Am I Missing Anything?

After watching several more episodes of Dawson's Creek, and thinking about other similiar shows and movies, I have to wonder, did I miss a major part of my life? For instance, I don't feel I had a "first love" who I will always love. I've fallen in love twice, both in college, and neither lasted, and only one is friendly, although I don't speak to her much. The other isn't even civil, despite efforts at an olive branch. But I gave that up awhile ago. But anyway, back to the point. I missed all the high school romance. I had a couple of crushes, but only one I thought may have been interested back, until I found out she liked girls. I don't have that solid 'group' of friends either. I have friends with varying degrees of closeness, but who do I share everything with? Who do I go to when I'm upset? There isn't one person or a group of persons. It is someone different every time, or more often no one. I crave that 'friend group'. I've drifted in and out of a couple over the years, but never was fully accepted. Am I missing important parts of my life? Or is this normal and I just don't want to believe it is because I want my life to be more like tv? Hmm. Isolation strikes again. Am I antisocial? I don't want to be. I love being social.

BTW, this is much more an introspective entry than a depressed entry, so please don't worry or leave comments telling me not to worry about it. I appreciate the sentiment, but that's not what I'm looking for right now.

Etc.

So after scanning through everyone's blogs and catching up, instead of going to class, I found I had much more to write about it. I did the Presidential Match thing and got a 66% on Kerry and a 16% on Bush. Tell you what, all you Bush fans. I'll save us both some trouble. Since our votes are going to cancel out each other anyway, you tell me that you're voting for Bush and we'll both stay home. Deal? :) Hey, if you're voting for Bush and only have the brain power he had, you'd fall for that. :) Anyway, I attended the Circleville Pumpkin Show on Friday night and forgot to write about it. Otterbein Marching Band was the featured band this year. We did a concert and basically led the parade. Big whoop. They want us back in 2 years for their big 200th anniversary. We'll see.

Now, onto my geeky things. Lisa put hers out there, so I feel it is only fair.

Shows I am obsessed with: all 5 Star Trek's, especially Deep Space 9. Buffy, Angel, Alias, hopefully soon 24, Lost, & Desperate Houswives. I hate reality television, but am strangely drawn to watching it. I love Joey, Friends, Will & Grace, M*A*S*H, Sports Night, the West Wing, Wonder Years, South Park, Saturday Night Live, Futrama, Family Guy, Dawson's Creek, Boy Meets World, Full House, and I'm sure there are more, including some flops like Cybill, Once & Again, and It's Like, You Know...

Counting each TV Season as one DVD, I own about 400 and they are all categorized and then alphabetized, plus I keep a computer list of title, rating, genra, and major actors as well as photos to prove I own them all for insurance purposes. I have two TVs (one flatscreen), two DVD players, one VCR, and one surround sound system. I am technology obsessed.

I actually identify with Dawson, a fact I am often not proud to admit.

I am anal. Just about myself though, not about others.

I think books are sacred and probably own almost a thousand of them. I want to have a library in my house someday.

I own many, many, many Star Trek collectibles and action figures, including a set of 3 worth several thousand dollars and two big cardboard cutouts of Kirk & Spock from Star Trek V. These are almost all at my parent's house, but I want a Star Trek room in my house too.

I have three large Buffy posters on my apartment bedroom wall, an Enterprise poster in the dining room, and the actual posters that hung in Monica's apartment on Friends in my living room.

I have an almost photographic memory for details, numbers, etc. but I don't remember what I did an hour ago.

I hate drugs. I don't even take Tylenol unless I desperately desperately need it.

I am afraid of becoming an alcoholic because I love it so much. The only other thing I am afraid of is the supernatural. I can handle murders, but keep the ghosts away.

I would never go to war, even if I had to go to Canada.

I have a strange urge to live in the UK for awhile.

When I am in a relationship, I never look at any other girl. This includes celebrities, few of which I find attractive anyway. Plastic is disgusting. Go for the real thing.

A lot of times, I like to isolate myself and feel upset. I do this willingly from time to time because I want to.

Money scares me too. I am getting better about saving, but paying rent and college loans and still buying stuff is scary.

I don't see myself with a bright future. I'm beginning to think my only hope is if people will actually buy the books I am writing.

I am twisted and take great fascination with killing my characters because I know they're fictional. I have drowned people in Roller Coaster Tycoon for fun. Life isn't so meaningless in reality to me. I love people and death makes me very sad.

I am afraid of becoming numb. Sometimes I don't think I feel enough. Perhaps this explain why I willingly isolate myself and make myself upset.

And The End because I am too embarassed to continue.

JESUS!!!

I'm sorry I did not post on this last night, but last night was pretty emotional for me and I needed stress relief with friends, not writing. Last night was the second anniversary of Timmy J's death. I actually forgot until Nathan called me to tell me the Kingsmen were heading out to the dam. I got there about 45 minutes or so before the rest and just stood staring out over the water. I miss Timmy greatly. Everytime I think about him, I still get emotional. Yes, the vast majority of my memories of Timmy were good. I will share some in a moment. But the last two years, when concerning Timmy, have not been easy. And I'm not even in that circle of family or lifelong friends. I knew him just over a year. Yet I thought I had a great connection with him in that year and valued him a lot. These are the things I thought about as I looked over the water. Where was he now? Is he looking down on us? I thought I saw his face in a cloud, but I'm sure it was just my imagination. One of the Kingsmen joked that the lunar eclipse last night was because Timmy got in the way of the moon. :) Maybe he was right.

I met Timmy at bandcamp my freshman year. He was so enthusiastic. Listening to him wail away on his trombone to "Do What You Wanna" was a highlight. That fall I went out to dinner with Timmy, Evan, Erin, Esther, and Scott for Evan's birthday. Since everyone mentioned is graduated, I don't think I can get them in trouble. At that dinner Timmy 'made' me sign a contract on a napkin that said I would not pledge any other fraternity besides Kings. I had spent many nights bowling with those guys. Imagine the college's shock had they found out that an illegal contract was drawn up to a freshman signed by King's Treasure, Consistution Chairman, and the President of EKT as well as a couple of witnesses.

When I lived in the King house, Timmy used to open my mail. One day I was expecting a box of DVDs and Columbia House mailed the wrong one. Timmy opened it up and found Barbie's Nutcracker. I don't think he ever let me live that one down. I swear I did not order it, nor did I keep it! :) Many nights were spent hanging with him on that porch. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

I went bowling a lot, and a lot of times Timmy was there. Wednesday, just a few days before the Saturday that he died, Timmy rode with me to the bowling alley. We got a chance to talk, and I really connected with the guy. Saturday, the afternoon before he died, I was trying to help him get a date with Amber, Whore Bitch's (Whom I was dating at the time) roommate. It wasn't exactly a success, but I am so greatful for getting to talk to him about important things the day he died.

The day we all found out will always vividly live in my memory. I had gone to work Sunday morning to work one of my 16 hours shifts. By noon Nathan was in tears on the phone with me. I know I didn't leave that office at work, despite the orders popping up on the screen. I called every manager and owner until one of them would come in for me, and then I sped back to Westerville. I tried to make sense of everything. I called my dad. I called Dr. Boehm. No one had any information, but I just wanted to get back. I stopped at the WB's room, then headed over to the police-taped-off King house. Andy & Andie were sitting in front of it. The sight chilled me. I walked down to the police station where the entire fraternity was gathering. People got off work and rushed home. We came together that night like no other. We cried, we hugged, we went to a small service the campus put on, we went to the dam, and most of all we joked and shared our memories through our tears. Last year we did a similiar ritual, and this year was a sort of like that too, except most of the old guys are gone now. It was my pledge class talking to the young guys who didn't know him. Jason asked them to keep the tradition alive. I plan to be sitting out on the dam next October 27. Please honor his memory if you knew him and do the same.

Britney who?

OK, before I write about my various shows and things, I just have to say please, please, please if you have any sense of decency vote 'no' on Issue One. I mean seriously, who are we kidding? Protecting marriage? Go after Britney Spears-Federline-Whateverthefuckhernameisthisweek. The gays don't threaten marriage! Also, vote for Kerry and vote yes on Issue 106 (the zoo levy).

Ok, so it has been a busy week. I did watch a couple of movies - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and the Tao of Steve. The first one was all right, not as good as I had hoped. The second one rocked and I got a new quote. "Slackers are great. Doing stuff is highly overrated. Look at Hitler. He did lots of stuff, but don't we all wish he would have just sat home and gotten high?" Granted, I don't get high but it was still funny. I just finished my re-watch of Buffy Season 2 with my friends. Yeah, I had forgotten how many times Jonathan was around early on, and how sad the finale of Season 2 really is. On my own time, I am steamrolling through Dawson's Creek Season 4 and with the death of Mr. Brooks and everything, it is getting harder to get through. Also, go Dawson on dating a 21 year old! I dated a 22 year old at 18 and I sometimes get a bit nostalgic for those days. I need to find another older woman to date. :) Anyway, almost done with that and then onto Alias 3! Also, has anyone been taping Desperate Housewives? I really want to watch it.

Miscellaneous

I am tired of mostly writing about movies and television shows, but that is a lot more exciting than my life. In fact, it has almost become my life in the past 16 months. I guess I used television as a replacement for a love life, which is good and bad. It also a medium I have fallen in love with and am not willing to give up. I could possibly cut back a little, but not too much because I often feel behind now. And honestly, I get more out of tv than just sitting and watching. I used to be very into movies, and thought tv was a step below but the more shows I watch, the more I am fascinated by the writing and acting choices, the directing, and a million other things I won't go into right now because it will get boring. And a thought just occured to me. I guess I'm a bit like Dawson Leery. I now definitely think about what it would be like to be a Joss Whedon or a JJ Abrahms or someone who makes wonderful tv shows, and I can't stop myself from thinking about how I could make my Actor's Nightmare book series into a tv show. I don't think a movie would do the book justice, and with more coming as I'm editing the first book and beginning the second, I would just love to do a tv show and make each chapter an episode (22 in a season). Do a book a season. Anyway, a pipe dream that may or may not ever happen.

Thank goodness. The fire alarm finally stopped. Yes, I know I should exit my apartment when the fire alarm goes off. I know I could get in trouble by staying inside. Honestly I went out when it went off, but after checking with the people that set it off and knowing everything was ok, I came back. I only have five more minutes until band and I wanted to get a journal entry in. I am doing pretty good on this two-a-week thing recently and I want to keep up at least that often, more if I can. But it is really hard to write and be introspective with a piercing alarm going off in my ears.

Ok, well my mandatory tv/movie update. I watched Van Hesling: London Adventure. Pretty good, but not nearly as good as Van Helsing the movie. The London Adventure is a cartoon prequel with all the original voices that was released on dvd the week the movie hit theatres. I also finished watching Alias Season Two. Can I say blown away? AWESOME! It keeps getting better and better. I also watch the first four episodes of Dawson's Creek Season 4. That show is great. I watched the best episode to date. It was called "Two Gentlemen of Capeside". Dawson and Pacey haven't been friend since last season when Pacey and Dawson hooked up, but when Pacey and Jenn get caught in a storm on Pacey's boat, he goes into a cove knowing Dawson will know where he is and come save him. Despite Dawson's hatred for Pacey right now, he does save him! And that's only the first half of the episode! Tear-jerker!

Shit. I have to leave for band in 1 minute and I haven't checked my e-mail. Bye all!

How to Get a Guy in 10 Days

I love chick flicks. I admit this. I am a sucker for romantic comedies and my heart has been tugged by many of them. I just saw one of the best in awhile. It could have been the mood I was in, but it really got to me. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" was sweet, frustrating, romantic, and it tore me up. I need a romance like in the movies. Maybe minus all the crap they go through, but it would be worth it for true love. To be perfectly honest, some of the stuff Kate Hudson pulled in that movie, I found cute, not annoying. Of course after a week or so it was probably way too early for that type of thing to come up. Still... I am so lonely and so happy because of the warm ending, but I... I don't know. I would really like a relationship. I have been single for 16 months, not even a date. I'm picky and I'm not willing to settle, but it would be nice for someone great to come my way... If anyone sees someone, send them my way. :)

Now, to continue the heartache, Season 4 of Dawson's Creek!

Alias

I never gave Alias it's due and I'm sorry. After sleeping from about 3:30pm Tuesday until about 3am Wednesday, then getting a ton of crap done on Wednesday because I had the day off, I finally got back into Alias, where I had left off 5 episodes into Season 2. I always considered it a good show, but it kicks ass! I am one episode away from "Phase One" now and I can't stop. Of course, I have seen that all important episode, but I am getting so excited about it. Can't wait to finish Seasons 2 & 3 and 4 premieres in January! Then I still have yet to watch Lost (although I've recorded every episode) and am weeks behind on Smallville and Enterprise (again, I have them on tape), and Season 4 of Dawson's Creek just arrived in the mail...ahh! Gotta go!

What's The Opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Ok, ok, I know. I'm going to have to retire that joke now. (The answer was of course, Christopher WALKen). I was deeply saddened by his passing, and I feel very selfish for wondering, what will they do on "Smallville" about his character? Still, he was a great man and I hope that much good comes from his encouragement into research and healing. I was checking out Erin's web site and she's right. A lot of celebrities have died in the past few years. Incredibly sad.

Because I am in a rush, I am not going to take any more time to dwell on death. I haven't posted because of how incredibly busy I've been. I just worked double shifts two days in a row, and now I have a paper due this morning (I woke up at 6:30 am to write it) and an exam in and hour and a half on two books I haven't read (I love the internet for synopsizing books!) Anyway, I wanted to post because I like to keep my readers informed of my life, whether they want to be or not. :) TV wise, I finished Futrama Volume 4 (how sad!) and am getting ready to hit all my recorded shows from the past two weeks and Alias Season 2 some more. BTW, did anyone record Bored Housewives or whatever it's called? I'm hearing about it and now I wanted to see it. Anyway, love life, nothing to report there, but hopefully I'm building up the courage to make a move someday soon towards somebody (could I be more vague? :))

Oh, and now my shameless plug of a new book. It's a textbook called AMERICA: The Book. I read a bit of it and bought it. I LOVE it! Everyone should read this important tome on American history. It's put out by The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. From sarcastic "quotes" of the presidents, to the hilarious forward "by" Thomas Jefferson, to the description of various government offices. It's a must read. It even has that big stamp in the front to write your name and condition of the book and all that in that was in every textbook I had K-12. The only differences is #3 in the fine print, which you'll have to read. Go to page 99 and match the robes with very naked (old, wrinkly, flabby, shiveled up) Justices. Full frontal nudity. In closing, I leave you with a small quote. It's from a small article called "Warren G. Harding: Our Worst President":
"The reasons why he sucked are many, and to be truthful, have been widely cateloged in the annals of presidential history. So, with your indulgence, I'd like to focus instead on the intensity of his sucking.
Warren G. Harding was a worthless piece of shit. Fuck him. His presidency was a taint, not just in the sense of a "stain on the office", but literally a taint - the anatomical area between the anus and the testicles.
I hate Warren G. Harding."

Did I mention that article was by Stephen Colbert, "the Arthur Schlesinger Professor of American Studies at Harvard"?

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I posted on this blog, and for that I am truly sorry. I will not to let it happen again. It's just... I have life! Ok, I'm kidding. Not about having a life, because I do, and anyway this is just becoming a run on rant and I do that to much so it's time to stop it and move onto a real topic.

So updates? School still sucks. Skipped my first classes today because I went to Meijer's last night at midnight (when it came out) and bought Farenheit 9/11 than attempted to watch it. I fell asleep, but I still overslept. Oh, well. It's not like I usually skip classes (this quarter), and I checked the syllabus. I don't think I missed anything important. I had to go buy the movie because I was watching the debate last night (Last Thursday's. I recorded it and just found time watch it) and really enjoying it, at least as much as you can enjoy it while hating with a passion our current president, and then some people came over. One in particular who was very pro-Bush, anti-Kerry. And the comments couldn't stop being made. I eventually got into yelling matches, and then had to go cool off over at Lisa's. So I needed some more Bush-bashing and that movie is great at it.

TV wise, I am very behind. I finally watched last week's Joey and Will & Grace but I still have the premiere of Lost to watch, and the end of the presidential debate, and tonight is the Vice Presidential debate, and Wednesday is Lost and Smallville, and Thursday is Joey and Will & Grace and Friday is the Enterprise season premiere and another Presedential debate. Plus I have barely gotten to the second disc of Season 2 of Alias and I bought Futurama Volume 4. And the thing is, I have so many more important things to do than watch television. I have work for Flyer's to do, a huge event to plan, homework, two weeks worth of newspapers in my living room (I at least have to read the comics), and stacks of books to read. Anyone in favor of declaring next week 'catch up week' and cancelling reality so I can get a grasp on things?

On top of that, and going with the theme of today, I am having trouble not thinking about a certain girl. It's been awhile since that happened. It's a girl I've had a crush on for years, but it was recently reawakened in full force. I don't even know if she's interested. I'm kind of waiting to see if there's a sign. If not, that's fine too. I could just be her friend and that would make me happy, but it's also kind of exciting to have these feelings. I don't want to talk about it too much because I wouldn't want to jinx what may or may not be. And I'm certainly not mentioning her name on here.

Ok, time to start on that pile of things that needs done. See you all soon!