Lost

So I've been missing from this blog for nearly a month. I missed two weeks posting! I am sorry people. No, my plane did not go down on a desert island. My computer was captured by a virus, my cell phone was stolen, and I was battling two jobs and going through kitty shots and fixings and dealing with lots of other excuses, none of which exhume me from logging on for ten minutes to give you an update. I'm sorry. To be even ruder, I am only popping in for a quick second today. I have 24 of my 25 chapters written for Book Two, but only have about 15 typed up so I have lots of work to do that I can't wait to get back to. Speaking of the book series, my first official signing will be Monday, March 13 at 7pm at the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library. Check out my web site for more info. Hope to see you there!

Qop!
"Don't write anything down. Don't let anyone take pictures. And if all else fails, Deny Deny Deny!!!" ~ Chick McGee, The Bob & Tom Show (my family will get it:))

24 Season Six

As we were watching 24 tonight, I came up with an absolutely ridiculous idea for 24's sixth (and if they did it) final season. Here is how it would go:
It has been 18 months since Season 5...
6PM-7PM Jack arrives at his hosue to find it dark. Tony is with him. They go in, sneaking through the house in suspicion. Jack pulls out his gun and shoots Edgar as the lights come up for...his bachelor party!
7PM-8PM Edgar has died, but they just party over him as he is too fat to move. Jack starts to get totally blitzed, and dances on the table. Tony, Curtis, Buchanon, Chase, Mike, Aaron, Palmer's brother, and Lynne all party with him.
8PM-9PM The stripper shows up. It's Mrs. Logan! That damn Edgar booked her. What an idiot.
9pm-10PM Jack has gotten so drunk that he sleeps with Kim anyway. She passed out and he and Tony, the only two still standing, head out on the town with only mild protests from Lynne.
10PM-11PM Jack goes to a strip club. Kim is the dancer! Oh, well. He's so drunk he sleeps with her too. Meanwhile Mrs. Logan has awoken and tracked him down. Cat fight.
11pm-12AM Mrs. Logan and Kim have both been injured and taken to CTU hopsital. Jack and Tony keep bar hopping.
12AM-1AM Audrey wakes up and begins to prepare. It takes a lot of time to make her pretty.
1AM-2AM More uproarious partying, more preparing.
2AM-3AM Jack falls down beside Michelle, Terry, Palmer, and all the other character's graves, weeping. Audrey is still primping.
3AM-4AM Some terrorist stuff begins to happen. Chloe shows up and upsets Aubrey when she tells her that she's fucking ugly.
4AM-5AM Jack discovers that Tony is a mole and tortures him.
5AM-6AM Jack discovers Tony is actually a good mole working for Palmer, who isn't really dead.
6AM-7AM Jack takes his new info to Logan, who immediately surrenders the country to France, just in case. Chloe makes a cameo because we miss her.
7AM-8AM Jack stops the terrorists. Audrey is now done with makeup, ready to start hair.
8AM-9AM Mike and Aaron wake up, assume that they were all drugged, and head off to find Mrs. Logan and ask her what happened. Chloe again insults Mrs. Logan
9AM-10AM An evil baker steals the cake. Mrs. Logan is carted off to a mental institution because her husband doesn't believe she is actually a stripper, as he hasn't slept with her in years.
10AM-11AM Jack discovers the evil baker was hired by Edgar, with the help of Chloe. He recovers the cake. Chloe covers him and shoots people.
11AM-12PM Terrorists come back and demand that Jack be handed over to China for execution.
12PM-1PM Jack fights the would-be assasian, the lesbian from every season. She escapes, but we will never see her again.
1PM-2PM Jack defeats China and gets them to surrender to Logan, who is so surprised and startled he surrenders to Ethipopia. Mrs. Logan escapes the mental ward and tries to kill Audrey to win Jack's heart.
2PM-3PM The wedding planner is late and the wedding is in chaos! Jack's friends are all off searching for him, including Tony who has finally been released. They assume he must have died.
3PM-4PM Audrey is told that Jack is dead. A whole day's beauty work is ruined. Jack goes looking for the wedding planner.
4PM-5PM Jack discovers the wedding planner is nine hours away. he makes it to her in 15 minutes.
5PM-6PM Jack's friends arrive at the wedding, Audrey realizes he's alive, Chloe ruins the wedding by opening her mouth, but they get married anyway. Then, because the series is over and the producers want to delight the fans, Chloe kills Kim for no reason.

Qop!
"This epsiode takes place between (insert hour) and (insert hours) on the Day of the California Presidential Primary." ~ 24 Season One Opening
"Beruit, I've been shot!" ~ Beige Queen, 24
"I did it for you, David." ~ Sherry Palmer, 24

Jimmy Dailey and the Ghetto Parking Spot

Once there was a young man name Jimmy Dailey. He did not know he was different from other men, growing up in his closet under the stairs. No, that was not a gay joke. Then one day Jimmy Dailey found the ghetto parking spot and his life changed forever.
Ok, happy Nick and Laura? We were at Lou Al's last night having a great time and there was a ghetto parking spot and they wanted me to write about it. Yay. Done. Now let's move on. :)
Actor's Nightmare Book One continues to sell decently and I am excited to start getting the word out. I have got some very positive feedback on it. Some people don't like the questions that aren't answered. Too bad. Go watch Lost. They don't answer questions either. That's not why I'm doing it. It's a long story that will take 9 books to tell. You won't get all the answers in the first one. Book Two is half done in it's first draft form. For those you waiting excitedly for another chapter in the saga, I'm guessing it will be out next fall. I will give you more details as I have them. Just be assured Auby will not wasted this time, you will get a shocking revelation about a character, several scenes from Book One will be revisited with another side to the story, and of course more of the beloved characters will die. If you have not started the series, why the hell not? Go to www.amazon.com and buy a copy today! Thanks all.

Qop! (from Pat Godwin's Gansta Folk)
I’m Patty G (he’s Patty G) and it’s all good (It’s all good) I'll pop a cap in your ass if you're in my neighborhood (Pat’s neighborhood) You ain't all that my brother What you say about my mother? I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) Yo dog check it out. My hoochies fly (his hoochies fly) Don’t diss my boo (what is a boo) You’ll end up like you know who (Tupac that’s who) Shout out to all my G’s, What’s up peeps! (Cracker please) I’m dope just take toke it’s gangsta folk (big ass toke) It's Gangsta Folk and we be chillin’ out Puffin’ on da Chronic ‘till we all folked out Ho’s in the hot tub 24/7 Homie aint no lie (nasty ho’s) I the baddest MC my rymes are phatI cock my Glock Beoch (Tru Dat!) Fo shizzle my izzle, dog keep on playin’ (we have no idea what he’s sayin’) I'm da bomb this aint no joke It's Gangsta Folk(oh he’s da bomb this aint no joke it’s gangsta folk) . Woooord!

Four Crumbs Not Emily

So I was watching a few of the mid-season premieres this week. Not too many. I had too many shows this fall, and thankfully some of the good ones got cancelled (Reunion, Threshold, and probably soon Bones) or put on indefinite hiatus (Arrested Development, Joey, and the wildly successful Prison Break and Out of Practice), or just turned out to be the same boring plot every week, despite still being good (Ghost Whisperer, Close to Home). So now with a much slimmer television schedule I have no desire to expand it again. I have too many other things I want to do besides watch tv. Still, I did welcome back Jake in Progress with open arms (it deserves them) and gave three new shows a chance: Emily's Reasons Why Not, Four Kings, and Crumbs. I chose these three because of lead actors: Heather Graham, Seth Green, and Fred Savage. Emily has already been dropped from my schedule. It got bad reviews, and I agree. It is NOT the least bit funny. Kings was great, with four strong actors about buddies sharing an apartment. Plus Seth Green gets lots of short jokes. Always funny. In the premiere they were trying to get him to stuff himself into a dryer. But the best new show is Crumbs.
Fred Savage is great as the main character, a closet gay who left home and moved to L.A. after the unexpected death of one of his brothers. He wrote a screenplay about it, which was well recieved, and began dating his pyschiatrist. He soon realizes that he doesn't have another screenplay in him, is dumped for his boyfriend for being emotionally distant, and returns home. Meanwhile, the mother, played deliciously insane by Jane Curtin, has just been released from a mental institution. After her husband cheated on her, she lost it and tried to run him over with a car. Now she goes back and forth between hoping he'll come home and hating his guts, and gets some action from her doctor, a big black guy named Elvis. And she suspects her son is gay. Despite the doctors in the show all sleeping with their patients, it is good. Fred's other brother has stayed home and in between his one night stands, now sololy runs the family restuarant. He won't talk to Fred because Fred ran off and then made their family story into a movie. Dad, played with a carefree atrtitude by William DeVane, sneaks into the restaurant every night to balance the books correctly, and is expecting a new baby with the restaurant critic that helped him end his marriage. Hmm. The critic is like the doctors. Well, despite the unprofessionalism of the supporting characters, this is a sitcom that makes you laugh and tear up in the same act. Rounding out the four member family and the black boyfriend is a waitress at the restaurant who used to date Fred Savage. Watch it.

Qop! (from "Formidable Opponent" on The Colbert Report, where Stephen debates with himself, split screen style, on an issue, in this case, is charity good?)
Stephen # 1: But, I could take care of my minimal needs and send the rest of the money to the poor.
Stephen #2: Okay, think about this: You could buy a $100,000 Mercedes S600, or you could buy a $10,000 pile of crap from Korea and give the left over 110,000 to...
S1: An orphanage?
S2: Whatever let's you sleep. One day, you go to check on your orphans. It's raining, and you don't have the benefits of that fine German engineering. You spin out of control. You're like a loose lawnmower blade. And what's that ahead? It's your orphans! They've come out into the street to thank you for your selfless gift.
S1 (yelling): Get out of the street orphans!
S2: Oh, I forgot to mention: They're deaf.
S1: Noooooo!
S2: Yes. Yeah, tragedy. Tragedy all because you didn't care enough to make a difference for yourself.
S1: Wow. You've really opened my eyes, Stephen. Say, um, does it have to be a car?
S2: No, it could be a really sweet boat.

1st Week of 2006

Ok, so I don't have anything exciting to post this week. Except Michael J. Fox has been doing better. Yay! The star of Family Ties, Back to the Future series, Teen Wolf, and Spin City has been pretty much out of the public eye since he quit the latter show in 2000 (the show ran until 2002 without him). He's lent his voice to the Stuart Little movies and Disney's forgettable Atlantis, but who doesn't miss seeing him? Damn Parkinson's. Fox will return to the screen this week on the new episode of Boston Legal and will return to movie theatres soon in Back to the Future Part IV. The Future movie was suspended a long time ago because Fox wasn't up for it, but buzz is he will make it. This time we wants to basically take Christopher Lloyd's role. What that means exactly, I don't know. Will he play a character similiar to Doc Brown? Will he still be the same character? We'll find out soon enough. Good news!

Also, in the Strange But True category, I just found out that the guy who perfected the flush mechanism on our toilets was named Thomas Crapper. He died in 1910. I'm serious. His name was Crapper. How awesome is that?

Qop! (from Back to the Future)
Doc Brown: Tell me future boy, who's President of the United States in 1985?
Marty: Ronald Reagan.
Doc Brown: Ronald Regan? The actor? Then who's Vice President? Jerry Lewis?

It's 2006

No, really, it is. I am appropriately drunk and at a friends' apartment. I was at several parties tonight, but I ended at one with all women (except for me), so that's cool. Many kisses at midnight. Just not from someone special. :( That's ok. I present my New Year's resolutions for 2006:
1. Get my full teaching lisence
2. Be in a serious relationship
3. Lose at least 20 pounds
4. Sell 1,000 copies of my book
5. Do something I have never done before but always wanted to

Sound good? Feel free to post your resolutions as a comment. That would be cool. See you all later and have a great 2006!

Qop!
"15...14...13...12...11...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1! Happy New Year's! 2006!" ~ Everyone

Feliz Holimas

Ok, so I promised to post more this month than last, and I think I fulfilled that obligation. This is my 4th posting this month, wheras in November I only posted twice. This month you get TWICE as many of my thoughts. Considering some months I posted 10 or 12 times, this makes me sad. However, considering that that was during my brief period of one job, no classes, no life, I don't think it's fair to expect 10-12. So I am setting my 2006 goal at once a week. You'll get 4 or 5 posts a month. Fair enough?

So I probably missed the boat on the Holiday / Christmas debate, but I want to throw in my two cents worth: Holiday means Holy Day! How does that stop offending people? If you were afraid Merry Christmas offends, than you are probably still offending. Besides, Christmas is part of the American tradition. It has been going on for centuries. Suck it up people. Deal with it. It is laregly celebrated in this country as a secular holiday anyway, focusing more on Santa Claus, presents, and family than Jesus Christ. So how does it offend? Plus this country was based on religious principals "In God We Trust" "One Nation Under God", etc. Get over it. We let anyone freely practice their religion, don't take away American Christian traditions from the rest of us. My grandpa said he was going to go into stores and say "Oh, you have Holiday trees / presents/ whatever? I was looking for Christmas trees/ presents/whatever." and walk out. Good idea. :)

And while we're on the topic of tradition, I am very sorry we never made English the official language. I am no opposed to legal immigration. Illegal...well we need to do something about the Mexican situation. But anyway. The thing is, you come into America, LEARN ENGLISH! I can even see Texas and California and such with their semi-bilingualness. Those lands used to be part of Mexico. But if you're working in Columbus, Ohio in say, I don't know, the kitchen at Steak N Shake, you need to learn to speak English! Us Caucasions are rapidly heading towards minority status, and tell us it will happen in the next few decades in this country. Let's make Enligh the language now. We've alwasy spoken it. If I went down to Tijuana and got a job I'd learn Spanish. Come on people!

Anyway, Feliz Holimas. See you all in 2006.

Qop!
"We're sorry Monica. Chandler's cheating on you. We saw him go into a house with a blond woman and they came out in 45 minutes looking pretty happy."
"I'm devasted. What did you think of the house?"
~Friends, the gang to Monica, when they catch Chandler with the realtor, which Monica and Chandler have kept a secret

Bonus Qops!
"What a surprise, I like proposals!" ~ Ross, referring to his 3 marriages

"You should give the money for your next wedding to charity."
"No, the fourth one will be in Hawaii at sunset. Maybe the 5th." ~ Friends, Phoebe and Ross

Holiday Cheer

I am right now pretty...under the influence...at my friend Lisa's Holiday Cheer party. She has been calling it that for years, and it has nothing to do with this absurd campaign to insult Christmas, so don't think that. Anyway her shots and wonderful punch have left me feeling happy so I figured I would wirte something. I got champagne and Godiva chocolate in the gift exchange. Yay! I am correcting all my typos (I think) so don't hate me if I make one. Go buy my book! Also, John Spencer died. He played Leo on The West Wing. No more Leo. I am so sad. Who's gonna be Vice President now? Anyway, back to drinking some more. Merry Christmas!

Qop!
"Where's Leo? Has anyone seen Leo?" ~ people on The West Wing when they couldn't find Leo last season cause he had an attack in the woods after he was fired

My Alias

My book is selling ok so far...keep buying people! :) Go to www.amazon.com and search the title An Actor's Nightmare to purchase your copy today! Anyway, other than that I have been working my butt off. Still pulling full time hours at Steak N Shake and substituting every day (except not today because it was a snow day, which disappointed me). But the reason for my entry:
Alias is finally coming to an end. It was inevitable, and I said all summer this should be it's last season. However, they did a major cast overhaul and there were so many ways to go with it so I was finally getting comfortable with the idea that the show would go on. That and Jennifer Garner supposedly signed a contract to take the show through 2007. Then the bad news comes around Thanksgiving. This will indeed be Alias's last season. Now they are rocketing towards one exicitng closer! Vaughn is dead, and Irena is back! Or is Vaugh dead? Maybe? Some of my friends think not. Something is going on with Sydney's baby, and now Prophet Five and SD-6 are connected! Yes, this is going to be one well of a season. If they could just bring back Weiss and Marshall's wife I'd be happier. Oh, well. Here we go!
P.S. The rumor out is that Star Trek XI will focus on the mirror universe and star William Shatner and Patrick Stewart, and possibly Scott Bakula. Anyone else afraid of this concept?
P.P.S. Go Eva Longaria for being included with the rest of the Housewives in this year's Golden Globes nominations, and Candence Bergen for her nomination. Also props to My Name Is Earl and the much better than last season Grey's Anatomy. Now will they halt the possible cancellation of Arrested Development? I mean, we're going to get Justine Bateman fod goodness sakes! Fox, don't cancel it!!!

Qop!
WILLOW: Promise me you'll never be linear.
OZ: On my trout.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Choices"

James Dailey, The Author

My uncle introduced me to his friends as James Wetzel Jerome Dailey, the author. Boy that felt weird. I'd love to write about something else because I'm sure everyone is tired of my talking about the book all the time, but to tell you the truth, it's about all that's been on my mind. Sorry. The first few days saw some sales, which made me happy. I'm still waiting for the first weekend's numbers to come in. We'll see what those bring. But since I have yet to be out promoting it, I'm trying to think low key for now. Still, it is so exciting. I am going to be featured in Otterbein's Monthly Alumni Newsletter as the alumni of the month sometime soon. I don't know when, but they did the interview already. How cool is that? Plus the Hurt Battelle Memorial Library in West Jeff is setting up an event for me in March, and going to try to get the local high school English classes involved. I'm really excited about that one. Anyone else have any ideas, feel free to let me know! Anyway, that's all I'm writing for today. Take care!

Qop!
Kate Harper (Mary Montgomery), The West Wing: " We have a contingency plan to invade Canada?"

The Day I've Been Waiting For

First off, I'm sorry that I only did two entries for November. I resolve to do better in the coming days. But the big news is that An Actor's Nightmare went on sale yesterday, November 29, 2005. Why is that exciting? Because I am a published author! I had no knowledge of the release date until it was already out, so I apologize for no earlier notification, but hey, get over it, and go buy lots of copies! Spread the word to all your friends! Go to www.amazon.com and type in the title, or the author's name, me, James Wetzel Jerome Dailey. Please tell everyone you know! Also, I am going to be the featured OC Grad of the Month coming up in early 2006. I don't know which month yet, but they asked me and I said yes so I will let you know when I do. They chose me because of my book. Yay! I am also making the book available to libraries, so please encourage your local branch to get copies! Finally, I am starting to try to plan on publicity events, so please, let me know if you have any ideas for me. I will do any event, be it a small book club in your home or whatever. Thanks all and take care!

Long Time

It's been a long time since I updated. I've been busy. Sue me. The search for a girl is still zt ground zero. Ah, well. I am really into that How I Met Your Mother show and think I'm in about that stage of my life. Too bad there isn't a girl every week to try to date. Or just one would be fine too. :) I have some pics of Michael's cats. You know, the ones that sleep in my bed at night and crawl all over my face and will probably have kittens together because he hasn't gotten them fixed? :) Anyway, here they are. Nothing else to report. My book is still in the printing stage, so I will let you know when it's on sale. Meanwhile, feel free to send any single women my way. :)

Qop! (The Colbert Report, 10/25/05, during Colbert's interview while taking phone calls)
GIRL CALLER: My boyfriend says he's gay, and he moved in with his rich lawyer and stuff, but I think he's wrong because when we hang out, it feels like he really means it.
ROMANCE ADVISOR: Good. You're lucky he told you. Cause there's a lot of guys that are gay, but they'll just go out with you and they won't ever say it, and I would say get out of that relationship.
COLBERT: Right, right, right. But also, I would say hang on, because if you're woman enough, you can make him not gay.
ADVISOR: That's the wro...
COLBERT (Continuing): Hang in there! You owe it to this guy! Save him!
ADVISOR: That's on the verge of damaging, what you're saying!
COLBERT: Hey, if he wants to stay gay, he'll stay gay. That's his choice.

Gay Trek

So George Takei, a.k.a. Star Trek's Mr. Sulu came out of the closet. I try to be surprised. After all, I read his autobiography and it never even hinted at that side of his lifestyle. Then again, it really didn't talk about any women he was in love with either. Apparently he has been with one partner for eighteen years. Well, I say good for him. I wonder which other Star Trek actors may be gay and just afraid to admit it. I guess time will tell. I'm pretty sure the only two main characters that have passed away are straight (James Doohan and DeForrest Kelley), but that leaves many others. Patrick Stewart has been rumored for years, despite a marriage that broke up. Speaking of Stewart and Star Trek, Michael and I were talking about one of our favorite shows, Boston Legal. That law firm in that show is Crane, Pool, and Schmidt, and only Denny Crane (William Shatner) and Shirley Schmidt (Candence Bergen) have appeared. What about Pool? We decided that Patrick Stewart should play Pool, especially if the character was outageous, possibly flamboyantly gay. I mean Bergen and Shatner play their parts pretty out there, so Pool would have to be as well. How much fun would that be if Stewart did that? Anyway, I am very sad Betty White left Boston Legal already this season. I hope her replacement is just as good, but they will be hard shoes to fill.

Qop!
Ok, I admit, this was much funnier to watch and hard to convey in my blog, plus I have to tell a story rather than just write the quote, but it was hilarious! On the Colbert Report (both T's silent) Monday night, Colbert unleashed a new skit where he plays God and decides whether to LEAVE THEM DEAD or BRING THEM BACK where Colbert made a case for whether to clone a dead guy or not and the audience answered en masse. When he suggested the leader of the Spanish Inquistion so he could work the Tom Delay trial, they all yelled BRING HIM BACK. Then he suggested Darwin, and he would make Darwin admit evolution was wrong and God was real, probably using the Spanish guy to do so. Again the crowd yelled BRING HIM BACK. His last selection was Dave Thomas, Wendy's Founder because his double cheeseburgers were so good. The crowd yelled LEAVE HIM DEAD. Colbert reminded them that he was the person that invented the delicious Frosty dessert. The crowd then, in unison, yelled "Mmmm. Ok, BRING HIM BACK" Ok, again, it was funnier to watch in person

An Actor's Nightmare Cover

So here it is, the cover of An Actor's Nightmare, the first book. It's simple, it's plain, but I like it and it's an actual book published by me. That is all I had to write today in my post. I just wanted to share the image with you all now that I have it. I hope you like. Feel free to comment. More updates as they come!

Hello Again

Sorry I have not update you guys in a couple of weeks. I was doing so well too! I have been working lotsof third shifts at Steak N Shake and then collapsing and then just not thinking about putting in an entry. Let me give you a brief overview of the last couple of weeks.
Yes I was Pauly Shore's waiter. I don't feel like repeating the story again to post it because it really wasn't that interesting. Too bad it wasn't a big celebrity. :) He tipped decent though and was nice enough so I'll just leave it at that.
Yes I am still single. It sucks, but I'm living with it. I know it'll happen eventually, or at least I try to believe that, so that's all I need to write there.
Yesterday many of you got drunken text messages from me. That's because I was up until 10am drinking vodka straight and watching Cameron Crow movies (Almost Famous and Jerry Maguire) and also trying to put together a puzzle at the same time. It took me four hours for about 300 pieces, but I did it and I don't remember much of the movies. Yay for occasional times like that!
Last night after work I reviewed my proof of An Actor's Nightmare. It was great, I signed off on it, and it is now going through the printing process and so will be on sale very soon. It looks good, it's about 467 pages of text, and I am uberexcited about it. I hope you will be too. News will be posted on here as it becomes available. Hope you all have a great day!

Qop!
"The difference between homosexuality and pedophilia is that homosexual is uncurable. With pedophilia, you just move him to another congregation." ~ Rob Cordry on his first This Week in God on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Up Late

These Steak N Shake hours have me so screwed up. I am up until 4am or later every night and it seems normal. Then I sleep until noon. When I started subbing I'm going to have to change my hours. Now it's like 4:20 and I'm wide awake. Of course, I've only been home for 15 minutes. I think a shower and bed might be nice, although I really want to work on my book. The second one. I have been doing a lot of work on it. For those of you who buy my first one and enjoy it, don't worry. The second one will be ready by this time next year, although probably sooner, but I may not try to publish it until I get the first one out for awhile. But the first one ends on a real cliffhanger, so... Ah, well. Anyway, after several days and zero votes, here are my winners:
Best Guest Star: Rupert, even though I do love Christine more.
Cancelled First: Freddie, although Night Stalker will be close behind.
Old Series Cancelled: Joey, and I'll cry. Majorly.
Best New: Ghost Whisperer. Seriously.
Worst: Invasion, although I am tempted to put Chris because it's getting a lot more credit than it deserves. Definitely overhyped. It's good, but not that good.
Best New Actor: Neil Patrick Harris, but Brent and Rob are close behind.
Best New Actress: Stockard, although it was very tough to pick this one.
Best Theme: Reunion
Best Animated / Variety: Daily Show
Show Deserved Mention: Kitchen Confidential, of course!

Qop!
"Two gay parents! That's every kid's dream!" ~ Jack on Will & Grace, upon finding out that Elliot's mom, played by Rosie, is a lesbo

Season Opener Awards

These awards are for just the first few weeks of the season. Pleas let me know your pics, through e-mail (vote@actorsnightmare.com) perferably, and then I'll choose winners, mostly by what you go by if you vote, and post them in a few days.
BEST GUEST STAR
Cha Chi on Arrested Development
Rupert Evert on Boston Legal
Janeine Garafolo on The West Wing
Christine Baranski on Ghost Whisperer
NEW SERIES MOST LIKELY TO GET CANCELLED FIRST (Not Worst)
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Invasion (which I already gave up on)
Out of Practice
Command in Chief
Freddie
Night Stalker
How I Met Your Mother
OLD SERIES MAY NOT MAKE IT THROUGH THE SEASON
Joey
Will & Grace
Alias
Two And A Half Men
BEST NEW SHOW
My Name Is Earl
Everybody Hates Chris
Ghost Whisperer
Prison Break
Reunion
WORST NEW SHOW
Invasion
Everybody Hates Chris
Bones
Out of Practice
BEST ACTOR (New Cast Members Only)
Alan Alda The West Wing
David Borenanaz Bones
Brent Spiner Threshold
Rob Benedict Threshold
Neil Patrick Harris How I Met Your Mother
BEST ACTRESS (New Cast Members Only)
Emily Deschanel Bones
Charismas Carpenter Veronica Mars
Alfre Woodard Desperate Housewives
Michelle Rodriguez Lost
Stockard Channing Out of Practice
BEST NEW THEME SONG
Reunion
Prison Break
Bones
Ghost Whisperer
Commander in Chief
BEST ANIMATED / VARIETY SHOW
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Family Guy
American Dad
Is there really another nominee?
SHOW THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MENTIONED ABOVE BUT WASN'T
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Kitchen Confidential
King of Queens
Hot Properties

Qop!
"Dear Buddha, I would like a pony and a plastic rocket." ~ Captain Mal, Serenity, Again, Go See!

Premiere Season Part Two of Two

FOR VERY IMPORTANT AND GREAT WEST WING NEWS, READ IMMEDIATELY!
I have to take a quick break and talk about The West Wing (Sunday, 8pm, NBC) before anything else. I miss Joshua Malina, I miss Stockard Channing, and I especially miss Janel Maloney as Donna, who has to come back before the end! This season will kind of be like a series finale for the cast we know and love, as evidenced by the great opening. I think they've already given away the new president, but I'll live. What's really cool and exciting is that November 6th's epsiode will be LIVE!!! Not only that, it will only feature two cast members: Alan Alda and Jimmy Smits. Why, you may ask? They are actually going to do a full out debate in character! It will be great fun. Don't miss it. No word on who the moderator will be yet, but we should only see the 3 of them.

And now the long awaited finale of my premiere season 2005 (minus 24 and The Cobert Report, which won't premiere for awhile)... DISCLAIMER: I did not yet watch tonight's shows so all shows are current through yesterday. From here on out through the rest of the season I will only mention spectacular things about shows.
Commander in Chief (Tuesday, 9pm, ABC)~ Gena Davis stars in this great concept of a woman thrust into presidentcy when the president dies, although it has a weak script. She looks a bit too plastic, still it is enjoyable, and has some great moment. I think I'll give it a fair chance this year. Donald Sutherland also stars as next in line after Davis, and wanting the job.
Boston Legal (Tuesday, 10pm, ABC)~ The opening two parter was enough to satisfy anyone missing the amazing series. Heather Locklear added some fun, the new interns were great (well, the guy was), and Rupert Everett completed the fantastic shows. He even translater 'cello' in court and brought a band to perform for another judge. He will be stealing Rhona Mitra away, who has dropped from the ending credits. And ending with Betty White killing the short guy (a.k.a. Beverly Leslie from Will & Grace) was a nice touch.
Close to Home (Tuesday, 10pm, CBS) ~ I like it. Nice, warm, friendly, and still mysterious. The main character, formerly star of Committed, was great, and I enjoy Christian Kane (Lindsay from Angel) as her husband. Not break out hit, but good.
Night Stalker (Thursday, 9pm, ABC) ~ Bad special affects, bad writing. Stuart Townsend and Gabrielle Union will keep me coming back until it sucks even worse, but it's not great.
Veronice Mars (Wednesday, 9pm, UPN) ~ Great strong start with more murder! Veronica should have died, but I'm glad she didn't! Kevin Smith's guest apperance as a clerk in Week Two was fun, and I look forward to Joss Whedon's car dealership in Week Six. Steve Guttenberg is fun, and Charisma Carpenter is out and out sexy. "Can Beaver and Dick come out and play?" Can't wait for Alyson Hannigan and Charisma to do a scene together.
Alias (Thursday, 8pm, ABC) ~ Strong start. I will miss Michael Vartan, but his death was very emotional. Lisa swears he's not dead, but I don't believe her. I think she's grasping straws. We'll see. I'll also miss Nadia and Weiss, but I look forward to Amy Acker's new role. Now they need Lena Olin and Amanda Foreman back and the show may survive. Here's hoping it doesn't jump the shark.
Will & Grace (Thursday, 8:30, NBC) ~ We all knew the live opening would result in goofs, but it was still cool. I look forward to Harry Connick's return. This final season will probably be all right, although don't look for the best episodes of the series.
Ghost Whisperer (Friday, 8pm, CBS) ~ The surprise breakout hit of the season! It's great! I love it! Only watched it for the eye candy of Jennifer Love Hewitt, but oh so glad I did. I highly recomment to everyone. Every episode will make you cry!
Desperate Housewives (Sunday, 8pm, ABC) ~ In the words of Michael my roommate, we returned to an old friend. Still edgy, still fabulous, still amazing. Bree is definitely shining for me this season, and so if Alfre. Go DW!
Grey's Anatomy (Sunday, 9pm, ABC) ~ Entering it's sophomore year, I can finally enjoy this show. The first season was rough and hard to get into, but it's finding it's groove. I like.
Saturday Night Live (Saturday, 11:30pm, NBC) ~ Steve Carrel hosted, and was not breakout amazing. The best bit was the animation of the plane crashing and everyone running, although second place goes to the impression off between the new guys, and third goes to Mike Myer's appearance. I miss Tina Fey. Horatio was funny despite his best efforts to screw up his lines. We need Tina back! She's had the baby like almost two weeks ago! Get back to work! Sadly, Maya will be joining her soon.
America's Next Top Model ~ Nothing to report. Not great. Not good. I'll watch it cause others are and I'm in the room. Plus reality television, despite sucking, is addicting.
Apprentice: Martha Stewart ~ I didn't watch last night because they moved it to compete with Lost (and Veronica Mars), which is it's death wish. The show is pretty much canelled, which is too bad because for once reality tv was good.

Qop!
"Been more'n a year since I had anything twixt my nethers didn't run on batteries!" ~ Kaylee, Serenity, Awesome Movie! GO SEE!

The Dark Ages

Our power was shut off at noon yesterday. It is now 10:30 and the power is finally back on. The Dark Ages are over! The problem happened because I was told, a month ago when I went to sign up for our AEP service, that I was under a special and didn't have to pay the $83 deposit. So I didn't. Then yesterday, with no warning, no notice, no nothing, they shut it off. For the first couple of hours I assumed a normal outage, then I finally called to check on it by mid afternoon. I was told it was shut off because we didn't pay the deposit. After explaining the situation, the company was completely unsympathetic. The operators, most of them anyway, were very nice, but they said they couldn't do anything about it. I promptly paid the deposit over the phone. I was told it would be 1-3 days before power was restored. Of course I was freaking out, worried about food in the fridge and everything. Several phone calls later, I was finally assured it would be turned back on last night, no later than 10pm when the trucks shut down, but probably much earlier. By 9 I was on the phone again, to no avail. No one could tell me anything, truck schedule, how to get in touch with trucks, or when my power would be restored. After 10 I was back on the phone with them and told it just wasn't going to happen tonight. I was very upset, but didn't cuss out the operator or anything. She was nice. Even offered and did a wake up call this morning on the cell so Michael could get to work on time. A frantic call to the building manager got us allowance to run an extension cord into the hallway for just the fridge, with the understanding that it had to be unplugged by noon today. By 10am I was getting very worried, but just now I checked and the power was restored. Oh, happy day. Now all that remains is a Better Business Bureau complaint and catching up on the shows Jonathan and Lisa kindly took care of for us. Thanks guys! This whole situation sucked, but on the bright side (no pun intended), I did get a lot of reading done. First with natural sunlight, and then by candlelight last night. Still, I missed my internet. :)

Qop! (from last week's season premiere of Arrested Development)
MICHAEL: You're especially mean this morning, Mom. Are you sober?
LUCILLE: Michael, it's nine am!
MICHAEL: So that's not it...

Premiere Season Part One of Two

Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. I wanted to watch as many premieres as I could before I did more reviews, and I didn't have much else to talk about. Here is Part One of Two on my big premiere review! I did a few reviews before this, but this is a much bigger one, and will be followed next week when the rest of the shows (except The Colbert Report, which doesn't premiere until October 17th) have premiered.
Arrested Development (Monday, Fox, 8pm) ~ I had never seen the show until the Season Three premiere, but wow is it amazing! This episode dealt with George Sr. having escaped and been replaced by his brother Oscar in jail. Michael blows off promises to George Michael and Job to go find his father, but George Michael ends up in Reno anyway, and the two of them are soon kidnapped by Geroge Sr. Meanwhile, Lindsey sets off to win Tobias back, not knowing that Kitty dumped Tobias and Tobias is now a waiter instead of a member of Blue Man Group (George Sr got the Blue Man part). When Lindsey arrives, she finds Tobias making out with their lawyer, played by Henry Winkler, who is in full Blue Man makeup. So are those two closeted homos going to get together? Who knows? Now George Michael is waiting to make out again with his cousin Maybe, who is making out with her crush, Steve Holt, who is actually her uncle Job's son, and so is her cousin too. I went and watched Season One this week as well and was highly impressed. Amazing show! Score: 5/5
How I Met Your Mother (Monday, CBS, 8:30pm) ~ Alyson Hannigan and Neil Patrick Harris shine in this comedy, but are only minor players. The lead is a bit flat. It has potential to be a cute sitcom, but it needs to beef itseld up some more. We'll wait and see. Score: 3/5
Kitchen Confidential (Monday, Fox, 8:30pm) ~ Bradley Cooper competly leads this talented cast as a druggie ex-chef who gets a second chance and rounds up his old gang for his kitchen. Nicholas Brenden was great, and possibly gay? We're not sure. The scarf looked like it, but he was a pastry chef. The other supporting actors were ok. Score: 4/5
Prison Break (Monday, Fox, 9pm) ~ After 5 hours, this show continues to be riveting and good. The parts outside of the prison are a little bit of a drag, but I find myself wondering how it's all going to go down. It is brilliantly planned out and intriuging. The first five hours covered two weeks, and there are three weeks left before his brother is executed, so I predict time will begin slowing down, but we'll expect a breakout by February sweeps. At least, that's my hope. But what would Season two be about? Score: 4/5
Out of Practice (Monday, CBS, 9:30pm) ~ This new show was a surprise delight. Admittedly, Christopher Gorman, the main character and only "not real" doctor of the family could use some acting lessons, but Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler really shine as his recently divorced parents. My only regret is this will mean less of Channing on The West Wing and Winkler on Arrested Development this year. I predict Channing will be dropped from WW's opening credits. Score: 3/5
Medium (Monday, NBC, 10pm) ~ Patricia Arquette deserved her emmy, and this season opened with a bang. Months after Captain Push attempted to kill himself so that he could find out who a killer was and relay it to Allison, he lies in a coma. Allison and her husband Joe have seemingly fixed their marital problems, but they've only been pushed to the back as Allison hasn't been having dreams, and so not working. When Push's father begins to appear to Allison and tell her she needs to listen to his son, she of course figures everything out. But will her marriage survive another season of her job? I look forward to great things this season. Score: 4/5
Bones (Tuesday, Fox, 8pm) ~ Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz have some of the best chemistry on television. Couple that with a delightful supporting cast, and this show has some great potential. Of course, Boreanaz is 'seeking redemption for past wrongs', but I promise it's not a repeat of Angel! I hope the writing gets better, but I see good things in it's future. Score: 3/5 (Actors: 5/5)
My Name is Earl (Tuesday, NBC, 9pm) ~ I love Jason Lee, and this show is great for that actor. He is trying to make up for bad stuff after he heard about karma from Carson Daly. It was good, but unfortunately the premiere will be my only viewing, as Commander in Chief and The Amazing Race have our DVR tied up. I like Lee, so watch it, and if CiC fails, I'll be back. Score: 2.5/5
Lost (Wednesday, ABC, 9pm) ~ Returning for it's sophomore year, Lost blew me out of the water! It actually answered some of it's secrets this week! The hatch was very well done. The show focused on Jack, but gave interesting things to Kate, Locke, and Hurley. Other than that, Shannon, Siyad, and Walt each appeared, and the other main characters were no where to be seen, other than a few other brief glimpses. What about the fate of those on the raft? They are still in the cast list, although we expect another character death soon. And I can't wait to see Michelle Rodriguez and the other survivors from the back half of the plane. It promises to be exiciting. Score: 4.5/5
Invasion (Wednesday, ABC, 10pm) ~ This show gets maybe one more chance. It was pretty lame and I have too much to watch as it is. It was a stupid plot, aliens invading Florida by taking over people, and not as creepy as it should have been. Do you think perhaps that's what happened to Jeb and George? Just asking. :) Flat characters and weak story made this hard to sit through. Score: 1/5.
Joey (Thursday, NBC, 8pm) ~ I don't care what people say, I like Joey. I don't like they felt the need to revamp the cast for this season. I'm not a big fan of Joey's new friend and co-star, although I'm glad Joey finally landed a big movie role. I do enjoy his sister's new job and Jennifer Coolidge finally appearing in every episode. They should dump Miguel and make Coolidge's other assistant a main. He is the new Gunther. This season will be better, and hopefully Alex and Joey will stay together and finally give him a real relationship. Plus, we need some Friends to make apperances! Score: 3.5/5
Everybody Hates Chris (Thursday, UPN, 8pm) ~ Another show I can only give one week because Alias and Joey are non negotiable (kiss it Michael :)), but it was pretty good. Maybe a bit overhyped. I've always liked Chris Rock, but I've never loved him. The show is just comedy. And where else are you going to hear nigger and other racial slurs at 8pm on broadcast tv? It was a little bit not my style of humor, but still enjoyable. Score: 3/5.
Reunion (Thursday, Fox, 9pm) ~ I love this show. It is crappy tv, like Dawson's Creek, but that's why I like it. The actors are great, especially Chyler Leigh from The Practice. I can't wait to see who is dead and who killed them. It keeps me coming back for more, and I really get into it. This one year per season thing doesn't work real well though as the episodes cover a few days, maybe weeks, and then it's a year later. That bugs me. But I'll get over it. Score: 3/5
Threshold (Friday, CBS, 9pm) ~ Brannon Braga's first big non-Star Trek tv show. He brings the dark side he took to First Contact, Voyager, and Enterprise, and makes it scarier. Very good plot, very good story. Brent Spiner (The Next Generation) and Robert Patrick Benedict (Felicity) are definitely my favorite actors on the team of geeky scientists, especially with Spiner's biting wit that sets his character apart from Data. But Carla Gugino as the star works for me too. The only I don't like in the cast is Peter Dinklage, but that may be because his character is just such an ass. I have high hopes for this show. Score: 4/5.
Family Guy and American Dad (Sunday, Fox, 8 and 8:30pm) ~ Still good. Nothing else to report over last time. Just watch them. Score: 4/5
Coming Next Time: Commander in Chief, Boston Legal, Close to Home, Night Stalker, Veronice Mars, Alias, Will & Grace, Ghost Whisperer, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The West Wing, Saturday Night Live, The Amazing Race?, America's Next Top Model?, Apprentice: Martha Stewart?

Qop!
"If I were a carpenter, and you were my lady, I'd nail you." ~ www.ruminate.com