City of Angels

I went down to Axis last night and saw City of Angels, a musical several of my friends were in. It was great. I highly recommend everyone goes and sees it next Friday night. You can get tickets at centerstageplayers.com To be honest, I think my friends were among the most, if not the most, talented in the cast. Jonathan had a small part, but he cracked me up, especially when rubbing lotion on a hot woman's leg and acting like he liked it. :) Mary and Lisa were members of the quartet, which was a sort of chorus but much more interesting, and they were hilarious! They did lots of cool stuff that kind of held the shoe together. Mary's facial expressions were to die for, and when Lisa grabbed Jonathan and held his face in her boobs, I almost peed my pants. I saved Michael for last because all I can say about him is... WOW! He played a Latina cop out to get the detective in the murder mystery, and every time he came on stage, he totally stole the show. He was a larger than life character, and his musical number was the best. I can't wait to see them all star in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum in April. Esther and I are prepetual audience members now. :)

Also, the Grey's Anatomy spinoff, Taye Diggs is going to costar! And it will be an ensemble cast. Cool. Oh, and I moved the speakers and laptop away from my TiVo, and it seems to be working fine again. Who ever knew that that would mess things up?

Qop!
"You bitch!" ~ Jonathan's improved line when the hot women exposes his homosexuality

Change, Change, Change

First, I would like to tell you all about a little YouTube video called Chad: Vader. The first few episodes were called Chad Vader: Dayshift Manager, and featured a guy in a Darth Vader costume working at a grocery store. After he lost the job, they are now just called Chad Vader. Six episodes have been posted, including the new one a week ago. Each episode is only 5 minutes. They are all well worth a watch.
Also, my favorite Grey's Anatomy stay is leaving the show in May! She is supposed to be leaving with her own spinoff, which I support. Two hours of Grey's a week would be bliss. If she leaves, though, it had better get off the ground.
Right now, I am in a transitional stage of my life. I know that. Change can be good, right? I mean, I will be a full fledged teacher by December, provided I can finish the program and stay sane. Right now I am halfway through an unpaid field experience, so I'm busy, poor, and stressed. Also, I really feel like my car could die at any second, or at least the brakes may give out permanently. To cope, I have allowed other changes to infiltrate my life. For instance, I have officially retired Netscape from my computers. I resisted forever. I was still running like a three year old version of it because I hate the new versions. Finally I faced reality that it was dead, and I am now a Firefox user. So yay. I also rearranged my bedroom. I think it looks good. My recliner is in a cubby corner instead of the middle of the room. The only weird part is my TiVo cord blocks the door, so when I'm not watching TiVo on the tv, I disconnect it. It still records and everthing.
Well, actually, it may not still be recording. Speaking of TiVo, the past 24 hours have been rough for my little box. I left the standard DVR and switched to the big TiVo five months ago with quite a lot of hesitation. My box has been acting up for a day now, only recording partial programs (thankfully nothing important airs on Friday), playing back choppy, and just plain crashing. I called the service line, and they wanted to charge me $60 (for labor and shipping) for a replacement. I only paid $30 for the box in the first place, and my one year contract is not even half over! Turns out they only replace free for 90 days, so I'm stuck with a malfunctioning unit and a contract that I would be penalized for cancelling. So I was going to suck it up and pay the $60, until I found out that I also have to put a $266 deposit down. It will be paid back to me when I ship them the old box. Well I don't know about you, but I don't have $266 in my bank account, and with my current employment status, it will be some time again before I do. I guess if the box dies I might as well just ship it and then I don't have to pay the $266, but that leaves me with no box for a week, which sucks. After 45 minutes with the tech guy, I am still at a loss about what to do. I am transferring programs to my computer so if the box crashes, I will still have last week's show to watch on the new one. Hopefully it will at least stay alive to let me do that. But faced with a week of no TiVo would be a scary thing, because my obsessive compulsiveness doesn't allow me to miss episodes of shows. If it can just hold out until March, when everything is on rerun... We'll see.

Qops! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Alex Karev: Why are you helping me?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [yells] 'Cause it's what Jesus would freaking do!

Dr. Cristina Yang: I need you to help me find the leg!... Aren't boyfriends supposed to help in situations like this?
Dr. Preston Burke: When we're on duty, I can't be your boyfriend.
Dr. Cristina Yang: So, when we're on duty, I can have sex with someone else?

Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No! Why? Because my interns are whiney. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the pit doing the sutures. No-one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary Freaking Poppins.

Dr. George O'Malley: He *likes me*, likes me.
Dr. Alex Karev: Go for it, man. Get yours, I'm down with the rainbow.
[George gives him a strange look]
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, are you not gay?
Dr. George O'Malley: No.
Dr. Alex Karev: Really? Dude, sorry.
[he walks away]
Dr. George O'Malley: [Cristina walks up] Cristina! Do you... does Meredith think I'm gay?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Are you?
Dr. George O'Malley: No!
Dr. Cristina Yang: Really?

Back to Writing

So the snow days continued, and I watched more than enough telvision, even for me. I wish I could get paid to do that, instead of sitting at home and making no money. Some of you may ask, well why didn't you pick up extra shifts at Champps? Do you really think with all of that bad weather that it would have a.) been smart to drive all the way across town and b.) enough customers would have been there to make it worth my time? I answered no to those. I did however get somewhat productive on An Actor's Nightmare Book Four. If you follow the series you know that Book Three is in the editing stages and due out this coming fall. Book Four is still a year and a half away from release, but I wanted to get an early start, so I tackled it head on. I have written a prologue that I am very happy with featuring the funeral of one of my main characters. Why would I be so heartless as to kill off one of the most important people in my books after they survived through the action packed trilogy? Because it happens! There's a twenty year time jump. Do you really think that everyone is still alive? Absolutely not. Most of them are, but somebody important will not be. Sorry. Not that you guys can even hazard a guess as to who it is, because you have not read Book Three, and thus do not know who survived the final assault. Hint: Many people did not! :) Well rather than torment anyone further, I'm off to grad school, but hopefully you will all check out the book and enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Qop! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Inevitable

Those of you who know me had to expect this type of post. It's 3am on Valentine's Day. Since I was told that school was cancelled like 8 hours ago, I'm not worried about sleep. But I am depressed. I'm drunk. Yes, I drank alone. I don't do it too often, especially not to excess, but I did it, because I'm lonely, and I'm sick of this shit. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I almost have my teaching lisence, I sub, I have two published books available for sale. I like to think that I'm funny and creative. And yet I've been single for three and a half years. Why is that? I don't know. I really don't. But I am definitely sick of it. Somebody please set me up on a blind date or something. Seriously. I'm ready to cast off the single life. Hell, I was ready to do that two decades ago, no exaggeration. I'm ready for marriage. My biological clock is ticking. At least help me score a date or something. I'm not desperate. It would have to be the right girl for me to start a relationship. But I am anxious to meet that right girl, and the more women I meet, the more likely that is to happen. So please set me up with a cutie immediately! :)

Qop!
There is no Qop today. Give me a break.

Smokin' Aces

My brother David and I saw Smokin' Aces last night. I really wanted to see the movie because of my friend Jonathan's race review, and it had a host of great actors such as Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, and others. It was also a bunch of people trying to kill a mobster getting ready to squeal. Sounds awesome, no? Unfortunately, it was not. I have to say, the actors did a superb job, but the film just didn't cut it. I blame faulty editing. There were great moments and funny jokes, but the pacing was totally off. It was a major disappointment.

I also finished reading The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents America: The Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction: Teacher's Edition this week. Basically it's the same book as the first edition, but the new Supreme Court justices faces have been planted on naked bodies, and they let a history professor go crazy with a red marker. The mistakes he chose to mark were often very factual, but he was very selective in what he marked, and every once inawhile, it was just plain funny. I'm glad I own both editions.

And Barack Obama has officially entered the race for President. Hilary Clinton and John Edwards are also considered front runners. I honestly expect two of the three to be on the ticket in just over a year when the primaries end. I just am not sure which one. And I read an article or two lately where Al Gore said he wouldn't rule out running, although he couldn't imagine seeking office at this time. One article called him a possible dark horse, swooping in at the last moment. I wonder how that would upset the balance. I am eager to find out.

Qop! (selected reviews from the back of America: The Book: Teacher's Edition - many of them are probably not accurate)
"Even better on the second banning!" ~ Wal-Mart

"I wouldn't have posed nude for any other book." ~ Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"Four and a half stars." ~ Four-and-a-Half Star Review Magazine

"AMERICA (The Book) is an upstanding collection of bound pages, each containing several paragraphs of multiple words, made up of individual letters, that when processed by your brain elicits both humorous feelings - sometimes manifested as laughter - and previously undiscovered insight into..." (cont. on page 3). ~ Senator John Kerry

"This book is gay. You know, like me." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Snow, Snow, Go Away

Ok, I secretly loved having three days off this week. I had my TiVo completely empty for the first time since I got it, as of Wednesday. Then Wednesday night Lost, Knights of Prosperity, and American Idol recorded, so now it's not empty. But briefly, it was nice. However, as this is the last week I am going to get paid for awhile, I needed the money, and now I'm screwed. I did get to work today for a whopping hour and a half, but I got paid for a full day, so I'm not really complaining. I am scheduled tomorrow, too, so we'll see. Next Monday begins my three week multicultural experience at Praire Lincoln Elementary School in the Southwestern district. I have mixed feelings on this. I mean, I'll bet it's a good school, and it'll be fun and all, but it'll be a ton of work coming at a time when I'm very busy (I know, I know. I should have used my snow days more wisely), and plus, I won't be paid for it. I have to pay Ashland for it, actually, more than I would have made in those three weeks. Actually, about the same. But that is ridiculous. They should just let me sub out there for a few weeks or something. Anyway, I is a poor man.

Also, I hope you have been enjoying my new comic strip, Excerpts from The Morning Show. I haven't been real regular in my posting. That means sometimes the day's strip gets posted the night before, sometimes it's late in the day, or once even the next day (tomorrow's is already up)., but I've gotten it drawn out and scanned in for the next month so it's just a matter of remembering to log in and put it up.

And I wrote half my prologue for An Actor's Nightmare Book Four today, which was a totally bad idea, as now I want to keep writing, and the next three weeks will be insanely busy. But I love the series, and it's been killing me to take a break, and I am very happy with what I've written so far, so screw it. It's fun. :)

Qop!
"Rape is just surprise sex." ~ My brother David. He named his Facebook Group that. Don't worry, he got banned from Facebook.

Man Market

So WNCI's Man Market last night was interesting. Definitely a lot more fun than a couple of years ago when I went. It was at Flannagan's, and it was packed, shoulder to shoulder. I drank semi-heavily (I wasn't driving), and actually got the courage to make it up on stage where Dave Kaelin told them all I looked like John Lennon. I have to say, I was flattered. I've never really looked like any celebrity, but I guess with the longer hair and scruffiness I finally do. And I like John Lennon. Who doesn't? Then the really scary part came. I had to dance. On stage. In front of a mass of screaming women. I did it, looking (I think) semi confident, although as we exited through the parking lot a short time later one girl did comment that she could tell I 'flew' off the stage. Oh, well. I still was a lot braver than I would have been a couple fo years ago. Now if it had only helped me meet girls... :)

Qop! (from Ruminations)
No matter which way you slice it, you've sliced it. And it won't grow back. Way to not pay attention, idiot.

July 21st Will Be a Magical Day

It's official. Book Seven, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be released on July 21st. Barnes and Noble is already taking preorders for $20.99 ($18.89 at amazon). The last couple of times they released a book, I preordered from amazon.com or Barnes and Noble's website and had to wait all day for my book. I think I'll just go somewhere at midnight this year. There won't be a major, shortage. They plan for this stuff now, unlike the surprise smash of Book Four. I am disappointed that no page count has been announced, but I'm excited, as I was beginning to think the release date would be much further off. The fifth movie will also be out that month. Yay!

On a different note, I am going to WNCI's ManMarket tonight. Any single girls should come. There will be about 400 single guys there. Hopefully that many girls will show up, too, or my chances might not be so good. I tried it a couple of years ago and it was lame, but this time it is at Flannigan's, not the practically deserted Continent, and I have a bit more confidence than a few years ago. Wish me luck! I try to ignore my biological clock, but it's ticking, and I would love to find that special woman sometime soon.

Qop! (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
Harry: Why do they have to travel in packs? And how are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?
[Stops in front of a group of girls, hesitates, then continues walking]
Ron: Blimey, Harry. You've slayed dragons. If you can't get a date, who can?
Harry: I think I'd take the dragon now.

I Should Be in Bed

I should be in bed right now. I stayed up way too late finishing my cousin's Lego Star Wars. This Saturday morning class at Ashland is pointless for people withdecent computer skills. It is a four week lab for no credit, and I am only attending two sessions: the first one and this one. I was told I had to attend this one because we are 'learning' the library internet system, which is basic stuff. I'm so bored. I'm trying to type quietly. I wish I could just go home. Soon.

By the way, I now have my own daily comic strip. If you know me well, your first reaction is probably something like, "Oh my Jesus. Oh my Tom Cruise. Why in the hell would you try to draw, especially a strip a day! My six year old could do better, and he's parapalegic." Well, rest assured, that although the art may be bad, it will continue to improve, and I think the concept is solid. It's called Excerpts from The Morning Show, and is essentially highlights from a radio show called The Morning Show currently available in several markets and slowly spreading. The hosts are named, creatively, 'Nick' and 'Jimmy'. Shortly I will be adding a recurring sports caser, similiarly showing my creative drive by calling him 'Nate'. In a few weeks I'll add a new girl (she actually will be fictional), and probably an intern named 'David the Weasel'. Stay tuned and check back every day for the strip!

Labels

By the way all, labels have finally been finished for ALL my blogs, dating back nearly two and a half years. Want to know everything I've written about a certain topic? Click on a label. Have fun. Be safe. :)

Oh, by the way, Depressed is not my most common label. Politics is. But thanks for noticing. :) Other big ones: ActorsNightmare, Alias, books, Buffy, JonStewart, Religion, Romance, StephenColbert, Writing. Nope, Drinking wasn't high enough to top the list. Screw you. :)

I've Been Busy

Yeah, yeah, I know I haven't posted. I've been busy! So sue me. So what have I been doing? Grad school, teaching, working at Champps, my social life, writing, and working on some new projects. BTW, the first five hours of 24 this season are 5 of the greatest hours of television so far.
I did watch the President's State of the Union speech. At first, it was ok, then it went downhill and only got worse. We are in a sorry state, but its no wonder that Bush's approval rating had dropped to an all time low of 28% before the speech. I haven't what it was after, but I can't imagine it was high. His education, immigration, and insurance plans are woefully inadequate. He said he wanted to cut back on our oil consumption, then vowed to increase our supply. Make up your mind! He promised to balance the budget, but plans to balloon the military. It was ugly. The only great part was the beginning, when he praised Nancy Pelosi for before the first woman Speaker. I think McCain and Guiliani can kiss their presidential aspirations away for jumping on board Bush's war plans. I'm sad to see Kerry drop out already, but there are better qualified cantidates running, so that wasn't so bad. I really think that if Bush can, he will reinstitute the draft and invade Iran. Thank goodness for the Democrat congress or we'd all be screwed.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
(referring to imagining New Orleans)
Alan Shore (James Spader): Nobody could I suppose. Unless they were there.
Denny Crane (William Shatner): I was there. Well, I flew over it in my Gulfstream. Doesn't that count?
Alan: To some.

Denny: I like diversity. I date midgets.
Alan: And their moms.

Heros / Villians of 2006

According to an AP poll, the hero of the year, with 13%, beating out Bono, Oprah, Jesus, Barack Obama, and yes, even our troops was George W. Bush. Reading that, my heart wept a little. But I was thankful it was only 13%. Then I read the biggest villians. Of course Kim Jong Il, President of Iran, Sadam and bin Laden were tops, but the #1 vote getter, who scored a whopping 25%, beating sadam's 6% and bin laden's 8% easily was George W. Bush. I take comfort that his villian score was much higher, but wow, when we're polarized, we're polarized.

In other news, the late President Ford thought Bush really screwed up by invading Iraq, and my faith is further restored in Americans.

And John Edwards and two other guys no one cares about entered the race of 2008. Now I need to go get Obama book so I can tell people why to vote for him. :)

Qop!
Sorry, none today.

I'm an Ungreatful Prick

So the jury is back. I'm an ungreatful prick. Seriously. I have never considered myself thus before, and am having trouble considering myself that now, but after a truly rotten Christmas, and a ton of alcohol, the conclusion is made. Why is it so? Here is the COMPLETE story, not the ones my relatives seem to be getting. BTW, I am more than a bit drunk as I type this.
Every year ALL of my presents, at least the last few years, have been clothes. Those of you that know me know that I don't like clothes. In fact, I hate clothes. i only buy them when I absolutly need them. At the moment, I have a pretty good supply. So I have told me mom before that I hate getting just clothes, but the last few months, I have emphasized this point to her. While I would prefer no clothes at all, I begged her to just let one present not be clothes. one book, one cd, on dvd, SOMETHING besides the clothes that I hate to get. I said I would rather have money or nothing at all than the endless load to clothes that I hate. So Christmas morning arrives and I open, not just clothes, but really sucky clothes. Present one was white socks. WHITE socks. I wear black sock six days a week because I can ony wear black to the schools or to Champps, and have plenty of just fine white socks. Yet she buys me many pairs, unwrapped, so i can't even return them. Then comes a pair of black dress shoes. The EXACT same dress shoes that were my sole birthday present last march. No, they ar ejust fine. actually, she bought me ugly dress shoes and i returned them for the ones i currently wear. So she bought me anothert pair, even though I don't need them. Then comes a p[air of blue dress pants. Now she knows (I hate blue. I have NEVER worn blue dress pants. EVER. I HATE them. Then a pair of blakc dress pants that I kinda of need, but will take back because of all the clothes. I'm not happy about it, but I don't sitr abnd bitch endlessly about it either.
I take all; the hate dshit to me room and stay away. Yet I am bad mouthed constrantly all day. When the aunt i thought understood me very well told me i should hgave just said thank you and forgotten it, I left. Granted, I had consumed enough alcohol to put me in a decent mood up until then and I shouldn't have driven, but I did, and I made it home just fine, thankfully/. Yet, obviously I am just a selfishprick who should take what I get, even when UI specifgically ask her nbot to get it. Obviously.

Oh, anmd btw, the same 'adult' gift exhancge I have participated in the last four yearts in my family once again ended with me getting nothing. Literally this year, as I let my 5 year old cousin ahve the stuffed snoopy i ended up with. I think I just won't do it next year. And I plan to have a new apartment by feb. 1st. Anyone want to be my roommate? I could really use one.

Qop!
None. I am too angry.

You're A Mean One, Mr. Jim

I am writing this at a quarter til nine of Christmas morning. This is the latest we have EVER opened presents. Most of the house is still asleep. The last few years, my sister has been waking us up around 7. It was a bit annoying, when my brothers and I tended to stay up hanging out and having fun on Christmas Eve. Last year I came up with a devious scheme to sneak into Malissa's room and set her clock back several hours. She finally came out of her room well after the time Mom and Dad told her she had to sleep to and asked if she could watch tv until it was time. They laughed and told her that it was later than she thought it was. To put it mildly, she was furious. Everyone else thought it was the funniest thing ever, including all the relatives we saw later in the day.
This year, we knew that wouldn't work on her. I convinced my parents to let me keep her up last night watching tv so that she wouldn't wake us all up so early. They agreed pretty easily, probably wanting their sleep, too. So I kept her up until about midnight, let her drink pop and stuff, then I went to sleep, leaving her still awake and wired. When I woke up just a few minutes ago, I crept past the sleeping house up to her room and shook her awake saying, "Hurry up! Get up! Time to open presents!" When she jumped out of bed I laughed and said, "Just kidding! No one else is up." Now she's up earlier than she wanted to be and still can't open presents.

Ain't I a stinker?

:) :) :)

Qops! (courtesy National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
CLARK: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

CLARK: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

ISS

So I am working the ISS room today. I should be getting stuff done, but of course, I'm not. I've been trading surveys with Amanda, writing a second draft of an upcoming Dribble for Kids issue for Nick, and trying to put labels on the 185 blog entries I have so far. Yes, I don't like the new blogger because I have to go back and put labels on every entry so you people can easily search them. So far, I have applied many, many labels to over one hundred blog entries. Still more to go, unfortunately. I am just taking a quick break. I'm sure I will be right back to work on doing labels, but not finish them today. Those friends are mine that read this, check. Your very name may be a label. :)

Oh, and by the way, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the title of the last Harry Potter book. A release date will be announced early in 2007. Thank you to Lisa for e-mailing me. I was actually just reading the press release when I saw the e-mail. I can't wait!

Qop!
"There once was a time when religion ruled the world, that time was known as the dark ages." ~Unknown

New Blogger

Yes, I know it has been more than a month since I posted. I was going to give you a whole spiel about how I have been so busy finishing up the last semester of grad school, working two jobs, starting to date someone, the holidays, and all that other stuff, but then I actually went to the blogger site and came up with a new reason: They made me upgrade to the new blogger! Not made, but I was going to have to soon, so sort of made. hence the extra delay. Now, although I haven't really had a chance to explore it yet, I really liked the old blogger, and those of you who know me know that I hate being forced to change something that I like. I'm sure that this new thing is way cooler, but now I'm supposed to go back and categorize all my old entries, which is a lot of work. I haven't decided if I am going to go it yet or not. Until I get a handle on this thing, I probably won't post again. However, I want to be back to regular posts by the new year, so I'll probably figure it out. Stupid blogger.

Qops! (from Alias)
Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...
Sydney: You got it.

Sloane: Marshall, would you please go back to work?
Agent Marshall Flinkman: Just to clarify, I'm not being fired?
Sloane: Back to work means not fired.

Agent Jack Bristow: If you tell anyone about this conversation, you will no longer be able to wear a hat.

That's My Bush!

One of the most inspired sitcoms to ever be made, judging from the two episodes I've seen of it, was That's My Bush, which was on Comedy Central in 2001. It followed the hilarious antics of W., Laura, Rove, the maid, the intern, and a neighbor who could just walk in the front door of the White House and plop down on the couch in the main foyer, flipping on the television. Even when the White House was locked down due to security concerns. W. accidently launched nuclear attacks, or scheduled and abortion summit and a date with his wife on the same night, flying through predictable sitcom plots. But in the White House. It was really funny, especially the aborted fetus that somehow survived to lead an anti-abortion group. Now all eight episodes, including six that I have NEVER, EVER SEEN are available on DVD! I cannot tell you how many times in the past couple of years I have gone on Amazon to check for it, and been sorely disappointed to discover that it wasn't for sale. Then today, in my e-mail newsletter form Comedy Central's web site, there it was! A deluxe, two-disc release with commentaries! Yay! Finally I get to see it all. The show wasn't cancelled because it was bad. The show was cancelled because the Twin Towers were destroyed and suddenly it became not funny to make fun of the president. Thank goodness that's over. :)

Qop! (from Team America: World Police because I used TMB a few weeks ago)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran - I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'.

ANOTHER SONG: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: You will die a peasant's death!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Matt Damon: MATT DAMON!

SNL Sweeps Sweeps

Last night's Saturday Night Live, the first one of sweeps, certainly delivered in star power, even if every skit didn't deliver the laughs. The monologue of Kristen Wiig (who is getting a deserved huge amount of screen time lately) as Nancy Pelosi was funny, and so was the weekend update interview with Rumsfeld. But the guest star parade began in the monologue when Alec Baldwin, who was hosting a record tying 13 times, brought on his co-stars of his new show, 30 Rock, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. The new show is by SNL alumni and produced by the SNL producer, Lorna Michael. Morgan did it in character, and with Fey, it was hard to tell. Then the Platinum Lounge encounter with Steve Martin rocked, as did the wordless appearnaces of Martin Short as their waiter, followed by Paul McCartney. So did Martin host 14 times? I didn't get that. But The Tony Bennet show skit where Baldwin played Bennet and Bennet came on as an impersonator was hilarious, and their duet was good. Christina Arguliera was the musical guest, which of course I didn't watch, except her third segment, which was a duet with the real Bennet, and that was really entertaining. Anyway, I just wanted to comment on the huge amount of guest star power present. The curtain call was impressive. It was great!

Qop! (SNL Weekend Update 11/11/06)
"In an ironic twist Tuesday, Iraw brought about a regime change to the United States."

Yay America!

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.