Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger June 2007 Edition

TIP OF MY HAT TO iTUNES
For finally letting me get some music that's not locked out of every other program. Hurry up and finish the library please! Copyrights are for pussies. Except for my books. Then copyright rocks.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby don't belong in jail. But while they're there, who are we going to be pissed off at for acting like total buffons and getting away with everything? It takes away the righteous indignation.
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE LAUGH FACTORY
For enslaving Jon Lovitz in Hollywood and spinning it as a good thing, when he got his record breaking contract that means he will perform every Wednesday night there until he dies.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ABC
I don't want to wait until December for the latest seasons of Lost and Grey's Anatomy to come out on DVD. And the price increase? What were you thinking???
TIP OF MY HAT TO MERCURY
Despite recent worries, it turns out you haven't been poising us lately. Good for you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO NON-SLIP SHOES
What do you have that my regular shoes don't? Special gripping action? Ha! Just because you keep from falling down, does that make you think you're better than other shoes?
TIP OF MY HAT TO OIL COMPANIES
Some people actually like being anally raped. On behalf of them, I thank you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO THE GILMORE GIRLS
For being oh so seductively funny, and hooking me into yet another show. At least they're off the air and have a finite number of episodes. You evil temptresses.
TIP OF MY HAT TO YOUR MOM
It's nice that she's going to college. She can better herself there, and get plastered, making it much easier for me to sleep with her.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO COOL, JUNE DAYS
It's just not fair! You know how much I hate the heat, and you tease me, make me think that maybe this summer won't be so hot. But it will be!

Lots of Sunshine

Those of you who know me, know that I dislike being outside when it's very hot, especially without a good reason. And standing around watching people have fun is not a good reason. :) Search has been my lot for three days of the past six. I won't go into details, but thank goodness it won't continue. I HATE humidity. That's not to say I don't like to be outside. There are lots of fun things to do outside. I just hate being hot. It's why summer is my least favorite season.
Anyway, Memorial Day was great. We had a big family part at the 'rents' house. Lots of food and good times, and corn hole. Someone was even given the nickname 'The Hole', which I think was rather risque, but that's my family for you.
My mother decided to help one of her nieces get even with her older sister (the kids in question here are in Kindergarten and Fourth grade) by getting some water balloons. They all had a little fun tossing some balloons. Then my 17 year old brother Bob told me he needed my help. I said ok, as long as I don't get wet. He assured me I wouldn't. At first, his plan seemed sound. He and I help up two sides of a big slingshot, while another little cousin pulled it to the ground. The balloons sailed over the house and hit the unsuspecting people in the backyard. And the house is TALL, yet they did make it over. Well, mostly they missed people. But there was intent. Then my Uncle Joe, age 35 going on 11, the youngest of my mom's five siblings, comes running around the house and hits...you guess it...ME with a balloon! My shorts were soaked! So I helped them finish off the bucket, saving one balloon for myself. I start to run towards the backyard, payback on my mind, when my uncle comes running around, too, only feet in front of me. Direct hit to the chest! I left a welt. Oops. No hard feelings, though. Then my brother David, age nineteen, sprays me down with a hose, voiding the me not getting wet further. I managed to get the hose and soak David back. Lots of water was tossed around, and my uncle and I both ended up changing clothes, but it was a good time.

Qop! (from Kitchen Confidential)
Jack Bourdain: Tanya, let's talk. Let me start by saying you're very sweet and stylish. One might say that you... you put the "ho" in "hostess."
Tanya: Why, thank you!

To Boldly Go

It's time for a big shift in gears in An Actor's Nightmare. For those of you who haven't known me forever, actors_nightmare@hotmail.com was an e-mail address I registered in SIXTH GRADE, many years ago. Around that time I launched a series of short comedy stories called Star Wreck: An Actor's Nightmare. Star Wreck became an important part of the now defunct UFK. Other stories were also written and posted, but that project was abandoned years ago. After many more years and several false starts, An Actor's Nightmare reemerged in 2003 an idea, and in early 2004 there was a webcomic. The animation was crappy, and the story was a little cheesy, but many of those first thirty or so pages made their way into the first few chapters of a book, called appropriately enough, An Actor's Nightmare Book One, published in 2005. This was quickly followed by An Actor's Nightmare Book Two in 2006, and the launch of Actor's Nightmare EXtra online.

The next year and a half is going to be big for An Actor's Nightmare. Book Three will be out around October, and ANEX stories will be posted through the end of the year, and beyond. I will be attending a convention in Columbus, OH over Thanksgiving weekend. An issue of Dribble for Kids (a popular webcomic by Nick Arganbright) written by me will begin appearing in the fall. Also, the online sitcom (text only) Excerpts From the Morning Show will premiere in September. By summer 2008, the paperback ANEX Volume One should be out with eighteen short stories (seven of which have never been seen before), and An Actor's Nightmare Book Four will be out later in the year. Beyond that, a wide variety of projects are planned.

Lastly, there is a rumor of a possible merger between An Actor's Nightmare and another online creative company that offers slightly different projects. This is by no means confirmed, but if it happens, it will be announced later this year. I won't go into details about what this would mean for AAN at this time, but it would be very exciting, and I promise to announce it here as soon as anything is confirmed, if it pans out.

Qops! (from A Prairie Home Companion)
Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

And I'm Back

I have taken, recently, to posting several blogs at once and then just changing all of the dates and times so that it looks like I update my blog on a regular basis. I thought about doing that today, as if I haven't added a blog in two weeks, but I couldn't think of any entries to add, so you all get a brief reprieve. Next week may bring something different. The last couple of weeks have been very busy, finishing a semester at school, starting a new one, working two jobs, reading lots of Janet Evanovich books, watching Gilmore Girls with Amanda B., attending a concert wherein Nathan Haley performed, having drinks at bars with Sarah, seeing Spiderman 3, and watching season finales. Yet, I don't feel the need to write in length about all of that. Usually I do lots of television coverage on this blog, but that has probably changed almost permanently. Which is the topic of this week's blog.

Creatively, I have been branching out quite rapidly. The biggest news right now is The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, a podcast available on iTunes or through Dribble for Kids. I cohost with my good friend Nick Arganbright. It is entertainment based, thus no need for me to write down all of that on here, as I already give my views in length in a public forum. We also read e-mails of listeners, talk movies, news, etc. We plan on doing an episode every other week or so, although we just did one yesterday and have plans to do one Saturday in a special Season Finale Spectacular two parter! If you didn't check out our previous podcast (The No Name Show), which was very irregular and unstructured, it is still available on iTunes, but this new one is drastically different.

Also, the issue I wrote for Dribble for Kids will begin appearing online in the not too distant future, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 is still on schedule for a fall release, short stories have continued to appear on my web site (the most recent will be up within the week), and I plan to launch a series of sitcom scripts online in the fall, as if it were a real television show. Lots to keep me busy right now. Plus school, work, a possible move...

Stay tuned and I'll keep you updated!

Qop! (from The Simpsons: "24 Minutes" / 400th episode!)
(Jack Bauer) Chloe, I need those schematics now!
(Bart) Who is this?
(Jack) I'm Jack Bauer - who the hell are you?
(Bart) Me? I'm, uh, Ahmed Adoodie (pronounced "I Made a Doodie")
(Jack) Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoodie. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoodie?
(Chloe) Ahmed Adoodie - wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late '90s.
(Jack) Really?
(Chloe) No, Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up!
(Jack) Dammit!

Great Weekend

What a fantastic weekend I had! I don't want to go into all of the details, because some things are just not for public consumption, but a big shout out to anyone I came into contact with that made this weekend so much fun: Diane, Sarah, Chris, Susie, Jonathan, Michael, Lisa, Mary, and all the rest. Big shout out to Jonathan. I have to admit, the first time I saw the show, during your first song my attention still kept getting drawn to Michael with his funny hijinks. This time I really paid attention to you, and you were so great, I can't even tell you. Brilliant performance. Twice as funny as last week's show. And of course, Lisa, Michael, and Mary. You were all still fantastic, too. It was awesome. Thank you so much. Can't wait for the next show. Also, a shout out to my mom's garage sale, which netted my personally over $100 from my old junk. Yay!

Qop!
"How many geese in a gaggle?" ~ Lisa as Philia in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger May 2007 Edition

TIP OF MY HAT TO CENTER STAGE PRODUCTIONS
For putting on A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, and at least half of the gay males in the cast actually acted straight!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO AXIS NIGHTCLUB
You make us sit on bar stools with no backs for over two hours to see the great CTP shows!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE MAN
For always bringing me down and keeping my humble.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ICE-CREAM
It certainly is delicious, isn't it?
TIP OF MY HAT TO JENNIFER HUDSON
For winning the Oscar, and now being available for my viewing pleasure on DVD.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO GREY'S ANATOMY
For introducing so many great new cast members for the spinoff. The last thing I need right now is another show to watch!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO LOST
For bringing the naysayers back into the fold with your brilliant plot twists.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO LOST
For setting a cancellation date of spring 2009. That's cutting and running! Haven't you learned anything from our president??? Never set a timetable!!! Now the Others just have to sit back and wait until the show goes off the air to kill our heroes.
TIP OF MY HAT TO GHOSTS
Because once I pretended to be one and scared the shit out of my friend and it was HILARIOUS!!!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO EVOLUTION
If I'm so evolved, how come I can't get a date? :)

Qop!
Eh, I don't feel like doing one today. Sorry.

On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

Death of The No Name Show

Few have heard of the fabled No Name Show, which made its appearance in early 2006, and occasionally delighted us with fifteen episodes over the past sixteen months, including six in the last couple of months alone. The radio show was intended to be like a morning show, hosted by Nick Nitro and Nathan Haley. From the start, Nathan had a bit of a hard time making the podcasts, and so the originally named 'Jimmy the Street Guy' often filled in as co-host. Wendy Webb took a turn or two when Nathan and Jimmy were both unavailable, and once Nick even did the show solo. Many times the show changed format and theme, and was often just rambling... But still, fifteen episodes were released, and no more will be forthcoming. I would recommend you go ahead and subsrcibe on iTunes, though, and download the full run of the show, which will probably still be available for some time, and invoke many chuckles. Highlights include when Nick was compared to Hitler during the Cat Vs. Dog battle, the various insults Jimmy suffered (especially when not present to defend himself), Nathan's distaste for anything good, and Wendy putting up with it with magnominity. For the final cast last night, all four cast members gathered for the first and last time on-air, along with a call-in guest, Paul, who told us all that we watch too much tv, and we agreed with him. It was a bittersweet hour, and a memorable one at that.

That being said, next Sunday, May 6, 2007 will be a pivotal date with the unveiling of a new program, much more structured, from Nick Nitro. The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky, co-hosted by Jimmy, and featuring a structure and schedule of entertainment news. There will be stories, important info, reviews, debates, guests, and tom foolerly. What's more, if you stay current with it, you will be informed of recording times and may call in and participate yourself! It will be a jovial time, and worth listening to, I'm sure. So sit tight gentle listeners, and prepare yourself for the first in what will probably be a series of Arganbright / Dailey joint projects, but more on that later. For now, listen!

Qop!
Let us share a moment of silence for the show that is no more, and not tarnish it with petty quotes.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

It's time for the long awaited review of Center Stage Player's production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. It was FABULOUS!!! Incredibly hilarious! I cannot emphasize enough just how good it was. Yes, I do have friends in the show, but this isn't a biased review. They were also absolutely incredible. I loved it so much, I will probably go again next Friday. I would love to go on about every cast member, even the ones I am not friends with, but I forgot my program at the show and I don't remember all of their names. So instead, I'll just talk about my friends. But rest assured, this was a great show, and you should go buy tickets right now for Friday and Saturday's upcoming productions!
irst of all, a shout out to Evan, Paul, and Brianna, who kicked it up in the pit orchestra. It was great, guys. Mary Sink was Domina, the overbearing wife. She was deliciously wicked, and yet somehow a bit sympathetic in her control of Senex, her husband, who also performed fantastically. I giggled in glee at her angry rants. Props also to the actor who player Erroneous and his "third time around!" Then Jonathan Stewart in his macho turn as Miles Gloriosis blew me away. I actually believed he was straight. :) His ego ruled the stage, and even I found myself almost admiring the jerk. I saw the all important ending plot twist coming from a mile away, but I still reveled in every second he was on stage, trying to take the girl he rightfully brought.
Speaking of the girl, Philia was played wonderfully by Lisa Pruitt's boobs, er Lisa Pruitt. I'm sorry, but they were totally on display, and were practically the stars of the show for any straight man or lesbian woman. And who knew Lisa could capture the dumb blond who can never remember the difference between three and five so well? As the woman on whom the plot is based, I couldn't wait for Lisa to keep coming back on screen. I do have the mention the chief slave, Hysteria, whose name I forgot, for his part. It was awesome. I especially loved when he was pretending to be a dead Philia he was instructed to "Think Anna Nicole"
And the person who did the instructing? The shining star of the show, Michael Newsome. I do not wish to minimize the others contributions, because without a doubt, each of them performed outstandingly. But Michael was the star, and never had I expected him to rise to the occasion as well as he did. If you read my last review of this cast, you know how dazzled I was by his last part, but that was nothing compared to this one. As Psedulous (and Prologus), the slave who wants to be free, and barely controls the chaos of the story, Michael go to rant and rave and joke and trick and run all over the stage, playing with the audience, and being the perfect host. When he announced during the Prologue that it would take a superb, talented, etc, etc. actor to play the part of Psedulous, and then told us he was doing it, I laughed, and never stopped. Michael Newsome should have a career of acting, truthfully. I can't get over it. The Soothsayer scene may have been my favorite, but it's hard to tell with all of the great bits he had. Again, I urge you all very strongly to make time and see this show next weekend. You will not regret it.

Qops! (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)
Pseudolus: Wait!
Hero: Yes?
Pseudolus: A brilliant idea!
Hero: Yes!
Pseudolus: That's what we need, a brilliant idea.

Senex: A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Lycus: Is it contagious?
Pseudolus: Have you ever seen a plague that wasn't?

Domina: Forgive me for ever having mistrusted you, my darling. But you HAVE been a little distant these past 29 years.

Miles Gloriosus: What is she like?
Pseudolus: A face so fair, a heart so pure - Sir, if you had been born a woman, you would have been she!
Miles Gloriosus: As magnificent as that?

Let's Impeach the President

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LOST - NO!!!

TV Guide's website has 'confirmed' that AT LEAST five cast members of LOST will DIE before this third season comes to an end. I am almost speechless. What in the hell!?! FIVE cast members??? Admittedly, the show has had a high death toll. There have been twenty two main characters over the first three seasons, and with these new numbers, that puts that death count at fourteen, more than half the of the cast! Nine castaways have left so far. Let's take a look at those, shall we?
Boone - Fell out of a plane and died from complications. (late Season 1)
Shannon - Accidentally shot to death by Ana Lucia in the jungle. (early Season 2)
Walt - Not dead, but kidnapped, and thus removed from the cast, and then later left the island with his father. (disappeared early Season 2, left island late Season 2)
Ana Lucia - Killed by Michael in the hatch. (late Season 2)
Libby - Killed by Michael when she caught him killing Ana Lucia. She never even got a flashback! (late Season 2)
Michael - Not dead, but left the island on a boat, and so left the show. (late Season 2)
Mr. Echo - Killed in the jungle. (late Season 3)
Nikki & Paolo - Buried alive after being bit by a paralyzing spider that made the others think they were dead. Only episode they actually had a good sized part in, thought they were considered main characters for more than half the season. (mid Season 3)

Now five more will be gone??? Who will it be? Let's look at the main characters and how likely I think it is that they will die. I rank them most likely to least.
Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley - Not at all likely. They are too essential to the story.
Claire - Nah. No one would care. Plus she and Jack need to figure out they're related.
Sayid - Ditto about no one caring. I'm not sure if that should push him closer to death, as he doesn't have any loose end story lines...
Desmond - Prior to this week, I would have put him at least likely, as his girlfriend Penny is definitely going to play a part in what's coming. But after last week, I wonder if it might be coming soon, and his time will be up. Still, someone needs to have happy love.
Sun & Jin - Sun is pregnant and pregnant women don't survive on the island. Also, Jin has been shown a bit more lately, but not in an essential capacity. Might he be next?
Locke - Was always important, but might this may be his final showdown coming up.
Juliet & Ben - They are evil and plotting against our heroes. Of course they're time is limited. But it might be more interesting if one survives and slowly reforms.
Charlie - His life has been saved four times, but death won't rest 'til it gets him.

Now of course next season the cast won't consist of just the nine left from the above list, but who will they add to beef it up? I'd like to see Bernard, Rose, Alex, and Rosseau get a promotion, but past experience tells me it will probably be new people. We'll see.

Qop!
"Lost on an island, Far from home. Lost on an island, but they're not alone." ~ 'Charlie' on the Jimmy Kimmel show, making up a theme song for the show

Blast From the Past

So, because I'm a total loser, I was googling both my name and the title 'An Actor's Nightmare' to see what I could turn up. I found a tun of stuff that I did back when I was in middle school, and I realized just what a huge dork I was. I also realized that Geocities and Tripod never took down the pages. I obviously had too much time in my hands in those days. Of course, my parents didn't let me go anywhere unless they wanted to take a 'family trip', and I was rarely permitted to go to parties or hang out with friends, so what else was there to do? Then I got to high school and got a life. A very, very busy one. These projects fell to the wayside and were abandoned to one day be dredged up. I still have the same e-mail address. I bet I could still log in and edit them. Hmm. Yes, I even used the pen name back then. And so in the spirit of self emasculation, I present some links for you to click on so you can revel in just how dorky I really was. Am. No. No. Was. Yeah, was.
The Star Wreck Fleet
Data's Joke (click on Star Wreck)
The Geek Space Dominion (I was a contributor, but THAT e-mail doesn't still work)

Also, I've watched three of the four aired episodes so far of Thank God You're Here! The first episode was funny, but the second was fantastic, and the third was pretty good. Anyone who wants to see Harland Williams, Jason Alexander, Edie McClurg (the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Kevin Nealon, Wayne Knight, Jane Lynch, Jennifer Coolidge, George Takei, Richard Kline, Mo'Nique, Shannon Elizabeth, Tom Green, and others battle their way through improvisational scenes, check it out! It's really good. Best reality type show. It's like a better version with more talented people of Who's Line Is It Anyway?

Qops! (from 30 Rock)
Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?
Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?

Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

Pete: [Tending to one of three cast members who have been rendered unfilmable for that week's episode] Liz Taylor really messed him up! He might have brain damage.
Liz Lemon: God. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. Who is it?
Pete: James Blunt.
Liz Lemon: Ugghh.

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

An Actor's Nightmare

Raise your hand if you've read at least part of An Actor's Nightmare. If your hand isn't up, why not? If you read my blog, you must know me, so please read my book. Ok, that sounded pathetic. :) Let me give you some reasons on why you should read An Actor's Nightmare.

10. It's like 500 pages long. Who doesn't like reading 500 page books? Also, An Actor's Nightmare Book Two is like 550 pages long, and Book Three (out this fall) will be even longer! Yay for long books! There will be NINE total. In your face Harry Potter. I will beat you!
9. People you know may be in it. Sort of. For legal reasons, they aren't. But some of the characters may have been inspired by real people. That's true. The characters really don't reflect the real people so much any more. Read it anyway.
8. You're my friend. I'm nice to you. Be nice to me and read my book. I'm not even saying you have to buy it. Borrow it. Or go to the Westerville or West Jefferson public libraries. They have copies. Other libraries might, too.
7. I may have let a little of my politics slip into Book Two. Just a bit. Down with Dictator Bush!
6. Flashbacks. There are lots of them. Every seven or eight chapters there is an Intermezzo with back story, much of it ancient. It's deep. Or so I imagine it to be.
5. Death. I kill main characters. Yes, I make you love people, and then I brutally rip them away from you. Hahahaha. I mean, cool deaths. Yeah, cool deaths.
4. The short story (#1-4 available free on the web site right now!) companion book, with seven stories not previously released, will be called ANEX (Actor's Nightmare EXtras). How cool is that title? Thanks Nancy for thinking of it! I mean, thanks me. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was all me.
3. My mom likes it. So does yours. At least, that's what she told me in bed last night. Snap!
2. Geese have nuclear weapons. What more do you need?

AND 1. I said please, goddamnit! What part of please don't you understand!?!

Qops! (from Lost)
Hurley: Great idea dude, go look inside the burning death hole.

Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.

Kate: Come on. You're going to see Jack.
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?

Mr. Artz: I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pally! You know, you people think you're the only ones on this island doing anything of value. Well, I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash and we are all people, too.

Danielle Rousseau: You've only got three choices: run, hide... or die.

Boone: [to Locke] John? You been using that wacky paste stuff that made me think my sister got eaten?

Sawyer: [faintly] I would've left you behind.
Michael: Shut up man, don't try that.
Sawyer: [even fainter] I did leave you behind.
Michael: Yeah well, good thing I ain't you.

Shannon: [after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked] What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!

Desmond: Jack, I'm Desmond. Good luck, brother. See you in another life, yeah?

LOST

After catching up on the last few episodes, Lost has jumped to the top of my favorite shows list once more. Juliet's second flashback, and the surprise ending, led to me yelling at the screen at the top of my lungs at the television set. Thankfully, I was home alone, and so spared the embarrassment. Nikki & Paolo's episode was also awesome, and completely unexpected. I am looking forward to Desmond's third flashback, Ben's first, Charlie's next one (likely resulting, unfortunately, in his death), and even the season finale of yet another Jack episode, as it has promised to be shocking. But as thrilled as I have been, and as excited I am for the last few episodes of the season, I have found that I have forgotten a lot. I haven't rewatched any old episodes, ever. So I popped in Season One, which I remembered as being a bit dry and slow. Not the case. Perhaps it's because I knew where it was going, but I was riveted. I ended up watching twelve episodes, a full half of the season. I plan on watching the rest over the coming weeks, and Season 2 this summer. Ideally, I can buy and rewatch Season 3 in the fall before the Season 4 premiere, but we'll see. This show has it all. It's so smart, and involved. I really hope they do a Rosseau flashback soon, so we can see how everyone went crazy and why she had to kill them. I also want to know what has happened to Mr. Locke, whom I am become bored with until he blew up the sub and found his father on the island. The ratings have dropped, but the show keeps getting better. Let's hope it's kept on the air.

Qop! (from Lost)
Locke: [explaining why he wanted to let the island monster drag him off] I believe that I was being tested.
Jack: Tested?
Locke: Yeah, tested. I think... that's why you and I don't see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack because you're a man of science.
Jack: Yeah, and what does that make you?
Locke: Me, well, I'm a man of faith. Do you really think all this... is an accident? That we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence, especially this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason.
Jack: Brought here? And who brought us here, John?
Locke: The island. The island brought us here. This is no ordinary place, you've seen that, I know you have. But the island chose you, too, Jack. It's destiny.
Jack: Did you talk with Boone about destiny, John?
Locke: Boone was a sacrifice that the island demanded. What happened to him at that plane was a part of a chain of events that led us here that led us down a path, that led you and me to this day, to right now.
Jack: And where does that path end, John?
Locke: The path ends at the hatch. The hatch, Jack all of it. All of it happened so that we could open the hatch.
Jack: No, no, we're opening the hatch so that we can survive.
Locke: Survival is all relative, Jack.
Jack: I don't believe in destiny.
Locke: [pause] Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet.

R.I.P. Shawn Goodrich

Click to read the brief story in The Columbus Dispatch.


Who has Shawn Goodrich? I've known the kid practically my entire life. Mostly, I felt he was kind of a jerk, racist, but after working with him for awhile in high school, I discovered he wasn't all bad. He once asked me if I would go see a play at OSU with him that he had to go to. I said sure, but never followed up on it. Now I kind of wish I had. I mean, I don't see him as the type of guy I would be friends with, but who knows? Maybe he just needed a friend. I mean, he obviously went through some rough patches in his short life. Would it have been different if he had had a friend there for him? I know he had friends, or at least did at one time. Did they know how upset he'd been?

What can I say about Shawn? This is hard to write. I haven't seen him in years, and probably wouldn't have given him a second thought if not for this. But I can't help but feel weird that this guy I knew is no longer around. No one deserves death, and I definitely don't think that Shawn did. It makes you wonder what drove him to do what he did. And it makes you sad, too.

I know we weren't close, and I may not remember you always, but right now, Shawn, I miss you, and Godspeed.

Pure Plugging

This post is merely to plug two things I think everyone should check out, because they're awesome.

The first thing is a Myspace blog from my coworker at Champps, Tammy. Tammy is a really cool person, and this blog really hits home to anyone who has ever been a server or had a server. Plus it already has 37 comments so it's obvious it struck some nerves. Support your servers people!

Second, there is a podcast out there called The No Name Show, available on iTunes. You can do a search in your iTunes store or at iTune's website under 'Podcasts'. Nick is the host, and at times either Nathan or I cohost it with him. There are eleven 'shows' at present, but we will add more as time goes on. Even if a couple of months go by (as they have before) without a new entry, stay subscribed, because we WILL be back eventually. Recently, though, there have been three casts, so we're doing pretty good. Let us know what you think!


Qop! (from Tammy's blog)
"DON'T take it out on the server!!! I don't know how many times this has happened. I didn't go back there and cook it! Don't take it out on me and the tip you leave me! You're not hurting the cook or the management by tipping less. You're only hurting the server that did nothing wrong!"

I Have Class

No, seriously. I have class. Right now. I am in class. And very bored, even though class just started. It was supposed to start twenty minutes ago. I really don't want to be here. I just want to get to Dana's and have movie night.
Do you all read Dribble for Kids? If not, get over there right now. It's a fantastic comic, and this issue is hand drawn. It looks really neat. Different from the others. Yes, my friend Nick makes this comic, and it is the only comic I read, so I am biased. But it's a really good story. He just finished a huge arc called Lord of the Sweaters, that was pretty neat. This new issue is a bit depressing so far, but the new page features yours truly in full Klingon regalia. Cool, huh? Also, I wrote an upcoming issue, so check it out!
Ok, enough stump speech. I might actually pay a little attention to class now. Maybe.
Oh, and BTW, it was NOT the girl from Lost in TMNT.

Qop! (from TMNT)
Michelangelo: Did anyone get the license plate of that thing that hit us last night? It looked like your mom, dude!
[laughs]
Donatello: ...Yeah, that would make her your mom too, doofus.
Michelangelo: ...Nuts.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger April 2007 Edition

It's April 2nd, but at least I am posting it this month, as this is only my third TOTHWOTF, and only my second keeping to the schedule. Yay!

Tip of the Hat to Lost
As long as Nikki and Paolo are actually dead. Fantastic episode.
Wag of the Finger to my New Manager at Champps
Learn how to make cuts!!!
Tip of the Hat to Steak Quesadillas
I have been eating these delicious things at Champps after work several times in the last few weeks, and they are quite tasty. Everyone should have some.
Wag of My Finger to Network Television
Every year they tease us with tantalizing morsels of good television, such as The Winner, Eyes, The Nine, and Reunion, and then they yank the plug. Some they even let on go long enough for me to fall in love with like What About Brian?, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and The Class. How dare you take away my shows and replace them with shit like Two & A Half Men!!!
Tip of My Hat to Congress
For finally passing a budget that stipulates a pullout from Iraq. Yes, I know it's a mess, but it's over, we can't do any more good without doubling our troops, and no one wants that. Give it up. We're done. Let us go home.
Wag of My Finger to Congress
Since only just over half of you are willing to pass the aforementioned law, you won't be able to overturn Premiere Dictator Bush's veto. Shame on you lame Congressional Republicans!
Tip of the Hat to China
Even though you have been rated our biggest threat for about the last decade, if not longer, you haven't attacked us yet. Thank you!
Wag of My Finger to Paper Cuts
You are small and insignificant. Quit hurting so badly! It's just not fair!

Qops! (from American Dad!)
Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!

Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately.
Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too.
Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.

Hayley Smith: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stanley Smith: And your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute... Daddy didn't think that one through.

April Fool's

Happy birthday Grandma! 76 years young today.

I walked into Champps tonight to discover a disturbing notice posted on the office door. Apparently there will be a meeting next Saturday morning at 7am, mandatory to all employees. It announced that Champps had been bought out and our location was to be renamed U-Cinema Bar & Grill. Made sense to me. We were right in front of a movie theater, afterall. The notice went on to say there would be hour changes, menu changes, and of course, theme changes. We would each be required to choose three characters from movies or television shows to dress up as. At this point, most of the staff stopped reading and began to loudly complain. Several threatened to work out when they read this. I kept reading and learned that a small stage would be installed, and every hour we would be required to perform skits and scenes. This is when a little bell went off in my head that today was April 1st. April Fool's Day. So as gullible as I am, I didn't fall for it nearly as much as many others, who only half read it. Still, mad props to TJ, for a fantastic April Fool's prank.

Qop!
"She said Paolo lies." ~ Hurley, Lost
(she actually said 'paralyzed' are they dead???)

Birthday Sharers

I have a Top Ten list today, but first some entertainment news. The season finale of What About Brian? is tonight, and Molly Willow, tv reporter for The Dispatch, whom I usually agree with seemed to think it would be the series finale, and that it was a good thing. That is one of my favorite shows! I loved it at first, and it got much better with some retooling of the cast this year. I will be deeply upset if this is the last episode ever tonight. Also, Shannon and Boone are on Lost this week. What the hell!?! And Billy Dee Williams. Gotta love Lando. And the Battlestar Galactica season finale last night was FANTASTIC!!! OMG!!! I can't believe who The Four are!!! And who is the last one? I have to wait until frackin' January to find out? Come on!

Ok, Top Ten People I'm Glad Share My Birthday (which is today, by the way)
10. J-Kwon - Ok, I don't even know who the rapper is. But I only found ten people who share my birthday. Although a Krogers clerk a couple of weeks ago should prob beat him for #10. And the fictional character of Capt. Kirk (Nimoy's dig on Shatner) also has this birthday. Let's call it a three way tie.
9. Martin Short - Sorry. I don't think he's been funny since Three Amigos.
8. Diana Ross - So, yeah. Um. Yeah.
7. Kenny Chesney - I actually own his greatest hits, though I haven't listened to them since I bought them. I was dating a country music fan at the time, who was in love with him.
6. Alan Arkin - I want to see Little Miss Sunshine!
5. James Caan - Great actor. Just great.
4. Steven Tyler - I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep. Cause you'll probably be dead before I wake up, you old geezer. :)
3. Keira Knightley - Soooooooooo hot!
2. T. R. Knight - Yep, good ol' George from Grey's, even I'm still pissed with him for sleeping with Izzy. You're a married man, George! Tequilia is no excuse!

And #1. Leonard Nimoy. Spock will always be my #1. Yay Spock!


Qop! (I haven't really kept up with Idol since the final 24, but props to this quote)
"Did you know that Sanjaya is an ancient Indian name meaning 'William Hung'?" ~ Jay Leno