That's My Bush!

One of the most inspired sitcoms to ever be made, judging from the two episodes I've seen of it, was That's My Bush, which was on Comedy Central in 2001. It followed the hilarious antics of W., Laura, Rove, the maid, the intern, and a neighbor who could just walk in the front door of the White House and plop down on the couch in the main foyer, flipping on the television. Even when the White House was locked down due to security concerns. W. accidently launched nuclear attacks, or scheduled and abortion summit and a date with his wife on the same night, flying through predictable sitcom plots. But in the White House. It was really funny, especially the aborted fetus that somehow survived to lead an anti-abortion group. Now all eight episodes, including six that I have NEVER, EVER SEEN are available on DVD! I cannot tell you how many times in the past couple of years I have gone on Amazon to check for it, and been sorely disappointed to discover that it wasn't for sale. Then today, in my e-mail newsletter form Comedy Central's web site, there it was! A deluxe, two-disc release with commentaries! Yay! Finally I get to see it all. The show wasn't cancelled because it was bad. The show was cancelled because the Twin Towers were destroyed and suddenly it became not funny to make fun of the president. Thank goodness that's over. :)

Qop! (from Team America: World Police because I used TMB a few weeks ago)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran - I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'.

ANOTHER SONG: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: You will die a peasant's death!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Matt Damon: MATT DAMON!

SNL Sweeps Sweeps

Last night's Saturday Night Live, the first one of sweeps, certainly delivered in star power, even if every skit didn't deliver the laughs. The monologue of Kristen Wiig (who is getting a deserved huge amount of screen time lately) as Nancy Pelosi was funny, and so was the weekend update interview with Rumsfeld. But the guest star parade began in the monologue when Alec Baldwin, who was hosting a record tying 13 times, brought on his co-stars of his new show, 30 Rock, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. The new show is by SNL alumni and produced by the SNL producer, Lorna Michael. Morgan did it in character, and with Fey, it was hard to tell. Then the Platinum Lounge encounter with Steve Martin rocked, as did the wordless appearnaces of Martin Short as their waiter, followed by Paul McCartney. So did Martin host 14 times? I didn't get that. But The Tony Bennet show skit where Baldwin played Bennet and Bennet came on as an impersonator was hilarious, and their duet was good. Christina Arguliera was the musical guest, which of course I didn't watch, except her third segment, which was a duet with the real Bennet, and that was really entertaining. Anyway, I just wanted to comment on the huge amount of guest star power present. The curtain call was impressive. It was great!

Qop! (SNL Weekend Update 11/11/06)
"In an ironic twist Tuesday, Iraw brought about a regime change to the United States."

Yay America!

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Entertainment Edition

Tip of the Hat
To The Nine. This show has just gotten better and better every week. John Billingsly is the best part, although I have ti say that Tim Daly and Kim Raver keep me hooked, too. I really hope this show goes on for a nice, long while. And Joshua Malina rocks, too.
Wag of the Finger
The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm not a sports fan, but you don't play the Michigan fight song to a booing crowd in Columbus. They should never even try to seel another album in this town.
Tip of the Hat
To Barry Manilow for giving Stephen Colbert joint custody of the emmy, and signing a notorized contract on The Colbert Report. Also, letting Stephen take the lead in the duet was classy.
Wag of the Finger
To the Barenaked Ladies for not playing "Fun & Games" as their fantastic concert last night. They played in the venue Jon Stewart had been in the night before. This is Ohio, the most important state in the election. And they didn't play their anti-Bush song. What better time for it?
Tip of the Hat
Tyler of BNL for that fantastic rendering of Feliz Halloween. Prospero ano y felici-bean.
Wag of the Finger
To Jon Stewart for having Lebron James, James Mueller, and NOT James Dailey. If you come to town and do a James theme, why not me? :)

Qop! (South Park Season 10 - more to come when IMDB posts newest episodes)
Stan: He was right, you did cause 9-11.
George W. Bush: Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted at the base of the towers, then on 9-11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives and shot down all the witnesses in Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed planm ever, ever.
Kyle: [disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Why?
George W. Bush: The oldest reason in the world: money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil which made us all even richer than before.
Donald Rumsfeld: Beautiful money. Ha ha ha!
Kyle: [even more disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Is the whole government in on this?
George W. Bush: We are all knowing and all powerful. Good-bye boys.
Dick Cheney: [shoots an arrow and misses the boys] Dang it, I missed again.
George W. Bush: For Christ's sake, Cheney.
Stan: Kyle, run!