insensitive, to which I say, I know it is.
Wag of My Finger to Britney Spears
Really, Britney, if you want to be a huge whore slut and dance around without any panties, do it in my room, not in public.
Tip of My Hat to Jonathan Stewart, Lisa Pruitt, Mary Sink, & Michael Newsome
For their fantastic performances in the musical City of Angels! I know I already wrote a whole entry, but I have to say it again. Fantastic. Go see their next show, in which they all play much bigger roles. For information about tickets, go here.
Wag of My Finger to MySpace Blogs
I loved when I had all my friends blogs bookmarked and could just check them periodically, and they didn't post too too often. With MySpace blogs, they get on to check other things and post all the freakin' time and I can't keep up! Damn you MySpace!
Tip of My Hat to You Tube
After the six episodes (and counting) series Chad Vader, and Charlie the unicorn, I have to give You Tube props. Gotta love 'em.
Wag of My Finger to Jack Nicholson
If you want to look like a penis, fine, just don't show up at The Academy Awards looking like one.
Tip of My Hat to the Academy Awards
Ellen made an excellent host and Jennifer Hudson so deserved that Oscar.
Wag of My Finger to President Bush
This will probably be a permanent addition to the TOTHWOMF list, at least until he leaves office. My peeve with him now? The troop surge. Death totals are high again. Give it up! You suck as president, dude! Resign!

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?

(after Stormy called Quinn 'the Black Dr. Quinn')
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Man, how'd you feel if everyone went around calling you "White" Stormy?
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: [Gasps] You mean there's a BLACK Stormy?

City of Angels

I went down to Axis last night and saw City of Angels, a musical several of my friends were in. It was great. I highly recommend everyone goes and sees it next Friday night. You can get tickets at centerstageplayers.com To be honest, I think my friends were among the most, if not the most, talented in the cast. Jonathan had a small part, but he cracked me up, especially when rubbing lotion on a hot woman's leg and acting like he liked it. :) Mary and Lisa were members of the quartet, which was a sort of chorus but much more interesting, and they were hilarious! They did lots of cool stuff that kind of held the shoe together. Mary's facial expressions were to die for, and when Lisa grabbed Jonathan and held his face in her boobs, I almost peed my pants. I saved Michael for last because all I can say about him is... WOW! He played a Latina cop out to get the detective in the murder mystery, and every time he came on stage, he totally stole the show. He was a larger than life character, and his musical number was the best. I can't wait to see them all star in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum in April. Esther and I are prepetual audience members now. :)

Also, the Grey's Anatomy spinoff, Taye Diggs is going to costar! And it will be an ensemble cast. Cool. Oh, and I moved the speakers and laptop away from my TiVo, and it seems to be working fine again. Who ever knew that that would mess things up?

Qop!
"You bitch!" ~ Jonathan's improved line when the hot women exposes his homosexuality