January 2008

I fully expected to update this blog more often once my student teaching was done, but now I wonder if I ever will update as often as I once did. Probably not. Things have been very busy. I am still teaching, and working another job, and trying to have a social life. I have also been updating my web site frequently with reviews. Check them out! There are also plenty of new episodes of The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, which is a great podcast! It has really been growing and solidifying what it is. There are now three hosts, including Jon. I'm sorry I don't have anything real to post here. I'm looking very forward to the season premiere of Lost on Thursday. If you know me, feel free to call me about coming over for it. There'll probably be a few people here. And that's, um, yeah that's all for now. I'll post something more fun soon. Have a good week, loyal readers!

Qop!
"Sir, there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder." ~ Spock, fooling a guard, Star Trek

Happy 2008!

This is the first post in a long while, and the first of the new year. Now that student teaching is over, I hope to be updating this blog once or twice a week again. Thank you all for bearing with me during my hiatus, and hope you will come back now that I have returned. I was on break from many things, not just the blog, but there is still new material on www.actorsnightmare.com with more to come later this week. Check it out for the latest content from me, as well as our weekly podcast, which is also available on iTunes. There is also a short film on that web site that Nick and I did for the holidays entitled The Apartment. Check it out.

MY TOP TEN TELEVISION PREMIERS OF 2007:
10. Life
9. The Big Bang Theory
8. Chuck
7. Private Practice
6. Reaper
5. Hidden Palms
4. Pushing Daisies
3. Dirty Sexy Money
2. Gossip Girl
1. Damages

Qop! (Pushing Daisies)
Chuck: You can't just touch someone's life and be done with it.
Ned: Yes, I can. That's how I roll.

Damages

I'm sure you people that still check this blog are getting tired of the very rare updates and vows to fix that. I truly will, come December, when student teaching is over, and I can afford to have a life again. Until then, I am behind on everything. It's already the 25th of the month and I haven't even started my short story for my book web site. I know, I know. I'm terrible. But I will prevail, and after December, you will feel my presence. Until then, if you want your regular does of Jimmy, check out the podcast I do with Nick Nitro, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky. We update every week. We didn't always, but we have kept that schedule for a month or so, and we do intend to keep it going. It's really taking off. You can find it on iTunes, or at the show's web site. It's really something, I think, and we have lots more surprises in store for our loyal listeners! And yes, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 will be out soon.

What could possibly break my once-again lengthy code of silence on the blog? Every once in awhile, a show comes along that just completely wows you. I mean, really. I know I like lots of shows, but the ones that join my top tier are few and far between. We're talking your Buffy the Vampire Slayers, your Deep Space Nines, your Sports Nights. Shows unique in nature, and long lasting in mind. The newest to join that rank: the first year drama Damages, which just completed its initial run on FX. While the show has not yet been picked up for a second season, they should just hand the Emmy and the Golden Globe to Glenn Close. While they're at it, give a supporting actor nod to Zeljko Ivanek (Live Free or Die Hard, Oz, The Manchurian Candidate). Rose Byrne stars, and Ted Danson and Tate Donavan round out the actors you need to know. I haven't watched the finale, it's paused on my tv screen right now, but I know without a doubt it will finish strong.

The show began in the summer, with poor Ellen (Byrne) in a trench coat covered in blood on a dark street. Over the ensuing thirteen weeks, we soon learned that her fiance was dead, and her boss, Patty Hughes (Close), may have tried to kill them both. Most of the story takes place in the months leading up to that fateful scenes as Patty and Ellen attempt to make a case against Ted Danson, but the action catches up the opening by the penultimate episode. I have much to say about this show, and will this Sunday on our podcast, but I can delay my anticipation no longer. It's on to the finale!

Qop!
"I predict that by the time I get back, you and David will be together again." ~ Patty Hughes (Glenn Close) to Ellen (Rose Byrne), Damages

Slang

It is interesting to me how slang changes. I am thinking of it because I was inputting the last comments of two of my editors, Lois and Nancy, in Book Three (due out in late October). I smile every time I see them circle and put question marks next to phrases that seem second nature to me. Two in particular I saw today were "Pathetic much?" and "It is so on." It amuses me that these simple things confuse them, having not heard them before. I guess that it part of the generational gap. Of course certain slang words like cool and such make it into the popular lexicon, but certain phrasing remains isolated, sometimes even to an area or group of people, long before it becomes common knowledge. Things I have said since high school sound strange and foreign to people when they first hear them. It makes me a little self-conscious, as my books are set about another generation or two into the future and I have not given them their own little language quirks; I've merely used the ones I know. Also, will people reading this a few years down the road even understand what I mean? Will they just be confused as my editors are and think that there are typos? I don't know, but that's ok. I don't plan on stopping the slang. I think it adds to the characters and gives them a distinct voice. And that is really all that matters.

Qop! (Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson in Clerks the cartoon)
[opening argument to the all-black jury of NBA players] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Dante Hicks is just like you. He lurves grape soda. He knows what it's like when the guy at the supermarket won't take your "food stamps". Or how it feels to wait all month for your "welfare check". [waving his arms from side to side] Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Thank you.

To Boldly Go

It's time for a big shift in gears in An Actor's Nightmare. For those of you who haven't known me forever, actors_nightmare@hotmail.com was an e-mail address I registered in SIXTH GRADE, many years ago. Around that time I launched a series of short comedy stories called Star Wreck: An Actor's Nightmare. Star Wreck became an important part of the now defunct UFK. Other stories were also written and posted, but that project was abandoned years ago. After many more years and several false starts, An Actor's Nightmare reemerged in 2003 an idea, and in early 2004 there was a webcomic. The animation was crappy, and the story was a little cheesy, but many of those first thirty or so pages made their way into the first few chapters of a book, called appropriately enough, An Actor's Nightmare Book One, published in 2005. This was quickly followed by An Actor's Nightmare Book Two in 2006, and the launch of Actor's Nightmare EXtra online.

The next year and a half is going to be big for An Actor's Nightmare. Book Three will be out around October, and ANEX stories will be posted through the end of the year, and beyond. I will be attending a convention in Columbus, OH over Thanksgiving weekend. An issue of Dribble for Kids (a popular webcomic by Nick Arganbright) written by me will begin appearing in the fall. Also, the online sitcom (text only) Excerpts From the Morning Show will premiere in September. By summer 2008, the paperback ANEX Volume One should be out with eighteen short stories (seven of which have never been seen before), and An Actor's Nightmare Book Four will be out later in the year. Beyond that, a wide variety of projects are planned.

Lastly, there is a rumor of a possible merger between An Actor's Nightmare and another online creative company that offers slightly different projects. This is by no means confirmed, but if it happens, it will be announced later this year. I won't go into details about what this would mean for AAN at this time, but it would be very exciting, and I promise to announce it here as soon as anything is confirmed, if it pans out.

Qops! (from A Prairie Home Companion)
Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

An Actor's Nightmare

Raise your hand if you've read at least part of An Actor's Nightmare. If your hand isn't up, why not? If you read my blog, you must know me, so please read my book. Ok, that sounded pathetic. :) Let me give you some reasons on why you should read An Actor's Nightmare.

10. It's like 500 pages long. Who doesn't like reading 500 page books? Also, An Actor's Nightmare Book Two is like 550 pages long, and Book Three (out this fall) will be even longer! Yay for long books! There will be NINE total. In your face Harry Potter. I will beat you!
9. People you know may be in it. Sort of. For legal reasons, they aren't. But some of the characters may have been inspired by real people. That's true. The characters really don't reflect the real people so much any more. Read it anyway.
8. You're my friend. I'm nice to you. Be nice to me and read my book. I'm not even saying you have to buy it. Borrow it. Or go to the Westerville or West Jefferson public libraries. They have copies. Other libraries might, too.
7. I may have let a little of my politics slip into Book Two. Just a bit. Down with Dictator Bush!
6. Flashbacks. There are lots of them. Every seven or eight chapters there is an Intermezzo with back story, much of it ancient. It's deep. Or so I imagine it to be.
5. Death. I kill main characters. Yes, I make you love people, and then I brutally rip them away from you. Hahahaha. I mean, cool deaths. Yeah, cool deaths.
4. The short story (#1-4 available free on the web site right now!) companion book, with seven stories not previously released, will be called ANEX (Actor's Nightmare EXtras). How cool is that title? Thanks Nancy for thinking of it! I mean, thanks me. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was all me.
3. My mom likes it. So does yours. At least, that's what she told me in bed last night. Snap!
2. Geese have nuclear weapons. What more do you need?

AND 1. I said please, goddamnit! What part of please don't you understand!?!

Qops! (from Lost)
Hurley: Great idea dude, go look inside the burning death hole.

Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.

Kate: Come on. You're going to see Jack.
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?

Mr. Artz: I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pally! You know, you people think you're the only ones on this island doing anything of value. Well, I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash and we are all people, too.

Danielle Rousseau: You've only got three choices: run, hide... or die.

Boone: [to Locke] John? You been using that wacky paste stuff that made me think my sister got eaten?

Sawyer: [faintly] I would've left you behind.
Michael: Shut up man, don't try that.
Sawyer: [even fainter] I did leave you behind.
Michael: Yeah well, good thing I ain't you.

Shannon: [after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked] What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!

Desmond: Jack, I'm Desmond. Good luck, brother. See you in another life, yeah?

Back to Writing

So the snow days continued, and I watched more than enough telvision, even for me. I wish I could get paid to do that, instead of sitting at home and making no money. Some of you may ask, well why didn't you pick up extra shifts at Champps? Do you really think with all of that bad weather that it would have a.) been smart to drive all the way across town and b.) enough customers would have been there to make it worth my time? I answered no to those. I did however get somewhat productive on An Actor's Nightmare Book Four. If you follow the series you know that Book Three is in the editing stages and due out this coming fall. Book Four is still a year and a half away from release, but I wanted to get an early start, so I tackled it head on. I have written a prologue that I am very happy with featuring the funeral of one of my main characters. Why would I be so heartless as to kill off one of the most important people in my books after they survived through the action packed trilogy? Because it happens! There's a twenty year time jump. Do you really think that everyone is still alive? Absolutely not. Most of them are, but somebody important will not be. Sorry. Not that you guys can even hazard a guess as to who it is, because you have not read Book Three, and thus do not know who survived the final assault. Hint: Many people did not! :) Well rather than torment anyone further, I'm off to grad school, but hopefully you will all check out the book and enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Qop! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Snow, Snow, Go Away

Ok, I secretly loved having three days off this week. I had my TiVo completely empty for the first time since I got it, as of Wednesday. Then Wednesday night Lost, Knights of Prosperity, and American Idol recorded, so now it's not empty. But briefly, it was nice. However, as this is the last week I am going to get paid for awhile, I needed the money, and now I'm screwed. I did get to work today for a whopping hour and a half, but I got paid for a full day, so I'm not really complaining. I am scheduled tomorrow, too, so we'll see. Next Monday begins my three week multicultural experience at Praire Lincoln Elementary School in the Southwestern district. I have mixed feelings on this. I mean, I'll bet it's a good school, and it'll be fun and all, but it'll be a ton of work coming at a time when I'm very busy (I know, I know. I should have used my snow days more wisely), and plus, I won't be paid for it. I have to pay Ashland for it, actually, more than I would have made in those three weeks. Actually, about the same. But that is ridiculous. They should just let me sub out there for a few weeks or something. Anyway, I is a poor man.

Also, I hope you have been enjoying my new comic strip, Excerpts from The Morning Show. I haven't been real regular in my posting. That means sometimes the day's strip gets posted the night before, sometimes it's late in the day, or once even the next day (tomorrow's is already up)., but I've gotten it drawn out and scanned in for the next month so it's just a matter of remembering to log in and put it up.

And I wrote half my prologue for An Actor's Nightmare Book Four today, which was a totally bad idea, as now I want to keep writing, and the next three weeks will be insanely busy. But I love the series, and it's been killing me to take a break, and I am very happy with what I've written so far, so screw it. It's fun. :)

Qop!
"Rape is just surprise sex." ~ My brother David. He named his Facebook Group that. Don't worry, he got banned from Facebook.

Labels

By the way all, labels have finally been finished for ALL my blogs, dating back nearly two and a half years. Want to know everything I've written about a certain topic? Click on a label. Have fun. Be safe. :)

Oh, by the way, Depressed is not my most common label. Politics is. But thanks for noticing. :) Other big ones: ActorsNightmare, Alias, books, Buffy, JonStewart, Religion, Romance, StephenColbert, Writing. Nope, Drinking wasn't high enough to top the list. Screw you. :)

Three Down; Six To Go

I just finished writing the first draft of An Actor's Nightmare Book Three. For those of you keeping up with the series, Book Two will be out at the end of next month, November 2006. I am well ahead because I already finished Book Three. Granted, I still have a month or two of editing to do myself on it, then I have to send it to my various editors, then I will do another pass myself, so it is far from over. It will still not be about until next fall, probably around November. But the first draft is done! About four or five months earlier in the year than I finished Book Two. I am torn between wanting to jump right into Book Four, or work on some other project for a few months. I probably should take a break, but I love writing it, and since Book Three closed a triology, Book Four will be so much to get back into. I'm thinking of writing some scripts of Nick's comic strip, Dribble for Kids. I'm thinking about working on the other book I started, The Many Loves of Jimmy Bailey, and I'm thinking about getting out my young adult novel, The Berry Go Round, and retooling it to get it ready for release. I finished writing that book years ago. We'll see. I love to write, and I'm sure I will be writing some more soon.

Qop! (BNL: Bull In A China Shop)
I'm a kid in a candy store /I'm a bull in a china shop / I'm a tired old metaphor / For everything you can't afford / And everything you can't afford to be
I'm a public embarrassment / I'm a bottle of diet poison / I'm a walking advertisement / For everything I never meant / And everything I never meant to be
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening
I'm the reason I don't go out /I'm afraid I might tell me something / I'm the shadow of every doubt / I'm the product this song's about / I'm the product this song's about to be
I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening /I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening
Every morning / Since I was born / It's been hard to look in the mirror / And see my face for the horns
All the fun that the law allows / All the fun but with half the meaning / Come on over, I'll show you how / If you lived here you'd be home by now / If you still lived here you'd be home now with me
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening / I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening

I'm Going to See Jon Stewart

It is going to happen. I am going to see Jon Stewart. Next Saturday at OSU. I got shut out of the tv show, not unexpectedly, as there are so few tickets available, but I get to go to the big event. Thanks to my brother David for getting me the ticket. We're goin to have a ball.
Also, next Sunday I get to see the Barenaked Ladies. Thanks to Nick for that ticket. I can't wait until next weekend. Expect a great blog a week from Monday or Tuesday.
Right now I am tired. I stayed up until 1am working on cover design for Book 2 and story ideas for Book 4 with Nick. And I had a 7:30am class. Hence the randomness.
Ok. I have to go because I am still in class and we are going to watch Oprah.

Qop! (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
Stephen Colbert: After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said "Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach."
Jon Stewart: No, that was Stalin. Thomas Jefferson said that he'd "Rather have free press and no government, than a government and no free press".
Stephen Colbert: Well, what else would you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler-loving queer?

Harrison Ford: I don't really do action movies.
Jon Stewart: You were Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford: Yeah, but...
Jon Stewart: And Jack Ryan.
Harrison Ford: I always saw Indiana Jones as a comedy.
Jon Stewart: Well, I can assure you it's not.
Harrison Ford: I'll have to let Spielberg know that. "Steve- not funny."
Jon Stewart: You know Spielberg?

Wikipedia is Impentitrable

Last night, someone decided to test just how strong Wikipedia was. I won't say who that someone was, but that's not the point. The names have been changed (or omitted) to protect the guilty. :) Anyway, for a brief time last night, Stephen Colbert's entry read that his favorite book series was An Actor's Nightmare. Thrilling, huh? My few moments of fame. The idea was derived from Stephen Colbert himself when he announced on tv that anyone could change facts on Wikipedia. It is true. Anyone can. However, there is a dedicated group od editors that keep hacks (cough) from making cheesy edits of putting things up just for publicity. After the Colbert change, entries were added for Jerome Wetzel and An Actor's Nightmare. Both of those were also removed within hours. Being on Wikipedia is an honor that I am not qualified for as of yet. Hopefully someday, when book sales are higher, I will be. If anyone has any ideas for PR, please let me know. I really do believe in the quality of the book. I think if I can get the word out, it will take off. Wikipedia is not the way to do it though, folks, but thanks for trying.

Qop! (from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
In the beginning, the Universe was created. This made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent were of course dolphins. Dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of earth and had on many occasions tried to alert mankind but their warnings were mistakenly interpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking this ship with me. Whoo!

DJ

In my last post, I vowed a weekly WOTF, TOTH. By weekly, I of course meant monthly, because sometimes I don't even post weekly. So look for the next installment in about 2-3 weeks. :) On books, though, I have gotten so much work done for the second installment of An Actor's Nightmare, due out in roughly six weeks. Thank you Nick from the bottom of my shoes for his work on the cover design. It is awesome! I can't wait for everyone to see it! Also, the first bimonthly short story is on schedule for a November 1st release, if I can contain my enthusiasm until then. Unlike my blog, the book is always ahead of schedule and up on time. I am also finding some time, albeit a little, to keep up on some of my shows. I have to say The Nine and Six Degrees are two fantastic new shows. Anyway, time to go once more, so until next time, I bid you adieu.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

The Book! Buy It Now!

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't posted. I have been seeking employment, part time for now, full time for summer. I still need to pay my rent after school lets out, unfortunately. These extremely high gas prices have not helped one bit. Sigh. Two and a half more years until we get the idiot out of office. But today's topic is not current events. Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live said everything this week that needed to be said. No, today's topic is my book.
Book One continues to meet with favorable reviews. The discussion with the Otterbein Alumni Book Club went fantastic. I sent copies of Book Two around to my brave volunteer proofreaders, so Book Two will be completed soon. The current estimated deadline is it will be ready to go to press by the end of July. I also have a couple of people considering cover ideas, so hopefully it'll be nice and snazzy. I have also wrote six chapters for Book Three, so it will be fast on the heels of Book Two. I am considering another project or two in between Book Three and Four, but I haven't decided yet. I will of course keep you posted. But the bottom line is, if you haven't bought An Actor's Nightmare Book One yet, go buy it! Now! Seriously! Please?

Qops! (courtesy of Veronia Mars, which promises to have one hell of a Season Two finale this week)
Keith Mars: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica Mars: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.

I Was Right

I am pretty humble, so even when I am on right I rarely shout it from the rooftops. I do admit when I'm wrong. But this time, I was absolutly right. As yet another friends told me about her experience confirming my theories, I feel it is finally time to declare it definitively.

GEESE ARE EVIL!!!!

That's all I wanted to say. Book Two just needs a little more proofreading and it will be done. On Monday, May 1st, Book One will be featured at Otterbein's Courtright Library at 7:30pm. You should all come. Also, I am now working two jobs so I am very busy. Just try to get a hold of me. :) And, um, well, I will stay make time to watch Jed Bartlett and Jack Bauer save the world. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Oh, yeah, geese are evil.

Qop!
"We have a contingency plan to invade Canada? " ~ Kate Harper (Mary McCormick), The West Wing

BONUS TRIVIA!!!
According to an interview that he gave to The New York Times, executive producer Lawrence O'Donnell and his fellow writers had planned for Vinick to win the election until John Spencer's sudden, untimely death in December 2005. After that, they decided that Santos losing both his running mate and the election would be too difficult for the audience to watch, and they changed the election's outcome.

Saturday, April 1

So, yeah I have a girlfriend now. And I'm not longer a virgin. And guess what? We're getting married. We're eloping in June as soon as school gets out.

In other news, I have decided to quit teaching and move to a hippie nudist buddist camp. No more school for me. I'm going to be a blacksmith. Cool, huh? There will be no tv or internet there, so better write me quick before it's too late.

So I've been getting bugged about what's going to happen next in my book, so here it is. You're going to find out that the geese are actually midget polar bears in costumes and no one is dead. The nuclear weapons just mutated everyone and they now roam the countryside eating brains. Also, Vince is gay and he and Romey are totally doing it, Auby and Wesley are too, and Walt is a crossdresser. Tommy is actually a cool actor who worships scientology and Dr. Smith's secret base is located in (GASP!) Atlantis! The series will end after Katie has sex with a goose and their offspring is a polar bear and they figure it all out, only to have aliens show up and blow up the planet.

Oh, yeah, and check the date again, because it's April Fools!!! Seriously, though, if you believed the stuff above, you deserve to be fooled.

Qop!
"After that, everyone treated me a lot different, except my sister. She must have belong to a group bigger and meaner than the Mafia. What's that, maybe Jehovah's Witnesses?" ~ A Girl Name Zippy

Book Signing

So my book signing last night went fantastic! There were lots of people there. We did a Q&A for about 45 minutes or so, and all the questions were great. The audience ranged from people who had read the book and eagerly awaited the sequel to people who had heard absolutely nothing about the book, which gave me plenty to talk about. Some of my elementary school teacchers were there, which was really cool. There was also a reporter there that is doing an article on me and took pictures and stuff. How exciting is that? I am uber hyped right now, but it's off to school. Have a good day.

Qop!
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane." ~ William Shatner "Denny Crane", Boston Legal

Lost

So I've been missing from this blog for nearly a month. I missed two weeks posting! I am sorry people. No, my plane did not go down on a desert island. My computer was captured by a virus, my cell phone was stolen, and I was battling two jobs and going through kitty shots and fixings and dealing with lots of other excuses, none of which exhume me from logging on for ten minutes to give you an update. I'm sorry. To be even ruder, I am only popping in for a quick second today. I have 24 of my 25 chapters written for Book Two, but only have about 15 typed up so I have lots of work to do that I can't wait to get back to. Speaking of the book series, my first official signing will be Monday, March 13 at 7pm at the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library. Check out my web site for more info. Hope to see you there!

Qop!
"Don't write anything down. Don't let anyone take pictures. And if all else fails, Deny Deny Deny!!!" ~ Chick McGee, The Bob & Tom Show (my family will get it:))

Jimmy Dailey and the Ghetto Parking Spot

Once there was a young man name Jimmy Dailey. He did not know he was different from other men, growing up in his closet under the stairs. No, that was not a gay joke. Then one day Jimmy Dailey found the ghetto parking spot and his life changed forever.
Ok, happy Nick and Laura? We were at Lou Al's last night having a great time and there was a ghetto parking spot and they wanted me to write about it. Yay. Done. Now let's move on. :)
Actor's Nightmare Book One continues to sell decently and I am excited to start getting the word out. I have got some very positive feedback on it. Some people don't like the questions that aren't answered. Too bad. Go watch Lost. They don't answer questions either. That's not why I'm doing it. It's a long story that will take 9 books to tell. You won't get all the answers in the first one. Book Two is half done in it's first draft form. For those you waiting excitedly for another chapter in the saga, I'm guessing it will be out next fall. I will give you more details as I have them. Just be assured Auby will not wasted this time, you will get a shocking revelation about a character, several scenes from Book One will be revisited with another side to the story, and of course more of the beloved characters will die. If you have not started the series, why the hell not? Go to www.amazon.com and buy a copy today! Thanks all.

Qop! (from Pat Godwin's Gansta Folk)
I’m Patty G (he’s Patty G) and it’s all good (It’s all good) I'll pop a cap in your ass if you're in my neighborhood (Pat’s neighborhood) You ain't all that my brother What you say about my mother? I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) Yo dog check it out. My hoochies fly (his hoochies fly) Don’t diss my boo (what is a boo) You’ll end up like you know who (Tupac that’s who) Shout out to all my G’s, What’s up peeps! (Cracker please) I’m dope just take toke it’s gangsta folk (big ass toke) It's Gangsta Folk and we be chillin’ out Puffin’ on da Chronic ‘till we all folked out Ho’s in the hot tub 24/7 Homie aint no lie (nasty ho’s) I the baddest MC my rymes are phatI cock my Glock Beoch (Tru Dat!) Fo shizzle my izzle, dog keep on playin’ (we have no idea what he’s sayin’) I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) . Woooord!