"So we talked all night about the rest of our lives, Where we're gonna be when we turn 25,
I keep thinking times will never change, keep on thinkin' things will never be the same,
But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back.
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a diff'rent track and if you got something that you need to say, You'd better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day.
'Cause we're moving on, and we can't slow down. These memories are playing like a film without sound...
We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared, laughing at ourselves and thinking life's not fair."
These lyrics haunted me my entire senior year of high school ("Graduation Day" from Vitamin C of course). I would pound out the melody on the piano, whispering the words, tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want to leave high school, but I was so excited to be done. I wanted to go to college, but I dreaded leaving my friends. It was the most exciting and sad time of my life. Until now.
I found out this morning I can graduate in June. It's going to be a huge effort, no easy time. I am going to drop the education part of my degree, and just get my Bachelor's in History. I have mixed feelings about this. I will definitely be playing the song all year. I need out of Otterbein. I am going to owe them way more money then I'll make in several years. I will be paying loans forever. I am going to take the degree and go, but what next? I don't know what one does with a degree in history. I started out in the Music Education program and I wish that's where I was now. The decision to quit was not mine or I would still be. I kind of feel like a failure going in four years from Music Ed to History Ed to plain History. I will probably have a Music Minor but we'll see. Now what do I do? What will next year bring? I guess I could see what kind of job I could get in 'my field' of history. Or maybe enroll at OSU or somewhere cheap to finish my music ed stuff. Afterall, I already did nearly two full years of music ed classes. Maybe finished music and history. I doubt I'll have the problems there I had with a certain member, maybe two, of Otterbein's music faculty. Again, feeling like a failure.
And yet I am very excited to know I will be out of here in 9 months. Big party. Mark your calendars. I'll let you know where it will be when I know.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
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3 comments:
Jim, speaking from experience- I say stay in school and get the education degree now, because it is so hard to go back later. I know you want out, we all did-but If I had it to do over, I would have stayed the extra year and just gotten it done. now I'm out, and it is just so hard after it's over. just think it over.
lisa
Okay, now I was not entirely honest that I am happy to hear this. I mean I am, but I'm not. I feel like alot of other people feel. Unless you were kicked out of the music department, Jimmy, please do what you want to do. Just cost things aren't moving fast enough for you doesn't mean you need to jump a space and hope that you land on the "GO - COLLECT 200 DOLLARS" space.
Either way, you're my bud, and I just want you to do whatever the fuck you wanna do, but I regret not finishing Wright State. If I just would of "put up with it" for a bit longer......
I appreciate your concern, and I do take your words to heart, but I have never been more unsure of my life's direction than I am right now and I don't see the point in staying on for a history ed degree when I don't even really want it. I think I'm going to take my history major/music minor and go find some cheapo place next year to finish out my music ed training.
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