Arrrrgh

So life just pain sucks right now. Incredibly busy, and of course things are falling apart faster than I can fix them, as has been the case many times in my life, but I feel this is te worst. I may not even be at graduation...or in this apartment next week. I don't know. We'll see. Plus my parents have been particularly nasty as of late, having left me several angry voice mails about something I told them I would not have time to take care of until Saturday morning, but that I would do it on Saturday. So why another voice mail tonight? Because they don't listen! The worst part is, the idea of giving up has never seemed more attractive either. I was so tempted today to empty my bank account to pay rent and move into some little apartment and just not tell anyone where I was. Yes, I would still have to go to work and stuff so people would find me, and even if I didn't answer my phone people still have my number, and I really don't want to cut myself off from everyone permanently. Just for a day or two. Read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and you'll understand. I need my man cave. It is a very insiteful book. Anyway, the reason I didn't do all that was because as much as I fear the bad things, I fear losing the good things even more. Road trips. Throwing football in the courtyard last night. Movie nights on Sundays. Drinking with my friends. 24, Alias & Lost nights. And a girl. There is always a girl. The latest one came on rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Again, not someone I will probably ever date or even approach, but a girl is always inspirational. This one is a bit different, not because I think she would reject me, but because of awkwardness or hurt with friends because of it. So I'll drop it. Anyway, too bad it never amounts to anything. The belief that same day it will keeps me getting up in the morning. And not giving up. So in that way, thank you to all the girls I've ever crushed on, even though most of you never knew it, and I don't think any of you read this blog. :)

Qop! (very random)
"So Dawn's in trouble. It must be Tuesday."
~ Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in reference to her sister (Michelle Trachtenberg), Buffy the Vampire Slayer: "Once More, With Feeling" (the musical episode)