Where Have I Been? And When Will I Be Back?

I do apologize for my absence in the blogging world. Things have been busy, and the time I used to have set aside for regular blogging dried up. Also, much of my blogging was television review. All my reviews have continued with the podcast Geek Out With Jimmy!. Subscribe to it on iTunes!
Anyway, while I don't plan on bringing my reviews back to this site, except on very rare occasion, events in my life will be changing soon, and I will see those of you that read this a lot less. Which is saying something, to some of you. I will be getting married and moving to Kentucky or somewhere (we think). So this blog will return as a way to keep in touch and keep you informed, though it won't be all dry and boring. It will be amusing and enlightening and philosophical. If I can get even one of those in each post, I'd be elated.

In conclusion, this blog returns in LATE SUMMER 2009!!!

Blah Blahbity Blah Blah Blah

So much has gone in the last few months, I don't know where to start. I am no longer the lonely pathetic man that most of you know me to be. :) I also have been working a lot, and career prospects are looking up. On top of that, the podcast continues to grow, and I've been hard at work on my next book, the short story collection. I am generally pretty happy and busy, and I miss those friends I have had so little contact with due to our conflicting schedules.

Speaking of missed friends, my friend Jonathan Stewart reminded me that I never wrote a review of Center Stage Player's Rocky Horror Show in October. it was FANTASTIC!!!! I saw it twice! Esther Stinson rocked the stage as Magenta. Jonathan wore a ridiculously cool costume leading the band, and Michael Newsome directed it wonderfully. I can't remember what Mary Sink did, but I remember she did it well, and that she was backstage. Ed Eblin cracked me up as the narrator. I wish I could write in more detail, but it has been a long time. I can't wait for the show next year, as well as the shows the company will do before then, because they always do a great job.

Ohio primary elections are today. I slept through four alarms, even though I set them early and went to bed early. I was actually late for work this morning, although not late enough to matter, they didn't care. But I had planned on going to vote before school. I have to go straight to my second job this evening, so I won't get to vote. Those of you who know me know that I am deeply disappointed. I follow the political stage quite loyally. Oh, well. This sucks.

I saw The Other Boleyn Girl this weekend. For my review of that, the season finale of Project Runway, New Amsterdam, and other stuff, check out the podcast I host, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky at www.dribbleforkids.com/GBG or on iTunes.

Speaking of the podcast, my cohost Nick will be at MegaCon in Orlando, FL this weekend so Jon and I will be doing it without him, though we hope to have a guest fill in. I was not able to attend the convention, but my books are on sale there, and so is a new short story! Well, the short story is free. But only convention attendees will be able to get it, unless you personally know me and ask me nicely. :)

No Qop this time as the post is already too long, but expect another one soon!

Damages

I'm sure you people that still check this blog are getting tired of the very rare updates and vows to fix that. I truly will, come December, when student teaching is over, and I can afford to have a life again. Until then, I am behind on everything. It's already the 25th of the month and I haven't even started my short story for my book web site. I know, I know. I'm terrible. But I will prevail, and after December, you will feel my presence. Until then, if you want your regular does of Jimmy, check out the podcast I do with Nick Nitro, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky. We update every week. We didn't always, but we have kept that schedule for a month or so, and we do intend to keep it going. It's really taking off. You can find it on iTunes, or at the show's web site. It's really something, I think, and we have lots more surprises in store for our loyal listeners! And yes, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 will be out soon.

What could possibly break my once-again lengthy code of silence on the blog? Every once in awhile, a show comes along that just completely wows you. I mean, really. I know I like lots of shows, but the ones that join my top tier are few and far between. We're talking your Buffy the Vampire Slayers, your Deep Space Nines, your Sports Nights. Shows unique in nature, and long lasting in mind. The newest to join that rank: the first year drama Damages, which just completed its initial run on FX. While the show has not yet been picked up for a second season, they should just hand the Emmy and the Golden Globe to Glenn Close. While they're at it, give a supporting actor nod to Zeljko Ivanek (Live Free or Die Hard, Oz, The Manchurian Candidate). Rose Byrne stars, and Ted Danson and Tate Donavan round out the actors you need to know. I haven't watched the finale, it's paused on my tv screen right now, but I know without a doubt it will finish strong.

The show began in the summer, with poor Ellen (Byrne) in a trench coat covered in blood on a dark street. Over the ensuing thirteen weeks, we soon learned that her fiance was dead, and her boss, Patty Hughes (Close), may have tried to kill them both. Most of the story takes place in the months leading up to that fateful scenes as Patty and Ellen attempt to make a case against Ted Danson, but the action catches up the opening by the penultimate episode. I have much to say about this show, and will this Sunday on our podcast, but I can delay my anticipation no longer. It's on to the finale!

Qop!
"I predict that by the time I get back, you and David will be together again." ~ Patty Hughes (Glenn Close) to Ellen (Rose Byrne), Damages

Slang

It is interesting to me how slang changes. I am thinking of it because I was inputting the last comments of two of my editors, Lois and Nancy, in Book Three (due out in late October). I smile every time I see them circle and put question marks next to phrases that seem second nature to me. Two in particular I saw today were "Pathetic much?" and "It is so on." It amuses me that these simple things confuse them, having not heard them before. I guess that it part of the generational gap. Of course certain slang words like cool and such make it into the popular lexicon, but certain phrasing remains isolated, sometimes even to an area or group of people, long before it becomes common knowledge. Things I have said since high school sound strange and foreign to people when they first hear them. It makes me a little self-conscious, as my books are set about another generation or two into the future and I have not given them their own little language quirks; I've merely used the ones I know. Also, will people reading this a few years down the road even understand what I mean? Will they just be confused as my editors are and think that there are typos? I don't know, but that's ok. I don't plan on stopping the slang. I think it adds to the characters and gives them a distinct voice. And that is really all that matters.

Qop! (Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson in Clerks the cartoon)
[opening argument to the all-black jury of NBA players] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Dante Hicks is just like you. He lurves grape soda. He knows what it's like when the guy at the supermarket won't take your "food stamps". Or how it feels to wait all month for your "welfare check". [waving his arms from side to side] Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Thank you.

To Boldly Go

It's time for a big shift in gears in An Actor's Nightmare. For those of you who haven't known me forever, actors_nightmare@hotmail.com was an e-mail address I registered in SIXTH GRADE, many years ago. Around that time I launched a series of short comedy stories called Star Wreck: An Actor's Nightmare. Star Wreck became an important part of the now defunct UFK. Other stories were also written and posted, but that project was abandoned years ago. After many more years and several false starts, An Actor's Nightmare reemerged in 2003 an idea, and in early 2004 there was a webcomic. The animation was crappy, and the story was a little cheesy, but many of those first thirty or so pages made their way into the first few chapters of a book, called appropriately enough, An Actor's Nightmare Book One, published in 2005. This was quickly followed by An Actor's Nightmare Book Two in 2006, and the launch of Actor's Nightmare EXtra online.

The next year and a half is going to be big for An Actor's Nightmare. Book Three will be out around October, and ANEX stories will be posted through the end of the year, and beyond. I will be attending a convention in Columbus, OH over Thanksgiving weekend. An issue of Dribble for Kids (a popular webcomic by Nick Arganbright) written by me will begin appearing in the fall. Also, the online sitcom (text only) Excerpts From the Morning Show will premiere in September. By summer 2008, the paperback ANEX Volume One should be out with eighteen short stories (seven of which have never been seen before), and An Actor's Nightmare Book Four will be out later in the year. Beyond that, a wide variety of projects are planned.

Lastly, there is a rumor of a possible merger between An Actor's Nightmare and another online creative company that offers slightly different projects. This is by no means confirmed, but if it happens, it will be announced later this year. I won't go into details about what this would mean for AAN at this time, but it would be very exciting, and I promise to announce it here as soon as anything is confirmed, if it pans out.

Qops! (from A Prairie Home Companion)
Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Blast From the Past

So, because I'm a total loser, I was googling both my name and the title 'An Actor's Nightmare' to see what I could turn up. I found a tun of stuff that I did back when I was in middle school, and I realized just what a huge dork I was. I also realized that Geocities and Tripod never took down the pages. I obviously had too much time in my hands in those days. Of course, my parents didn't let me go anywhere unless they wanted to take a 'family trip', and I was rarely permitted to go to parties or hang out with friends, so what else was there to do? Then I got to high school and got a life. A very, very busy one. These projects fell to the wayside and were abandoned to one day be dredged up. I still have the same e-mail address. I bet I could still log in and edit them. Hmm. Yes, I even used the pen name back then. And so in the spirit of self emasculation, I present some links for you to click on so you can revel in just how dorky I really was. Am. No. No. Was. Yeah, was.
The Star Wreck Fleet
Data's Joke (click on Star Wreck)
The Geek Space Dominion (I was a contributor, but THAT e-mail doesn't still work)

Also, I've watched three of the four aired episodes so far of Thank God You're Here! The first episode was funny, but the second was fantastic, and the third was pretty good. Anyone who wants to see Harland Williams, Jason Alexander, Edie McClurg (the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Kevin Nealon, Wayne Knight, Jane Lynch, Jennifer Coolidge, George Takei, Richard Kline, Mo'Nique, Shannon Elizabeth, Tom Green, and others battle their way through improvisational scenes, check it out! It's really good. Best reality type show. It's like a better version with more talented people of Who's Line Is It Anyway?

Qops! (from 30 Rock)
Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?
Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?

Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

Pete: [Tending to one of three cast members who have been rendered unfilmable for that week's episode] Liz Taylor really messed him up! He might have brain damage.
Liz Lemon: God. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. Who is it?
Pete: James Blunt.
Liz Lemon: Ugghh.

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

An Actor's Nightmare

Raise your hand if you've read at least part of An Actor's Nightmare. If your hand isn't up, why not? If you read my blog, you must know me, so please read my book. Ok, that sounded pathetic. :) Let me give you some reasons on why you should read An Actor's Nightmare.

10. It's like 500 pages long. Who doesn't like reading 500 page books? Also, An Actor's Nightmare Book Two is like 550 pages long, and Book Three (out this fall) will be even longer! Yay for long books! There will be NINE total. In your face Harry Potter. I will beat you!
9. People you know may be in it. Sort of. For legal reasons, they aren't. But some of the characters may have been inspired by real people. That's true. The characters really don't reflect the real people so much any more. Read it anyway.
8. You're my friend. I'm nice to you. Be nice to me and read my book. I'm not even saying you have to buy it. Borrow it. Or go to the Westerville or West Jefferson public libraries. They have copies. Other libraries might, too.
7. I may have let a little of my politics slip into Book Two. Just a bit. Down with Dictator Bush!
6. Flashbacks. There are lots of them. Every seven or eight chapters there is an Intermezzo with back story, much of it ancient. It's deep. Or so I imagine it to be.
5. Death. I kill main characters. Yes, I make you love people, and then I brutally rip them away from you. Hahahaha. I mean, cool deaths. Yeah, cool deaths.
4. The short story (#1-4 available free on the web site right now!) companion book, with seven stories not previously released, will be called ANEX (Actor's Nightmare EXtras). How cool is that title? Thanks Nancy for thinking of it! I mean, thanks me. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was all me.
3. My mom likes it. So does yours. At least, that's what she told me in bed last night. Snap!
2. Geese have nuclear weapons. What more do you need?

AND 1. I said please, goddamnit! What part of please don't you understand!?!

Qops! (from Lost)
Hurley: Great idea dude, go look inside the burning death hole.

Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.

Kate: Come on. You're going to see Jack.
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?

Mr. Artz: I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pally! You know, you people think you're the only ones on this island doing anything of value. Well, I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash and we are all people, too.

Danielle Rousseau: You've only got three choices: run, hide... or die.

Boone: [to Locke] John? You been using that wacky paste stuff that made me think my sister got eaten?

Sawyer: [faintly] I would've left you behind.
Michael: Shut up man, don't try that.
Sawyer: [even fainter] I did leave you behind.
Michael: Yeah well, good thing I ain't you.

Shannon: [after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked] What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!

Desmond: Jack, I'm Desmond. Good luck, brother. See you in another life, yeah?

I Have Class

No, seriously. I have class. Right now. I am in class. And very bored, even though class just started. It was supposed to start twenty minutes ago. I really don't want to be here. I just want to get to Dana's and have movie night.
Do you all read Dribble for Kids? If not, get over there right now. It's a fantastic comic, and this issue is hand drawn. It looks really neat. Different from the others. Yes, my friend Nick makes this comic, and it is the only comic I read, so I am biased. But it's a really good story. He just finished a huge arc called Lord of the Sweaters, that was pretty neat. This new issue is a bit depressing so far, but the new page features yours truly in full Klingon regalia. Cool, huh? Also, I wrote an upcoming issue, so check it out!
Ok, enough stump speech. I might actually pay a little attention to class now. Maybe.
Oh, and BTW, it was NOT the girl from Lost in TMNT.

Qop! (from TMNT)
Michelangelo: Did anyone get the license plate of that thing that hit us last night? It looked like your mom, dude!
[laughs]
Donatello: ...Yeah, that would make her your mom too, doofus.
Michelangelo: ...Nuts.

Back to Writing

So the snow days continued, and I watched more than enough telvision, even for me. I wish I could get paid to do that, instead of sitting at home and making no money. Some of you may ask, well why didn't you pick up extra shifts at Champps? Do you really think with all of that bad weather that it would have a.) been smart to drive all the way across town and b.) enough customers would have been there to make it worth my time? I answered no to those. I did however get somewhat productive on An Actor's Nightmare Book Four. If you follow the series you know that Book Three is in the editing stages and due out this coming fall. Book Four is still a year and a half away from release, but I wanted to get an early start, so I tackled it head on. I have written a prologue that I am very happy with featuring the funeral of one of my main characters. Why would I be so heartless as to kill off one of the most important people in my books after they survived through the action packed trilogy? Because it happens! There's a twenty year time jump. Do you really think that everyone is still alive? Absolutely not. Most of them are, but somebody important will not be. Sorry. Not that you guys can even hazard a guess as to who it is, because you have not read Book Three, and thus do not know who survived the final assault. Hint: Many people did not! :) Well rather than torment anyone further, I'm off to grad school, but hopefully you will all check out the book and enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Qop! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Snow, Snow, Go Away

Ok, I secretly loved having three days off this week. I had my TiVo completely empty for the first time since I got it, as of Wednesday. Then Wednesday night Lost, Knights of Prosperity, and American Idol recorded, so now it's not empty. But briefly, it was nice. However, as this is the last week I am going to get paid for awhile, I needed the money, and now I'm screwed. I did get to work today for a whopping hour and a half, but I got paid for a full day, so I'm not really complaining. I am scheduled tomorrow, too, so we'll see. Next Monday begins my three week multicultural experience at Praire Lincoln Elementary School in the Southwestern district. I have mixed feelings on this. I mean, I'll bet it's a good school, and it'll be fun and all, but it'll be a ton of work coming at a time when I'm very busy (I know, I know. I should have used my snow days more wisely), and plus, I won't be paid for it. I have to pay Ashland for it, actually, more than I would have made in those three weeks. Actually, about the same. But that is ridiculous. They should just let me sub out there for a few weeks or something. Anyway, I is a poor man.

Also, I hope you have been enjoying my new comic strip, Excerpts from The Morning Show. I haven't been real regular in my posting. That means sometimes the day's strip gets posted the night before, sometimes it's late in the day, or once even the next day (tomorrow's is already up)., but I've gotten it drawn out and scanned in for the next month so it's just a matter of remembering to log in and put it up.

And I wrote half my prologue for An Actor's Nightmare Book Four today, which was a totally bad idea, as now I want to keep writing, and the next three weeks will be insanely busy. But I love the series, and it's been killing me to take a break, and I am very happy with what I've written so far, so screw it. It's fun. :)

Qop!
"Rape is just surprise sex." ~ My brother David. He named his Facebook Group that. Don't worry, he got banned from Facebook.

Labels

By the way all, labels have finally been finished for ALL my blogs, dating back nearly two and a half years. Want to know everything I've written about a certain topic? Click on a label. Have fun. Be safe. :)

Oh, by the way, Depressed is not my most common label. Politics is. But thanks for noticing. :) Other big ones: ActorsNightmare, Alias, books, Buffy, JonStewart, Religion, Romance, StephenColbert, Writing. Nope, Drinking wasn't high enough to top the list. Screw you. :)

ISS

So I am working the ISS room today. I should be getting stuff done, but of course, I'm not. I've been trading surveys with Amanda, writing a second draft of an upcoming Dribble for Kids issue for Nick, and trying to put labels on the 185 blog entries I have so far. Yes, I don't like the new blogger because I have to go back and put labels on every entry so you people can easily search them. So far, I have applied many, many labels to over one hundred blog entries. Still more to go, unfortunately. I am just taking a quick break. I'm sure I will be right back to work on doing labels, but not finish them today. Those friends are mine that read this, check. Your very name may be a label. :)

Oh, and by the way, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the title of the last Harry Potter book. A release date will be announced early in 2007. Thank you to Lisa for e-mailing me. I was actually just reading the press release when I saw the e-mail. I can't wait!

Qop!
"There once was a time when religion ruled the world, that time was known as the dark ages." ~Unknown

Three Down; Six To Go

I just finished writing the first draft of An Actor's Nightmare Book Three. For those of you keeping up with the series, Book Two will be out at the end of next month, November 2006. I am well ahead because I already finished Book Three. Granted, I still have a month or two of editing to do myself on it, then I have to send it to my various editors, then I will do another pass myself, so it is far from over. It will still not be about until next fall, probably around November. But the first draft is done! About four or five months earlier in the year than I finished Book Two. I am torn between wanting to jump right into Book Four, or work on some other project for a few months. I probably should take a break, but I love writing it, and since Book Three closed a triology, Book Four will be so much to get back into. I'm thinking of writing some scripts of Nick's comic strip, Dribble for Kids. I'm thinking about working on the other book I started, The Many Loves of Jimmy Bailey, and I'm thinking about getting out my young adult novel, The Berry Go Round, and retooling it to get it ready for release. I finished writing that book years ago. We'll see. I love to write, and I'm sure I will be writing some more soon.

Qop! (BNL: Bull In A China Shop)
I'm a kid in a candy store /I'm a bull in a china shop / I'm a tired old metaphor / For everything you can't afford / And everything you can't afford to be
I'm a public embarrassment / I'm a bottle of diet poison / I'm a walking advertisement / For everything I never meant / And everything I never meant to be
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening
I'm the reason I don't go out /I'm afraid I might tell me something / I'm the shadow of every doubt / I'm the product this song's about / I'm the product this song's about to be
I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening /I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening
Every morning / Since I was born / It's been hard to look in the mirror / And see my face for the horns
All the fun that the law allows / All the fun but with half the meaning / Come on over, I'll show you how / If you lived here you'd be home by now / If you still lived here you'd be home now with me
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening / I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening

DJ

In my last post, I vowed a weekly WOTF, TOTH. By weekly, I of course meant monthly, because sometimes I don't even post weekly. So look for the next installment in about 2-3 weeks. :) On books, though, I have gotten so much work done for the second installment of An Actor's Nightmare, due out in roughly six weeks. Thank you Nick from the bottom of my shoes for his work on the cover design. It is awesome! I can't wait for everyone to see it! Also, the first bimonthly short story is on schedule for a November 1st release, if I can contain my enthusiasm until then. Unlike my blog, the book is always ahead of schedule and up on time. I am also finding some time, albeit a little, to keep up on some of my shows. I have to say The Nine and Six Degrees are two fantastic new shows. Anyway, time to go once more, so until next time, I bid you adieu.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

His Story

NICK: Wow. As I sit here, or should I say, stand here, playing music for the masses assembling at the Dub Pub, I just am shocked about how bad it sucks tonight here. I mean, we have a country bumpkin couple here wanting country, some guy said he wanted good crap to listen to and what songs I had that wasn’t crap, (which I laughed ‘cause the fucker was wasted and was twenty shades of drunk.)
So alas, here I am. I have no idea how many beers I have consumed, but I believe it’s definitely over like, four. Which for me by 11:30 is well… beyond good. Actually the saving grace of the night will be the journey to and the arrival at Jimmy’s apartment. Either way, I am staying there tonight and I am gonna just chill out and maybe watch some Clerks. Now, going out tonight is a major question; shall I grab a bite to eat on the way there? If so, what shall I grab? Barely anything is open really. I am hoping for some Taco Bell before I get there, but who knows. The nice thing is, it will save me the trouble of driving to Jimmy’s tomorrow when I should be relaxing on Father’s Day.
Shit.
I forgot to grab a card for Father’s Day for Dad. Mother fuckin’ puss bucket.
I wonder how Jimmy’s party is going?

JIMMY: Yay! People are here! Bob showed up and he and I ran to the store real quick. Can I just say how nice it is to have brothers old enough and mature enough and cool enough to hang out with? That’s been one of the best things about the past year or so. Anyway, we got home and Amanda showed up and we watched a sweet episode of Angel. I love that show. Then Kayla showed up. Last night was a really great party, for most of the night, and everyone had quite a bit to drink. Tonight it’s much more relaxed. I am drinking some more of that wine left over from the all day celebration a couple of weeks ago that didn’t actually happen and… well, never mind about that. I’m in a good mood so I don’t want to go into that right now.
Good. It’s time to play a game. People always try to watch movies and stuff during these things, and while I love movies and tv shows as much as the next guy if not more, it’s really hard to pay attention to that stuff during a party. This is just what I needed. A nice game of Scattergories, my favorite game, to distract me from all that has been going wrong in my life the last month or so. I really need that. I find myself lonely and craving company almost every night lately. I hate to be alone. It’s also killing my writing curve. I was writing every day and the last couple of weeks, nothing. I am in the middle of two books I need to get back to it.
Yipee. I am ahead by like fifteen points. I told you that I rock at this game. I wish the judging was better though. These people give no points for creativity. What’s the point of the game if you can’t give off the wall far out answers? I mean, that’s what Scattergories is all about. I thrive on the creative crap. Ah, well. That’s why I’m not winning by thirty points. Oop. Text message. Nick wants to know what’s going on. I’ll let him know. I hope we’re still rocking when he gets here. Maybe he’ll bring us, and by us I mean me, a cute, sweet girl that I can date for a year or two, then propose to, then marry, then move to the suburbs with our 2.4 adorable children and maybe a cat or two, where I support us by writing and… never mind. I need to reply to Nick.

NICK: Apparently… from the text message I just received from him… Scategories is going on. As I stand here, watching a group of fine young ass girls, looking beautiful, I can simply smile. Despite how slow it is and now as busy as the previous weeks, God gives me a luscious view of the fine females out tonight! Hm.

Qop! (Dr. Cox from Scrubs)
The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second ...and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box.

The Book! Buy It Now!

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't posted. I have been seeking employment, part time for now, full time for summer. I still need to pay my rent after school lets out, unfortunately. These extremely high gas prices have not helped one bit. Sigh. Two and a half more years until we get the idiot out of office. But today's topic is not current events. Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live said everything this week that needed to be said. No, today's topic is my book.
Book One continues to meet with favorable reviews. The discussion with the Otterbein Alumni Book Club went fantastic. I sent copies of Book Two around to my brave volunteer proofreaders, so Book Two will be completed soon. The current estimated deadline is it will be ready to go to press by the end of July. I also have a couple of people considering cover ideas, so hopefully it'll be nice and snazzy. I have also wrote six chapters for Book Three, so it will be fast on the heels of Book Two. I am considering another project or two in between Book Three and Four, but I haven't decided yet. I will of course keep you posted. But the bottom line is, if you haven't bought An Actor's Nightmare Book One yet, go buy it! Now! Seriously! Please?

Qops! (courtesy of Veronia Mars, which promises to have one hell of a Season Two finale this week)
Keith Mars: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica Mars: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.

I Was Right

I am pretty humble, so even when I am on right I rarely shout it from the rooftops. I do admit when I'm wrong. But this time, I was absolutly right. As yet another friends told me about her experience confirming my theories, I feel it is finally time to declare it definitively.

GEESE ARE EVIL!!!!

That's all I wanted to say. Book Two just needs a little more proofreading and it will be done. On Monday, May 1st, Book One will be featured at Otterbein's Courtright Library at 7:30pm. You should all come. Also, I am now working two jobs so I am very busy. Just try to get a hold of me. :) And, um, well, I will stay make time to watch Jed Bartlett and Jack Bauer save the world. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Oh, yeah, geese are evil.

Qop!
"We have a contingency plan to invade Canada? " ~ Kate Harper (Mary McCormick), The West Wing

BONUS TRIVIA!!!
According to an interview that he gave to The New York Times, executive producer Lawrence O'Donnell and his fellow writers had planned for Vinick to win the election until John Spencer's sudden, untimely death in December 2005. After that, they decided that Santos losing both his running mate and the election would be too difficult for the audience to watch, and they changed the election's outcome.

Saturday, April 1

So, yeah I have a girlfriend now. And I'm not longer a virgin. And guess what? We're getting married. We're eloping in June as soon as school gets out.

In other news, I have decided to quit teaching and move to a hippie nudist buddist camp. No more school for me. I'm going to be a blacksmith. Cool, huh? There will be no tv or internet there, so better write me quick before it's too late.

So I've been getting bugged about what's going to happen next in my book, so here it is. You're going to find out that the geese are actually midget polar bears in costumes and no one is dead. The nuclear weapons just mutated everyone and they now roam the countryside eating brains. Also, Vince is gay and he and Romey are totally doing it, Auby and Wesley are too, and Walt is a crossdresser. Tommy is actually a cool actor who worships scientology and Dr. Smith's secret base is located in (GASP!) Atlantis! The series will end after Katie has sex with a goose and their offspring is a polar bear and they figure it all out, only to have aliens show up and blow up the planet.

Oh, yeah, and check the date again, because it's April Fools!!! Seriously, though, if you believed the stuff above, you deserve to be fooled.

Qop!
"After that, everyone treated me a lot different, except my sister. She must have belong to a group bigger and meaner than the Mafia. What's that, maybe Jehovah's Witnesses?" ~ A Girl Name Zippy

Book Signing

So my book signing last night went fantastic! There were lots of people there. We did a Q&A for about 45 minutes or so, and all the questions were great. The audience ranged from people who had read the book and eagerly awaited the sequel to people who had heard absolutely nothing about the book, which gave me plenty to talk about. Some of my elementary school teacchers were there, which was really cool. There was also a reporter there that is doing an article on me and took pictures and stuff. How exciting is that? I am uber hyped right now, but it's off to school. Have a good day.

Qop!
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane." ~ William Shatner "Denny Crane", Boston Legal

Lost

So I've been missing from this blog for nearly a month. I missed two weeks posting! I am sorry people. No, my plane did not go down on a desert island. My computer was captured by a virus, my cell phone was stolen, and I was battling two jobs and going through kitty shots and fixings and dealing with lots of other excuses, none of which exhume me from logging on for ten minutes to give you an update. I'm sorry. To be even ruder, I am only popping in for a quick second today. I have 24 of my 25 chapters written for Book Two, but only have about 15 typed up so I have lots of work to do that I can't wait to get back to. Speaking of the book series, my first official signing will be Monday, March 13 at 7pm at the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library. Check out my web site for more info. Hope to see you there!

Qop!
"Don't write anything down. Don't let anyone take pictures. And if all else fails, Deny Deny Deny!!!" ~ Chick McGee, The Bob & Tom Show (my family will get it:))