Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat #1

In keeping with my Stephen Colbert hero worship, I present my very first weekly Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat. Tune in every week for my latest six comments about the world. I promise they won't all be out tv.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Saturday Night Live's Season Premiere. I wasn't impressed. It wasn't terrible. The pre-Weekend Update skit was good, and the end of the water jug skit was good, but I expected better. I really wanted to see Lorne come out and copy Wes from the beginning of the Studio 60 pilot. Please do better next week.

TIP OF THE HAT to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's second episode. The musical number at the end was inspired. Can't wait to see what's next. Also, Smith really raised the bar in its second week. Go you. And Heroes. Nice.

WAG OF MY FINGER to The Megan Mullally Show. Sorry. You already lost my interest. Justice, if you were more important, you'd be On Notice.

TIP OF THE HAT to Andy Borowitz for the hilarious commentary he continues to deliver every week, some of which is reprinted in the Columbus Dispatch's life section.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Terrell Owens. Come on! Get a life, dude! So you killed yourself, but then you didn't, but we all know you did. Jerk.

TIP OF THE HAT to Stephen Colbert for putting up an actual working Jew apology line. You will get bonus tips is you air one of my apologies. Please. :)

Qop! (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "Pilot")
Matt Albie (Matthew Perry): There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber): I wouldn't think it would be hard for anybody. 'Cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.

(Wes Mendell's (Judd Hirsch) rant)
It's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel, change the channel right now or better yet turn off the TV. Now, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but, uh, tomorrow you're gonna find out that it wasn't and by that time I'll have been fired. No, this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy ass broadcast network. Hellbent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We're about to do a sketch that everyone's seen like 500 times. No, no one's gonna confuse George Bush and George Plimpton, yeah we get it. We're all being lobotomized by this countries most influential industry. It just throws in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't involve the courting of 12 year old boys. Not even the smart 12 year olds, the stupid ones, the idiots of which there are plenty thanks to no small mention of this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV do it right now. The struggle between art and commerce. Well, there's always been a struggle between art and commerce and now I'm telling you art is getting it's ass kicked and it's making us mean and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks and that's not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump. We're eating worms for money. "Who wants to screw my sister." Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo. That remote in your hands is a crack pipe, oh yeah sure every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. We're becoming Pornographers! It's not even good pornography. It's just a side of snuff films and friends that's what's next because that's all there is left. And the two things that make them scared gutless of the FCC is and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott... (CUT OFF THE AIR)

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me

Two Weeks Off

I hope you read yesterday's post, and I hoped that you assumed, like me, that it was referring to George W. Bush and company. And I also hope, like me, you loved it. You need to heat the melody to fully appreciate it, so please check it out soon. The song made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes at the same time. It spoke the truth.
Anyway, the reason for my two weeks absence to the blog right when I got back in the swing of things is a sad one. My grandmother, Malissa Dailey, wasn't doing well and finally passed away on Saturday, September 9th. It was a long time coming, and expected. It was also a bit of a good thing, because she was suffering, and I know it was wearing hard on the family. I didn't write for two weeks because I felt that when something as important as that happens, it isn't right to just ignore it and write something else. Yet, I couldn't figure out what to write. So instead, for two weeks, I logged onto my blog several times, but couldn't finish an entry. I finally decided a simple paragraph would suffice, as she was a simple lady.

Malissa Dailey was in her mid-eighties when she died. Her funeral was well attended, like a young person's we said, but with a large family, that tends to happen. She was a farmer. Her husband, Wilbur Wetzel Dailey, died in 1980, so she was a widow for the last 26 years of her life, the entire time I've known her. She raised 5 boys, my dad the youngest, and worked harder than any woman I've ever known. When we were building our house in the mid-1980's, we lived with her for a couple of winters. After that, I remember spending the night with her. She taught me the few rudimentary sewing skills I know, and how to cut off a chicken's head. That chicken was tasty. She would drive me to Mt. Sterling for an ice-cream. She was soft spoken, and not very talkative, but when she talked, you listened. She loved her news, and she loved to garden. It was a sad day eight years ago when she moved in with my uncle and sold her house and land. We used to make apple cider with her, cherry pies, do canning, and she could always wip up the most delicious home meal. Hers is the house where I learned to love white bread and Pepsi, and tolerate sweet tea. She made the best noodles in the world. At her tallest, I don't know if she hit five feet, and her fatest, I doubt she hit 100 pounds, but I'd also bet that she wrestle you and win if she wanted to. I feel guilty for distancing myself from her over the past decade as her health declined. I didn't want to see her in that shape, and that was selfish. I remember her strong, healthy, virbant. I did visit her a few times, though. She had even started to read my book. I think the copy that I gave her will be a cherished posession of mine for years to come, still with her bookmark and newspaper clipping of my first signing in it. She surrounded herself with mementos of her family and their accomplishments. This wasn't excactly the short paragraph that I had envisoned, but how do you summarize a life with just a handful words? I could never make you feel like you knew her, just through this. Just know that she was loves, and she will be missed.

Qops!
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree

t took me a long time to get used to the reality that my grandmother had passed away. Wherever I was, in the house, in the garden, out on the fields, her face always appeared so clearly to me. ~ Huynh Quang Nhuong

The New Barenaked Ladies Song (Who Do You Think It's About?)

we sent in the army
they sounded alarms we
saw it coming from a mile away
we kept it off radar
because we had to say our
intentions were to save the day

why did you fail
to see

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and they were shocked and they were awed
and they were blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we kept it all long-range
and made a regime change
you'd have thought it would have been a gas
but when it got ugly
we sat around smugly
because you bought our little joke en masse
don't look at me that way

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
we knew your sons and daughters
would be blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

put a smile on
we're the ones that you selected
leave that dial son
because we just got re-elected
in a while our
bill of rights will be rejected

and all the blame will be deflected [this bit is vaudville style]
the forests will be unprotected
the nation's poor will be neglected
creation myth is resurrected
a new salute is genuflected
a gallup poll will be respected
gallows pole will be erected
all this will go undetected

while you all slumbered
we sat and crunched numbers
of all the causalities we could afford
there's no need to draft them
you could hear us laugh then
the poor and black all need the room and board
did I say that
out loud

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and now our very nation has been blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

it's a powderkeg

New Feature

For the record, before I begin, in the first five days of September, my post number has equaled the entire month of August (also July I think, but not combined). Yay! The topic today is a new feature. Like my hero, Stephen Colbert, I am making my own On Notice and Dead to Me Boards. I will repost and update them on here periodically. If you want to have your own On Notice graphic (this is really cool!), go to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ Or better yet, type mine in so you can see how cool they look. Here are my current lists in no particular order, with explanations since they're new:

ON NOTICE (created 9/5/6)
Iran - Please please please don't give any more reason for our idiot leader to invade you.
The Democrats - Don't you dare screw up this November.
Mike DeWine - I used to like you, and yet I don't think I'll vote for you this fall.
J. K. Rowling - How long does it take to write a freakin' book!!! It had better be 1000 pages!
Movie Critis - Quit telling me good movies and bad and vice versa. There is no way that Invincible is better than Clerks II
Katie Couric - You are annoying. Get out of my media.
Bones - How dare you replace Bones's boss! Kudos for the great new character though.
Fox - If you get me hooked on one more show and prematurely cancel it, I swear...
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink.
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead.

DEAD TO ME
President George W. Bush - What did I ever see in you in 2000?
Condaleeza Rice - If you get to be president, I'm moving to Canada
Steve Irwin - No, seriously. He's dead. :(
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe.
Ashland Financial Aid Office - I almost didn't get to start grad school on time.
Grizzly Bears - You make Stephen's life hell so I no longer believe in you.
The International Astonomers - How DARE you make Pluto not a planet?
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????
The Food Service Industry - I have a college diploma. Why do I have to keep working there?

Just so you know, each list will always only be ten things wrong, so we'll see how gets a reprieve after the next thing that angers me. :)

Qop! (all from The Colbert Report)
I've swallowed 18 condoms full of truth and I'm headed across the border!

You know, I've been running this show, four nights a week, for... five nights now...

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Facts change, but my opinion never does.

Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

TiVo is a Mac

I was playing with my new TiVo and I came to a quick conclusion - TiVo is a Mac computer. Not literally, of course. But I am very attached to PCs and Windows, and have no desire to switch to a Mac. I have also become accustomed to cabel company DVRs and am not thrilled with TiVo. I've used it before, since when I was living at my aunt and uncle's house last summer, while they vacationed half of the summer. But I prefer Wow, or better yet, Time Warner's DVR. Why? Well, I admit that TiVo is more user friendly and has more features. Finding your shows to schedule and managing your season passes is easier. Yet, I before the clean cut DVR, where it may take a bit more time, but I can see what's going on with my machine. TiVo, I feel like I really don't get to look at my show list and what's going to record the way I want to. For instance, my favorite way to schedule with the DVR was to peruse the major networks from 8-11pm Sun-Thursday and see what was on, then pick. If I picked a slot where two shows were being recorded, it told me right away. Not so with the TiVo exactly. Instead, you go through a series of menus and there's a To Do list that tells you the list of shows coming up to record, with the times and stuff to the side. I don't like this. However, at least for the next year, a DVR other than TiVo is not available to me, so I will live with it. It's still way better than a VCR.

Qop! (from "Bones")
Booth: We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Angela: I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrel on it.
Brennan: I know him. He's funny.
Angela: That's Will Ferrel.

Booth: I need subtitles when I come in here.

Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Why Is Bush Still in Office?

Sorry about only getting three entries in August. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, from my Five Year Reunion, to starting grad school, to my web site being down temporarily. Ugh. And I should have a TiVo by the first of the week. Finally. Anyway, the main topic today is, Why is Bush still in office? If you like Bush, even a little, skip this post and join me next time for something more fun and frivilous.
Many of you have probably wandered this. If you know me at all, you know that I certainly have. A lot of people believe he didn't win in 2000. Fewer, but still a significant number, believe he didn't win in 2004. Not that any of that matters because he is in office, so suck it up and forget that old stuff. It's way too late to do anything about either election. Lots of people pretty much acknowledge that Iraq is a mistake, although good ol' Bush is up to his good ol' fear tactics again of telling us that if we pull out, we will be beset upon my terrorists. Not his language. He would say something less intellectual. This morning's Doonesbury reminded me of a few of the things he has done that are illegal: authorizing torture, kidnapping people and throwing them in secret prisons without due process, wiretapping phones. Why is this man still our president? His poll numbers are so low you'd think someone would stand up and say, Look, this is a bad man that is breaking the law and leading our country asunder! Let's at least put him on trial! But other than a reprimand from the Supreme Court, and rapidly dwindling poll numbers, nothing has happened to him. I wish that someone in Washington would take note and get that bastard out of office before he screws anything else up. I guess it's ok to say this. I don't think he has thrown anyone in secret prisons just for critisizing him...yet. :) (Yes, that last part was a joke people!)

Qop!
"Today's secret word is 'Kahn'. You remember what to do when someone says the secret word, don't you? ...That's right. SCREAM REAL LOUD!!!!" ~www.in4mador.com

Life Without a DVR

I have had no DVR for something like three weeks now, and I am just now realizing how bad I was about watching tv. I watched way too much. I tried to keep up with every show every person I knew tended to talk about, and even then I failed. Plus I watched the shows I really loved, like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Since I no longer have a DVR, I have to rely on a VCR that won't program. I have to actually be home to push record. This means that if I want to watch The Venture Brothers, I have to be home Sunday nights. It runs at 10:30pm and 2:30am. My only other shows I am trying to keep up with, Daily, Colbert, Reno 9-1-1, and Project Runway, all run multiple reruns every week, so I have time to catch them if I miss their regular timeslots. Hence I have been able to watch those five shows. Three of them will be done for the year soon, only the two political shows continue. But thinking about the number of shows coming back and new shows I want to watch, figuring in how little I will actually be home due to full time working and full time schooling, I am afraid I may have to drop quite a few of my shows. And that may be a good thing. I do watch too much and I need to cut back.
On a related note, I am totally not going to miss on Sunday, and I suggest you do not either. I don't know the lineup of roasters they have yet, but Lisa Lampanelli is back, and that is plenty for me. Also, Rob Corrdry is about to leave The Daily Show, as he said this week, although if his new show fails, maybe he'll be back? I don't know what to hope for. With the departure / promotion of Stephen Colbert, Corrdry kind of stepped up as everyone's favorite contributed. Ed Helms has been rarely seen, although he is still listed on imdb as a cast member. At least we still have Lewis Black, when he feels like it, and Samantha Bee, for now, as well as two ofthe slew of new correspondents who joined last year that are fun, including Bee's husband Jason Jones, Dan Bakkedahl. There were lots of others last year, and they disappeared. The one I miss most is the depressingly short lived nephew of Rob, Nathan Corrdry, although he will be seen on the one new show I have to watch this season, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. There are a few new guys who seem ok though. Ah, well. Time to go. I need to quit wasting time talking about tv.

Qop! (from Rumination's e-newsletter)
My dumb brother says life is all about compassion, wisdom and love for our fellow man. What an idiot! Life is about peace and understanding and building a world full of friendship for all mankind. Dumbass.

Top Thirteen Reasons I'm Like Stephen Colbert

Why thirteen? Because that's how many original colonies were in the U.S.

13. We both have a mother.
12. He was on The Venture Brothers, twice. I LOVE The Venture Brothers.
11. We both have a black friend.
10. We are both geeks who like sci/fi fantasy.
9. We both love Bill Cosby.
8. There is no grey, just black and white. Although we don't see color.
7. We both had bad breakups, although mine wasn't named Charlene.
6. We both have our own shows. Ok, I don't, but someday it would be cool to have one. The same can be said about being named one of Time's 100 Most Influential People
5. We both have foreign last names (Colbert is French and Dailey is derived from the Scottish Daly)
4. We are both AMERICANS! USA! USA! USA!
3. We both like 'facts' that support our beliefs.
2. We both warn the world about an animal that will overtake us humans if we're not careful (him - bears; me - geese, although I have discussed over the years including ninja panda bears)

1. We both have a close personal friend named Jon Stewart.

Qop! (Stephen Colbert, of course, from The Colbert Report, talking about the disgraced author of the 'biography', A Million Little Pieces and his Oprah fiasco
"Now I have my own problems with James Frey. Not because of the inconsistencies in his memoir, nothing wrong with stretching the truth. After all, we stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious. In fact, I respect him for making up his past! It shows character. Too many people just let their past happen to them. It's part of the culture of victimization. "Ooh, I had no control over the circumstances of my birth!" But when you decide to have had a difficult childhood, that... that's really owning your past! And in a fundamentally refreshing way, taking responsibility for it. It's so rare these days. Besides, taking liberties with the truth is an American tradition. In fact, the word liberty is right there in the word liberties! "

Return of Jim-i

I am done moving. I am not going to apologize for my delay since the last post, although it was weeks, because I had a lot going on in my life. I am going to try to be brief because I have to go to work, but there's a lot I want to post about. First of all, I moved back to West Jeff. Not so thrilled about it, but there are good points. I just got internet back to my desktop last night, hence why I have not posted until now. Hopefully I'll have Ti-Vo (Yes, real Ti-Vo this time, not DVR) by the end of the month. For now I frantically record The Daily Show and The Colbert Report every night, and get Reno 911 and Venture Brothers when I can. Ah, well. Such is life. I realize I watch too much tv anyway and it would probably be better if I never get another Ti-Vo, but then what will happen to all the characters I know and love? It would be devastating. Maybe I can try not watching any new shows this year. Wow, I almost typed that with a straight face.
Last week my 18 year old brother was in the hospital. He had appendicitis. His brief stay strecthed to four days because of complications and internal bleeding. He is doing fine now. We were quite a bit worried for awhile. My mother knew a guy who was sent home from the hospital and ended up dying a little later of internal bleeding that the doctors didn't catch, so it was such a relief to figure out why he wasn't getting better and do another surgery to fix it. Just be warned that a loved one of yours doesn't end up in the same situation.
I read two fantastic books this month. I read more than two books, but two that blew me away. The first was Life of Pi, about a boy who simultaneously practices Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism, and then he gets shipwrecked and his family dies and he ends up on a life boat with a 450 pound Bengal tiger for 280+ days. It was such an interesting read, with a bit of a mind fuck at the end. Check it out. The second was Motherless Brooklyn, about a guy with Tourettes who was taken out of an orphanage to work for a detective/mob man/car service owner. When the guy is murdered, it falls to the main character to figure out the case. I don't read a lot of detective or mystery novels, but this one was great. It was our Otterbein Alumni Book Club book of the month. Speaking of the group, I am not the alumni 'in charge', which basically just means I am going to have to notify members of dates and stuff. During the meetings no one is in charge. We all discuss and contribute. We're thinking about doing a Book and Beer thing, where we have our group meeting, then go to Old Bag of Nails afterwards. Hopefully some of you alumni are reading this, and will be intrigued enough to check it out. Actually, everyone is welcome, alumni or not. The next meeting, the September one, will be early on Wednesday, August 30th at 7:30pm in the Courtright Library. We are reading The Girl in the Hyacinth Blue. You should come!

Qop! (from The Onion)
Republicans accuse Senator Joe Biden of running for president for political reasons.

Prehistoric Ages

Sorry for the so long no post. I have a valid excuse this time. I was in Florida for most of the non-posting period, and with no internet access, I was screwed. I depend a lot on technology. Unfortunately, it appears that I am about to descend back into the dark ages, which there is no good reason for that to happen to me so I am bit upset. I am moving back in, very temporarily, like the school year, with my parents to save some money. I don't want to do it, but I have to. I am poor and that's what happens with poor people. My mom isn't opposed to me getting a DVR, like I have had for the last year and a half, there, but the decision is up to my father, a man who grew up on a farm and has very different ideas about life from me. I think part of the problem is that he doesn't understand me, nor does he want to. I understand him. It takes effort, but I do. But he wouldn't recipricate. So when I called and very nicely asked about having a DVR added to his cable me, with me paying for it of course, he said no. Why? Because he doesn't want 'that trash' in the house. They have only a basic cable package, 28 channels. It hasn't always been that way, but my little siblings, and me admittedly, watched things he didn't consider appropriate. I didn't have much time for tv when I last lived there, so it didn't bother me. And I do understand his want to protect his children, although I totally disagree with his method of doing it. I had originally planned to ask to put the DVR in the family room, although since he doesn't want the other siblings (two of them are still at home age. almost 17 and almost 12) to watch it, I said I would put it in my bedroom. He can block the 'unwanted' channels on all of the other tvs, and I would block all the 'trash' and movie channels that he wanted on my system. I only watch the basic channels (4, 6, 10, 28, 53), Comedy Central and Cartoon Network. I guess I will watch Battlestar on SciFi this fall, and Runway on Bravo, and maybe Lovespring on Life. Still, he can block MTV and the like. I don't care. The big exception he took to it seemed to be Comedy Central. I am an avid The Daily Show and The Colbert Report fan. He doesn't get Comedy Central and doesn't want it. I promised to not watch 'that trash with all the f-words', but he doesn't want it available. It is a really dumb situation. If the machine is in my room, I don't see how that's a problem. He didn't think it was fair to allow me, a 23 year old, access to something his much younger children aren't allowed to watch. I think, as an adult, I am entitled to my shows as long as I am willing to pay for them and keep them away from the youngsters. I am really trying to understand him, but I think my compromise of keeping it in my room and allowing him to block most of the channels should satisfy him. It does not. He will allow it only if he can block any channel other than the 28 he gets, which includes none of the cable channels that I watch. This isn't fair and isn't necessary in the 21st century.

Qop!
McCoy: Are you out of your Vulcan mind? (Star Trek)

Princess Leather Shock

Hello all. Sorry for no recent updates, but I haven't had anything to write about it. Even now, I have nothing. My things are in boxes all around the apartment as I prepare for the temporary move back to my parents' house. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about after that. :) For now, though, I am leaving for Florida very early Friday morning and I just wanted to shoot off a quick hello and happy independence day. To celebrate patriotism, the Supreme Court recently told Bush that what was going on in Guantanamo Bay is illegal. Take that, bitch! Plus, turns out the 2004 election was rigged and Bush lost that too. Best 4th of July in six years! Oh, and if I was a stripper, I found out my name would be Princess Leather Shock. Don't think the Shock part sounds right, but whatever. I didn't make it up. It was one of those random generator thingys. Enjoy July and I will post again soon!

Qop! (Scrubs)
Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
[points at each of the women]
Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

This was just one of those very bad days. I woke up this morning and my stupid but adorable cats were staring at me. They have hidden my glasses and I don't know where. I've looked everywhere. So I put in the contacts for the first time in months and my eyes are tired right now but I need to see and the glasses are still missing. Then I went to the bank to cash a savings bond so I would have gas money. One bank that I stood in in line for fifteen minutes doesn't cash savings bonds. The second bank informed me that it will not be one year old for two more weeks and they couldn't cash it until then. Savings bonds are stupid anyway. Why would I need $100 in 30 years? To buy a tank of gas, if that? I hope I am not that hard up for money. The savings bond would already be a year old if my former employer hadn't forgotten me last graduation time and given me the bond late. Then the worst thing of the day happens - I find out my grandmother was taken to the hospital again. She's stabalized for now, but I don't know what's going to happen there.
Then the day takes a more positive turn. My second cousin, who is a mere three months younger than me, is getting married. This is the other side of the family from grandma. My parents skip the wedding, but I go and it is a beautiful ceremony. I'm happy for them, I really am, but of course I have this jealousy because she is younger than me, even if only by three months, and I wanted to be married by now. Of course me eight year old cousin points this out to me several times. Thanks. I love my cousin, but it didn't help. Open bar helped, but I also didn't want to drink too much because I was in public and I had to drive home eventually. So I eat and chat and dance my ass off to forget about my grandma, and my being broke, and my being single, not even a girlfriend for the last three years. And I drink. And eventually I start to feel better. For awhile. Then my worries and stuff come rushing back and I wind up at home, miserable, drinking mixed liquors of whatever I had in my cabinet that is strong but tastes terrible. Good day right? Tomorrow will probably be better. I hope. And any single girls out there, who want a nice guy ready to settle down, call me.

Qop!
"Momma said there'd be days like this. There'd be days like this, my momma said."

His Story

NICK: Wow. As I sit here, or should I say, stand here, playing music for the masses assembling at the Dub Pub, I just am shocked about how bad it sucks tonight here. I mean, we have a country bumpkin couple here wanting country, some guy said he wanted good crap to listen to and what songs I had that wasn’t crap, (which I laughed ‘cause the fucker was wasted and was twenty shades of drunk.)
So alas, here I am. I have no idea how many beers I have consumed, but I believe it’s definitely over like, four. Which for me by 11:30 is well… beyond good. Actually the saving grace of the night will be the journey to and the arrival at Jimmy’s apartment. Either way, I am staying there tonight and I am gonna just chill out and maybe watch some Clerks. Now, going out tonight is a major question; shall I grab a bite to eat on the way there? If so, what shall I grab? Barely anything is open really. I am hoping for some Taco Bell before I get there, but who knows. The nice thing is, it will save me the trouble of driving to Jimmy’s tomorrow when I should be relaxing on Father’s Day.
Shit.
I forgot to grab a card for Father’s Day for Dad. Mother fuckin’ puss bucket.
I wonder how Jimmy’s party is going?

JIMMY: Yay! People are here! Bob showed up and he and I ran to the store real quick. Can I just say how nice it is to have brothers old enough and mature enough and cool enough to hang out with? That’s been one of the best things about the past year or so. Anyway, we got home and Amanda showed up and we watched a sweet episode of Angel. I love that show. Then Kayla showed up. Last night was a really great party, for most of the night, and everyone had quite a bit to drink. Tonight it’s much more relaxed. I am drinking some more of that wine left over from the all day celebration a couple of weeks ago that didn’t actually happen and… well, never mind about that. I’m in a good mood so I don’t want to go into that right now.
Good. It’s time to play a game. People always try to watch movies and stuff during these things, and while I love movies and tv shows as much as the next guy if not more, it’s really hard to pay attention to that stuff during a party. This is just what I needed. A nice game of Scattergories, my favorite game, to distract me from all that has been going wrong in my life the last month or so. I really need that. I find myself lonely and craving company almost every night lately. I hate to be alone. It’s also killing my writing curve. I was writing every day and the last couple of weeks, nothing. I am in the middle of two books I need to get back to it.
Yipee. I am ahead by like fifteen points. I told you that I rock at this game. I wish the judging was better though. These people give no points for creativity. What’s the point of the game if you can’t give off the wall far out answers? I mean, that’s what Scattergories is all about. I thrive on the creative crap. Ah, well. That’s why I’m not winning by thirty points. Oop. Text message. Nick wants to know what’s going on. I’ll let him know. I hope we’re still rocking when he gets here. Maybe he’ll bring us, and by us I mean me, a cute, sweet girl that I can date for a year or two, then propose to, then marry, then move to the suburbs with our 2.4 adorable children and maybe a cat or two, where I support us by writing and… never mind. I need to reply to Nick.

NICK: Apparently… from the text message I just received from him… Scategories is going on. As I stand here, watching a group of fine young ass girls, looking beautiful, I can simply smile. Despite how slow it is and now as busy as the previous weeks, God gives me a luscious view of the fine females out tonight! Hm.

Qop! (Dr. Cox from Scrubs)
The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second ...and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box.

Unemployment

School ended over a week ago. Almost two weeks ago. And I am unemployed. I lined up two summer jobs at the end of MARCH so this wouldn't happen, then both fell through at the absolute last minute. So I lined up another job, then it fell through. Then I've spent days just going to interview after interview and the jobs that want to hire me are all sales jobs which I can't do. It's not that I don't want to. Some of them would make me lots of money if I could sell, but I can't. I'm not pushy. I'd ask if someone wanted something, they would say no, and I would leave very politely, which isn't how you make money. Something needs to happen fast or I'll be living in a cardboard box. Ok, not literally, but you understand. I am veyr very broke. This whole thing just sucks. I can't wait for school to start again! :)

Qop! (Office Space)
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.

Gay Marriage

The gay marriage debate is back in the news. It must be an election year. Bush failed to push the constitutional amendment banning it through the Senate, thank god, but it got attention. The Republicans hope it will let them retain some seats in the fall. For me, it just told me not to vote for DeWine. The whole thing is ridiculous. First of all, if these people really care about the 'threat' or want to do something about it, you'd think it would be debated more than every two years. Also, this is a country of freedoms, and for once we fall behind all of the other civilized countries who already allow it.
Jon Stewart had an interesting guest on The Daily Show this week. They argued for two thirds of the show about gay marriage. His opponent argued that it is a perversion that will lead to support of bigamy and other creepy things. Stewart, rightly in my opinion, argued that it is a natual part of the human progression and it is ridiculous that anyone even fight it. People are born gay, it's not an illness or a disorder. Is it really fair to tell them that their love is any less valid or deserving? I think not. Marriage is not a long standing institution, and for centuries it was more of a business than anything else. The idea that conservatives are trying to 'protect' isn't very old anyway. I am not knocking the marriage-for-love theory. I hope one day to find a woman that I fall in love with and marry. But denying gay people the right to be joined in the union of love known as marriage is just plain wrong.
The good news is, both sides of the debate admit that it's pretty much over. Gay marriage is coming and will be protected soon enough. Throughout history people have fought against allowing others equal rights (slavery, the women's movement) and it is has always ended with the rights being afforded and discrimination slowly dissolving. This issue is just the next step in that and it really angers me when people fight against it. 10% of the population is homosexual. Most people have someone in their family that is. Do you really want to deny them a fundamental right such as falling on love and getting married? Come on people. Grow up and get smart. Or if nothing else, be gracious losers because the battle is already over.

Qops!
"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." —Jay Leno

"Conservative groups are demanding that President Bush support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. They feel that when the founding fathers were putting the Constitution together they made a mistake by not outlawing it. Have you ever seen the paintings of the founding fathers? The powdered wigs, the frilly collars, the pedal pushers — I think they were for it." —Jay Leno

Relaxing

This is only my third post of the month, so I have obviously been busy. In fact, I am subbing right now, but I am at the high school in a home ec class where I am basically a well-paid babysitter. That doesn't happen very often. In the younger grades I do actually get to work. Anyway, things have been crazy. I still don't have a job for the summer. I have several leads, at least two jobs that I thought were guaranteed. But they weren't. Or maybe they still are. I don't know. I have to schedule classes for next fall. I've got at least one close friend about to move hours away. I'll be moving again in two months. I don't know what I'm going to do with the cats. And I am broke as hell. It hasn't been easy. Oh, and I also said goodbye to three wonderful shows forever. Not that I need more new episodes of anything to watched, but it was still sad.
And then yesterday I got to totally relax. Just sit and let my mind drift. It was a holiday, so no school, no work, and not the type of holiday that includes a family party so I didn't leave the apartment complex. It was a strange feeling to have all of the tension and worries just float out of you completely. I have to say I liked the feeling. Of course, by last night they were closing in on me again, but that afternoon was needed and wonderful.

Qops!
ALIAS:
Sydney: Write this down. E. M. E. T. I. B. Got it? Now, reverse it.

Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...

Agent Marshall Flinkman: Well, a lot of people who are into spanking, apparently.
[a random woman grabs him and kisses him] Oh my god, I think I just got hepatitis.

Nadia Santos: She asked me if you were tall, dark and handsome. I told her you were tall.

Agent Jack Bristow: Those Cyrillic codes you found in those books - yes, they were orders from the KGB and yes, they were orders to kill. An agent received those orders and carried them out, murdering officers of the C.I.A., including your father, Mr. Vaughn. All this is true. But, Sydney, I was not that agent. Your mother was.

Lauren: I'll see you in Vancouver. Don't be late or call me sweetheart.
Sark: Ambitious and domineering. Fantastic.

Rachel Gibson: Oh, my God, you're...
Kelly Peyton: Not dead?
Rachel Gibson: I was gonna say evil, but...

Francie: Okay, seriously, we are not putting chocolate chips in the pancakes.
Will: I got news for you. Oh yes we are.

Sloane: You know, we should dance.
Sydney: Like hell.

LOST: Season Two

Ok, so if you watched last week's Lost, you know that there are crazy things going on on that little island. Everyone assumes that Ana is dead, and Michelle Rodriguez admitted that her character wasn't supposed to be on for more than a season in the first place, but what about Libby? She took two bullets, but whether she is dead or not has been hotly debated. For one thing, in next week's previews one character specifically said "She died", not "they died". Also, Ana had just come to terms with something major in her life, as had Shannon and Boone before their deaths. Libby didn't have the moral quandry, so she shouldn't be dead. I hope. She is the only main character who hasn't had a flashback, whereas even Rose and Bernard had one (I'm not complaining; they should be main characters).
Who is Jack's sister (or half sister)? His father was looking for his daughter. Some have speculated it might be Kate because the woman and the house looked familiar, but Kate's mom was in Iowa so that isn't likely. Some speculated that it might be Claire, or Claire's friend Charlotte, as they were Australian. And why did Ana Lucia call him Dad when he went to get out of the car at the bar? Hmm. But we saw Ana's mom in the states, and the blond was clearly not Ana's mom. Of course, when he was yelling at the blond about wanting to see his daughter, maybe he was referring to Ana, who was in the car. I don't know.
Next question, is Michael an other? If not, why did he kill Ana and Libby? And did he kill Henry or rescue him?
And, who is the father of Claire's baby? It has been speculated as Sawyer or Jack's father, both ladies' men in Australia, although Jack's father got there a little late for the time frame to make sense, unless he had been there before.
Lastly, was is Libby's connection to Desmond? It has been leaked that in the finale, she was have a flashback scene with him.
Now if you don't know Lost, I'm sorry for the ramblinbgs, but what the hell is going on? Almost two season gone and so many unanswered questions.

The Book! Buy It Now!

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't posted. I have been seeking employment, part time for now, full time for summer. I still need to pay my rent after school lets out, unfortunately. These extremely high gas prices have not helped one bit. Sigh. Two and a half more years until we get the idiot out of office. But today's topic is not current events. Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live said everything this week that needed to be said. No, today's topic is my book.
Book One continues to meet with favorable reviews. The discussion with the Otterbein Alumni Book Club went fantastic. I sent copies of Book Two around to my brave volunteer proofreaders, so Book Two will be completed soon. The current estimated deadline is it will be ready to go to press by the end of July. I also have a couple of people considering cover ideas, so hopefully it'll be nice and snazzy. I have also wrote six chapters for Book Three, so it will be fast on the heels of Book Two. I am considering another project or two in between Book Three and Four, but I haven't decided yet. I will of course keep you posted. But the bottom line is, if you haven't bought An Actor's Nightmare Book One yet, go buy it! Now! Seriously! Please?

Qops! (courtesy of Veronia Mars, which promises to have one hell of a Season Two finale this week)
Keith Mars: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica Mars: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.

I Was Right

I am pretty humble, so even when I am on right I rarely shout it from the rooftops. I do admit when I'm wrong. But this time, I was absolutly right. As yet another friends told me about her experience confirming my theories, I feel it is finally time to declare it definitively.

GEESE ARE EVIL!!!!

That's all I wanted to say. Book Two just needs a little more proofreading and it will be done. On Monday, May 1st, Book One will be featured at Otterbein's Courtright Library at 7:30pm. You should all come. Also, I am now working two jobs so I am very busy. Just try to get a hold of me. :) And, um, well, I will stay make time to watch Jed Bartlett and Jack Bauer save the world. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Oh, yeah, geese are evil.

Qop!
"We have a contingency plan to invade Canada? " ~ Kate Harper (Mary McCormick), The West Wing

BONUS TRIVIA!!!
According to an interview that he gave to The New York Times, executive producer Lawrence O'Donnell and his fellow writers had planned for Vinick to win the election until John Spencer's sudden, untimely death in December 2005. After that, they decided that Santos losing both his running mate and the election would be too difficult for the audience to watch, and they changed the election's outcome.

What About Jim?

Ok, so go ahead and make fun of me for my TV watching habits. I understand. Lately I have been watching a lot of tv, and if you don't realize why, go back and read my previous post. I picked up four new shows recently. What can I say? Spring break let me catch up and made me feel like I had time for new stuff, which I most definitely do not. I started a new part time job today and now I am working 65+ hours per week, so tv time is about plummet. No big deal there. So new shows. Free Ride is mildly entertaining. So is Pepper Dennis. The Loop is freakin' hilarious. What About Brian? is great. I thought it was a new JJ Abrams show, but while he produced it, he did not create it. It has a good cast including Rosanna Arquette from The Whole Nine Yards. The problem with the show is how the characters take relationships for granted. The plot focuses on 7 characters: six couples and Brian. One couple has been married for thirteen years with two little kids, but haven't had sex since their last baby was born six months ago. The wife has decided to have an open marriage. At first the guy is ticked, but now is kinda starting to go along with it, except he tells all potential lays about his wife and kids. I hate this plot. I want to be married, and I don't want it to ever be six months in between. I certainly would be very upset if my wife suggested an open marriage, even though she claims she'll never leave her husband and loves him. Another couple just got engaged and talk about how they are upset about not ever sleeping with other people again. Again, I am pissed at these characters. The third couple is having problems having a baby, but are devoted. That couple is one reason I watch the show. The main reason is Brian. He's this nice sweet guy who would treat a woman right, like me. Although my friends aren't all getting married, in fact none of them are, I feel like Brian because I feel like I am behind the game. To be perfectly honest, I'm not financially stable enough for marriage yet anyway so it's probably a good thing I'm single. But I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I think things are starting to look up for me. At least, I hope so. If only I could sell more copies of my book, but I'm working on it. The main difference between Brian and I is that he can easily get girls, which I never have been able to do. Plus his friends set him up all the time. Come on people! Set me up. :) The thing that bothered me about Brian in tonight's episode though is that he went after a date's roommate. That ticked me off and made me lose respect for him. Still, I'll keep watching.
I also finally watch the finale of Dawson's Creek last night. WONDERFUL.

Qop! (Jenn's speech to her baby as she is dying from the finale of Dawson's Creek)
Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in god. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that god exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in god, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live.

Spring Break

I'm poor and past college so I stayed home for spring break. You know what I have spent it doing? Working on my book, watching DVDs and tv shows, and laying around the house. Yeah, I spent like half a day job searching and came back with two new part time jobs, which means as of Monday, my life begins to get extremely busy. I figure that'll last a month or so and then something will have to give. I'll probably ditch one of the two new jobs. First I'm going to see which one I like the most. One is 25 hours a week with a $7/hr base pay, but if your comission is above it, as most people's is, you get that instead. Average pay is like $9/hr. I have a feeling that one will go, as it is Tuesday-Friday 5pm-10pm and Saturday 9am-2pm because it's just too much time. If I could ditch wednesday or thursday it might be tolerable. The other one is a job where I work on specific assignments, can do as many as I want when I want, and then get paid as I do them. This has the potential to be a lot of fun, but we'll see. Plus I'm still subbing, and that is probably the highest paid job of the lot, except for maybe the assignment one, but that one isn't as regular. So I am going to enjoy my last couple of days of break and not feel guilty about being lazy. It won't last much longer.

Qop!
"FAMILY GUY!! I damn you to hell! " ~ Randy Marsh, during the hilarious two part South Park, "Cartoon Wars" aired these past two weeks

Musings Part 1,383,292... or so it seems :)

So I've been watching Dawson's Creek (Lisa, you can read this. I won't spoil anything). The final season came out and of course I'm addicted to watching it, and of course being emotionally moved, sometimes to tears, as Dawson often does to me. But instead of getting into that, because I don't want to spoil anything for Lisa, I've been thinking about my life and intrests. When I was younger, I read constantly. I was incluenced greatly by Judy Blume, Beverly Clearly, Bruce Coville, Lynn Reid Banks, L. Frank Baum... and then later by Peter David, J.K. Rowling, Diane Carey, and many others. It was probably part of the reason I turned to writing. I wrote my first chapter book in 3rd grade. I have been writing ever since. In contrast, tv meant very little to me. A couple of years ago, however, I discovered what great storytelling can exist on tv. Yes, I still do enjoy the occasional dumb sitcom, but my fascination with tv stems from my fascination with storytelling, not because I'm a couch potato junkie. I couldn't imagine tv shows as good as books until I discovered Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Firefly, Felicity, Lost, 24, and a host of others. The people that create this stuff (Joss Whedon, Ira Steven Behr, J.J. Abrams, etc.) are every bit as good a writer as the authors I loved. The actors they choose bring their stories to life, and while I still love books, there's a lot to be said for television, which is now in it's renaisance. Especially the serial series. When I was writing my first published book, I was just starting to discover the tv world. I think it did influence my writing. I imagined that book as a television season, and I would be thrilled beyond measure if someday it became one. I like to tell a serial story, where the part fit together, the story goes on for years, but it's one long story. One that is complicated, with characters that grow and change. I don't think I'm awesome at it, but I'm not ashamed of my first book, and I think my stories will continue to get better. I live life through my stories since I'm not leading the life I dream of. If I'm lucky, someday I will get to. We'll see. If you haven't read my book, please do so, then if you like it tell everyone. I will follow my dream of telling stories. In the meantime, I'm back to Dawson and watching others' stories. I need to know what's going to happen to Dawson, Joey, Pacey, Jenn, Jack, Grams, Todd, Audrey, Natasha, and the rest!

Qop! (from Season Six of Dawson's Creek)
Joey: Dawson, I'm sorry I don't have the same dreams I had when I was 15 years old, and I'm sorry that I moved on faster than you did, but you know what? Maybe not everything that happens to you is my fault! And maybe just because I want more from my life than...
Dawson: More than what? More than us? You don't know, do you? You've never known. The entire time I've known you, all you've wanted to do is escape. From me, from Capeside. I mean, you say that I'm the dreamer. I'm the one who doesn't wanna live in the real world. Well, I'm doing it, Joey. Right now. I'm living in the real world. It's you who wants the fantasy

Saturday, April 1

So, yeah I have a girlfriend now. And I'm not longer a virgin. And guess what? We're getting married. We're eloping in June as soon as school gets out.

In other news, I have decided to quit teaching and move to a hippie nudist buddist camp. No more school for me. I'm going to be a blacksmith. Cool, huh? There will be no tv or internet there, so better write me quick before it's too late.

So I've been getting bugged about what's going to happen next in my book, so here it is. You're going to find out that the geese are actually midget polar bears in costumes and no one is dead. The nuclear weapons just mutated everyone and they now roam the countryside eating brains. Also, Vince is gay and he and Romey are totally doing it, Auby and Wesley are too, and Walt is a crossdresser. Tommy is actually a cool actor who worships scientology and Dr. Smith's secret base is located in (GASP!) Atlantis! The series will end after Katie has sex with a goose and their offspring is a polar bear and they figure it all out, only to have aliens show up and blow up the planet.

Oh, yeah, and check the date again, because it's April Fools!!! Seriously, though, if you believed the stuff above, you deserve to be fooled.

Qop!
"After that, everyone treated me a lot different, except my sister. She must have belong to a group bigger and meaner than the Mafia. What's that, maybe Jehovah's Witnesses?" ~ A Girl Name Zippy

So I'm 23. Yawn

So I turned 23 on Sunday. Big whoop. Honestly, I had a good birthday because I had my favorite dinner with my parents, siblings, and grandparents, played some Euchre, and had a really good time. I also got some great presents, including The Golden Girls Season One from Michael. Yay! But the actuality of turning 23 wasn't all that exciting. I didn't lose any sleep in anticipation of the event, or really give it much thought as it came and went. I couldn't wait for the big 21st. I happened to be in Wales for the 20th and Colorado for the 19th. That was fun. I had a huge party for my 22nd because it was my last year in college. But 23, well, it just doesn't seem that big of a deal. Am I part the point where every birthday is a big day for me? Probably. Am I sad about it? A bit. Ah, well. Life goes on, and you keep getting older, even after 23.

Qop!
"Of course I'm happy. I have an international rock star babysitting my kids." ~ Jimmy Smits as Sanots on The West Wing, after a crazy day on the trail when Bon Jovi takes over kid watching duties

The Return of Chef

Aren't you guys lucky? I've been updating a lot lately. Today's topic: The Return of Chef. If you missed South Park last night, I am so sorry for you. I'm sure they'll rerun it. Here's the rundown of why it was so great. Isaac Hayes, who has voiced Chef for the nine seasons that have aired thus far, quit the show a week or two ago because South Park made fun of Scientology in a recent episode. Granted, the show makes fun of all religions and Hayes has never had a problem with it, until now. I guess he hold his religion to a higher standard or something. I think he's a big jerky hyprocrite for quitting the show over it, but that's just me. Oh, I know he says that wasn't the reason exactly, but everyone can read between the lines. Trey Parker and Matt Stone put together an amazing episode to transition to a series with no more of Hayes's Chef. The episode was called "The Return of Chef" and it ran last night. They faked a 'previously on South Park' where Chef ran off to join the Super Adventure Club. In last night's episode he returned, but started acting differently. He now wanted to turn his love making charms onto little children, such as the kids he serves lunch to at school. The dialogue was badly edited Hayes dialogue from other episodes, which made it all the funnier that something wasn't right. The boys discover that Chef was brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club. The Adventure Club climbs mountains and such, but the Super Adventure Club travels around the world and molests children. Ensuing is a parallel between the beliefs of the SAC and Scientology that never even tried to be subtle. It was hilarious. And in the end Chef chooses to stay with the SAC anyway, then is promptly impaled then torn apart by a mountain lion and a grzzily bear. The episode ends with a funeral in which Kyle proclaims that they should remember the wonderful man Chef was and not the crappy brainwashing he got sucked into (i.e. Isaac Hayes and Scientology). The coda reveals the SAC has put together a Chef Vadar, with a big reveal and a new voice, allowing the character to continue in a fun new way without Hayes, and as a villian. To top that off, Tom Cruise threatened not to promote MI3 for Paramount if they reran a certain episode last week, so they had to do different reruns instead of the scheduled ones. Paramount claims they switched reruns to honor Hayes, but again, the public knows better. Was that cool or what? Six more episodes left this season! I can't wait.

Qop!
"Oh my God, they killed Chef!"
"You bastards!" ~ Kyle and Stan, "The Return of Chef"

Random TV Mouthoff

Ok, so the string of shows that I try to keep up with have been frustrating me recently, so hear goes the mouthing off in no particular order. Audrey is not a villian, and they had better not kill of D.B. on 24. Can't wait for Michelle Forbes on Prison Break, and I think Mexican guy is gonna save the day on the execution. Why isn't Ted chasing after his girlfriend, or at least hooking up with Robin on How I Met Your Mother. I am sorry Lost but I am sick of your damn reruns. The West Wing has only three episodes left. I'm glad Toby is getting his focus and I hope he gets cleared even if he doesn't deserve it. Josh had better get back with Donna. Oh, and I hope they find Ainsley-Hayes in the basement. Grey's Anatomy continues to deliver consistently. Take a cue Desperate Housewives, whose place it has switched, although DW has it's moments. The Loop is good, Free Ride is ok, and Sons & Daughters is on it's last leg with me, even though it just premiered. I miss Joey. One episode back and it's gone again. Maybe it's for the best. Four Kings is back and good, Out of Practice is almost back, and where did Crumbs go? I couldn't care less about American Idol anymore. Mandisa is going to lose and there's not really anyone else great left. Sorry Paris. On Will & Grace, I am disappointed Taye ended up being such an ass. Well, Grace will get with Leo and Will will get with the policeman and Jack will be disappointed, but keep chasing. I am already showing that I watch too much tv, aren't I? If it weren't for the actors on Bones I would have stopped watching, although it is good. And Veronica Mars is going to have a thrilling end. Can't think of anything else. Thank goodness these shows aren't on every week or I'd be dead.

Qop! (24)
"Who is your informant?"
"Audrey Rains."
"No!"
"Everyone has their price."

A Date

So I'm going on a date. You know how weird that sounds? A friend from college called me up and asked me out. I said yes. Now I'm going on date. I have not been on a date in fifteen months, and haven't been in a relationship in two years and nine months. I don't know if this will lead to a relationship. I'm honestly not thinking that far ahead. I'm just marveling at long it's been. Granted, it took me a long time to get over the last girlfriend. I went on a few dates last winter, but nothing came of that. I am really looking forward to this date because I have been wanting to get out and go on one in so long. I always have liked girls, and was looking for my future wife in Kindergarten. I never actually got to go on dates or have a girlfriend until college, and by that time I incredibly frustrated because I was getting old. I always figured I would be married by the time I was out of college. That's the kind of guy I am. I'm the 'marrying type', not that date endless streams of women type. But most girls my age want to wait to get married. The average marriage age is 30! That's crazy. I'm going to be 23 next Sunday and I am not at all happy about the status of my love life, and whole I've come to enjoy the single life and have fun doing it, I won't miss it when it's gone. Like I said, I'm not even thinking long term tonight. I am only thinking of tonight, which I guess shows how my mindset has changed over time. Now that I've spilled my guts about something deeply personal over the internet, don't think I'm a loser, and don't say mean things on my blog, ok? :)

Qop! (from Veronica Mars)
Veronica's Father: So how was your date?
Veronica: Simple conversation, nothing much. But the sex was fantastic!
Veronica's Father: That's not funny.

Book Signing

So my book signing last night went fantastic! There were lots of people there. We did a Q&A for about 45 minutes or so, and all the questions were great. The audience ranged from people who had read the book and eagerly awaited the sequel to people who had heard absolutely nothing about the book, which gave me plenty to talk about. Some of my elementary school teacchers were there, which was really cool. There was also a reporter there that is doing an article on me and took pictures and stuff. How exciting is that? I am uber hyped right now, but it's off to school. Have a good day.

Qop!
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane." ~ William Shatner "Denny Crane", Boston Legal

TV Juggle

I don't understand why networks do it. Do you? The TV Juggle. You learn what night and time your favorite shows are, and then they rearrange them for absolutly no reason. Then, while my DVR can handle two shows at once, suddenly there are four shows you want to watch in one time slot, and no shows the rest of the night. Geez! I guess that means I have good taste because I pick the shows they want to put in their best time slot, but in a couple weeks some of those shows will be moved again and then I'll have missed episodes, which I don't like to do. Joey, surprisingly returns Tuesday. Yay! Arrested Development is already off the air after a two hour series finale. It may return on Showtime, but that does me absolutely no good. The biggest crime this season is that The West Wing only gets 5 more episodes to tie up the election and Leo's death. Oh, and Alias is getting less episodes to tie up that series than originally planned. A show that runs for years should get a full season to do a finale! Why do shows get cancelled? 3 or 4 MILLION of us are still waiting for the return of Reunion, which will never happen. How many people have to watch to save a show anyway? Daytime shows run with much less than 3 million. So do late night. Run Reunion then if you have to. I'd DVR it. I can't wait for everything to switch to On Demand, where you just go to the channel and there's a list of all the new shows that week, scroll down and pick one, whenever you want. These channels exist in premium packages now, but not really for the broadcast networks, which is pretty much all I want. Marketability needs to catch up to technology. In other news, Mr. Dailey got nothing done he wanted to do this week because he was too busy searching for when his shows would air. (NOTE: The last line is ficitonal. I have too much to do to figure out when he shows are on)

Qop!
Meg: You believe me, right?
Veronica: You are the last good person here at Neptune High. I believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Lost

So I've been missing from this blog for nearly a month. I missed two weeks posting! I am sorry people. No, my plane did not go down on a desert island. My computer was captured by a virus, my cell phone was stolen, and I was battling two jobs and going through kitty shots and fixings and dealing with lots of other excuses, none of which exhume me from logging on for ten minutes to give you an update. I'm sorry. To be even ruder, I am only popping in for a quick second today. I have 24 of my 25 chapters written for Book Two, but only have about 15 typed up so I have lots of work to do that I can't wait to get back to. Speaking of the book series, my first official signing will be Monday, March 13 at 7pm at the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library. Check out my web site for more info. Hope to see you there!

Qop!
"Don't write anything down. Don't let anyone take pictures. And if all else fails, Deny Deny Deny!!!" ~ Chick McGee, The Bob & Tom Show (my family will get it:))

24 Season Six

As we were watching 24 tonight, I came up with an absolutely ridiculous idea for 24's sixth (and if they did it) final season. Here is how it would go:
It has been 18 months since Season 5...
6PM-7PM Jack arrives at his hosue to find it dark. Tony is with him. They go in, sneaking through the house in suspicion. Jack pulls out his gun and shoots Edgar as the lights come up for...his bachelor party!
7PM-8PM Edgar has died, but they just party over him as he is too fat to move. Jack starts to get totally blitzed, and dances on the table. Tony, Curtis, Buchanon, Chase, Mike, Aaron, Palmer's brother, and Lynne all party with him.
8PM-9PM The stripper shows up. It's Mrs. Logan! That damn Edgar booked her. What an idiot.
9pm-10PM Jack has gotten so drunk that he sleeps with Kim anyway. She passed out and he and Tony, the only two still standing, head out on the town with only mild protests from Lynne.
10PM-11PM Jack goes to a strip club. Kim is the dancer! Oh, well. He's so drunk he sleeps with her too. Meanwhile Mrs. Logan has awoken and tracked him down. Cat fight.
11pm-12AM Mrs. Logan and Kim have both been injured and taken to CTU hopsital. Jack and Tony keep bar hopping.
12AM-1AM Audrey wakes up and begins to prepare. It takes a lot of time to make her pretty.
1AM-2AM More uproarious partying, more preparing.
2AM-3AM Jack falls down beside Michelle, Terry, Palmer, and all the other character's graves, weeping. Audrey is still primping.
3AM-4AM Some terrorist stuff begins to happen. Chloe shows up and upsets Aubrey when she tells her that she's fucking ugly.
4AM-5AM Jack discovers that Tony is a mole and tortures him.
5AM-6AM Jack discovers Tony is actually a good mole working for Palmer, who isn't really dead.
6AM-7AM Jack takes his new info to Logan, who immediately surrenders the country to France, just in case. Chloe makes a cameo because we miss her.
7AM-8AM Jack stops the terrorists. Audrey is now done with makeup, ready to start hair.
8AM-9AM Mike and Aaron wake up, assume that they were all drugged, and head off to find Mrs. Logan and ask her what happened. Chloe again insults Mrs. Logan
9AM-10AM An evil baker steals the cake. Mrs. Logan is carted off to a mental institution because her husband doesn't believe she is actually a stripper, as he hasn't slept with her in years.
10AM-11AM Jack discovers the evil baker was hired by Edgar, with the help of Chloe. He recovers the cake. Chloe covers him and shoots people.
11AM-12PM Terrorists come back and demand that Jack be handed over to China for execution.
12PM-1PM Jack fights the would-be assasian, the lesbian from every season. She escapes, but we will never see her again.
1PM-2PM Jack defeats China and gets them to surrender to Logan, who is so surprised and startled he surrenders to Ethipopia. Mrs. Logan escapes the mental ward and tries to kill Audrey to win Jack's heart.
2PM-3PM The wedding planner is late and the wedding is in chaos! Jack's friends are all off searching for him, including Tony who has finally been released. They assume he must have died.
3PM-4PM Audrey is told that Jack is dead. A whole day's beauty work is ruined. Jack goes looking for the wedding planner.
4PM-5PM Jack discovers the wedding planner is nine hours away. he makes it to her in 15 minutes.
5PM-6PM Jack's friends arrive at the wedding, Audrey realizes he's alive, Chloe ruins the wedding by opening her mouth, but they get married anyway. Then, because the series is over and the producers want to delight the fans, Chloe kills Kim for no reason.

Qop!
"This epsiode takes place between (insert hour) and (insert hours) on the Day of the California Presidential Primary." ~ 24 Season One Opening
"Beruit, I've been shot!" ~ Beige Queen, 24
"I did it for you, David." ~ Sherry Palmer, 24

Jimmy Dailey and the Ghetto Parking Spot

Once there was a young man name Jimmy Dailey. He did not know he was different from other men, growing up in his closet under the stairs. No, that was not a gay joke. Then one day Jimmy Dailey found the ghetto parking spot and his life changed forever.
Ok, happy Nick and Laura? We were at Lou Al's last night having a great time and there was a ghetto parking spot and they wanted me to write about it. Yay. Done. Now let's move on. :)
Actor's Nightmare Book One continues to sell decently and I am excited to start getting the word out. I have got some very positive feedback on it. Some people don't like the questions that aren't answered. Too bad. Go watch Lost. They don't answer questions either. That's not why I'm doing it. It's a long story that will take 9 books to tell. You won't get all the answers in the first one. Book Two is half done in it's first draft form. For those you waiting excitedly for another chapter in the saga, I'm guessing it will be out next fall. I will give you more details as I have them. Just be assured Auby will not wasted this time, you will get a shocking revelation about a character, several scenes from Book One will be revisited with another side to the story, and of course more of the beloved characters will die. If you have not started the series, why the hell not? Go to www.amazon.com and buy a copy today! Thanks all.

Qop! (from Pat Godwin's Gansta Folk)
I’m Patty G (he’s Patty G) and it’s all good (It’s all good) I'll pop a cap in your ass if you're in my neighborhood (Pat’s neighborhood) You ain't all that my brother What you say about my mother? I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) Yo dog check it out. My hoochies fly (his hoochies fly) Don’t diss my boo (what is a boo) You’ll end up like you know who (Tupac that’s who) Shout out to all my G’s, What’s up peeps! (Cracker please) I’m dope just take toke it’s gangsta folk (big ass toke) It's Gangsta Folk and we be chillin’ out Puffin’ on da Chronic ‘till we all folked out Ho’s in the hot tub 24/7 Homie aint no lie (nasty ho’s) I the baddest MC my rymes are phatI cock my Glock Beoch (Tru Dat!) Fo shizzle my izzle, dog keep on playin’ (we have no idea what he’s sayin’) I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) . Woooord!

Four Crumbs Not Emily

So I was watching a few of the mid-season premieres this week. Not too many. I had too many shows this fall, and thankfully some of the good ones got cancelled (Reunion, Threshold, and probably soon Bones) or put on indefinite hiatus (Arrested Development, Joey, and the wildly successful Prison Break and Out of Practice), or just turned out to be the same boring plot every week, despite still being good (Ghost Whisperer, Close to Home). So now with a much slimmer television schedule I have no desire to expand it again. I have too many other things I want to do besides watch tv. Still, I did welcome back Jake in Progress with open arms (it deserves them) and gave three new shows a chance: Emily's Reasons Why Not, Four Kings, and Crumbs. I chose these three because of lead actors: Heather Graham, Seth Green, and Fred Savage. Emily has already been dropped from my schedule. It got bad reviews, and I agree. It is NOT the least bit funny. Kings was great, with four strong actors about buddies sharing an apartment. Plus Seth Green gets lots of short jokes. Always funny. In the premiere they were trying to get him to stuff himself into a dryer. But the best new show is Crumbs.
Fred Savage is great as the main character, a closet gay who left home and moved to L.A. after the unexpected death of one of his brothers. He wrote a screenplay about it, which was well recieved, and began dating his pyschiatrist. He soon realizes that he doesn't have another screenplay in him, is dumped for his boyfriend for being emotionally distant, and returns home. Meanwhile, the mother, played deliciously insane by Jane Curtin, has just been released from a mental institution. After her husband cheated on her, she lost it and tried to run him over with a car. Now she goes back and forth between hoping he'll come home and hating his guts, and gets some action from her doctor, a big black guy named Elvis. And she suspects her son is gay. Despite the doctors in the show all sleeping with their patients, it is good. Fred's other brother has stayed home and in between his one night stands, now sololy runs the family restuarant. He won't talk to Fred because Fred ran off and then made their family story into a movie. Dad, played with a carefree atrtitude by William DeVane, sneaks into the restaurant every night to balance the books correctly, and is expecting a new baby with the restaurant critic that helped him end his marriage. Hmm. The critic is like the doctors. Well, despite the unprofessionalism of the supporting characters, this is a sitcom that makes you laugh and tear up in the same act. Rounding out the four member family and the black boyfriend is a waitress at the restaurant who used to date Fred Savage. Watch it.

Qop! (from "Formidable Opponent" on The Colbert Report, where Stephen debates with himself, split screen style, on an issue, in this case, is charity good?)
Stephen # 1: But, I could take care of my minimal needs and send the rest of the money to the poor.
Stephen #2: Okay, think about this: You could buy a $100,000 Mercedes S600, or you could buy a $10,000 pile of crap from Korea and give the left over 110,000 to...
S1: An orphanage?
S2: Whatever let's you sleep. One day, you go to check on your orphans. It's raining, and you don't have the benefits of that fine German engineering. You spin out of control. You're like a loose lawnmower blade. And what's that ahead? It's your orphans! They've come out into the street to thank you for your selfless gift.
S1 (yelling): Get out of the street orphans!
S2: Oh, I forgot to mention: They're deaf.
S1: Noooooo!
S2: Yes. Yeah, tragedy. Tragedy all because you didn't care enough to make a difference for yourself.
S1: Wow. You've really opened my eyes, Stephen. Say, um, does it have to be a car?
S2: No, it could be a really sweet boat.

1st Week of 2006

Ok, so I don't have anything exciting to post this week. Except Michael J. Fox has been doing better. Yay! The star of Family Ties, Back to the Future series, Teen Wolf, and Spin City has been pretty much out of the public eye since he quit the latter show in 2000 (the show ran until 2002 without him). He's lent his voice to the Stuart Little movies and Disney's forgettable Atlantis, but who doesn't miss seeing him? Damn Parkinson's. Fox will return to the screen this week on the new episode of Boston Legal and will return to movie theatres soon in Back to the Future Part IV. The Future movie was suspended a long time ago because Fox wasn't up for it, but buzz is he will make it. This time we wants to basically take Christopher Lloyd's role. What that means exactly, I don't know. Will he play a character similiar to Doc Brown? Will he still be the same character? We'll find out soon enough. Good news!

Also, in the Strange But True category, I just found out that the guy who perfected the flush mechanism on our toilets was named Thomas Crapper. He died in 1910. I'm serious. His name was Crapper. How awesome is that?

Qop! (from Back to the Future)
Doc Brown: Tell me future boy, who's President of the United States in 1985?
Marty: Ronald Reagan.
Doc Brown: Ronald Regan? The actor? Then who's Vice President? Jerry Lewis?

It's 2006

No, really, it is. I am appropriately drunk and at a friends' apartment. I was at several parties tonight, but I ended at one with all women (except for me), so that's cool. Many kisses at midnight. Just not from someone special. :( That's ok. I present my New Year's resolutions for 2006:
1. Get my full teaching lisence
2. Be in a serious relationship
3. Lose at least 20 pounds
4. Sell 1,000 copies of my book
5. Do something I have never done before but always wanted to

Sound good? Feel free to post your resolutions as a comment. That would be cool. See you all later and have a great 2006!

Qop!
"15...14...13...12...11...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1! Happy New Year's! 2006!" ~ Everyone

Feliz Holimas

Ok, so I promised to post more this month than last, and I think I fulfilled that obligation. This is my 4th posting this month, wheras in November I only posted twice. This month you get TWICE as many of my thoughts. Considering some months I posted 10 or 12 times, this makes me sad. However, considering that that was during my brief period of one job, no classes, no life, I don't think it's fair to expect 10-12. So I am setting my 2006 goal at once a week. You'll get 4 or 5 posts a month. Fair enough?

So I probably missed the boat on the Holiday / Christmas debate, but I want to throw in my two cents worth: Holiday means Holy Day! How does that stop offending people? If you were afraid Merry Christmas offends, than you are probably still offending. Besides, Christmas is part of the American tradition. It has been going on for centuries. Suck it up people. Deal with it. It is laregly celebrated in this country as a secular holiday anyway, focusing more on Santa Claus, presents, and family than Jesus Christ. So how does it offend? Plus this country was based on religious principals "In God We Trust" "One Nation Under God", etc. Get over it. We let anyone freely practice their religion, don't take away American Christian traditions from the rest of us. My grandpa said he was going to go into stores and say "Oh, you have Holiday trees / presents/ whatever? I was looking for Christmas trees/ presents/whatever." and walk out. Good idea. :)

And while we're on the topic of tradition, I am very sorry we never made English the official language. I am no opposed to legal immigration. Illegal...well we need to do something about the Mexican situation. But anyway. The thing is, you come into America, LEARN ENGLISH! I can even see Texas and California and such with their semi-bilingualness. Those lands used to be part of Mexico. But if you're working in Columbus, Ohio in say, I don't know, the kitchen at Steak N Shake, you need to learn to speak English! Us Caucasions are rapidly heading towards minority status, and tell us it will happen in the next few decades in this country. Let's make Enligh the language now. We've alwasy spoken it. If I went down to Tijuana and got a job I'd learn Spanish. Come on people!

Anyway, Feliz Holimas. See you all in 2006.

Qop!
"We're sorry Monica. Chandler's cheating on you. We saw him go into a house with a blond woman and they came out in 45 minutes looking pretty happy."
"I'm devasted. What did you think of the house?"
~Friends, the gang to Monica, when they catch Chandler with the realtor, which Monica and Chandler have kept a secret

Bonus Qops!
"What a surprise, I like proposals!" ~ Ross, referring to his 3 marriages

"You should give the money for your next wedding to charity."
"No, the fourth one will be in Hawaii at sunset. Maybe the 5th." ~ Friends, Phoebe and Ross

Holiday Cheer

I am right now pretty...under the influence...at my friend Lisa's Holiday Cheer party. She has been calling it that for years, and it has nothing to do with this absurd campaign to insult Christmas, so don't think that. Anyway her shots and wonderful punch have left me feeling happy so I figured I would wirte something. I got champagne and Godiva chocolate in the gift exchange. Yay! I am correcting all my typos (I think) so don't hate me if I make one. Go buy my book! Also, John Spencer died. He played Leo on The West Wing. No more Leo. I am so sad. Who's gonna be Vice President now? Anyway, back to drinking some more. Merry Christmas!

Qop!
"Where's Leo? Has anyone seen Leo?" ~ people on The West Wing when they couldn't find Leo last season cause he had an attack in the woods after he was fired

My Alias

My book is selling ok so far...keep buying people! :) Go to www.amazon.com and search the title An Actor's Nightmare to purchase your copy today! Anyway, other than that I have been working my butt off. Still pulling full time hours at Steak N Shake and substituting every day (except not today because it was a snow day, which disappointed me). But the reason for my entry:
Alias is finally coming to an end. It was inevitable, and I said all summer this should be it's last season. However, they did a major cast overhaul and there were so many ways to go with it so I was finally getting comfortable with the idea that the show would go on. That and Jennifer Garner supposedly signed a contract to take the show through 2007. Then the bad news comes around Thanksgiving. This will indeed be Alias's last season. Now they are rocketing towards one exicitng closer! Vaughn is dead, and Irena is back! Or is Vaugh dead? Maybe? Some of my friends think not. Something is going on with Sydney's baby, and now Prophet Five and SD-6 are connected! Yes, this is going to be one well of a season. If they could just bring back Weiss and Marshall's wife I'd be happier. Oh, well. Here we go!
P.S. The rumor out is that Star Trek XI will focus on the mirror universe and star William Shatner and Patrick Stewart, and possibly Scott Bakula. Anyone else afraid of this concept?
P.P.S. Go Eva Longaria for being included with the rest of the Housewives in this year's Golden Globes nominations, and Candence Bergen for her nomination. Also props to My Name Is Earl and the much better than last season Grey's Anatomy. Now will they halt the possible cancellation of Arrested Development? I mean, we're going to get Justine Bateman fod goodness sakes! Fox, don't cancel it!!!

Qop!
WILLOW: Promise me you'll never be linear.
OZ: On my trout.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Choices"

James Dailey, The Author

My uncle introduced me to his friends as James Wetzel Jerome Dailey, the author. Boy that felt weird. I'd love to write about something else because I'm sure everyone is tired of my talking about the book all the time, but to tell you the truth, it's about all that's been on my mind. Sorry. The first few days saw some sales, which made me happy. I'm still waiting for the first weekend's numbers to come in. We'll see what those bring. But since I have yet to be out promoting it, I'm trying to think low key for now. Still, it is so exciting. I am going to be featured in Otterbein's Monthly Alumni Newsletter as the alumni of the month sometime soon. I don't know when, but they did the interview already. How cool is that? Plus the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library in West Jeff is setting up an event for me in March, and going to try to get the local high school English classes involved. I'm really excited about that one. Anyone else have any ideas, feel free to let me know! Anyway, that's all I'm writing for today. Take care!

Qop!
Kate Harper (Mary Montgomery), The West Wing: " We have a contingency plan to invade Canada?"

The Day I've Been Waiting For

First off, I'm sorry that I only did two entries for November. I resolve to do better in the coming days. But the big news is that An Actor's Nightmare went on sale yesterday, November 29, 2005. Why is that exciting? Because I am a published author! I had no knowledge of the release date until it was already out, so I apologize for no earlier notification, but hey, get over it, and go buy lots of copies! Spread the word to all your friends! Go to www.amazon.com and type in the title, or the author's name, me, James Wetzel Jerome Dailey. Please tell everyone you know! Also, I am going to be the featured OC Grad of the Month coming up in early 2006. I don't know which month yet, but they asked me and I said yes so I will let you know when I do. They chose me because of my book. Yay! I am also making the book available to libraries, so please encourage your local branch to get copies! Finally, I am starting to try to plan on publicity events, so please, let me know if you have any ideas for me. I will do any event, be it a small book club in your home or whatever. Thanks all and take care!

Long Time

It's been a long time since I updated. I've been busy. Sue me. The search for a girl is still zt ground zero. Ah, well. I am really into that How I Met Your Mother show and think I'm in about that stage of my life. Too bad there isn't a girl every week to try to date. Or just one would be fine too. :) I have some pics of Michael's cats. You know, the ones that sleep in my bed at night and crawl all over my face and will probably have kittens together because he hasn't gotten them fixed? :) Anyway, here they are. Nothing else to report. My book is still in the printing stage, so I will let you know when it's on sale. Meanwhile, feel free to send any single women my way. :)

Qop! (The Colbert Report, 10/25/05, during Colbert's interview while taking phone calls)
GIRL CALLER: My boyfriend says he's gay, and he moved in with his rich lawyer and stuff, but I think he's wrong because when we hang out, it feels like he really means it.
ROMANCE ADVISOR: Good. You're lucky he told you. Cause there's a lot of guys that are gay, but they'll just go out with you and they won't ever say it, and I would say get out of that relationship.
COLBERT: Right, right, right. But also, I would say hang on, because if you're woman enough, you can make him not gay.
ADVISOR: That's the wro...
COLBERT (Continuing): Hang in there! You owe it to this guy! Save him!
ADVISOR: That's on the verge of damaging, what you're saying!
COLBERT: Hey, if he wants to stay gay, he'll stay gay. That's his choice.