On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me

New Feature

For the record, before I begin, in the first five days of September, my post number has equaled the entire month of August (also July I think, but not combined). Yay! The topic today is a new feature. Like my hero, Stephen Colbert, I am making my own On Notice and Dead to Me Boards. I will repost and update them on here periodically. If you want to have your own On Notice graphic (this is really cool!), go to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ Or better yet, type mine in so you can see how cool they look. Here are my current lists in no particular order, with explanations since they're new:

ON NOTICE (created 9/5/6)
Iran - Please please please don't give any more reason for our idiot leader to invade you.
The Democrats - Don't you dare screw up this November.
Mike DeWine - I used to like you, and yet I don't think I'll vote for you this fall.
J. K. Rowling - How long does it take to write a freakin' book!!! It had better be 1000 pages!
Movie Critis - Quit telling me good movies and bad and vice versa. There is no way that Invincible is better than Clerks II
Katie Couric - You are annoying. Get out of my media.
Bones - How dare you replace Bones's boss! Kudos for the great new character though.
Fox - If you get me hooked on one more show and prematurely cancel it, I swear...
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink.
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead.

DEAD TO ME
President George W. Bush - What did I ever see in you in 2000?
Condaleeza Rice - If you get to be president, I'm moving to Canada
Steve Irwin - No, seriously. He's dead. :(
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe.
Ashland Financial Aid Office - I almost didn't get to start grad school on time.
Grizzly Bears - You make Stephen's life hell so I no longer believe in you.
The International Astonomers - How DARE you make Pluto not a planet?
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????
The Food Service Industry - I have a college diploma. Why do I have to keep working there?

Just so you know, each list will always only be ten things wrong, so we'll see how gets a reprieve after the next thing that angers me. :)

Qop! (all from The Colbert Report)
I've swallowed 18 condoms full of truth and I'm headed across the border!

You know, I've been running this show, four nights a week, for... five nights now...

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Facts change, but my opinion never does.

Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

TiVo is a Mac

I was playing with my new TiVo and I came to a quick conclusion - TiVo is a Mac computer. Not literally, of course. But I am very attached to PCs and Windows, and have no desire to switch to a Mac. I have also become accustomed to cabel company DVRs and am not thrilled with TiVo. I've used it before, since when I was living at my aunt and uncle's house last summer, while they vacationed half of the summer. But I prefer Wow, or better yet, Time Warner's DVR. Why? Well, I admit that TiVo is more user friendly and has more features. Finding your shows to schedule and managing your season passes is easier. Yet, I before the clean cut DVR, where it may take a bit more time, but I can see what's going on with my machine. TiVo, I feel like I really don't get to look at my show list and what's going to record the way I want to. For instance, my favorite way to schedule with the DVR was to peruse the major networks from 8-11pm Sun-Thursday and see what was on, then pick. If I picked a slot where two shows were being recorded, it told me right away. Not so with the TiVo exactly. Instead, you go through a series of menus and there's a To Do list that tells you the list of shows coming up to record, with the times and stuff to the side. I don't like this. However, at least for the next year, a DVR other than TiVo is not available to me, so I will live with it. It's still way better than a VCR.

Qop! (from "Bones")
Booth: We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Angela: I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrel on it.
Brennan: I know him. He's funny.
Angela: That's Will Ferrel.

Booth: I need subtitles when I come in here.

Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Random TV Mouthoff

Ok, so the string of shows that I try to keep up with have been frustrating me recently, so hear goes the mouthing off in no particular order. Audrey is not a villian, and they had better not kill of D.B. on 24. Can't wait for Michelle Forbes on Prison Break, and I think Mexican guy is gonna save the day on the execution. Why isn't Ted chasing after his girlfriend, or at least hooking up with Robin on How I Met Your Mother. I am sorry Lost but I am sick of your damn reruns. The West Wing has only three episodes left. I'm glad Toby is getting his focus and I hope he gets cleared even if he doesn't deserve it. Josh had better get back with Donna. Oh, and I hope they find Ainsley-Hayes in the basement. Grey's Anatomy continues to deliver consistently. Take a cue Desperate Housewives, whose place it has switched, although DW has it's moments. The Loop is good, Free Ride is ok, and Sons & Daughters is on it's last leg with me, even though it just premiered. I miss Joey. One episode back and it's gone again. Maybe it's for the best. Four Kings is back and good, Out of Practice is almost back, and where did Crumbs go? I couldn't care less about American Idol anymore. Mandisa is going to lose and there's not really anyone else great left. Sorry Paris. On Will & Grace, I am disappointed Taye ended up being such an ass. Well, Grace will get with Leo and Will will get with the policeman and Jack will be disappointed, but keep chasing. I am already showing that I watch too much tv, aren't I? If it weren't for the actors on Bones I would have stopped watching, although it is good. And Veronica Mars is going to have a thrilling end. Can't think of anything else. Thank goodness these shows aren't on every week or I'd be dead.

Qop! (24)
"Who is your informant?"
"Audrey Rains."
"No!"
"Everyone has their price."

Four Crumbs Not Emily

So I was watching a few of the mid-season premieres this week. Not too many. I had too many shows this fall, and thankfully some of the good ones got cancelled (Reunion, Threshold, and probably soon Bones) or put on indefinite hiatus (Arrested Development, Joey, and the wildly successful Prison Break and Out of Practice), or just turned out to be the same boring plot every week, despite still being good (Ghost Whisperer, Close to Home). So now with a much slimmer television schedule I have no desire to expand it again. I have too many other things I want to do besides watch tv. Still, I did welcome back Jake in Progress with open arms (it deserves them) and gave three new shows a chance: Emily's Reasons Why Not, Four Kings, and Crumbs. I chose these three because of lead actors: Heather Graham, Seth Green, and Fred Savage. Emily has already been dropped from my schedule. It got bad reviews, and I agree. It is NOT the least bit funny. Kings was great, with four strong actors about buddies sharing an apartment. Plus Seth Green gets lots of short jokes. Always funny. In the premiere they were trying to get him to stuff himself into a dryer. But the best new show is Crumbs.
Fred Savage is great as the main character, a closet gay who left home and moved to L.A. after the unexpected death of one of his brothers. He wrote a screenplay about it, which was well recieved, and began dating his pyschiatrist. He soon realizes that he doesn't have another screenplay in him, is dumped for his boyfriend for being emotionally distant, and returns home. Meanwhile, the mother, played deliciously insane by Jane Curtin, has just been released from a mental institution. After her husband cheated on her, she lost it and tried to run him over with a car. Now she goes back and forth between hoping he'll come home and hating his guts, and gets some action from her doctor, a big black guy named Elvis. And she suspects her son is gay. Despite the doctors in the show all sleeping with their patients, it is good. Fred's other brother has stayed home and in between his one night stands, now sololy runs the family restuarant. He won't talk to Fred because Fred ran off and then made their family story into a movie. Dad, played with a carefree atrtitude by William DeVane, sneaks into the restaurant every night to balance the books correctly, and is expecting a new baby with the restaurant critic that helped him end his marriage. Hmm. The critic is like the doctors. Well, despite the unprofessionalism of the supporting characters, this is a sitcom that makes you laugh and tear up in the same act. Rounding out the four member family and the black boyfriend is a waitress at the restaurant who used to date Fred Savage. Watch it.

Qop! (from "Formidable Opponent" on The Colbert Report, where Stephen debates with himself, split screen style, on an issue, in this case, is charity good?)
Stephen # 1: But, I could take care of my minimal needs and send the rest of the money to the poor.
Stephen #2: Okay, think about this: You could buy a $100,000 Mercedes S600, or you could buy a $10,000 pile of crap from Korea and give the left over 110,000 to...
S1: An orphanage?
S2: Whatever let's you sleep. One day, you go to check on your orphans. It's raining, and you don't have the benefits of that fine German engineering. You spin out of control. You're like a loose lawnmower blade. And what's that ahead? It's your orphans! They've come out into the street to thank you for your selfless gift.
S1 (yelling): Get out of the street orphans!
S2: Oh, I forgot to mention: They're deaf.
S1: Noooooo!
S2: Yes. Yeah, tragedy. Tragedy all because you didn't care enough to make a difference for yourself.
S1: Wow. You've really opened my eyes, Stephen. Say, um, does it have to be a car?
S2: No, it could be a really sweet boat.

Season Opener Awards

These awards are for just the first few weeks of the season. Pleas let me know your pics, through e-mail (vote@actorsnightmare.com) perferably, and then I'll choose winners, mostly by what you go by if you vote, and post them in a few days.
BEST GUEST STAR
Cha Chi on Arrested Development
Rupert Evert on Boston Legal
Janeine Garafolo on The West Wing
Christine Baranski on Ghost Whisperer
NEW SERIES MOST LIKELY TO GET CANCELLED FIRST (Not Worst)
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Invasion (which I already gave up on)
Out of Practice
Command in Chief
Freddie
Night Stalker
How I Met Your Mother
OLD SERIES MAY NOT MAKE IT THROUGH THE SEASON
Joey
Will & Grace
Alias
Two And A Half Men
BEST NEW SHOW
My Name Is Earl
Everybody Hates Chris
Ghost Whisperer
Prison Break
Reunion
WORST NEW SHOW
Invasion
Everybody Hates Chris
Bones
Out of Practice
BEST ACTOR (New Cast Members Only)
Alan Alda The West Wing
David Borenanaz Bones
Brent Spiner Threshold
Rob Benedict Threshold
Neil Patrick Harris How I Met Your Mother
BEST ACTRESS (New Cast Members Only)
Emily Deschanel Bones
Charismas Carpenter Veronica Mars
Alfre Woodard Desperate Housewives
Michelle Rodriguez Lost
Stockard Channing Out of Practice
BEST NEW THEME SONG
Reunion
Prison Break
Bones
Ghost Whisperer
Commander in Chief
BEST ANIMATED / VARIETY SHOW
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Family Guy
American Dad
Is there really another nominee?
SHOW THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MENTIONED ABOVE BUT WASN'T
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Kitchen Confidential
King of Queens
Hot Properties

Qop!
"Dear Buddha, I would like a pony and a plastic rocket." ~ Captain Mal, Serenity, Again, Go See!

Premiere Season Part One of Two

Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. I wanted to watch as many premieres as I could before I did more reviews, and I didn't have much else to talk about. Here is Part One of Two on my big premiere review! I did a few reviews before this, but this is a much bigger one, and will be followed next week when the rest of the shows (except The Colbert Report, which doesn't premiere until October 17th) have premiered.
Arrested Development (Monday, Fox, 8pm) ~ I had never seen the show until the Season Three premiere, but wow is it amazing! This episode dealt with George Sr. having escaped and been replaced by his brother Oscar in jail. Michael blows off promises to George Michael and Job to go find his father, but George Michael ends up in Reno anyway, and the two of them are soon kidnapped by Geroge Sr. Meanwhile, Lindsey sets off to win Tobias back, not knowing that Kitty dumped Tobias and Tobias is now a waiter instead of a member of Blue Man Group (George Sr got the Blue Man part). When Lindsey arrives, she finds Tobias making out with their lawyer, played by Henry Winkler, who is in full Blue Man makeup. So are those two closeted homos going to get together? Who knows? Now George Michael is waiting to make out again with his cousin Maybe, who is making out with her crush, Steve Holt, who is actually her uncle Job's son, and so is her cousin too. I went and watched Season One this week as well and was highly impressed. Amazing show! Score: 5/5
How I Met Your Mother (Monday, CBS, 8:30pm) ~ Alyson Hannigan and Neil Patrick Harris shine in this comedy, but are only minor players. The lead is a bit flat. It has potential to be a cute sitcom, but it needs to beef itseld up some more. We'll wait and see. Score: 3/5
Kitchen Confidential (Monday, Fox, 8:30pm) ~ Bradley Cooper competly leads this talented cast as a druggie ex-chef who gets a second chance and rounds up his old gang for his kitchen. Nicholas Brenden was great, and possibly gay? We're not sure. The scarf looked like it, but he was a pastry chef. The other supporting actors were ok. Score: 4/5
Prison Break (Monday, Fox, 9pm) ~ After 5 hours, this show continues to be riveting and good. The parts outside of the prison are a little bit of a drag, but I find myself wondering how it's all going to go down. It is brilliantly planned out and intriuging. The first five hours covered two weeks, and there are three weeks left before his brother is executed, so I predict time will begin slowing down, but we'll expect a breakout by February sweeps. At least, that's my hope. But what would Season two be about? Score: 4/5
Out of Practice (Monday, CBS, 9:30pm) ~ This new show was a surprise delight. Admittedly, Christopher Gorman, the main character and only "not real" doctor of the family could use some acting lessons, but Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler really shine as his recently divorced parents. My only regret is this will mean less of Channing on The West Wing and Winkler on Arrested Development this year. I predict Channing will be dropped from WW's opening credits. Score: 3/5
Medium (Monday, NBC, 10pm) ~ Patricia Arquette deserved her emmy, and this season opened with a bang. Months after Captain Push attempted to kill himself so that he could find out who a killer was and relay it to Allison, he lies in a coma. Allison and her husband Joe have seemingly fixed their marital problems, but they've only been pushed to the back as Allison hasn't been having dreams, and so not working. When Push's father begins to appear to Allison and tell her she needs to listen to his son, she of course figures everything out. But will her marriage survive another season of her job? I look forward to great things this season. Score: 4/5
Bones (Tuesday, Fox, 8pm) ~ Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz have some of the best chemistry on television. Couple that with a delightful supporting cast, and this show has some great potential. Of course, Boreanaz is 'seeking redemption for past wrongs', but I promise it's not a repeat of Angel! I hope the writing gets better, but I see good things in it's future. Score: 3/5 (Actors: 5/5)
My Name is Earl (Tuesday, NBC, 9pm) ~ I love Jason Lee, and this show is great for that actor. He is trying to make up for bad stuff after he heard about karma from Carson Daly. It was good, but unfortunately the premiere will be my only viewing, as Commander in Chief and The Amazing Race have our DVR tied up. I like Lee, so watch it, and if CiC fails, I'll be back. Score: 2.5/5
Lost (Wednesday, ABC, 9pm) ~ Returning for it's sophomore year, Lost blew me out of the water! It actually answered some of it's secrets this week! The hatch was very well done. The show focused on Jack, but gave interesting things to Kate, Locke, and Hurley. Other than that, Shannon, Siyad, and Walt each appeared, and the other main characters were no where to be seen, other than a few other brief glimpses. What about the fate of those on the raft? They are still in the cast list, although we expect another character death soon. And I can't wait to see Michelle Rodriguez and the other survivors from the back half of the plane. It promises to be exiciting. Score: 4.5/5
Invasion (Wednesday, ABC, 10pm) ~ This show gets maybe one more chance. It was pretty lame and I have too much to watch as it is. It was a stupid plot, aliens invading Florida by taking over people, and not as creepy as it should have been. Do you think perhaps that's what happened to Jeb and George? Just asking. :) Flat characters and weak story made this hard to sit through. Score: 1/5.
Joey (Thursday, NBC, 8pm) ~ I don't care what people say, I like Joey. I don't like they felt the need to revamp the cast for this season. I'm not a big fan of Joey's new friend and co-star, although I'm glad Joey finally landed a big movie role. I do enjoy his sister's new job and Jennifer Coolidge finally appearing in every episode. They should dump Miguel and make Coolidge's other assistant a main. He is the new Gunther. This season will be better, and hopefully Alex and Joey will stay together and finally give him a real relationship. Plus, we need some Friends to make apperances! Score: 3.5/5
Everybody Hates Chris (Thursday, UPN, 8pm) ~ Another show I can only give one week because Alias and Joey are non negotiable (kiss it Michael :)), but it was pretty good. Maybe a bit overhyped. I've always liked Chris Rock, but I've never loved him. The show is just comedy. And where else are you going to hear nigger and other racial slurs at 8pm on broadcast tv? It was a little bit not my style of humor, but still enjoyable. Score: 3/5.
Reunion (Thursday, Fox, 9pm) ~ I love this show. It is crappy tv, like Dawson's Creek, but that's why I like it. The actors are great, especially Chyler Leigh from The Practice. I can't wait to see who is dead and who killed them. It keeps me coming back for more, and I really get into it. This one year per season thing doesn't work real well though as the episodes cover a few days, maybe weeks, and then it's a year later. That bugs me. But I'll get over it. Score: 3/5
Threshold (Friday, CBS, 9pm) ~ Brannon Braga's first big non-Star Trek tv show. He brings the dark side he took to First Contact, Voyager, and Enterprise, and makes it scarier. Very good plot, very good story. Brent Spiner (The Next Generation) and Robert Patrick Benedict (Felicity) are definitely my favorite actors on the team of geeky scientists, especially with Spiner's biting wit that sets his character apart from Data. But Carla Gugino as the star works for me too. The only I don't like in the cast is Peter Dinklage, but that may be because his character is just such an ass. I have high hopes for this show. Score: 4/5.
Family Guy and American Dad (Sunday, Fox, 8 and 8:30pm) ~ Still good. Nothing else to report over last time. Just watch them. Score: 4/5
Coming Next Time: Commander in Chief, Boston Legal, Close to Home, Night Stalker, Veronice Mars, Alias, Will & Grace, Ghost Whisperer, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The West Wing, Saturday Night Live, The Amazing Race?, America's Next Top Model?, Apprentice: Martha Stewart?

Qop!
"If I were a carpenter, and you were my lady, I'd nail you." ~ www.ruminate.com