Long Freakin' Update

I am so sorry that I have not updated in so freakin' long. I guess I had better things to do. :) Let's see, last weekend I went to a couple of Christmas parties and directed the WJHS Alumni Band in a one hour outdoor concert. It was too freakin' cold. Then during this week I worked and finally got into 24. I am almost done with freakin' Season One. I still believe I can finish all 3 seasons before the new one premieres. We'll see. Then this past Friday night I had freakin' fun at a party playing Apples & Apples, then went and saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortuante Events. It was really freakin' good. It drew some stuff from the later books that happened during the first three but weren't explained until later (I think there will only be 1 movie :(), but It was good. I saw it again on Saturday. Then I directed the 3 hour WJHS Alumni Band concert at Flyer's, which was pretty freakin' fun. Then I went to Lisa & Michael's party, which was freakin' freakin' awesome!!! I got pretty drunk, but I had so much fun hanging out with all those people, including some I haven't seen in awhile. Then I sat here and added lots of freakin's to my journal entry just for fun. :)

I Hate My Dad

I do hate my dad. I thought about putting a big long rant on here about our conversation today, but what would the point be? It's not going to change anything, and it's just airing personal crap on the net, which I swore I would never let this blog turn into a place to air my personal emotional issues. Just things of public interest that tick people off :), as well as events of my life. So instead I added a subplot to my book (will be done with my editing by Christmas! Who wants to be my next editor?). Is that wrong? I mean, I used exact words and everything. You think if it gets published, and he reads it, he'll be angry? Ah, well. He's a jerk anyway. Ok, I guess that's all I have for today.

P.S. I am having a small gathering on New Year's Day about 9pm. I don't know why I'm doing it after New Year's Eve, but I am, so anyone that reads this is invited. Cool? Old Commons, IIF. BYOB (or A or just plain beverages because I'm poor) and I'll have some snacky food. Ciao.

Why We Should Only Talk Religion and Politics With People We Agree With

I always balked at the big no-no of talking religion and politics. I often talk with like minded people on these subjects, so of course that's fine. We share our information and beliefs, and get all excited about what we're saying. Recently I, as well as other people blogs I read on a regular basis, have disagreed about some things. I have nothing against these people, and even if I don't hang out with them as often as I would like, I like to consider them friends whom I care about. At first I wanted to talk about religion and politics with them, having a vain hope that I could sway them a bit, or at least educate them on why I think the way I do. This was a bad idea. When someone feels very strongly about a topic, and religion and politics evoke strong feelings, it is very unlikely they will change their minds. I try to keep and open mind and listen to opposing viewpoints with interest. I'm not saying any of my friends don't, because everyone has been very civil and unhostile while representing their sides. Yet I still feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed or someone thinks they can prove me wrong with a few quotes or facts for their side. Believe me, I have my own too. And I am not writing this to express my negative feelings. On the contrary, I understand that if I feel this way, it is very likely that people on the opposite side of the coin feel the same way too. So, to promote friendship and unity and love I have decided not to participate in any religious or political debates on blogs. That being said, I reserve the right to post whatever I want on my blog, nor will I get the least bit upset about what anyone else posts on theirs. I can choose not to read it if I wish. I hope this posting does not offend anyone because it's only point was to say I don't want to fight, I don't want to disagree, and I want people to get along. :) So boo on religious and political debate! Until the next time I want to use my blog to promote my own beliefs. :)

Scoring

Hmm. That title best sums up the topics I wanted to cover today, but get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about scoring as in sex. Well not really, anyway. :)

Firstly, we had the annual Flyer's manager meeting / bowling tournament. West Jeff won this year, finally beating Galloway, who I believe has won every year up to this point. So like the last 3 years or so. Anyway, I ended up getting the second highest score for West Jeff in two rounds and third highest in the first game. Scott, my boss and owner, got first in all three. The Ulreys are all great bowlers. Anyway, it was close, but we scored and West Jeff won. Yay! I need to bowl more. I miss the every week trips with Timmy, Julie, Esther, Erin, Ivan, Nora, Scott, and assorted others. Aww.

Second, I watched Citizen Kane and RKO 281 this week. For those of you who don't know, Citizen Kane is widely considered to be the greatest American film ever made. Honestly, it's pretty boring, but that just means I need to watch it again because I didn't understand it enough. Basically it tells the story of William Randolph Hearst, one of the most powerful men in America when the film was made and basiclly owner of the entire national media. RKO 281 is the story behind the movie, and was made recently by HBO and stars a great cast. That movie is much more interesting. It's a good thing Orsen Wells made CK just before Hearst went backrupt, or it could have cost him his life, career, his everything. Yet it still cost him a lot. It's about figuring out the score of one's life. Very intriguing.

Thirdly, and this absurd notion just occured to me, and please don't read too much into it. Love stinks. You know that? I mean, I am just starting to date someone and am happy with the way things are going, but it occured to me what a raw deal love is. I mean, we've gone on two dates, I've spent like...um, I don't even know. Let's say around $75? They were pretty cheap dates, thank goodness because I'm poor right now. :) Then you talk about time, gas, etc. And we haven't even decided if this is just dating or if it'll ever be something more. How many other things do people just throw in tons of time, money, effort, energy, and souls to attain a goal they may or may not get? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for love. It is always totally worth it in the end. Even a bad relationship I had in the past, I wouldn't try to figure out how much I spent or keep score of how it turned out. And I'm not caring about money now. True love in the end, whether it be with the person I'm seeing now or someone I have yet to meet, only time will tell, is always well worth it. It's worth ten times what you end up paying. Yet from a logical standpoint, it seems really stupid and it stinks. Hmms. Well cynicism can kiss my ass because I love love. :)

Rip Van Jimmy

Wow. I have never slept so long in my life! But first maybe I should catch you up on my life. The first couple of days this week were pretty standard - work, dinner out with friends, and tv. Thursday I went out and bought a new car, since mine is dead. A 99 Dodge Intrepid. Whatever. It runs. :) Friday I had another wonderful date and I slept like 3 hours and headed off to alumni band saturday morning, totally exhausted, but it's hard to skip when you're the director. I got my hair cut, and then I came home, very tired. I crawled into my bed about 1pm. I was soon asleep. It is now 8am on Sunday and I just crawled out of my bed. What in the heck caused me to sleep 19 hours! That is insane! Now as soon as my contact resettle on my eyes, I think I'm going to go do something productive!

Wow, The Connections Are Endless

Hmm, I read a lot of interesting things while browsing through this month's Star Trek Communicator, the Official Fan Club magazine. For instance, Rene Auberjonis (Odo from Deep Space 9) joins William Shatner on Boston Legal in a recurring role. Then I read about Judith & Garfield Reeves-Steevies, the authors who help Shatner write the continuing adventures of Kirk after his death in Generations (he was brought back to life in book form) as well as other fine novels. They've joined the writing staff of Enterprise, hence why William Shatner is in negotiations to start appearing in the show as Kirk. Hmm. Wonder how that will work. Also, while scanning through the numerous awards in that past couple of months that anyone who even guest starred on Star Trek in the last forty years has won, I am reminded of how many famous people were in Star Trek. The magazine includes updates of Jason Alexander (Kurros, Voyager), Whoopi Goldberg (Guinan, Next Gen), Kirstie Allie (Saavik, Star Trek II), Christopher Lloyd (Kruge, Star Trek III), Kelsey Grammer (Captain Bateson, Next Gen), John Rhys-Davis (Leonardo DaVinci, Voyager), and others. Then I started to read about the Emmys that Enterprise won this year (Yes, it wins awards!) and I read about the Sci-Fi awards it won too. There is a Gene Roddenberry Lifetime Achievement award, named after the creator of Star Trek who died in 1991, and this year it went to Joss Whedon. Angel also beat Enterprise for best theme song and best episode (A Hole in the World). Then I started reading about William Shatner's new CD. Ben Folds arranged a bunch of his music, and Brad Paisley (there is a big interview with him in the magazine) sung with him. This stuff is cool. Ok, I'm a geek.

Another Great Day

That headline doesn't refer to today, although it certainly ended well with a nearly two hour phone conversation to the girl I was out with Friday night. :) Other than that, I worked 12 hours. Yesterday, however was great. After my awesome late Friday night, I slept in until nearly noon on Saturday. Then Tim and I became Manly Men and went out and cut down a tree from a tree farm. Arrg!, as we kept saying. We cut it down, drug it back to the truck, and headed home where we preceeded to act girly again and decorate all day, including a big construction paper fireplace on our wall. So to feel more manly we made a sign with markers that showed how fierce we were with our saws and the tree cowering in fear. Manly, right? LOL. We had a ton of fun decorating until midnight. Nick even came over and made a lifesize Nick from his comic coming out of a gift wrapped box. It is totally cool. And we put lights outside to scare our neighbors. :) So, come check our place out. Bedtime soon. Got to get up. Maybe a little 24 first. I'm not moving nearly fast enough on that. Gotta get through three seasons by the end of the year.

This Update Has A Happy Ending

So I need to update quite a bit. It's been an eventful week. I finishied my exams on Monday and my last project for the quarter on Tuesday. It was a paper about Music and the Holocaust. Very interesting, but if I start typing about it now, I'd put in half the paper, so never mind. :) It's a relief to be done with classes for awhile, but now it actually is fully sunk in that I will be leaving Otterbein in two quarters. It is extremely sad. I will very much miss it.

So Wednesday I worked 8-8 as it is the busiest night for pizza in the year, plus cooked three turkeys, pies, and all the fixings for about 100 people. How fun is that? Then I picked up my little sister from her basketball practice and went out to my aunt's house fully expecting to have more Thanksgiving prep to do (but not really wanting to as I was tired). Luckily my two littlest brothers had been there and did all the cleaning and table setting and stuff. One was still there. My uncle arrived about the same time I did (not the one that lives there - he was driving his truck and didn't get home until 5am! but the one from Kentucky that I don't get to see that often). Then his wife and their twins came home (sans their little sister) and we all played Euchre and talked and drank until late (I was overserved!). My aunt had bought Smirnoff for me. Devil. I have cut back on drinking but I would have felt guilty when she bought it for me if I didn't. So I got up kinda late (10:30ish) on Thursday and helped her in the kitchen getting ready for the big 35 member family feast. Then of course the feast, all my mom's family showing up (we're all very close), good wine, good food, good conversation. I finally left about 10pm and headed home, where Tim & I arranged our apartment for the tree.

Friday I had to work 8 hours, but the worst part of Friday was when I found out my car repair is going to be $2000! So it's not getting done. I don't have the money, the car is only worth about $3000. Problem is I still owe $1600 on the car. So I don't know how I'm going to afford a new car while staying paying the old one. I tried to tak my dad about it, but he's still a total asshole sometimes, which is a shame because we haven't fought in awhile and it was nice to have a little peace with him. Anyway, I am still driving his pickup and I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Lucikly Friday night is the capper and was very fun. I went to the zoo with someone and then we hung out at Steak and Shake until 3am. I really don't want to say much more because I don't know where anything is going, but I am happy that the one and a half year streak is over, and that I had so much fun with this person. It made me completely forget about my other problems and she is extremely cool. Anyway, talk to you all later!

Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican

I am sitting in my room, waiting for a friend to go to lunch, and flipping through my Farenheit 9/11 Reader. I am struck by what a powerful piece of film that movie was and the implications of what it reveals. The film really puts things into perspective and reminds me of 1984, which I guess it was meant to since it ended the movie with a quote from that book by George Orwell. In case you haven't read it, the main point of the book is that 'Big Brother', the leading political figure in the part of the world the story takes place in, is always watching you and controlling you. Big Brother and his two counterparts (the world is only in three main regions at that time) are perpetually in a war to keep people under control. Two are always against one, but the alliances change and all the past media is rewritten so it appears that the sides of the countries never changed. People are so brainwashed that they always buy it. Bush has been compared to Big Brother. Throwing us into an unjustitified war with Iraq allows him to control many people in this country into pushing his views on us all, and of course getting re-elected as he did. I am pleased that almost half of the voters in this country saw through his bull shit and did the smart thing by voting against him, but it wasn't quite enough. Still, those numbers give me hope that we can prevent a 1984 from happening in 2004. Don't let the tyrant Bush control us. Don't let corporations decide our global policy. Some people say get behind the president, the majority has spoken. I've thought about that for several weeks, and that would be the easy thing to do. Put aside my political beliefs for the next three years until the next campaign and then get passionate again, but that's not what life's about. Life is fighting for what you believe in and doing what's right. Bush is not doing what's right. I would be proud to be part of a campaign speaking out against him for the next four years. We need a president, not a dictator. I'm not getting behind him.

NOT MY PRESIDENT - SAY NO TO GEORGE W.

Interesting Concert

So, I feel bad about letting it go 6 days between the last two posts, so I thought I'd rush another one out. The headline does not refer to last night's concert. It went fine. And I also finished Lemony Snicket Book the Third in between warm-ups and the concert. Books 4-9 are in the mail to me. And than afterwards I hung out with a friend I hadn't hung out with in awhile. We seem to get along really great. I wish I saw her more. We hung out a bit last winter and spring but I hadn't seen her since then.

Anyway, back to my headline. I played a 'concert' at the City Center this morning. Everything that could go wrong did. My clarinet was in my car, which is broken down at my mom's house. Kristen let me borrow hers, though. Then I parked on the top floor of this really scary, steep parking garage that made me to dizzy to go down from. They had told us to be there at 10am, so we were there by 9:40. When we got there they said they didn't need us until 11, although it was almost 11:20 before Santa showed up. Then they were upset because we weren't in uniform, another fact no one knew anything about. So they gave us red City Center t-shirts and little antlers with bells attached. Then they say they wants us to play "Here Comes Santa Claus" and nothing but "Here Comes Santa Claus". Interesting, because we had only brough a medley of Jingle Bells, White Christmas, and Jolly Old St. Nicholas. Luckily we were there an hour and a half early and Nathan managed to write out the melody and even add a slight bit of harmony and a few cool things for "Here Comes Santa Claus". So we wait outside for 'Buckeye Santa', who we then follow all around all 3 floors of the mall. It's a big mall. Playing nothing but about 16 bars of "Here Comes Santa Claus" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and...you get the picture, right? BORING!!! Then we played out medley twice and left about noon. What a morning. My first day off in a month and a half...ah, well. They did give us free passes to a sneak preview of "Christmas With the Kranks" for Tuesday night. Ok, time for more television because that's what I do when I have an exam Monday morning, have to work 16 hours on Sunday, and have a huge research paper I haven't started due Wednesday (I have to finish Tuesday because I work all day Wednesday). Maybe some daquiri tonight too. I've been off my alcohol. :( Which is another reason I should hang out with my friend I hung out with last night more: She loves alcohol as much as I do! :)

Sorry So Long

Sorry it's been so long since I updated you. I'm sure you were all hanging on edge to find out what's going on this week in my exciting life. :) j/k So it's been hell. Week 10 is over, but I still have an exam Monday morning and a big paper due by Wednesday. Of course, I am working 8-8 next Wednesday and cooking a Thanksgiving buffet dinner for about 100-120 people, so... I have 3 turkeys, pies, and all the trimmings. Yay. Can't wait to switch my job and get out of the kitchen, possibly as soon as the end of this year! Yeah right. It'll prob be like summer, but here's hoping.

So my car died this week. The timing belt or some such thing blew and it's a very expensive repair, so I got the bank to 'refinance my car', which was almost paid off, and I'm going to have to do like an extra 4 car payments at the end. And without a co-signer! Yay! Not too bad because at least it'll get fixed. Plus I get to drive my dad's truck until it's fixed and even though I hate parking it because it's huge, it's a 4 door and a 4 door pickup is pretty cool.

TV wise I finished Boy Meet World Season One and was about to start 24 Season One, but stopped after 1 episode because Friends Season Eight came out. Don't worry, I only have 6 episodes left on it and I will be well into 24 by Thanksgiving. Of course, I need to get Smallville Season 3, and watch Lost which I've been recording since it premiered but never watched it.

Reading wise, I feel bad because I did very little pleasure reading this quarter. I just finished a John Grisham novel (he's really cool) and two Lemony Snicket books in the last couple of days. They are short but great. Read them before the movie hit theaters! My book, I just finished my first edit! I am so excited! I want to work hard and get the second edit done in the next week. It should be much quicker. I want to get the damn thing published! I'm kind of hoping it'll solve all of my money problems, but not really counting on it.

Ok, onto dinner and the Wind Ensemble concert! Adios my amigos!

Last Football Game

After 8 years, a significant portion of my life is at an end. Today I marched my last marching band game. It was pretty sad. As I sit here, band uniform pants still around my ankles because I'm too lazy to kick them off, it has finally sunk in that I will be done with this school in June. Granted, I am not hitting the real world next year. I will be finishing my music education certification at another school. Still, I will have a degree in June and I will be out of this quiet, peaceful village. I don't want to leave. I was drug here kicking and screaming...shit, now I'm slipping into Garth Brooks lyrics. Anyway, I don't want to leave. I didn't want to leave West Jefferson, and I couldn't be happier that I did, 97% of the time. I'm sure it'll be the same next year. And yet, with only a week left in this quarter and only two more quarters after that, I realize that I am going to miss it very much. To the next step.

What A Day

So I finished Alias Season 3 today. It freakin' rocked! I rushed through the season in less than a week, even with school and work. The ending surprise, while I did not predict it, was not so much a surprise. Despite that, I can't wait until January to see Season 4! Now I guess I need to get started on 24. Probably Thursday or Friday. I'm too tired tonight. Well, maybe just one episode....we'll see. Prob not because I want to watch the 3 seasons in 3 24 hour marathons (well, more like 18 hour).

Tonight I got hit in my driver's side door of my car. Again. This is the third time I've been hit in that spot; all 3 times I was parked and not in the car. Only 1 of those 3 times did the person leave me their insurance info so I could actually get the car fixed. It was not this time. This really pisses me off. I mean, have some common human decency! You make a mistake, own up to it! I can't afford to fix my car by the time I pay the deductible. It's going to remain badly dented unless Westerville Police can catch the bastard off of Meijer's surviellence cameras, which is doubtful. I'm too tired to rant anymore. 16 hour shift tomorrow. Night all.

Productive Day

I slept in until 4pm sorry Jenn. I was asleep around 2-3am. I had no idea I would sleep anywhere near that long. I feel really bad. You can join Nate and being mad hat I slept through a recital. I don't know how, but I'd like to make it up to you somehow. I really do feel bad. Then after I got up I watched Alias until bedtime. Very productive day. On the Alias note though, I only have 2 discs left...just 6 episodes.

I'm So Happy :)

I'm so happy. Bet you can't guess why. :)

Not My President

WAIVER: If I offend anyone with this entry, I don't apologize. These are issues I feel strongly about and because of amendment number one in our bill of rights, I have every right to express them. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this entry.

So Kerry gave his concession speech today. I heard it, and I was even more impressed with him than I already was. He did what was best for the American people and didn't drag it out for a month like those idiot Republicans did in 2000. He showed a lot of class. People have called him a flip-flopper, but I think he just wants what's best for our country. He has to do his best to represent the people, and the people often change their minds. He just tried to serve our country the best he can. I do have to admit Bush actually won this election. Granted, he lost the last one and so should have never been up for re-election, but this time he barely pulled it off. But what tactics did he use? A lot of people I know didn't like him, but voted for him because they didn't want to change presidents in the middle of 'a war'. Yeah. A war he created to a. make himself money, b. be like his daddy, and c. get himself re-elected because he wouldn't hav had we not been in this stupid war. What I fear the most is after four more years of syaing 'fuck you' to the rest of the world, as Bush's foreign policy seems to be, are we ever going to recover foreign relations? We're moving towards a global society pretty rapidly. We don't need a president who doesn't see that and won't participate in that in the slightest. Basically what I'm sayng is I will be wearing my "Not My President" button for the next four years. Why don't Americans get some sense and listen to true patriots like Michael Moore who actually care about more than the money in their pocket and riding on their father's coattails?

Now onto another issue in the election. Oh, before I get into that, shame on all you heartless bastards who voted to defeat school levys! Kids need that money! Our schools, especially in Ohio, suck! Now, Issue 1. I am so hugely disappointed that we passed it with 61% that I want to leave the state. Except there were 11 states this year with similiar laws, and 61% was one of the low numbers. How can we have regressed this far? We just spent the last century fighting for civil rights. This is a huge step backwards. Not letting gays get married? Why don't we take away women's rights to vote and make black people sit on the back of the bus? I'm not kidding. If we're going to be so narrow-minded and discriminatory, when does it stop? I've heard the argument that it's not natural. It's a disease or caused by molestation as a child. That is total bullshit. Do you know how many gay people are in the world? 10% of our population. That is a huge number. Tell me a disability or disease that affects 10% of people. You know what else 10% of our population is? Left handed. Let's not let left handed people get married because it's unnatural. Actually, only 10% of the world's population is Caucasian. Let's repress ourselves because we're a minority. The other argument I often here is that it's against biblical ideas. Again, I say bullshit. God created gay people just like he created everyone else. Are you saying God screwed up when He did that? That's just stupid. It has been pointed out that once or twice in the bible it mentions something negative about gays. I've got news for you people. The bible is flawed. Yes, it is wonderful and is based on great ideas and values. But it was written by men. Men are flawed. The bible is also sexist and racist. Let's be sexist and racist because the bible is! Everything changes. Something that was relevant 2000 years ago and has not been updated is bound to have some mistakes in it. We are finally living in a world where some gay people feel it's safe to come out. Support gay right and don't make us take a step backwards.

November 2, 2004

Sorry, couldn't think of a more creative title. About Jenn's comment to my last post, I'm sorry if my bringing up politics this fall has offended you, but I only bring issues I feel very, very strongly about. To Jonathan's new headline in his blog about winning my award, thanks for mentioning it! That's cool. I already got back from the voting booth. West Jeff's wait was nothing. I was in and out in 5 minutes. Of course, since I forget to change my registration to Franklin County, I didn't get to vote on Issue 106 or 12 or anything cool like that. Sorry Erin. I did get to put in my vote for John Kerry (Nadar made the ballot. Interesting.), a solid no on Issue 1, and yes on keeping the good ol' WJ post office (why is that even an issue?). Other than that, there were a bunch of minor Madison County office to vote for with only one candidate. Now, tell me if I'm just stupid, but why even be on the ballot if there isn't a choice? Anyway, the best part of last night was watching the SNL Presidential Debate Bash (and it was a bash!). I loved when Clinton let us all know that he felt our pain and sadness that he was not on the ballot this year, Kerry's refusal to quit speaking because he can't, Bush's three step program (Phase 2: lull the terrorists into a false sense of security and confidentthey are winning. Phase 3: Um, work hard. Work Saturdays if we have to. We will beat the terrorists by coming on on Saturdays. We're still working on it.) Then that was followed by Jon Stewart and the Daily Show's coverage. Did you know Florida reinstated slavery last night in a deseparte attempt to be the worst state in this year's election ("From a state worse than Ohio...") Of course, the Ohio reporter did plenty to muck it up themselves. Anyway, now to sit back and watch Kerry win...I hope.

Election Day

So tomorrow is November 2, 2004. Election Day. Only one candidate will win. Latest polls for electoral votes show Kerry in the lead by 67 votes, with 9 (New Mexico & New Hamsphire) left undecided. There were only a few votes listed as barely Bush, but 68 (Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida) are barely Kerry. Hmmm. I'm as anxious for Kerry to win Ohio as the entire presidency. Both candidates of course spent the last campaign day in Ohio. Today's manager meeting for my company decided to talk about the election. My bosses are very strong Bush supporters. They wanted to have a 'non-bias, non-arguing' debate. I think everyone was scared to go against them. It was them and 1-2 other people talking about Bush and every once in awhile them letting me something about Kerry. They also did some Kerry-bashing. Now I like my bosses and I don't believe they intentionally turned the conversation into a one-sided bash-fast. I think that part was accidental. Personally, I think it would be smart not to talk politics at all, but I understand the reason behind it. Oh, well. I just hope they didn't sway anyone.

Re-defeat Bush! Vote John Kerry!

Am I Missing Anything?

After watching several more episodes of Dawson's Creek, and thinking about other similiar shows and movies, I have to wonder, did I miss a major part of my life? For instance, I don't feel I had a "first love" who I will always love. I've fallen in love twice, both in college, and neither lasted, and only one is friendly, although I don't speak to her much. The other isn't even civil, despite efforts at an olive branch. But I gave that up awhile ago. But anyway, back to the point. I missed all the high school romance. I had a couple of crushes, but only one I thought may have been interested back, until I found out she liked girls. I don't have that solid 'group' of friends either. I have friends with varying degrees of closeness, but who do I share everything with? Who do I go to when I'm upset? There isn't one person or a group of persons. It is someone different every time, or more often no one. I crave that 'friend group'. I've drifted in and out of a couple over the years, but never was fully accepted. Am I missing important parts of my life? Or is this normal and I just don't want to believe it is because I want my life to be more like tv? Hmm. Isolation strikes again. Am I antisocial? I don't want to be. I love being social.

BTW, this is much more an introspective entry than a depressed entry, so please don't worry or leave comments telling me not to worry about it. I appreciate the sentiment, but that's not what I'm looking for right now.

Etc.

So after scanning through everyone's blogs and catching up, instead of going to class, I found I had much more to write about it. I did the Presidential Match thing and got a 66% on Kerry and a 16% on Bush. Tell you what, all you Bush fans. I'll save us both some trouble. Since our votes are going to cancel out each other anyway, you tell me that you're voting for Bush and we'll both stay home. Deal? :) Hey, if you're voting for Bush and only have the brain power he had, you'd fall for that. :) Anyway, I attended the Circleville Pumpkin Show on Friday night and forgot to write about it. Otterbein Marching Band was the featured band this year. We did a concert and basically led the parade. Big whoop. They want us back in 2 years for their big 200th anniversary. We'll see.

Now, onto my geeky things. Lisa put hers out there, so I feel it is only fair.

Shows I am obsessed with: all 5 Star Trek's, especially Deep Space 9. Buffy, Angel, Alias, hopefully soon 24, Lost, & Desperate Houswives. I hate reality television, but am strangely drawn to watching it. I love Joey, Friends, Will & Grace, M*A*S*H, Sports Night, the West Wing, Wonder Years, South Park, Saturday Night Live, Futrama, Family Guy, Dawson's Creek, Boy Meets World, Full House, and I'm sure there are more, including some flops like Cybill, Once & Again, and It's Like, You Know...

Counting each TV Season as one DVD, I own about 400 and they are all categorized and then alphabetized, plus I keep a computer list of title, rating, genra, and major actors as well as photos to prove I own them all for insurance purposes. I have two TVs (one flatscreen), two DVD players, one VCR, and one surround sound system. I am technology obsessed.

I actually identify with Dawson, a fact I am often not proud to admit.

I am anal. Just about myself though, not about others.

I think books are sacred and probably own almost a thousand of them. I want to have a library in my house someday.

I own many, many, many Star Trek collectibles and action figures, including a set of 3 worth several thousand dollars and two big cardboard cutouts of Kirk & Spock from Star Trek V. These are almost all at my parent's house, but I want a Star Trek room in my house too.

I have three large Buffy posters on my apartment bedroom wall, an Enterprise poster in the dining room, and the actual posters that hung in Monica's apartment on Friends in my living room.

I have an almost photographic memory for details, numbers, etc. but I don't remember what I did an hour ago.

I hate drugs. I don't even take Tylenol unless I desperately desperately need it.

I am afraid of becoming an alcoholic because I love it so much. The only other thing I am afraid of is the supernatural. I can handle murders, but keep the ghosts away.

I would never go to war, even if I had to go to Canada.

I have a strange urge to live in the UK for awhile.

When I am in a relationship, I never look at any other girl. This includes celebrities, few of which I find attractive anyway. Plastic is disgusting. Go for the real thing.

A lot of times, I like to isolate myself and feel upset. I do this willingly from time to time because I want to.

Money scares me too. I am getting better about saving, but paying rent and college loans and still buying stuff is scary.

I don't see myself with a bright future. I'm beginning to think my only hope is if people will actually buy the books I am writing.

I am twisted and take great fascination with killing my characters because I know they're fictional. I have drowned people in Roller Coaster Tycoon for fun. Life isn't so meaningless in reality to me. I love people and death makes me very sad.

I am afraid of becoming numb. Sometimes I don't think I feel enough. Perhaps this explain why I willingly isolate myself and make myself upset.

And The End because I am too embarassed to continue.

JESUS!!!

I'm sorry I did not post on this last night, but last night was pretty emotional for me and I needed stress relief with friends, not writing. Last night was the second anniversary of Timmy J's death. I actually forgot until Nathan called me to tell me the Kingsmen were heading out to the dam. I got there about 45 minutes or so before the rest and just stood staring out over the water. I miss Timmy greatly. Everytime I think about him, I still get emotional. Yes, the vast majority of my memories of Timmy were good. I will share some in a moment. But the last two years, when concerning Timmy, have not been easy. And I'm not even in that circle of family or lifelong friends. I knew him just over a year. Yet I thought I had a great connection with him in that year and valued him a lot. These are the things I thought about as I looked over the water. Where was he now? Is he looking down on us? I thought I saw his face in a cloud, but I'm sure it was just my imagination. One of the Kingsmen joked that the lunar eclipse last night was because Timmy got in the way of the moon. :) Maybe he was right.

I met Timmy at bandcamp my freshman year. He was so enthusiastic. Listening to him wail away on his trombone to "Do What You Wanna" was a highlight. That fall I went out to dinner with Timmy, Evan, Erin, Esther, and Scott for Evan's birthday. Since everyone mentioned is graduated, I don't think I can get them in trouble. At that dinner Timmy 'made' me sign a contract on a napkin that said I would not pledge any other fraternity besides Kings. I had spent many nights bowling with those guys. Imagine the college's shock had they found out that an illegal contract was drawn up to a freshman signed by King's Treasure, Consistution Chairman, and the President of EKT as well as a couple of witnesses.

When I lived in the King house, Timmy used to open my mail. One day I was expecting a box of DVDs and Columbia House mailed the wrong one. Timmy opened it up and found Barbie's Nutcracker. I don't think he ever let me live that one down. I swear I did not order it, nor did I keep it! :) Many nights were spent hanging with him on that porch. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

I went bowling a lot, and a lot of times Timmy was there. Wednesday, just a few days before the Saturday that he died, Timmy rode with me to the bowling alley. We got a chance to talk, and I really connected with the guy. Saturday, the afternoon before he died, I was trying to help him get a date with Amber, Whore Bitch's (Whom I was dating at the time) roommate. It wasn't exactly a success, but I am so greatful for getting to talk to him about important things the day he died.

The day we all found out will always vividly live in my memory. I had gone to work Sunday morning to work one of my 16 hours shifts. By noon Nathan was in tears on the phone with me. I know I didn't leave that office at work, despite the orders popping up on the screen. I called every manager and owner until one of them would come in for me, and then I sped back to Westerville. I tried to make sense of everything. I called my dad. I called Dr. Boehm. No one had any information, but I just wanted to get back. I stopped at the WB's room, then headed over to the police-taped-off King house. Andy & Andie were sitting in front of it. The sight chilled me. I walked down to the police station where the entire fraternity was gathering. People got off work and rushed home. We came together that night like no other. We cried, we hugged, we went to a small service the campus put on, we went to the dam, and most of all we joked and shared our memories through our tears. Last year we did a similiar ritual, and this year was a sort of like that too, except most of the old guys are gone now. It was my pledge class talking to the young guys who didn't know him. Jason asked them to keep the tradition alive. I plan to be sitting out on the dam next October 27. Please honor his memory if you knew him and do the same.

Britney who?

OK, before I write about my various shows and things, I just have to say please, please, please if you have any sense of decency vote 'no' on Issue One. I mean seriously, who are we kidding? Protecting marriage? Go after Britney Spears-Federline-Whateverthefuckhernameisthisweek. The gays don't threaten marriage! Also, vote for Kerry and vote yes on Issue 106 (the zoo levy).

Ok, so it has been a busy week. I did watch a couple of movies - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and the Tao of Steve. The first one was all right, not as good as I had hoped. The second one rocked and I got a new quote. "Slackers are great. Doing stuff is highly overrated. Look at Hitler. He did lots of stuff, but don't we all wish he would have just sat home and gotten high?" Granted, I don't get high but it was still funny. I just finished my re-watch of Buffy Season 2 with my friends. Yeah, I had forgotten how many times Jonathan was around early on, and how sad the finale of Season 2 really is. On my own time, I am steamrolling through Dawson's Creek Season 4 and with the death of Mr. Brooks and everything, it is getting harder to get through. Also, go Dawson on dating a 21 year old! I dated a 22 year old at 18 and I sometimes get a bit nostalgic for those days. I need to find another older woman to date. :) Anyway, almost done with that and then onto Alias 3! Also, has anyone been taping Desperate Housewives? I really want to watch it.

Miscellaneous

I am tired of mostly writing about movies and television shows, but that is a lot more exciting than my life. In fact, it has almost become my life in the past 16 months. I guess I used television as a replacement for a love life, which is good and bad. It also a medium I have fallen in love with and am not willing to give up. I could possibly cut back a little, but not too much because I often feel behind now. And honestly, I get more out of tv than just sitting and watching. I used to be very into movies, and thought tv was a step below but the more shows I watch, the more I am fascinated by the writing and acting choices, the directing, and a million other things I won't go into right now because it will get boring. And a thought just occured to me. I guess I'm a bit like Dawson Leery. I now definitely think about what it would be like to be a Joss Whedon or a JJ Abrahms or someone who makes wonderful tv shows, and I can't stop myself from thinking about how I could make my Actor's Nightmare book series into a tv show. I don't think a movie would do the book justice, and with more coming as I'm editing the first book and beginning the second, I would just love to do a tv show and make each chapter an episode (22 in a season). Do a book a season. Anyway, a pipe dream that may or may not ever happen.

Thank goodness. The fire alarm finally stopped. Yes, I know I should exit my apartment when the fire alarm goes off. I know I could get in trouble by staying inside. Honestly I went out when it went off, but after checking with the people that set it off and knowing everything was ok, I came back. I only have five more minutes until band and I wanted to get a journal entry in. I am doing pretty good on this two-a-week thing recently and I want to keep up at least that often, more if I can. But it is really hard to write and be introspective with a piercing alarm going off in my ears.

Ok, well my mandatory tv/movie update. I watched Van Hesling: London Adventure. Pretty good, but not nearly as good as Van Helsing the movie. The London Adventure is a cartoon prequel with all the original voices that was released on dvd the week the movie hit theatres. I also finished watching Alias Season Two. Can I say blown away? AWESOME! It keeps getting better and better. I also watch the first four episodes of Dawson's Creek Season 4. That show is great. I watched the best episode to date. It was called "Two Gentlemen of Capeside". Dawson and Pacey haven't been friend since last season when Pacey and Dawson hooked up, but when Pacey and Jenn get caught in a storm on Pacey's boat, he goes into a cove knowing Dawson will know where he is and come save him. Despite Dawson's hatred for Pacey right now, he does save him! And that's only the first half of the episode! Tear-jerker!

Shit. I have to leave for band in 1 minute and I haven't checked my e-mail. Bye all!

How to Get a Guy in 10 Days

I love chick flicks. I admit this. I am a sucker for romantic comedies and my heart has been tugged by many of them. I just saw one of the best in awhile. It could have been the mood I was in, but it really got to me. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" was sweet, frustrating, romantic, and it tore me up. I need a romance like in the movies. Maybe minus all the crap they go through, but it would be worth it for true love. To be perfectly honest, some of the stuff Kate Hudson pulled in that movie, I found cute, not annoying. Of course after a week or so it was probably way too early for that type of thing to come up. Still... I am so lonely and so happy because of the warm ending, but I... I don't know. I would really like a relationship. I have been single for 16 months, not even a date. I'm picky and I'm not willing to settle, but it would be nice for someone great to come my way... If anyone sees someone, send them my way. :)

Now, to continue the heartache, Season 4 of Dawson's Creek!

Alias

I never gave Alias it's due and I'm sorry. After sleeping from about 3:30pm Tuesday until about 3am Wednesday, then getting a ton of crap done on Wednesday because I had the day off, I finally got back into Alias, where I had left off 5 episodes into Season 2. I always considered it a good show, but it kicks ass! I am one episode away from "Phase One" now and I can't stop. Of course, I have seen that all important episode, but I am getting so excited about it. Can't wait to finish Seasons 2 & 3 and 4 premieres in January! Then I still have yet to watch Lost (although I've recorded every episode) and am weeks behind on Smallville and Enterprise (again, I have them on tape), and Season 4 of Dawson's Creek just arrived in the mail...ahh! Gotta go!

What's The Opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Ok, ok, I know. I'm going to have to retire that joke now. (The answer was of course, Christopher WALKen). I was deeply saddened by his passing, and I feel very selfish for wondering, what will they do on "Smallville" about his character? Still, he was a great man and I hope that much good comes from his encouragement into research and healing. I was checking out Erin's web site and she's right. A lot of celebrities have died in the past few years. Incredibly sad.

Because I am in a rush, I am not going to take any more time to dwell on death. I haven't posted because of how incredibly busy I've been. I just worked double shifts two days in a row, and now I have a paper due this morning (I woke up at 6:30 am to write it) and an exam in and hour and a half on two books I haven't read (I love the internet for synopsizing books!) Anyway, I wanted to post because I like to keep my readers informed of my life, whether they want to be or not. :) TV wise, I finished Futrama Volume 4 (how sad!) and am getting ready to hit all my recorded shows from the past two weeks and Alias Season 2 some more. BTW, did anyone record Bored Housewives or whatever it's called? I'm hearing about it and now I wanted to see it. Anyway, love life, nothing to report there, but hopefully I'm building up the courage to make a move someday soon towards somebody (could I be more vague? :))

Oh, and now my shameless plug of a new book. It's a textbook called AMERICA: The Book. I read a bit of it and bought it. I LOVE it! Everyone should read this important tome on American history. It's put out by The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. From sarcastic "quotes" of the presidents, to the hilarious forward "by" Thomas Jefferson, to the description of various government offices. It's a must read. It even has that big stamp in the front to write your name and condition of the book and all that in that was in every textbook I had K-12. The only differences is #3 in the fine print, which you'll have to read. Go to page 99 and match the robes with very naked (old, wrinkly, flabby, shiveled up) Justices. Full frontal nudity. In closing, I leave you with a small quote. It's from a small article called "Warren G. Harding: Our Worst President":
"The reasons why he sucked are many, and to be truthful, have been widely cateloged in the annals of presidential history. So, with your indulgence, I'd like to focus instead on the intensity of his sucking.
Warren G. Harding was a worthless piece of shit. Fuck him. His presidency was a taint, not just in the sense of a "stain on the office", but literally a taint - the anatomical area between the anus and the testicles.
I hate Warren G. Harding."

Did I mention that article was by Stephen Colbert, "the Arthur Schlesinger Professor of American Studies at Harvard"?

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I posted on this blog, and for that I am truly sorry. I will not to let it happen again. It's just... I have life! Ok, I'm kidding. Not about having a life, because I do, and anyway this is just becoming a run on rant and I do that to much so it's time to stop it and move onto a real topic.

So updates? School still sucks. Skipped my first classes today because I went to Meijer's last night at midnight (when it came out) and bought Farenheit 9/11 than attempted to watch it. I fell asleep, but I still overslept. Oh, well. It's not like I usually skip classes (this quarter), and I checked the syllabus. I don't think I missed anything important. I had to go buy the movie because I was watching the debate last night (Last Thursday's. I recorded it and just found time watch it) and really enjoying it, at least as much as you can enjoy it while hating with a passion our current president, and then some people came over. One in particular who was very pro-Bush, anti-Kerry. And the comments couldn't stop being made. I eventually got into yelling matches, and then had to go cool off over at Lisa's. So I needed some more Bush-bashing and that movie is great at it.

TV wise, I am very behind. I finally watched last week's Joey and Will & Grace but I still have the premiere of Lost to watch, and the end of the presidential debate, and tonight is the Vice Presidential debate, and Wednesday is Lost and Smallville, and Thursday is Joey and Will & Grace and Friday is the Enterprise season premiere and another Presedential debate. Plus I have barely gotten to the second disc of Season 2 of Alias and I bought Futurama Volume 4. And the thing is, I have so many more important things to do than watch television. I have work for Flyer's to do, a huge event to plan, homework, two weeks worth of newspapers in my living room (I at least have to read the comics), and stacks of books to read. Anyone in favor of declaring next week 'catch up week' and cancelling reality so I can get a grasp on things?

On top of that, and going with the theme of today, I am having trouble not thinking about a certain girl. It's been awhile since that happened. It's a girl I've had a crush on for years, but it was recently reawakened in full force. I don't even know if she's interested. I'm kind of waiting to see if there's a sign. If not, that's fine too. I could just be her friend and that would make me happy, but it's also kind of exciting to have these feelings. I don't want to talk about it too much because I wouldn't want to jinx what may or may not be. And I'm certainly not mentioning her name on here.

Ok, time to start on that pile of things that needs done. See you all soon!

Need Help!!!

I am working on a new facet of my web page. I figured we all have all these television shows we love and I want to share them with everyone. I am going to do A-B-C lists for all the great television shows I am addicted to. I have finished a draft, but some shows are easier to fill than others. I'll include what I have so far, and which ones I need. Please help me out on this! You can rearrange if a person can go under another letter (For instance Kirk could be under K or under J for James Kirk. Tara could be under T or under M for Maclay, Tara, etc.)
Angel, Buffy, Star Trek: The Original Series, The Next Generation, Voyager. Also in production, but not ready to present yet, are Enterprise, Alias, MASH, South Park, Smallville, Friends, and hopefully soon 24. Oh, and where do I put Druscilla? Anyone know her previous name or last name?

ANGEL BUFFY TOS TNG DS9 VOY
Angel Anya April Alexander Adani, Winn Astrometrics
Berkle, Fred Buffy Bones McCoy Barclay, Reg Bashir Borg
Conner Cordelia Chekov Crusher Changelings Chakotay
Darla Dawn Daystrom Data Dukat Doctor
Eve Enterprise Enterprise-D Ezri Equinox
Faith Finn, Riley Finney Flute Fontaine, Vic Fairhaven
Gunn Glorificus Guardian Guinan Garak
Holst Harmony Hikaru Sulu Hill, Dixon Hirogen
Iniative Ilia Iconian
Jasmine Jenny Calendar James Kirk Jellico Jadzia Janeway
Kendra Khan Keiko Kira Kim, Harry
Lorne Library Lester, Janice LaForge Leeta
Master, The Maclay, Tara Mudd, Harry Molly O'Brien Moogie Marquis
Number One Noonien Soong Nog Neelix
Offices, W&H Oz Orions O'Brien Odo
P'Leia (sp?) Potentials Pike Picard Prophets Paris, Tom
Qui'Tu Q Quark Q Continuum
Ring Rupert Giles Rand, Janice Riker Rom
Spike Summers, Joyce Scotty & Spock Sela Sisko(s) Seven of Nine
TPTB The Trio Tribbles Troi Terok Nor Torres & Tuvok
Uber-vamp Uhura Utopia Planitia
Viper Vampire Valeris Vash Vorta Voyager
Wesley Willow Warp Speed Worf Weyoun
Xander Xon Xandi
Yorktown Yar Yates, Kassidy
Zarabeth Zeframe Ziyal OR Zek

National Goose Day

Anyone that knows me and knows what today is will probably be surprised that I survived today and still alive. Yes, that's right, today was national goose day. I know, I know, you are probably cowering in fear right now thinking, "OH MY GOD! HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT!!!" I sympathsize. I spent the entire day in a basement with my duct tape and bottled water. I wore an aluminum foil hat. I don't think they have mind reading capabilities, but you never know what they might have developed. I also crouched under a desk like the used to teach kids to do in case they launched their nuclear weapons at me. I was sure I wouldn't live to bedtime. But here it is, almost midnight. I guess my time is growing short, so I'll write one last journal entry. Goodbye cruel world! Though I die, La Resistance lives on!

So in all seriousness, I am knee deep into editing Actor's Nightmare Book One. Anyone who would like to help edit it, let me know. I can get you a nice finished version by Christmas if you want. Probably bound and with a cover and all. Let me know. As to a public publishing, we'll just have to wait and see. At the same time, I have written the first couple chapters of Actor's Nightmare Book Two. Why you may ask? Because I had to find out what happened to the characters I had spent six months writing about and over a year developing! You may be thinking "You're an idiot! You write the book. You can make whatever you want happen to the characters!" Ok, I guess there is some truth in that. In all honesty, though, when I write, things pretty much write themselves. I look at the page and go "Did that really just happen! Wow!" If something I think is really cool comes tumblings out of my fingers, I am just as surprised as anyone and will jump around the room shouting incoherent noises. It's kind of like the chimps and typewriters. Eventually they'll write Shakespeare. They won't consciously think it, it will just come out. This isn't Shakespeare, but it certainly isn't really coming from me. Ah, well. I guess I won't get to finish the book anyway. Here they come. "I"ll take he 30,000 on the left."

Do You Have Any Grey Poupon?

So I was reading my friend Erin's web site and she had a very interesting link about ketchup and mustard. What is interesting about ketchup and mustard, you might ask yourself. And you would be right. On the surface they are merely two condiments of primary colors that we consume as Americans on our "American food" which is really not from America at all. Anyway, it was a great article so you should all go to Erin's web site and follow her link.

So the topic of today is "Why You Shouldn't Be A Lush While Holding a Job". Factoid 1: I got drunk Thursday, Friday, and Saturday this weekend. That never happens. It was kinda fun. I didn't intend it to happen, but hanging out with people and partying leads to those kinds of things, and nudity, which sadly there was none of this weekend except myself in my shower. Come to think of it, my drinking parties never lead to nudity. This is something that should be corrected ASAP. Actually, knowing most of my attendees, maybe that's not such a great idea... So I drank those 3 nights. Friday I got up fairly early to do a marathon Angel watch and finish it. Saturday I got up early to work 8 hours and then played a college marching band game (Notice how I did not say football game) and then went to Sphinx's Lights Out, which was extremely fun. Sunday I worked a sixteen hours shift after two hours of sleep. Sunday night I was still going strong. Monday, came however. Six hours of sleep and then up for eight hours of work. I was exhausted! It caught up with me. I made it through band, a little Buffy (I finished Angel friday so it seemed fitting I should restart the series with my clarinet section on Saturday. Another six months of fun :)). I was asleep by 11:15 and slept until 9am this morning, and have still been exhausted all day. This mean that this past weekend was a bad idea because I am paying for it this week. So I will wait at least a couple of weeks before I repeat it. :)

BTW, party here friday night because Colonel Morgan, the new marching band director, was jealous he didn't get to party with us last weekend. Anyone want to see him drunk? :)

Weekend Update

Ok, ok, so I totally stole that title from SNL. Sue me. Jane you. Never mind, now I'm just way off topic. The point of this was to give you a quick rundown of the last couple of days, so I'll get on with it. Thursday Man Market kinda sucked. I mean, it was fun. Good drinks, good music, decent atmosphere. But after 3 hours of watching girls glance at me and then not even look my number up in their catalog let alone talk to me, I began to get a tad bored. Nick and I even tried the splitting up thing. Sorry I guilt tripped you Nick, but I really didn't want to go alone. Anyway, after several hours I was just tipsy and bored, albiet still in a pretty good mood, so when a friend offered to come pick me up and I could go hang out with people that would talk to me, I jumped for it. I was hoping you'd come too Nick. I invited you, but I wasn't gonna make you leave. What if I threw off your mojo? Anyway, I don't regret going and I may try it again next year, but this year it seemed to be a waste of time.

So I got picked up by Jason, went back and hung out with Tim's usual gang that think my apartment is theirs. (Just kidding guys. You know I love having you over). Then yesterday Jason and I watched TEN EPISODES OF ANGEL STRAIGHT (with a slight break for band). We finished Season 5. Honestly, I liked Angel okay up until then, but Season 5 kicked ass and totally changed my opinion (positively) of the whole show. I was so disappointed at the ending. If you haven't seen it, don't read the rest of this paragraph. My initial feeling was that they all died in that alley, but then I began to really think about it. I think Gunn likely died. He was already really injured. But the other three? I dunno. I mean it would be kind of lame if Angel died there and we never got to see it. Alieria I think both ways. I could see her living and dying. After finishing the show and seeing that Angel signed away his prophecy claim, I am assuming Spike lived because now Spike is the only cantidate to become human again and fulfill the prophecy. Opinions anyway? Someone know better than me or think differently, or even just agree? Let me know. Also, I can't imagine Buffy or someone not coming to their rescue and helping out. Hence they all could ahve survived. That would make a kick ass movie.

Next up on the DVD menu: Alias Season 2! Also, I am know I can't get anyone really into Smallville, so I am preparing a small list of the few episodes of Season 1 you have to see, and then I want you to watch just those and head straight for Season 2. I honestly believe you all would love it. Plus you guys need to watch Deep Space 9! I have the whole series. Now, OC Marching Band time, probably more partying tonight, and working a sixteen hour shift tomorrow. Ciao.

Karma or Irony?? YOU Decide!

Hm. For those of you who spitted down upon thee, for shame.

I went to Man Market. Jimmy made me feel bad enough to go. No one talked to us. I'll admit, sorta depressing.

Funny, I didn't wanna go to the damn thing, and then look who leaves who behind ?? Now also look who drove.




That's right... I did.


Now THAT..... my friends, is fucking ironic.

Or a karmettic bitchslap.

You Tried So Hard To Be Someone Else... You Forgot Who You Were...

Before I get the entry here, I thought I'd go ahead and post.

For those who don't know me, check my website. The fat character with the blonde hair is based after me. AND... For those who read this, already know by reading Jimmy's post about the little soiree' being thrown by WNCI tomorrow night called the Man Market. Jimmy is being cool enough to let me say my peace before he politely vents his frustration about me whenever. (Thanks Jimmy.)

Originally, my friend Drew DJs the event every year. I'm thinking cool, I have the night off, I'll actually go to Man Market, hang with Drew, bring Jimmy along and it will be really fun. Maybe meet the Morning Zoo and have a grande old time. Instead, after me and Jimmy sign up for the Man Market, being I work with Drew, I decide to ask about what to expect from LRE at the NCI Man Market 04. He says he has no clue, he's not doing it.

That wasn't the first thing that is making me back out of what is going on tomorrow, but it made me VERY uneasy about it. God knows, Jimmy is uneasy about it too.

BUT... something was said to me a few days ago which makes me feel that I don't belong at a man market where girls will bid on me, and in a way, I'm just wasting space till all the "hotties" come up. AKA: I'm Filler. As I told Jimmy over dinner today, that If i looked better, as long as I didn't speak, we'd get bid on. (Trying to get a laugh, I said the same about him as well when he tried to say 'no one will vote for me.' Which I still think is rediculous.' ) Another thing to add to this is that while scared for the event, I had my hopes up, and I was going in, optimistic. There's always someone to make you feel like shit, and specially when it's someone you care for that says it, it hurts even more.

Every few months, I get into a funk about my situation with girls, (everyone gets into a funk about being single sometimes) Say something hurtful to me 3 days or so before Man Market, and... well, I don't wanna go. Maybe it's the Pessimistic side of me or maybe it's just the basic fact of I know pretty well what will happen if I go in to the Man Market tomorrow. Or maybe it's what the person said that is getting to me. would I like to prove this person wrong and win the affection of all the ladies? Hell yes.

I do disagree though that this will happen. I know how girls are, girls at these events are, and how I will be treated at this event. I believe and know that Jimmy stands an excellent chance there, but I on the other hand do not. If there was a single example in my life at all that would prove that anything otherwise would occur then I would go. But I want someone to bid on me who wants to bid on me, not because they're my friends and they would bid on me.

::sighs::

Anyway, I just wanted to stated my case before Jimmy posts here that I "shafted" him. But he knew 3 days before hand, so I gave him notice. Good luck at Man Market Jimmy, and have fun.

--Nick

I'm A Doctor, Not A...No Wait, I Am A Doctor

So to add to our ever growing list of actor crossovers between all these great shows we all watch, I would like to submit John Billingsley. He played a doctor at Wolfram & Hart in Season 5 of Angel, 3rd episode (the werewolf one). This episode aired on UPN less than a month after the premiere of Enterprise, in which John Billingsley stars as Doctor Phlox. The characters share mannerims, even looks (although he is an alien on Enterprise, but his hair is the same and everything). The only difference is the doctor on Angel is evil. Coincidence? I think not. Perhaps a homage to another UPN show that had just aired?

Meat For Sale

So WNCI is doing this thing called The Man Market where they bring in a whole bunch of guys and auction them off for girls. Somehow, I kind of got roped into it, without too much of a fight. Afterall, who doesn't want to be bid on by girls? If anyone wants me. :) It's at the Collosium (where the Yukatan used to be) at the Continent of Thursday night this week. Doors open for the ladies at 9pm. I am supposed to be there at 8. Anyone who wants to come and bid on me so it looks like someone is interested, would be more than welcome! Also, anyone with any fashion sense at all, if you wouldn't mind swinging by my apartment first? That would be great. I have none.

Oh, and for you astute readers, yes it is not even 5am yet. No, I am not still up from the night before. I just woke up 15 minutes ago. Why you may ask? Because my sleeping pattern is so screwed up I don't know what to do. Saturday night I slept from 6:30pm-7:30am, then Sunday night I slept from about 1am to about 6:30am, and then last night it was 8:15pm-4:30am. Anyone know how to fix that? Cause it's driving me insane!

Rip Van Jimmy

So what did you all do after that lousy football game on Saturday? The game itself wasn't that lousy (for an Otterbein game). It could have been much worse. We didn't get creamed. But speaking as a band member, I wanted to stab myself through the heart with my clarinet and die. All we did was play the fight song and cardinal fight over and over again. Three or four times total during the game we started a pep song, but he never let us finish them. I think Colonel Morgan thought it was like a basketball game where you couldn't play when the players were. I'm going to need to talk to him about that.

Anyway, after the game, I was still pumped up. I wanted to go out and do something. I was actually supposed to see a movie with a friend, which would have been fun. Instead, I fell asleep. I turned on the tv and was asleep before dinner, and I slept until I had to get up for work this morning. What sane, healthy person sleeps for 14 hours? That's freakin' ridiculous! And this isn't the first time it has happened. I do it about once a month or so. Call my Rip Van Jimmy. What a wasted Saturday night.

Drinking

They say alcohol can't solve your problems. They are probably right. But I say a few drinks and crazy games with your friends can help immensely. Thanks girls.

Graduation Day

"So we talked all night about the rest of our lives, Where we're gonna be when we turn 25,
I keep thinking times will never change, keep on thinkin' things will never be the same,
But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back.
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a diff'rent track and if you got something that you need to say, You'd better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day.
'Cause we're moving on, and we can't slow down. These memories are playing like a film without sound...
We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared, laughing at ourselves and thinking life's not fair."

These lyrics haunted me my entire senior year of high school ("Graduation Day" from Vitamin C of course). I would pound out the melody on the piano, whispering the words, tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want to leave high school, but I was so excited to be done. I wanted to go to college, but I dreaded leaving my friends. It was the most exciting and sad time of my life. Until now.

I found out this morning I can graduate in June. It's going to be a huge effort, no easy time. I am going to drop the education part of my degree, and just get my Bachelor's in History. I have mixed feelings about this. I will definitely be playing the song all year. I need out of Otterbein. I am going to owe them way more money then I'll make in several years. I will be paying loans forever. I am going to take the degree and go, but what next? I don't know what one does with a degree in history. I started out in the Music Education program and I wish that's where I was now. The decision to quit was not mine or I would still be. I kind of feel like a failure going in four years from Music Ed to History Ed to plain History. I will probably have a Music Minor but we'll see. Now what do I do? What will next year bring? I guess I could see what kind of job I could get in 'my field' of history. Or maybe enroll at OSU or somewhere cheap to finish my music ed stuff. Afterall, I already did nearly two full years of music ed classes. Maybe finished music and history. I doubt I'll have the problems there I had with a certain member, maybe two, of Otterbein's music faculty. Again, feeling like a failure.

And yet I am very excited to know I will be out of here in 9 months. Big party. Mark your calendars. I'll let you know where it will be when I know.

Reality Check

So back to reality today. Classes officially started. Since my classes are schedule in one very long block on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it meant a full eight hours of work today, including a corporate meeting and more work I brought home with me, and then Wind Ensemble 5-6. WE kinda sucks this year because I am used to me on alto clarinet, Scott on contrabass, and John on bass. Now I got moved to bass and I'm by myself. Oh, well. I am working Mon, Fri, and Sun during the day and a double shift (8am-midnight) on Wednesdays. It's going to be interesting. We are now also selling our own pizza sauce in jars with our label and everything. It looks very professional and we are in at least one store besides our pizza shops so far, with more to come soon, hopefully.

Tonight my roomies and I dressed up in suits and delivered roses and cards to all of the girls in the Park Street Commons buildings I and II just as a happy first day of class, good luck with the quarter kind of thing. 33 girls. Most of them (that were home) seemed pretty happy to get them. A couple of girls were very friendly and nice. One seemed a little annoyed. That's ok. It was very embarrassing, but it was kind of cool. Tim thought of it, and it seemed like a fairly good idea. I live in IIF so please stop by and see me sometime. :)

About my television, I am almost done with Alias Season One. It is really picking up and looking cool. Then I'm on to Angel Seasn Five, then Alias Two & Three, with 24 1-3 close behind. Its going to be a busy quarter. I hope I have time for a little school work. :)

Patriot Day (September 11)

Everyone knows where they were on September 11, 2001. I had an 8am piano class. It was only my second day as a student at Otterbein College. I went back to my room and turned on "All in the Family". It was the one where Archie's wife was raped and it was pretty upsetting. When my roommate ran in and asked me to turn the channel, I wasn't happy about it. I wanted to see the end of my show. I turned the channel, and watched in horror. Moments later the second plane hit the second tower and I watched it live. I couldn't believe it. I called my parents. My dad answered, but he didn't have any answers. I thought this was it. War on America soil. Things would never be the same. The rest of the day, and or a couple of days after, I stayed glued to the news channels. Three years later, to the day, the world is a bit different. Bush used it as an excuse to go to Iraq where over 1,000 US soldiers have been killed, 800 of them since we were told it 'was over'. And it still isn't over. We are no longer so worried about an attack to our homeland, and yet it is still in the back of our minds. The government brings it up fairly often just to keep us scared and make sure we'll support their war efforts. This is my opinion, and frankly it makes me sick. Get that damn Bush out of office so we can possibly put an end to the useless death. September 11 was tragic. Why are we forced to continue tradgedy three years later? But I am getting off the point. We can argue about that tomorrow. Today, there is something more important.

Please, share your thoughts and memories from September 11. Take a moment of silence to mourn those who died that day.

Girls, Girls, Girls

I have begun to think about what I am looking for in a girl. Afterall, I'm nearly 21 and a half years old and would love to start dating the girl I am going to marry. Heck, I wanted to start dating that girl a while ago. But what am I truly looking for? It is a question I never really figured out once and for all, but I as I have been meeting many girls this summer, I have begun to fill out my own expectations in my head. I think I am finally getting closer to knowing what I want. All girls that fit that category, even ones I know but I may not have thought of that way before now, please apply! :)

First, I have to get the physical out of the way. I am in no means shallow and there are no requirements in this category. I have found girls attractive that break every single one of these 'stereotypes' that I tend to find attractive. You can't help physical attraction, but I promise I have no set physical standard. I do tend to prefer girls that are no fatter than me. I consider myself fat. I am not saying I only like skinny girls. Yes the girls I have dated in the past have been very skinny, but I have also been attracted to girls who weren't so much. I tend to prefer smaller bust sizes (sorry, there's no great way to say that) but again, it doesn't always hold true. The girl absolutely MUST have a face I consider cute. This is my one thing. However, there is no set way that I find a face cute. It can vary. And I have weird tastes on 'cute'. It totally doesn't fit the norm. I think most actresses and models are very unattractive. I do tend to like interesting faces (big noses or big ears or freckles or just something that stands out). Any color hair, eyes, and hair length, none of these things matter. I also like girls that are closer to my height. Sometimes short girls make me feel self-conscious about my own height, which is one of my own hangups. I repeat, however, that none of these (except a cute or interesting face) are a requirement.

Personality is my major decision maker. I tend to like girls who are more independent, can make decisions, have enthusiasm, maybe a little eccentric, and aren't afraid to go after what they want. I am looking for someone who wants to be their own person. I am all about a couple life and I wouldn't even mind someone a bit clingy, but I don't want to spend every second together (well, almost every second would be fine :)) and I want her to have other interests besides my own. I like girls who are basically intelligent and can hold a good conversation. It would be nice if certain interests matched mine, especially tv and movies since I like that stuff so much, but there is no set thing in this category either. It varies person to person. I have liked people who are very different.

The last category is a neccessity and that is morals and outlooks on life. I can't stand being with someone who is racist or discriminatory. I was talking to a cute girl recently who when the subject turned to homosexuality, she thought of it like a disease that needed to be corrected. Huge turnoff. The rest of the conversation was more forced and I just wanted to end it. I have to be with someone open to new ideas and things and not trying to change people. I will change little things about myself, but not major things. I hate it when people try to force those changes on others. It is almost ironic and hypocritical because being discriminatory may be a major part about someone and I would want them to change that, but only because it negatively affects others around them. This conversation could go in circles, so I'll stop it. I also like someone with pretty good morals, who isn't a lier, cheater, stealer, etc. But I don't want someone who is going to scold me for drinking or talking/joking dirty. They should enjoy doing those things with me. :)

Anyway, I guess I need someone openminded, fun, and someone I find attractice. Anyone? :)

P.S. Angel!

P.S. I need Season 5 of Angel! Jonathan, please let me know! I finished Season Two of Smallville and 3 of Will & Grace and I am ready to start Alias, which I have the first two seasons of and the third one just came out so I need to go shopping next week, but I also need to watch that final Season of Angel! Ok, enough geeky ranting.

Dreams

Sorry I have not posted in almost a week. Band Camp kept me busy, and then after it ended yesterday, I watched the entire third season of Will & Grace (I know, way to be productive). Anyway, I am posting today because of an incredibly strange dream I just had.

In my dream, I was part of a 'rebel' faction that lived in fear of our lives. We were living near a beach and a jungle, but there was also a big mall. Many people I know were in the dream, but most were people I hadn't talked to in awhile or were never close to. It was very odd. Our little group was labeled as 'homosexuals' and yet none of the people I know in our group actually were, so maybe homosexual supporters? I mean, heck, I was even engaged to a girl in the dream. Anyway, because of the label we had we were hunted and executed like animals. We had to go through the mall to rescue some friends and we had cool walkie talkies and stuff, and of course the music in the mall was the "Stay with me, just a little bit longer..." from "Dirty Dancing". That was the chase music when they tried to catch us. Several of my friends were shot with nail guns that looked like price taggers but were deadly. I woke up just as myself and my fiance escaped the mall and the song ended. It was totally odd. I am considering perhaps using something like that for one of my goose books, but I haven't decided how the surviving humans will function in a goose run world. Of course, that's getting ahead of myself. I don't need to know that until Book Four and I've barely started Book Two, plus I haven't gotten the first one published.

The most profound part of my dream though was intolerance. I thought, as I was growing up, that intolerance was dead. I learned about the civil rights movement and stuff. I thought it was solved. Later I learned people of other races are still being discriminated against and I have even witnessed it happen a few times. Right now I think homosexuals are being hugely discriminated against and it makes me sick. The Defense of Marriage Act was the worst law Ohio ever passed, and now states are banning gay marriage in their consititutions. My parents won't even fix my car anymore because I have bumper stickers in my window proclaiming my support against the DOMA law and against Bush. They were the last people I expected to react this way. They raised me to treat all people equally, and yet they don't support gay marriage. They actually support a ban on it. What I can't understand is, why would anyone? Why are people so afraid of something so different than them? How is gay marriage going to hurt or really affect straight people in any way? I am straight, but this anti-gay sentiment is making me sick. I am offended for homosexuals. Why is intolerance and discrimination still a problem in the 21st century, and honestly why was it ever? My brain can't wrap around what causes people to act that way. I truly don't understand it.

I guess the best way to close is to just say, Support Gay Marriage, and Re-Defeat Bush 2004.

Band Camp Day 2

So, I'm sorry I haven't written in a few days, but I worked 48 hours this week in four days, and then I started band camp yesterday... Anyway, this is the first full day of band camp, but if you count that little bit last night it's day two. Only 12 seniors this year. There are a lot of dropouts. We're marching 6 more people than last year, but we're down two instrumentalists. I guess that's not too bad. I half expected it to be worse, since Dr. Boehm quit and I know a lot of students were so unhappy without having him or Mr. Orr this year, myself included. However I do like Colonel Morgan and his assisstant (whose name I can't remember) seems pretty cool too. We had a bunch of Alumni come back and teach a little sectional last night (Matt Vitartas did flutes and clainets, Big Kenny did saxes, etc.) which was cool, but we have no section leaders and no squads, so it's really just the teachers, Amber (administrative assisstant) and our three section leaders who are the 'leaders'.

Band Camp is a little odd this year for me. I went into it with very mixed feelings. I like Colonel Morgan and Mr. Tirey a lot and they both inquired on whether I would do marching band this year. I quit early into last season due to reasons of a personal relationship problem, which I kind of regret, but know I would have been even more unhappy than I was last fall if I had to keep being subjected to what I was subjected to when I was in band so I know I made the right decision. However, I stayed in all the other bands and still consider myself a fourth year student, and so does Colonel Morgan it seems, even though Jenn and Nate give me crap and call me 3 1/2 year student. That's ok. What are friends for, afterall, right? Anyway, I thought it would be weird to be around certain people that I've grown apart from either because I kind of mostly removed myself from the OC Community last year or due to untrue things said about me that I have no control over so I try not to worry about. I didn't know if I would be accepted back into the band fold. It seems most people, other than my close friends, have forgotten that I even left. There are a few people that it makes me uneasy to be around, but not enough that I regret joining back in. There is even one close friend whom I had little to no contact with most of last year but we seem to be reconnecting and this makes me very happy.

Oh, and of an interesting note, the clarinet section this year is Erin Packer, me, and five freshman girls. Tony Guzman had better rejoin next year! And maybe some other upperclassmen. If I have to 'lead' a pack of sophomores and freshmen next year, well...I don't know. I guess it might be kind of cool. Loser me in my fifth year. Honestly, I love OC marching band and I would consider staying in a sixth year after I graduate, like Carl or Julie before me. We'll see. Depends on what we need in the band and how everything is going by then. I also found out I get to write some of the drill this year since Jenn and I are Col. Morgan "Advanced Marching Band Methods students". Ugh. I don't mind writing drill, but I don't want my peers to know I did it. It's the same reason I have problems 'teaching' with others of my age. I know I can teach and I can lead, but I hate it when I have to do something leadership like when there are other people in the band I feel could write much better drill than me. They are going to think my stuff is crap. It's not something I dwell on often, or am completely terrified of, but it does leave me feeling a little nervous.

Anyway, off to shower and movie watching. I'm tired. Tomorrow, sleep until noon, then more band camp and doubles softball in the afternoon. Ought to be interesting. Take care all!

Happy 5th Anniversary!!!

Today I 'celebrate' five years with Ulrey Foods, Inc. I don't know whether to cheer or cry. I mean, it's a good company, I like the owners, and they have treated me pretty well...but at the same time I don't like my job all that much and I planned to have quit long before now. I still have two years of college left, so I will probably still work for them another two years until I finish, unless a better oppurtunity comes along. I've put my resume in in a few places, but no word yet.

Thinking about the last five years, I do have a lot of really good memories there. Some of my best friends have worked with me there, and past close friends were there. My first week I met the 27 year old married woman (she's about 31 now) with two kids who I had more than a slight crush on, but nothing happened. I do have morals. I mean, I don't know for sure that anything could have happened, but I had the impression that it might and I liked her a lot. She quit like two years ago. I also had many late nights at Steak 'n' Shake and goofy water fights and such. I do value the people I worked with. I also take great pride in Flyer's success. I have a copy of the PMQ magazine when my bosses graced the cover and I keep pictures of all the company managers in my living room.

I have to wonder how long I will work there. My best friend Nathan used to tell me I had a cot there and lived there. I am salaried there now so I work 40 hours a week and all. I take my work home with me and I do organize some extra projects. At times it can be fun. I am going to be a teacher (I keep trying to convince myself that someday soon I ill be, but I have my doubts) and I may very well work there in the summer and on Sunday mornings for years to come. The restaurant will probably still be around. It's lasted almost three decades and is in the top 20 or so pizza restauarants in the country. Of course, if I could just become a successful author I could forget about all this, but anyway...

Thanks to my bosses for such an interesting and memorable five years. Wayne Ulrey, and his sons who now run the company: Scott (My immediate boss), Mark (who used to work with me, and does marketing and stuff), Steve (who with his wife Ellen handles paperwork and other things), and Dave. All the managers I have worked for over the years: Chief, Chris, Jeff, Randy, and Erin and if I forgot anyone else. I could also list my friends that have worked there, but it would take way too long. To five more years? I don't know if I'm ready to commit to that.

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Normalcy

For anyone that knows me, you know that every so often (like once a week) I have some depressed time where I ponder everything in my life and dwell on the past. For those of you not used to this part of me, know that I am 95% happy, healthy, and like my life. I finally like myself and what I've accomplished and can appreciate it. It was something I struggled with for years. My low self-esteem has even approved. I am no longer willing to change for someone. However, after watching Season 3 of Dawson in about 5 days and injesting half a bottle of rum (it was a small bottle and I mixed it with coca-cola!), plus I am listening to BNL's Brian Wilson (the live recording from their Columbus concert in July - it rocked!) I am in one of those moods.
Mainly, this stuff sets in after watching sappy stuff. I hate being alone and am a hopeless romantic. This combination is not good. I have a few friends whom I would date but aren't interested, but I truly believe I have not met the right person yet. I also believe (or try to believe) I will meet that person, hopefully sooner rather than later. I had a life plan since Kindergarten. By 20, maybe earlier, I would begin to date a wonderful woman. At 22 we would get engaged, at 23 I would be married (my mom married at 23) and by 26 or so I would have a child. I want a daughter. :) Well, I have dated two girls in my life. The first lasted a little under six months, was wonderful, but I realize we weren't right for each other and I wish her the best. The second, whom I always refer to as WB, was a terrible and traumatic experience that was strung out well over a year and resulted in several breakups and me being strung along, and then another year to get over her. I half believe she is the antichrist since she fools many people and I actually lost some friends over her. Oh, well. Maybe they weren't my real friends anyway. I found out this afternoon that she will be living locally, which also upset me a lot. I counted the days until she left town hoping I would never see her again, but I guess I'm going to have to put up with seeing her occasionally. I'm just glad I'm over her, although I hate the negative feelings the sight of her invokes.
Anyway, this isn't about her. This is about me. I am afraid from time to time I will be in my mid-20's and not married, which I feel is too late. I wanted to be married by 23. I know the national average is now more like 28, which I feel is far too late for me. And yet I am happy. I have a good life. I am very unsure about my career and can't wait to get my degree from Otterbein, but I'm actually liking my job in the pizza shop again (I started hating it when I dated WB. Hmm.) and I just finished writing an actual book which I hopeto gte published. Anyone want to proofread for me? Well, I am going to sit here and drink a little more, just slack off. Afterall, after today I probably won't get a day off for months. Come stop by and see me some time. Despite my little bad mood ramble, I feel so much better after writing and am slowly getting into a good mood again. I'd like to have some friends around about now. Join me, will you?

Also, we ARE having a big New Year's Eve party this year, and unlike last year it WILL be formal, even if Tim and I are the only ones in tuxes. Mark your calendars!

Dawson's Creek

Ok, this really sucks. You know reality television, where you realize that you are watching is absolute shit, but you can't help but keep watching anyway to find out what happens? I find myself comparing Dawson's Creek to that. Don't get me wrong. I actually LIKE the characters on Dawson's Creek. It is just a show that really pisses me off. I have three episodes to watch in Season 3 (DVD rocks!), but I am getting more frustrated by the minute. Hardly an episode goes by without me tearing up or yelling at my television. Why can't Dawson, Pacey, and Joey all get along? Why did Andy, who was the first television character I fell in love with, cheat on Pacey and then on the PSATs and totally screw everything up? Why can't Jack accept that his father is trying to accept him and then meet him halfway? Why can't Dawson's parents make up their divorced little minds about what they mean to each other? I hate this show with a vengenance! I am going to go watch the end. Have a nice day.

I'm baaaaack!

Sorry for the little bit of delay (cough 6 months cough) since I previously posted, but I have a good reason! No, seriously, I do. I was incredibly sick, then when I got better I was on band tour in March, and then following that, when I got back at school for spring quarter, I began to write my book. Yes, the geese book that the comic I draw, draw being a relative term, is very loosely based on. I also went on vacation in Florida for a week in July with 30 of my closest relatives, relatives being a relative term (I'm shamelessly corny), where I wrote some very important chapters. I finished the book, and while I struggle to get it published, before I start writing the sequel, I am back and better than ever on my web page! I will be updating regularly, including a revamp of all the current pages, until I say otherwise, so please check back. Plus you will soon get more comics and lots of cool goodies centering on my book and other projects.