You Tried So Hard To Be Someone Else... You Forgot Who You Were...

Before I get the entry here, I thought I'd go ahead and post.

For those who don't know me, check my website. The fat character with the blonde hair is based after me. AND... For those who read this, already know by reading Jimmy's post about the little soiree' being thrown by WNCI tomorrow night called the Man Market. Jimmy is being cool enough to let me say my peace before he politely vents his frustration about me whenever. (Thanks Jimmy.)

Originally, my friend Drew DJs the event every year. I'm thinking cool, I have the night off, I'll actually go to Man Market, hang with Drew, bring Jimmy along and it will be really fun. Maybe meet the Morning Zoo and have a grande old time. Instead, after me and Jimmy sign up for the Man Market, being I work with Drew, I decide to ask about what to expect from LRE at the NCI Man Market 04. He says he has no clue, he's not doing it.

That wasn't the first thing that is making me back out of what is going on tomorrow, but it made me VERY uneasy about it. God knows, Jimmy is uneasy about it too.

BUT... something was said to me a few days ago which makes me feel that I don't belong at a man market where girls will bid on me, and in a way, I'm just wasting space till all the "hotties" come up. AKA: I'm Filler. As I told Jimmy over dinner today, that If i looked better, as long as I didn't speak, we'd get bid on. (Trying to get a laugh, I said the same about him as well when he tried to say 'no one will vote for me.' Which I still think is rediculous.' ) Another thing to add to this is that while scared for the event, I had my hopes up, and I was going in, optimistic. There's always someone to make you feel like shit, and specially when it's someone you care for that says it, it hurts even more.

Every few months, I get into a funk about my situation with girls, (everyone gets into a funk about being single sometimes) Say something hurtful to me 3 days or so before Man Market, and... well, I don't wanna go. Maybe it's the Pessimistic side of me or maybe it's just the basic fact of I know pretty well what will happen if I go in to the Man Market tomorrow. Or maybe it's what the person said that is getting to me. would I like to prove this person wrong and win the affection of all the ladies? Hell yes.

I do disagree though that this will happen. I know how girls are, girls at these events are, and how I will be treated at this event. I believe and know that Jimmy stands an excellent chance there, but I on the other hand do not. If there was a single example in my life at all that would prove that anything otherwise would occur then I would go. But I want someone to bid on me who wants to bid on me, not because they're my friends and they would bid on me.

::sighs::

Anyway, I just wanted to stated my case before Jimmy posts here that I "shafted" him. But he knew 3 days before hand, so I gave him notice. Good luck at Man Market Jimmy, and have fun.

--Nick