I'm an Ungreatful Prick

So the jury is back. I'm an ungreatful prick. Seriously. I have never considered myself thus before, and am having trouble considering myself that now, but after a truly rotten Christmas, and a ton of alcohol, the conclusion is made. Why is it so? Here is the COMPLETE story, not the ones my relatives seem to be getting. BTW, I am more than a bit drunk as I type this.
Every year ALL of my presents, at least the last few years, have been clothes. Those of you that know me know that I don't like clothes. In fact, I hate clothes. i only buy them when I absolutly need them. At the moment, I have a pretty good supply. So I have told me mom before that I hate getting just clothes, but the last few months, I have emphasized this point to her. While I would prefer no clothes at all, I begged her to just let one present not be clothes. one book, one cd, on dvd, SOMETHING besides the clothes that I hate to get. I said I would rather have money or nothing at all than the endless load to clothes that I hate. So Christmas morning arrives and I open, not just clothes, but really sucky clothes. Present one was white socks. WHITE socks. I wear black sock six days a week because I can ony wear black to the schools or to Champps, and have plenty of just fine white socks. Yet she buys me many pairs, unwrapped, so i can't even return them. Then comes a pair of black dress shoes. The EXACT same dress shoes that were my sole birthday present last march. No, they ar ejust fine. actually, she bought me ugly dress shoes and i returned them for the ones i currently wear. So she bought me anothert pair, even though I don't need them. Then comes a p[air of blue dress pants. Now she knows (I hate blue. I have NEVER worn blue dress pants. EVER. I HATE them. Then a pair of blakc dress pants that I kinda of need, but will take back because of all the clothes. I'm not happy about it, but I don't sitr abnd bitch endlessly about it either.
I take all; the hate dshit to me room and stay away. Yet I am bad mouthed constrantly all day. When the aunt i thought understood me very well told me i should hgave just said thank you and forgotten it, I left. Granted, I had consumed enough alcohol to put me in a decent mood up until then and I shouldn't have driven, but I did, and I made it home just fine, thankfully/. Yet, obviously I am just a selfishprick who should take what I get, even when UI specifgically ask her nbot to get it. Obviously.

Oh, anmd btw, the same 'adult' gift exhancge I have participated in the last four yearts in my family once again ended with me getting nothing. Literally this year, as I let my 5 year old cousin ahve the stuffed snoopy i ended up with. I think I just won't do it next year. And I plan to have a new apartment by feb. 1st. Anyone want to be my roommate? I could really use one.

Qop!
None. I am too angry.

You're A Mean One, Mr. Jim

I am writing this at a quarter til nine of Christmas morning. This is the latest we have EVER opened presents. Most of the house is still asleep. The last few years, my sister has been waking us up around 7. It was a bit annoying, when my brothers and I tended to stay up hanging out and having fun on Christmas Eve. Last year I came up with a devious scheme to sneak into Malissa's room and set her clock back several hours. She finally came out of her room well after the time Mom and Dad told her she had to sleep to and asked if she could watch tv until it was time. They laughed and told her that it was later than she thought it was. To put it mildly, she was furious. Everyone else thought it was the funniest thing ever, including all the relatives we saw later in the day.
This year, we knew that wouldn't work on her. I convinced my parents to let me keep her up last night watching tv so that she wouldn't wake us all up so early. They agreed pretty easily, probably wanting their sleep, too. So I kept her up until about midnight, let her drink pop and stuff, then I went to sleep, leaving her still awake and wired. When I woke up just a few minutes ago, I crept past the sleeping house up to her room and shook her awake saying, "Hurry up! Get up! Time to open presents!" When she jumped out of bed I laughed and said, "Just kidding! No one else is up." Now she's up earlier than she wanted to be and still can't open presents.

Ain't I a stinker?

:) :) :)

Qops! (courtesy National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
CLARK: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

CLARK: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

ISS

So I am working the ISS room today. I should be getting stuff done, but of course, I'm not. I've been trading surveys with Amanda, writing a second draft of an upcoming Dribble for Kids issue for Nick, and trying to put labels on the 185 blog entries I have so far. Yes, I don't like the new blogger because I have to go back and put labels on every entry so you people can easily search them. So far, I have applied many, many labels to over one hundred blog entries. Still more to go, unfortunately. I am just taking a quick break. I'm sure I will be right back to work on doing labels, but not finish them today. Those friends are mine that read this, check. Your very name may be a label. :)

Oh, and by the way, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the title of the last Harry Potter book. A release date will be announced early in 2007. Thank you to Lisa for e-mailing me. I was actually just reading the press release when I saw the e-mail. I can't wait!

Qop!
"There once was a time when religion ruled the world, that time was known as the dark ages." ~Unknown

New Blogger

Yes, I know it has been more than a month since I posted. I was going to give you a whole spiel about how I have been so busy finishing up the last semester of grad school, working two jobs, starting to date someone, the holidays, and all that other stuff, but then I actually went to the blogger site and came up with a new reason: They made me upgrade to the new blogger! Not made, but I was going to have to soon, so sort of made. hence the extra delay. Now, although I haven't really had a chance to explore it yet, I really liked the old blogger, and those of you who know me know that I hate being forced to change something that I like. I'm sure that this new thing is way cooler, but now I'm supposed to go back and categorize all my old entries, which is a lot of work. I haven't decided if I am going to go it yet or not. Until I get a handle on this thing, I probably won't post again. However, I want to be back to regular posts by the new year, so I'll probably figure it out. Stupid blogger.

Qops! (from Alias)
Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...
Sydney: You got it.

Sloane: Marshall, would you please go back to work?
Agent Marshall Flinkman: Just to clarify, I'm not being fired?
Sloane: Back to work means not fired.

Agent Jack Bristow: If you tell anyone about this conversation, you will no longer be able to wear a hat.

That's My Bush!

One of the most inspired sitcoms to ever be made, judging from the two episodes I've seen of it, was That's My Bush, which was on Comedy Central in 2001. It followed the hilarious antics of W., Laura, Rove, the maid, the intern, and a neighbor who could just walk in the front door of the White House and plop down on the couch in the main foyer, flipping on the television. Even when the White House was locked down due to security concerns. W. accidently launched nuclear attacks, or scheduled and abortion summit and a date with his wife on the same night, flying through predictable sitcom plots. But in the White House. It was really funny, especially the aborted fetus that somehow survived to lead an anti-abortion group. Now all eight episodes, including six that I have NEVER, EVER SEEN are available on DVD! I cannot tell you how many times in the past couple of years I have gone on Amazon to check for it, and been sorely disappointed to discover that it wasn't for sale. Then today, in my e-mail newsletter form Comedy Central's web site, there it was! A deluxe, two-disc release with commentaries! Yay! Finally I get to see it all. The show wasn't cancelled because it was bad. The show was cancelled because the Twin Towers were destroyed and suddenly it became not funny to make fun of the president. Thank goodness that's over. :)

Qop! (from Team America: World Police because I used TMB a few weeks ago)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran - I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'.

ANOTHER SONG: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: You will die a peasant's death!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Matt Damon: MATT DAMON!

SNL Sweeps Sweeps

Last night's Saturday Night Live, the first one of sweeps, certainly delivered in star power, even if every skit didn't deliver the laughs. The monologue of Kristen Wiig (who is getting a deserved huge amount of screen time lately) as Nancy Pelosi was funny, and so was the weekend update interview with Rumsfeld. But the guest star parade began in the monologue when Alec Baldwin, who was hosting a record tying 13 times, brought on his co-stars of his new show, 30 Rock, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. The new show is by SNL alumni and produced by the SNL producer, Lorna Michael. Morgan did it in character, and with Fey, it was hard to tell. Then the Platinum Lounge encounter with Steve Martin rocked, as did the wordless appearnaces of Martin Short as their waiter, followed by Paul McCartney. So did Martin host 14 times? I didn't get that. But The Tony Bennet show skit where Baldwin played Bennet and Bennet came on as an impersonator was hilarious, and their duet was good. Christina Arguliera was the musical guest, which of course I didn't watch, except her third segment, which was a duet with the real Bennet, and that was really entertaining. Anyway, I just wanted to comment on the huge amount of guest star power present. The curtain call was impressive. It was great!

Qop! (SNL Weekend Update 11/11/06)
"In an ironic twist Tuesday, Iraw brought about a regime change to the United States."

Yay America!

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Entertainment Edition

Tip of the Hat
To The Nine. This show has just gotten better and better every week. John Billingsly is the best part, although I have ti say that Tim Daly and Kim Raver keep me hooked, too. I really hope this show goes on for a nice, long while. And Joshua Malina rocks, too.
Wag of the Finger
The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm not a sports fan, but you don't play the Michigan fight song to a booing crowd in Columbus. They should never even try to seel another album in this town.
Tip of the Hat
To Barry Manilow for giving Stephen Colbert joint custody of the emmy, and signing a notorized contract on The Colbert Report. Also, letting Stephen take the lead in the duet was classy.
Wag of the Finger
To the Barenaked Ladies for not playing "Fun & Games" as their fantastic concert last night. They played in the venue Jon Stewart had been in the night before. This is Ohio, the most important state in the election. And they didn't play their anti-Bush song. What better time for it?
Tip of the Hat
Tyler of BNL for that fantastic rendering of Feliz Halloween. Prospero ano y felici-bean.
Wag of the Finger
To Jon Stewart for having Lebron James, James Mueller, and NOT James Dailey. If you come to town and do a James theme, why not me? :)

Qop! (South Park Season 10 - more to come when IMDB posts newest episodes)
Stan: He was right, you did cause 9-11.
George W. Bush: Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted at the base of the towers, then on 9-11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives and shot down all the witnesses in Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed planm ever, ever.
Kyle: [disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Why?
George W. Bush: The oldest reason in the world: money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil which made us all even richer than before.
Donald Rumsfeld: Beautiful money. Ha ha ha!
Kyle: [even more disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Is the whole government in on this?
George W. Bush: We are all knowing and all powerful. Good-bye boys.
Dick Cheney: [shoots an arrow and misses the boys] Dang it, I missed again.
George W. Bush: For Christ's sake, Cheney.
Stan: Kyle, run!

Some Fantastic Weekend

This was probably the best weekend I have ever had. I tried to think of better weekends, but was a bit at a loss. Granted, I did have to get up at 6am on Saturday to attend my grad school classes from 7:30-1:30, and then i was stuck in traffic for an hour right after class, but from there it only got better and better. I went to a family party celebrating my cousin Chris's 11th birthday. His birthday isn't until November, but it was fun. My Uncle Mike had the best costume, although some of the other family members dressed up as well, and all the costumes were fun. Then, though I don't care about sports, the Buckeyes totally kicked ass, which made the family happy. After a quick piece of pumpkin cake, I rushed downtown to meet my brother David and head to the Schottenstein Center. We arrived early and got great seats. There we saw, LIVE, Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, and The Daily Show's executive producer and head writer. There were some truly great moments, including Jon's long tirade on Dick Cheney, followed by his "Eh, he's all right" about Donald Rumsfeld. Then when Stewart led the O-H-I-O, and when Jason talked about being pregnant, and basically eveything out of Samantha's mouth. The crowd of over 12,000 people was great, booing Canada and OSU President Holbrook, and Jon characterisitcally scolded them for it. After that, I went to two Halloween parties. Things were even better because it was daylight savings, and though I stayed up until after 2, it was really only after 1. Awesome!
Sunday was just as great, if not better. I slept in, watched some episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then Nick picked me up. His parents bought us a bit of Don Pablo's for dinner, and then as my Christmas present, Nick had broughten me a great seat to the Barenaked Ladies concert, coincidentally, at the Schottenstein Center. He also bought me a B*L*A*M t-shirt in the style of M*A*S*H that advertised the Barenaked Ladies Are Me album tour. They sand for two hours and fifteen minutes. Although I got to bed way too late for my 5:30 wakeup time, it totally rocked. They played more than half of their new album, and one song off their next album, which will be released in February, only four months after the last one. Nick, like anyone who preordered or downloaded, has the new album already. They will likely be back in the spring for the second album, and I'm sure that we will attend. I got tons of great pictures. My only complaint was that they didn't play "Fun & Games", since they were in Columbus, Ohio, hot bed of the election, on a college campus, following up Jon Stewart, ten days before the election. Why not play your one blatant anti-Bush song? But technically, it is on the upcoming album, so I guess it made sense. All the songs were flawless, and Tyler's Feliz Halloween was definitely a highlight. It featured the whole band on different instruments than they usually play.
Ok, now back to school and work. Have a great week all!

Qop! ("Feliz Halloween" by Tyler of BNL)
Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Prosper ano y felici-bean.
Jack-O-Lant!

Three Down; Six To Go

I just finished writing the first draft of An Actor's Nightmare Book Three. For those of you keeping up with the series, Book Two will be out at the end of next month, November 2006. I am well ahead because I already finished Book Three. Granted, I still have a month or two of editing to do myself on it, then I have to send it to my various editors, then I will do another pass myself, so it is far from over. It will still not be about until next fall, probably around November. But the first draft is done! About four or five months earlier in the year than I finished Book Two. I am torn between wanting to jump right into Book Four, or work on some other project for a few months. I probably should take a break, but I love writing it, and since Book Three closed a triology, Book Four will be so much to get back into. I'm thinking of writing some scripts of Nick's comic strip, Dribble for Kids. I'm thinking about working on the other book I started, The Many Loves of Jimmy Bailey, and I'm thinking about getting out my young adult novel, The Berry Go Round, and retooling it to get it ready for release. I finished writing that book years ago. We'll see. I love to write, and I'm sure I will be writing some more soon.

Qop! (BNL: Bull In A China Shop)
I'm a kid in a candy store /I'm a bull in a china shop / I'm a tired old metaphor / For everything you can't afford / And everything you can't afford to be
I'm a public embarrassment / I'm a bottle of diet poison / I'm a walking advertisement / For everything I never meant / And everything I never meant to be
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening
I'm the reason I don't go out /I'm afraid I might tell me something / I'm the shadow of every doubt / I'm the product this song's about / I'm the product this song's about to be
I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening /I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening
Every morning / Since I was born / It's been hard to look in the mirror / And see my face for the horns
All the fun that the law allows / All the fun but with half the meaning / Come on over, I'll show you how / If you lived here you'd be home by now / If you still lived here you'd be home now with me
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening / I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening

I'm Going to See Jon Stewart

It is going to happen. I am going to see Jon Stewart. Next Saturday at OSU. I got shut out of the tv show, not unexpectedly, as there are so few tickets available, but I get to go to the big event. Thanks to my brother David for getting me the ticket. We're goin to have a ball.
Also, next Sunday I get to see the Barenaked Ladies. Thanks to Nick for that ticket. I can't wait until next weekend. Expect a great blog a week from Monday or Tuesday.
Right now I am tired. I stayed up until 1am working on cover design for Book 2 and story ideas for Book 4 with Nick. And I had a 7:30am class. Hence the randomness.
Ok. I have to go because I am still in class and we are going to watch Oprah.

Qop! (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
Stephen Colbert: After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said "Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach."
Jon Stewart: No, that was Stalin. Thomas Jefferson said that he'd "Rather have free press and no government, than a government and no free press".
Stephen Colbert: Well, what else would you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler-loving queer?

Harrison Ford: I don't really do action movies.
Jon Stewart: You were Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford: Yeah, but...
Jon Stewart: And Jack Ryan.
Harrison Ford: I always saw Indiana Jones as a comedy.
Jon Stewart: Well, I can assure you it's not.
Harrison Ford: I'll have to let Spielberg know that. "Steve- not funny."
Jon Stewart: You know Spielberg?

Wikipedia is Impentitrable

Last night, someone decided to test just how strong Wikipedia was. I won't say who that someone was, but that's not the point. The names have been changed (or omitted) to protect the guilty. :) Anyway, for a brief time last night, Stephen Colbert's entry read that his favorite book series was An Actor's Nightmare. Thrilling, huh? My few moments of fame. The idea was derived from Stephen Colbert himself when he announced on tv that anyone could change facts on Wikipedia. It is true. Anyone can. However, there is a dedicated group od editors that keep hacks (cough) from making cheesy edits of putting things up just for publicity. After the Colbert change, entries were added for Jerome Wetzel and An Actor's Nightmare. Both of those were also removed within hours. Being on Wikipedia is an honor that I am not qualified for as of yet. Hopefully someday, when book sales are higher, I will be. If anyone has any ideas for PR, please let me know. I really do believe in the quality of the book. I think if I can get the word out, it will take off. Wikipedia is not the way to do it though, folks, but thanks for trying.

Qop! (from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
In the beginning, the Universe was created. This made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent were of course dolphins. Dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of earth and had on many occasions tried to alert mankind but their warnings were mistakenly interpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking this ship with me. Whoo!

DJ

In my last post, I vowed a weekly WOTF, TOTH. By weekly, I of course meant monthly, because sometimes I don't even post weekly. So look for the next installment in about 2-3 weeks. :) On books, though, I have gotten so much work done for the second installment of An Actor's Nightmare, due out in roughly six weeks. Thank you Nick from the bottom of my shoes for his work on the cover design. It is awesome! I can't wait for everyone to see it! Also, the first bimonthly short story is on schedule for a November 1st release, if I can contain my enthusiasm until then. Unlike my blog, the book is always ahead of schedule and up on time. I am also finding some time, albeit a little, to keep up on some of my shows. I have to say The Nine and Six Degrees are two fantastic new shows. Anyway, time to go once more, so until next time, I bid you adieu.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat #1

In keeping with my Stephen Colbert hero worship, I present my very first weekly Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat. Tune in every week for my latest six comments about the world. I promise they won't all be out tv.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Saturday Night Live's Season Premiere. I wasn't impressed. It wasn't terrible. The pre-Weekend Update skit was good, and the end of the water jug skit was good, but I expected better. I really wanted to see Lorne come out and copy Wes from the beginning of the Studio 60 pilot. Please do better next week.

TIP OF THE HAT to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's second episode. The musical number at the end was inspired. Can't wait to see what's next. Also, Smith really raised the bar in its second week. Go you. And Heroes. Nice.

WAG OF MY FINGER to The Megan Mullally Show. Sorry. You already lost my interest. Justice, if you were more important, you'd be On Notice.

TIP OF THE HAT to Andy Borowitz for the hilarious commentary he continues to deliver every week, some of which is reprinted in the Columbus Dispatch's life section.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Terrell Owens. Come on! Get a life, dude! So you killed yourself, but then you didn't, but we all know you did. Jerk.

TIP OF THE HAT to Stephen Colbert for putting up an actual working Jew apology line. You will get bonus tips is you air one of my apologies. Please. :)

Qop! (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "Pilot")
Matt Albie (Matthew Perry): There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber): I wouldn't think it would be hard for anybody. 'Cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.

(Wes Mendell's (Judd Hirsch) rant)
It's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel, change the channel right now or better yet turn off the TV. Now, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but, uh, tomorrow you're gonna find out that it wasn't and by that time I'll have been fired. No, this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy ass broadcast network. Hellbent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We're about to do a sketch that everyone's seen like 500 times. No, no one's gonna confuse George Bush and George Plimpton, yeah we get it. We're all being lobotomized by this countries most influential industry. It just throws in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't involve the courting of 12 year old boys. Not even the smart 12 year olds, the stupid ones, the idiots of which there are plenty thanks to no small mention of this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV do it right now. The struggle between art and commerce. Well, there's always been a struggle between art and commerce and now I'm telling you art is getting it's ass kicked and it's making us mean and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks and that's not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump. We're eating worms for money. "Who wants to screw my sister." Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo. That remote in your hands is a crack pipe, oh yeah sure every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. We're becoming Pornographers! It's not even good pornography. It's just a side of snuff films and friends that's what's next because that's all there is left. And the two things that make them scared gutless of the FCC is and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott... (CUT OFF THE AIR)

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me

Two Weeks Off

I hope you read yesterday's post, and I hoped that you assumed, like me, that it was referring to George W. Bush and company. And I also hope, like me, you loved it. You need to heat the melody to fully appreciate it, so please check it out soon. The song made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes at the same time. It spoke the truth.
Anyway, the reason for my two weeks absence to the blog right when I got back in the swing of things is a sad one. My grandmother, Malissa Dailey, wasn't doing well and finally passed away on Saturday, September 9th. It was a long time coming, and expected. It was also a bit of a good thing, because she was suffering, and I know it was wearing hard on the family. I didn't write for two weeks because I felt that when something as important as that happens, it isn't right to just ignore it and write something else. Yet, I couldn't figure out what to write. So instead, for two weeks, I logged onto my blog several times, but couldn't finish an entry. I finally decided a simple paragraph would suffice, as she was a simple lady.

Malissa Dailey was in her mid-eighties when she died. Her funeral was well attended, like a young person's we said, but with a large family, that tends to happen. She was a farmer. Her husband, Wilbur Wetzel Dailey, died in 1980, so she was a widow for the last 26 years of her life, the entire time I've known her. She raised 5 boys, my dad the youngest, and worked harder than any woman I've ever known. When we were building our house in the mid-1980's, we lived with her for a couple of winters. After that, I remember spending the night with her. She taught me the few rudimentary sewing skills I know, and how to cut off a chicken's head. That chicken was tasty. She would drive me to Mt. Sterling for an ice-cream. She was soft spoken, and not very talkative, but when she talked, you listened. She loved her news, and she loved to garden. It was a sad day eight years ago when she moved in with my uncle and sold her house and land. We used to make apple cider with her, cherry pies, do canning, and she could always wip up the most delicious home meal. Hers is the house where I learned to love white bread and Pepsi, and tolerate sweet tea. She made the best noodles in the world. At her tallest, I don't know if she hit five feet, and her fatest, I doubt she hit 100 pounds, but I'd also bet that she wrestle you and win if she wanted to. I feel guilty for distancing myself from her over the past decade as her health declined. I didn't want to see her in that shape, and that was selfish. I remember her strong, healthy, virbant. I did visit her a few times, though. She had even started to read my book. I think the copy that I gave her will be a cherished posession of mine for years to come, still with her bookmark and newspaper clipping of my first signing in it. She surrounded herself with mementos of her family and their accomplishments. This wasn't excactly the short paragraph that I had envisoned, but how do you summarize a life with just a handful words? I could never make you feel like you knew her, just through this. Just know that she was loves, and she will be missed.

Qops!
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree

t took me a long time to get used to the reality that my grandmother had passed away. Wherever I was, in the house, in the garden, out on the fields, her face always appeared so clearly to me. ~ Huynh Quang Nhuong

The New Barenaked Ladies Song (Who Do You Think It's About?)

we sent in the army
they sounded alarms we
saw it coming from a mile away
we kept it off radar
because we had to say our
intentions were to save the day

why did you fail
to see

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and they were shocked and they were awed
and they were blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we kept it all long-range
and made a regime change
you'd have thought it would have been a gas
but when it got ugly
we sat around smugly
because you bought our little joke en masse
don't look at me that way

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
we knew your sons and daughters
would be blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

put a smile on
we're the ones that you selected
leave that dial son
because we just got re-elected
in a while our
bill of rights will be rejected

and all the blame will be deflected [this bit is vaudville style]
the forests will be unprotected
the nation's poor will be neglected
creation myth is resurrected
a new salute is genuflected
a gallup poll will be respected
gallows pole will be erected
all this will go undetected

while you all slumbered
we sat and crunched numbers
of all the causalities we could afford
there's no need to draft them
you could hear us laugh then
the poor and black all need the room and board
did I say that
out loud

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and now our very nation has been blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

it's a powderkeg

New Feature

For the record, before I begin, in the first five days of September, my post number has equaled the entire month of August (also July I think, but not combined). Yay! The topic today is a new feature. Like my hero, Stephen Colbert, I am making my own On Notice and Dead to Me Boards. I will repost and update them on here periodically. If you want to have your own On Notice graphic (this is really cool!), go to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ Or better yet, type mine in so you can see how cool they look. Here are my current lists in no particular order, with explanations since they're new:

ON NOTICE (created 9/5/6)
Iran - Please please please don't give any more reason for our idiot leader to invade you.
The Democrats - Don't you dare screw up this November.
Mike DeWine - I used to like you, and yet I don't think I'll vote for you this fall.
J. K. Rowling - How long does it take to write a freakin' book!!! It had better be 1000 pages!
Movie Critis - Quit telling me good movies and bad and vice versa. There is no way that Invincible is better than Clerks II
Katie Couric - You are annoying. Get out of my media.
Bones - How dare you replace Bones's boss! Kudos for the great new character though.
Fox - If you get me hooked on one more show and prematurely cancel it, I swear...
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink.
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead.

DEAD TO ME
President George W. Bush - What did I ever see in you in 2000?
Condaleeza Rice - If you get to be president, I'm moving to Canada
Steve Irwin - No, seriously. He's dead. :(
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe.
Ashland Financial Aid Office - I almost didn't get to start grad school on time.
Grizzly Bears - You make Stephen's life hell so I no longer believe in you.
The International Astonomers - How DARE you make Pluto not a planet?
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????
The Food Service Industry - I have a college diploma. Why do I have to keep working there?

Just so you know, each list will always only be ten things wrong, so we'll see how gets a reprieve after the next thing that angers me. :)

Qop! (all from The Colbert Report)
I've swallowed 18 condoms full of truth and I'm headed across the border!

You know, I've been running this show, four nights a week, for... five nights now...

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Facts change, but my opinion never does.

Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

TiVo is a Mac

I was playing with my new TiVo and I came to a quick conclusion - TiVo is a Mac computer. Not literally, of course. But I am very attached to PCs and Windows, and have no desire to switch to a Mac. I have also become accustomed to cabel company DVRs and am not thrilled with TiVo. I've used it before, since when I was living at my aunt and uncle's house last summer, while they vacationed half of the summer. But I prefer Wow, or better yet, Time Warner's DVR. Why? Well, I admit that TiVo is more user friendly and has more features. Finding your shows to schedule and managing your season passes is easier. Yet, I before the clean cut DVR, where it may take a bit more time, but I can see what's going on with my machine. TiVo, I feel like I really don't get to look at my show list and what's going to record the way I want to. For instance, my favorite way to schedule with the DVR was to peruse the major networks from 8-11pm Sun-Thursday and see what was on, then pick. If I picked a slot where two shows were being recorded, it told me right away. Not so with the TiVo exactly. Instead, you go through a series of menus and there's a To Do list that tells you the list of shows coming up to record, with the times and stuff to the side. I don't like this. However, at least for the next year, a DVR other than TiVo is not available to me, so I will live with it. It's still way better than a VCR.

Qop! (from "Bones")
Booth: We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Angela: I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrel on it.
Brennan: I know him. He's funny.
Angela: That's Will Ferrel.

Booth: I need subtitles when I come in here.

Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Why Is Bush Still in Office?

Sorry about only getting three entries in August. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, from my Five Year Reunion, to starting grad school, to my web site being down temporarily. Ugh. And I should have a TiVo by the first of the week. Finally. Anyway, the main topic today is, Why is Bush still in office? If you like Bush, even a little, skip this post and join me next time for something more fun and frivilous.
Many of you have probably wandered this. If you know me at all, you know that I certainly have. A lot of people believe he didn't win in 2000. Fewer, but still a significant number, believe he didn't win in 2004. Not that any of that matters because he is in office, so suck it up and forget that old stuff. It's way too late to do anything about either election. Lots of people pretty much acknowledge that Iraq is a mistake, although good ol' Bush is up to his good ol' fear tactics again of telling us that if we pull out, we will be beset upon my terrorists. Not his language. He would say something less intellectual. This morning's Doonesbury reminded me of a few of the things he has done that are illegal: authorizing torture, kidnapping people and throwing them in secret prisons without due process, wiretapping phones. Why is this man still our president? His poll numbers are so low you'd think someone would stand up and say, Look, this is a bad man that is breaking the law and leading our country asunder! Let's at least put him on trial! But other than a reprimand from the Supreme Court, and rapidly dwindling poll numbers, nothing has happened to him. I wish that someone in Washington would take note and get that bastard out of office before he screws anything else up. I guess it's ok to say this. I don't think he has thrown anyone in secret prisons just for critisizing him...yet. :) (Yes, that last part was a joke people!)

Qop!
"Today's secret word is 'Kahn'. You remember what to do when someone says the secret word, don't you? ...That's right. SCREAM REAL LOUD!!!!" ~www.in4mador.com

Life Without a DVR

I have had no DVR for something like three weeks now, and I am just now realizing how bad I was about watching tv. I watched way too much. I tried to keep up with every show every person I knew tended to talk about, and even then I failed. Plus I watched the shows I really loved, like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Since I no longer have a DVR, I have to rely on a VCR that won't program. I have to actually be home to push record. This means that if I want to watch The Venture Brothers, I have to be home Sunday nights. It runs at 10:30pm and 2:30am. My only other shows I am trying to keep up with, Daily, Colbert, Reno 9-1-1, and Project Runway, all run multiple reruns every week, so I have time to catch them if I miss their regular timeslots. Hence I have been able to watch those five shows. Three of them will be done for the year soon, only the two political shows continue. But thinking about the number of shows coming back and new shows I want to watch, figuring in how little I will actually be home due to full time working and full time schooling, I am afraid I may have to drop quite a few of my shows. And that may be a good thing. I do watch too much and I need to cut back.
On a related note, I am totally not going to miss on Sunday, and I suggest you do not either. I don't know the lineup of roasters they have yet, but Lisa Lampanelli is back, and that is plenty for me. Also, Rob Corrdry is about to leave The Daily Show, as he said this week, although if his new show fails, maybe he'll be back? I don't know what to hope for. With the departure / promotion of Stephen Colbert, Corrdry kind of stepped up as everyone's favorite contributed. Ed Helms has been rarely seen, although he is still listed on imdb as a cast member. At least we still have Lewis Black, when he feels like it, and Samantha Bee, for now, as well as two ofthe slew of new correspondents who joined last year that are fun, including Bee's husband Jason Jones, Dan Bakkedahl. There were lots of others last year, and they disappeared. The one I miss most is the depressingly short lived nephew of Rob, Nathan Corrdry, although he will be seen on the one new show I have to watch this season, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. There are a few new guys who seem ok though. Ah, well. Time to go. I need to quit wasting time talking about tv.

Qop! (from Rumination's e-newsletter)
My dumb brother says life is all about compassion, wisdom and love for our fellow man. What an idiot! Life is about peace and understanding and building a world full of friendship for all mankind. Dumbass.

Top Thirteen Reasons I'm Like Stephen Colbert

Why thirteen? Because that's how many original colonies were in the U.S.

13. We both have a mother.
12. He was on The Venture Brothers, twice. I LOVE The Venture Brothers.
11. We both have a black friend.
10. We are both geeks who like sci/fi fantasy.
9. We both love Bill Cosby.
8. There is no grey, just black and white. Although we don't see color.
7. We both had bad breakups, although mine wasn't named Charlene.
6. We both have our own shows. Ok, I don't, but someday it would be cool to have one. The same can be said about being named one of Time's 100 Most Influential People
5. We both have foreign last names (Colbert is French and Dailey is derived from the Scottish Daly)
4. We are both AMERICANS! USA! USA! USA!
3. We both like 'facts' that support our beliefs.
2. We both warn the world about an animal that will overtake us humans if we're not careful (him - bears; me - geese, although I have discussed over the years including ninja panda bears)

1. We both have a close personal friend named Jon Stewart.

Qop! (Stephen Colbert, of course, from The Colbert Report, talking about the disgraced author of the 'biography', A Million Little Pieces and his Oprah fiasco
"Now I have my own problems with James Frey. Not because of the inconsistencies in his memoir, nothing wrong with stretching the truth. After all, we stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious. In fact, I respect him for making up his past! It shows character. Too many people just let their past happen to them. It's part of the culture of victimization. "Ooh, I had no control over the circumstances of my birth!" But when you decide to have had a difficult childhood, that... that's really owning your past! And in a fundamentally refreshing way, taking responsibility for it. It's so rare these days. Besides, taking liberties with the truth is an American tradition. In fact, the word liberty is right there in the word liberties! "

Return of Jim-i

I am done moving. I am not going to apologize for my delay since the last post, although it was weeks, because I had a lot going on in my life. I am going to try to be brief because I have to go to work, but there's a lot I want to post about. First of all, I moved back to West Jeff. Not so thrilled about it, but there are good points. I just got internet back to my desktop last night, hence why I have not posted until now. Hopefully I'll have Ti-Vo (Yes, real Ti-Vo this time, not DVR) by the end of the month. For now I frantically record The Daily Show and The Colbert Report every night, and get Reno 911 and Venture Brothers when I can. Ah, well. Such is life. I realize I watch too much tv anyway and it would probably be better if I never get another Ti-Vo, but then what will happen to all the characters I know and love? It would be devastating. Maybe I can try not watching any new shows this year. Wow, I almost typed that with a straight face.
Last week my 18 year old brother was in the hospital. He had appendicitis. His brief stay strecthed to four days because of complications and internal bleeding. He is doing fine now. We were quite a bit worried for awhile. My mother knew a guy who was sent home from the hospital and ended up dying a little later of internal bleeding that the doctors didn't catch, so it was such a relief to figure out why he wasn't getting better and do another surgery to fix it. Just be warned that a loved one of yours doesn't end up in the same situation.
I read two fantastic books this month. I read more than two books, but two that blew me away. The first was Life of Pi, about a boy who simultaneously practices Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism, and then he gets shipwrecked and his family dies and he ends up on a life boat with a 450 pound Bengal tiger for 280+ days. It was such an interesting read, with a bit of a mind fuck at the end. Check it out. The second was Motherless Brooklyn, about a guy with Tourettes who was taken out of an orphanage to work for a detective/mob man/car service owner. When the guy is murdered, it falls to the main character to figure out the case. I don't read a lot of detective or mystery novels, but this one was great. It was our Otterbein Alumni Book Club book of the month. Speaking of the group, I am not the alumni 'in charge', which basically just means I am going to have to notify members of dates and stuff. During the meetings no one is in charge. We all discuss and contribute. We're thinking about doing a Book and Beer thing, where we have our group meeting, then go to Old Bag of Nails afterwards. Hopefully some of you alumni are reading this, and will be intrigued enough to check it out. Actually, everyone is welcome, alumni or not. The next meeting, the September one, will be early on Wednesday, August 30th at 7:30pm in the Courtright Library. We are reading The Girl in the Hyacinth Blue. You should come!

Qop! (from The Onion)
Republicans accuse Senator Joe Biden of running for president for political reasons.

Prehistoric Ages

Sorry for the so long no post. I have a valid excuse this time. I was in Florida for most of the non-posting period, and with no internet access, I was screwed. I depend a lot on technology. Unfortunately, it appears that I am about to descend back into the dark ages, which there is no good reason for that to happen to me so I am bit upset. I am moving back in, very temporarily, like the school year, with my parents to save some money. I don't want to do it, but I have to. I am poor and that's what happens with poor people. My mom isn't opposed to me getting a DVR, like I have had for the last year and a half, there, but the decision is up to my father, a man who grew up on a farm and has very different ideas about life from me. I think part of the problem is that he doesn't understand me, nor does he want to. I understand him. It takes effort, but I do. But he wouldn't recipricate. So when I called and very nicely asked about having a DVR added to his cable me, with me paying for it of course, he said no. Why? Because he doesn't want 'that trash' in the house. They have only a basic cable package, 28 channels. It hasn't always been that way, but my little siblings, and me admittedly, watched things he didn't consider appropriate. I didn't have much time for tv when I last lived there, so it didn't bother me. And I do understand his want to protect his children, although I totally disagree with his method of doing it. I had originally planned to ask to put the DVR in the family room, although since he doesn't want the other siblings (two of them are still at home age. almost 17 and almost 12) to watch it, I said I would put it in my bedroom. He can block the 'unwanted' channels on all of the other tvs, and I would block all the 'trash' and movie channels that he wanted on my system. I only watch the basic channels (4, 6, 10, 28, 53), Comedy Central and Cartoon Network. I guess I will watch Battlestar on SciFi this fall, and Runway on Bravo, and maybe Lovespring on Life. Still, he can block MTV and the like. I don't care. The big exception he took to it seemed to be Comedy Central. I am an avid The Daily Show and The Colbert Report fan. He doesn't get Comedy Central and doesn't want it. I promised to not watch 'that trash with all the f-words', but he doesn't want it available. It is a really dumb situation. If the machine is in my room, I don't see how that's a problem. He didn't think it was fair to allow me, a 23 year old, access to something his much younger children aren't allowed to watch. I think, as an adult, I am entitled to my shows as long as I am willing to pay for them and keep them away from the youngsters. I am really trying to understand him, but I think my compromise of keeping it in my room and allowing him to block most of the channels should satisfy him. It does not. He will allow it only if he can block any channel other than the 28 he gets, which includes none of the cable channels that I watch. This isn't fair and isn't necessary in the 21st century.

Qop!
McCoy: Are you out of your Vulcan mind? (Star Trek)

Princess Leather Shock

Hello all. Sorry for no recent updates, but I haven't had anything to write about it. Even now, I have nothing. My things are in boxes all around the apartment as I prepare for the temporary move back to my parents' house. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about after that. :) For now, though, I am leaving for Florida very early Friday morning and I just wanted to shoot off a quick hello and happy independence day. To celebrate patriotism, the Supreme Court recently told Bush that what was going on in Guantanamo Bay is illegal. Take that, bitch! Plus, turns out the 2004 election was rigged and Bush lost that too. Best 4th of July in six years! Oh, and if I was a stripper, I found out my name would be Princess Leather Shock. Don't think the Shock part sounds right, but whatever. I didn't make it up. It was one of those random generator thingys. Enjoy July and I will post again soon!

Qop! (Scrubs)
Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
[points at each of the women]
Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

This was just one of those very bad days. I woke up this morning and my stupid but adorable cats were staring at me. They have hidden my glasses and I don't know where. I've looked everywhere. So I put in the contacts for the first time in months and my eyes are tired right now but I need to see and the glasses are still missing. Then I went to the bank to cash a savings bond so I would have gas money. One bank that I stood in in line for fifteen minutes doesn't cash savings bonds. The second bank informed me that it will not be one year old for two more weeks and they couldn't cash it until then. Savings bonds are stupid anyway. Why would I need $100 in 30 years? To buy a tank of gas, if that? I hope I am not that hard up for money. The savings bond would already be a year old if my former employer hadn't forgotten me last graduation time and given me the bond late. Then the worst thing of the day happens - I find out my grandmother was taken to the hospital again. She's stabalized for now, but I don't know what's going to happen there.
Then the day takes a more positive turn. My second cousin, who is a mere three months younger than me, is getting married. This is the other side of the family from grandma. My parents skip the wedding, but I go and it is a beautiful ceremony. I'm happy for them, I really am, but of course I have this jealousy because she is younger than me, even if only by three months, and I wanted to be married by now. Of course me eight year old cousin points this out to me several times. Thanks. I love my cousin, but it didn't help. Open bar helped, but I also didn't want to drink too much because I was in public and I had to drive home eventually. So I eat and chat and dance my ass off to forget about my grandma, and my being broke, and my being single, not even a girlfriend for the last three years. And I drink. And eventually I start to feel better. For awhile. Then my worries and stuff come rushing back and I wind up at home, miserable, drinking mixed liquors of whatever I had in my cabinet that is strong but tastes terrible. Good day right? Tomorrow will probably be better. I hope. And any single girls out there, who want a nice guy ready to settle down, call me.

Qop!
"Momma said there'd be days like this. There'd be days like this, my momma said."

His Story

NICK: Wow. As I sit here, or should I say, stand here, playing music for the masses assembling at the Dub Pub, I just am shocked about how bad it sucks tonight here. I mean, we have a country bumpkin couple here wanting country, some guy said he wanted good crap to listen to and what songs I had that wasn’t crap, (which I laughed ‘cause the fucker was wasted and was twenty shades of drunk.)
So alas, here I am. I have no idea how many beers I have consumed, but I believe it’s definitely over like, four. Which for me by 11:30 is well… beyond good. Actually the saving grace of the night will be the journey to and the arrival at Jimmy’s apartment. Either way, I am staying there tonight and I am gonna just chill out and maybe watch some Clerks. Now, going out tonight is a major question; shall I grab a bite to eat on the way there? If so, what shall I grab? Barely anything is open really. I am hoping for some Taco Bell before I get there, but who knows. The nice thing is, it will save me the trouble of driving to Jimmy’s tomorrow when I should be relaxing on Father’s Day.
Shit.
I forgot to grab a card for Father’s Day for Dad. Mother fuckin’ puss bucket.
I wonder how Jimmy’s party is going?

JIMMY: Yay! People are here! Bob showed up and he and I ran to the store real quick. Can I just say how nice it is to have brothers old enough and mature enough and cool enough to hang out with? That’s been one of the best things about the past year or so. Anyway, we got home and Amanda showed up and we watched a sweet episode of Angel. I love that show. Then Kayla showed up. Last night was a really great party, for most of the night, and everyone had quite a bit to drink. Tonight it’s much more relaxed. I am drinking some more of that wine left over from the all day celebration a couple of weeks ago that didn’t actually happen and… well, never mind about that. I’m in a good mood so I don’t want to go into that right now.
Good. It’s time to play a game. People always try to watch movies and stuff during these things, and while I love movies and tv shows as much as the next guy if not more, it’s really hard to pay attention to that stuff during a party. This is just what I needed. A nice game of Scattergories, my favorite game, to distract me from all that has been going wrong in my life the last month or so. I really need that. I find myself lonely and craving company almost every night lately. I hate to be alone. It’s also killing my writing curve. I was writing every day and the last couple of weeks, nothing. I am in the middle of two books I need to get back to it.
Yipee. I am ahead by like fifteen points. I told you that I rock at this game. I wish the judging was better though. These people give no points for creativity. What’s the point of the game if you can’t give off the wall far out answers? I mean, that’s what Scattergories is all about. I thrive on the creative crap. Ah, well. That’s why I’m not winning by thirty points. Oop. Text message. Nick wants to know what’s going on. I’ll let him know. I hope we’re still rocking when he gets here. Maybe he’ll bring us, and by us I mean me, a cute, sweet girl that I can date for a year or two, then propose to, then marry, then move to the suburbs with our 2.4 adorable children and maybe a cat or two, where I support us by writing and… never mind. I need to reply to Nick.

NICK: Apparently… from the text message I just received from him… Scategories is going on. As I stand here, watching a group of fine young ass girls, looking beautiful, I can simply smile. Despite how slow it is and now as busy as the previous weeks, God gives me a luscious view of the fine females out tonight! Hm.

Qop! (Dr. Cox from Scrubs)
The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second ...and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box.

Unemployment

School ended over a week ago. Almost two weeks ago. And I am unemployed. I lined up two summer jobs at the end of MARCH so this wouldn't happen, then both fell through at the absolute last minute. So I lined up another job, then it fell through. Then I've spent days just going to interview after interview and the jobs that want to hire me are all sales jobs which I can't do. It's not that I don't want to. Some of them would make me lots of money if I could sell, but I can't. I'm not pushy. I'd ask if someone wanted something, they would say no, and I would leave very politely, which isn't how you make money. Something needs to happen fast or I'll be living in a cardboard box. Ok, not literally, but you understand. I am veyr very broke. This whole thing just sucks. I can't wait for school to start again! :)

Qop! (Office Space)
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.

Gay Marriage

The gay marriage debate is back in the news. It must be an election year. Bush failed to push the constitutional amendment banning it through the Senate, thank god, but it got attention. The Republicans hope it will let them retain some seats in the fall. For me, it just told me not to vote for DeWine. The whole thing is ridiculous. First of all, if these people really care about the 'threat' or want to do something about it, you'd think it would be debated more than every two years. Also, this is a country of freedoms, and for once we fall behind all of the other civilized countries who already allow it.
Jon Stewart had an interesting guest on The Daily Show this week. They argued for two thirds of the show about gay marriage. His opponent argued that it is a perversion that will lead to support of bigamy and other creepy things. Stewart, rightly in my opinion, argued that it is a natual part of the human progression and it is ridiculous that anyone even fight it. People are born gay, it's not an illness or a disorder. Is it really fair to tell them that their love is any less valid or deserving? I think not. Marriage is not a long standing institution, and for centuries it was more of a business than anything else. The idea that conservatives are trying to 'protect' isn't very old anyway. I am not knocking the marriage-for-love theory. I hope one day to find a woman that I fall in love with and marry. But denying gay people the right to be joined in the union of love known as marriage is just plain wrong.
The good news is, both sides of the debate admit that it's pretty much over. Gay marriage is coming and will be protected soon enough. Throughout history people have fought against allowing others equal rights (slavery, the women's movement) and it is has always ended with the rights being afforded and discrimination slowly dissolving. This issue is just the next step in that and it really angers me when people fight against it. 10% of the population is homosexual. Most people have someone in their family that is. Do you really want to deny them a fundamental right such as falling on love and getting married? Come on people. Grow up and get smart. Or if nothing else, be gracious losers because the battle is already over.

Qops!
"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." —Jay Leno

"Conservative groups are demanding that President Bush support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. They feel that when the founding fathers were putting the Constitution together they made a mistake by not outlawing it. Have you ever seen the paintings of the founding fathers? The powdered wigs, the frilly collars, the pedal pushers — I think they were for it." —Jay Leno

Relaxing

This is only my third post of the month, so I have obviously been busy. In fact, I am subbing right now, but I am at the high school in a home ec class where I am basically a well-paid babysitter. That doesn't happen very often. In the younger grades I do actually get to work. Anyway, things have been crazy. I still don't have a job for the summer. I have several leads, at least two jobs that I thought were guaranteed. But they weren't. Or maybe they still are. I don't know. I have to schedule classes for next fall. I've got at least one close friend about to move hours away. I'll be moving again in two months. I don't know what I'm going to do with the cats. And I am broke as hell. It hasn't been easy. Oh, and I also said goodbye to three wonderful shows forever. Not that I need more new episodes of anything to watched, but it was still sad.
And then yesterday I got to totally relax. Just sit and let my mind drift. It was a holiday, so no school, no work, and not the type of holiday that includes a family party so I didn't leave the apartment complex. It was a strange feeling to have all of the tension and worries just float out of you completely. I have to say I liked the feeling. Of course, by last night they were closing in on me again, but that afternoon was needed and wonderful.

Qops!
ALIAS:
Sydney: Write this down. E. M. E. T. I. B. Got it? Now, reverse it.

Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...

Agent Marshall Flinkman: Well, a lot of people who are into spanking, apparently.
[a random woman grabs him and kisses him] Oh my god, I think I just got hepatitis.

Nadia Santos: She asked me if you were tall, dark and handsome. I told her you were tall.

Agent Jack Bristow: Those Cyrillic codes you found in those books - yes, they were orders from the KGB and yes, they were orders to kill. An agent received those orders and carried them out, murdering officers of the C.I.A., including your father, Mr. Vaughn. All this is true. But, Sydney, I was not that agent. Your mother was.

Lauren: I'll see you in Vancouver. Don't be late or call me sweetheart.
Sark: Ambitious and domineering. Fantastic.

Rachel Gibson: Oh, my God, you're...
Kelly Peyton: Not dead?
Rachel Gibson: I was gonna say evil, but...

Francie: Okay, seriously, we are not putting chocolate chips in the pancakes.
Will: I got news for you. Oh yes we are.

Sloane: You know, we should dance.
Sydney: Like hell.

LOST: Season Two

Ok, so if you watched last week's Lost, you know that there are crazy things going on on that little island. Everyone assumes that Ana is dead, and Michelle Rodriguez admitted that her character wasn't supposed to be on for more than a season in the first place, but what about Libby? She took two bullets, but whether she is dead or not has been hotly debated. For one thing, in next week's previews one character specifically said "She died", not "they died". Also, Ana had just come to terms with something major in her life, as had Shannon and Boone before their deaths. Libby didn't have the moral quandry, so she shouldn't be dead. I hope. She is the only main character who hasn't had a flashback, whereas even Rose and Bernard had one (I'm not complaining; they should be main characters).
Who is Jack's sister (or half sister)? His father was looking for his daughter. Some have speculated it might be Kate because the woman and the house looked familiar, but Kate's mom was in Iowa so that isn't likely. Some speculated that it might be Claire, or Claire's friend Charlotte, as they were Australian. And why did Ana Lucia call him Dad when he went to get out of the car at the bar? Hmm. But we saw Ana's mom in the states, and the blond was clearly not Ana's mom. Of course, when he was yelling at the blond about wanting to see his daughter, maybe he was referring to Ana, who was in the car. I don't know.
Next question, is Michael an other? If not, why did he kill Ana and Libby? And did he kill Henry or rescue him?
And, who is the father of Claire's baby? It has been speculated as Sawyer or Jack's father, both ladies' men in Australia, although Jack's father got there a little late for the time frame to make sense, unless he had been there before.
Lastly, was is Libby's connection to Desmond? It has been leaked that in the finale, she was have a flashback scene with him.
Now if you don't know Lost, I'm sorry for the ramblinbgs, but what the hell is going on? Almost two season gone and so many unanswered questions.

The Book! Buy It Now!

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't posted. I have been seeking employment, part time for now, full time for summer. I still need to pay my rent after school lets out, unfortunately. These extremely high gas prices have not helped one bit. Sigh. Two and a half more years until we get the idiot out of office. But today's topic is not current events. Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live said everything this week that needed to be said. No, today's topic is my book.
Book One continues to meet with favorable reviews. The discussion with the Otterbein Alumni Book Club went fantastic. I sent copies of Book Two around to my brave volunteer proofreaders, so Book Two will be completed soon. The current estimated deadline is it will be ready to go to press by the end of July. I also have a couple of people considering cover ideas, so hopefully it'll be nice and snazzy. I have also wrote six chapters for Book Three, so it will be fast on the heels of Book Two. I am considering another project or two in between Book Three and Four, but I haven't decided yet. I will of course keep you posted. But the bottom line is, if you haven't bought An Actor's Nightmare Book One yet, go buy it! Now! Seriously! Please?

Qops! (courtesy of Veronia Mars, which promises to have one hell of a Season Two finale this week)
Keith Mars: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica Mars: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.

I Was Right

I am pretty humble, so even when I am on right I rarely shout it from the rooftops. I do admit when I'm wrong. But this time, I was absolutly right. As yet another friends told me about her experience confirming my theories, I feel it is finally time to declare it definitively.

GEESE ARE EVIL!!!!

That's all I wanted to say. Book Two just needs a little more proofreading and it will be done. On Monday, May 1st, Book One will be featured at Otterbein's Courtright Library at 7:30pm. You should all come. Also, I am now working two jobs so I am very busy. Just try to get a hold of me. :) And, um, well, I will stay make time to watch Jed Bartlett and Jack Bauer save the world. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Oh, yeah, geese are evil.

Qop!
"We have a contingency plan to invade Canada? " ~ Kate Harper (Mary McCormick), The West Wing

BONUS TRIVIA!!!
According to an interview that he gave to The New York Times, executive producer Lawrence O'Donnell and his fellow writers had planned for Vinick to win the election until John Spencer's sudden, untimely death in December 2005. After that, they decided that Santos losing both his running mate and the election would be too difficult for the audience to watch, and they changed the election's outcome.

What About Jim?

Ok, so go ahead and make fun of me for my TV watching habits. I understand. Lately I have been watching a lot of tv, and if you don't realize why, go back and read my previous post. I picked up four new shows recently. What can I say? Spring break let me catch up and made me feel like I had time for new stuff, which I most definitely do not. I started a new part time job today and now I am working 65+ hours per week, so tv time is about plummet. No big deal there. So new shows. Free Ride is mildly entertaining. So is Pepper Dennis. The Loop is freakin' hilarious. What About Brian? is great. I thought it was a new JJ Abrams show, but while he produced it, he did not create it. It has a good cast including Rosanna Arquette from The Whole Nine Yards. The problem with the show is how the characters take relationships for granted. The plot focuses on 7 characters: six couples and Brian. One couple has been married for thirteen years with two little kids, but haven't had sex since their last baby was born six months ago. The wife has decided to have an open marriage. At first the guy is ticked, but now is kinda starting to go along with it, except he tells all potential lays about his wife and kids. I hate this plot. I want to be married, and I don't want it to ever be six months in between. I certainly would be very upset if my wife suggested an open marriage, even though she claims she'll never leave her husband and loves him. Another couple just got engaged and talk about how they are upset about not ever sleeping with other people again. Again, I am pissed at these characters. The third couple is having problems having a baby, but are devoted. That couple is one reason I watch the show. The main reason is Brian. He's this nice sweet guy who would treat a woman right, like me. Although my friends aren't all getting married, in fact none of them are, I feel like Brian because I feel like I am behind the game. To be perfectly honest, I'm not financially stable enough for marriage yet anyway so it's probably a good thing I'm single. But I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I think things are starting to look up for me. At least, I hope so. If only I could sell more copies of my book, but I'm working on it. The main difference between Brian and I is that he can easily get girls, which I never have been able to do. Plus his friends set him up all the time. Come on people! Set me up. :) The thing that bothered me about Brian in tonight's episode though is that he went after a date's roommate. That ticked me off and made me lose respect for him. Still, I'll keep watching.
I also finally watch the finale of Dawson's Creek last night. WONDERFUL.

Qop! (Jenn's speech to her baby as she is dying from the finale of Dawson's Creek)
Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in god. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that god exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in god, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live.