Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger April 2007 Edition

It's April 2nd, but at least I am posting it this month, as this is only my third TOTHWOTF, and only my second keeping to the schedule. Yay!

Tip of the Hat to Lost
As long as Nikki and Paolo are actually dead. Fantastic episode.
Wag of the Finger to my New Manager at Champps
Learn how to make cuts!!!
Tip of the Hat to Steak Quesadillas
I have been eating these delicious things at Champps after work several times in the last few weeks, and they are quite tasty. Everyone should have some.
Wag of My Finger to Network Television
Every year they tease us with tantalizing morsels of good television, such as The Winner, Eyes, The Nine, and Reunion, and then they yank the plug. Some they even let on go long enough for me to fall in love with like What About Brian?, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and The Class. How dare you take away my shows and replace them with shit like Two & A Half Men!!!
Tip of My Hat to Congress
For finally passing a budget that stipulates a pullout from Iraq. Yes, I know it's a mess, but it's over, we can't do any more good without doubling our troops, and no one wants that. Give it up. We're done. Let us go home.
Wag of My Finger to Congress
Since only just over half of you are willing to pass the aforementioned law, you won't be able to overturn Premiere Dictator Bush's veto. Shame on you lame Congressional Republicans!
Tip of the Hat to China
Even though you have been rated our biggest threat for about the last decade, if not longer, you haven't attacked us yet. Thank you!
Wag of My Finger to Paper Cuts
You are small and insignificant. Quit hurting so badly! It's just not fair!

Qops! (from American Dad!)
Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!

Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately.
Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too.
Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.

Hayley Smith: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stanley Smith: And your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute... Daddy didn't think that one through.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger March 2007 Edition

I have neglected my 'new' feature that I announced several months ago, a Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I now pledge anew to post one every month. This is my edition for March 2007.

Tip of My Hat to NBC
For The Black Donnellys. This show is fantastic! I love it! I did not expect Tommy to go ape shit at the end at all! But then again, it is a drama, and a true one at that. The flashbacks are kind of lame, but everything else is a-ok.
Wag of My Finger to NBC
For pulling Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip off the air for the time being. DO NOT cancel it! DO NOT cancel 30 Rock either. It had a rocky start, but ended up being really funny.
Tip of My Hat to Anna Nicole Smith
Why you may ask? I mean she was totally lame and gross and... But she died! So even though the news is obsessed with her now, that means stories about her will finally go away! YAY! You may think that sounds insensitive, to which I say, I know it is.
Wag of My Finger to Britney Spears
Really, Britney, if you want to be a huge whore slut and dance around without any panties, do it in my room, not in public.
Tip of My Hat to Jonathan Stewart, Lisa Pruitt, Mary Sink, & Michael Newsome
For their fantastic performances in the musical City of Angels! I know I already wrote a whole entry, but I have to say it again. Fantastic. Go see their next show, in which they all play much bigger roles. For information about tickets, go here.
Wag of My Finger to MySpace Blogs
I loved when I had all my friends blogs bookmarked and could just check them periodically, and they didn't post too too often. With MySpace blogs, they get on to check other things and post all the freakin' time and I can't keep up! Damn you MySpace!
Tip of My Hat to You Tube
After the six episodes (and counting) series Chad Vader, and Charlie the unicorn, I have to give You Tube props. Gotta love 'em.
Wag of My Finger to Jack Nicholson
If you want to look like a penis, fine, just don't show up at The Academy Awards looking like one.
Tip of My Hat to the Academy Awards
Ellen made an excellent host and Jennifer Hudson so deserved that Oscar.
Wag of My Finger to President Bush
This will probably be a permanent addition to the TOTHWOMF list, at least until he leaves office. My peeve with him now? The troop surge. Death totals are high again. Give it up! You suck as president, dude! Resign!

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?

(after Stormy called Quinn 'the Black Dr. Quinn')
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Man, how'd you feel if everyone went around calling you "White" Stormy?
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: [Gasps] You mean there's a BLACK Stormy?

Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat #1

In keeping with my Stephen Colbert hero worship, I present my very first weekly Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat. Tune in every week for my latest six comments about the world. I promise they won't all be out tv.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Saturday Night Live's Season Premiere. I wasn't impressed. It wasn't terrible. The pre-Weekend Update skit was good, and the end of the water jug skit was good, but I expected better. I really wanted to see Lorne come out and copy Wes from the beginning of the Studio 60 pilot. Please do better next week.

TIP OF THE HAT to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's second episode. The musical number at the end was inspired. Can't wait to see what's next. Also, Smith really raised the bar in its second week. Go you. And Heroes. Nice.

WAG OF MY FINGER to The Megan Mullally Show. Sorry. You already lost my interest. Justice, if you were more important, you'd be On Notice.

TIP OF THE HAT to Andy Borowitz for the hilarious commentary he continues to deliver every week, some of which is reprinted in the Columbus Dispatch's life section.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Terrell Owens. Come on! Get a life, dude! So you killed yourself, but then you didn't, but we all know you did. Jerk.

TIP OF THE HAT to Stephen Colbert for putting up an actual working Jew apology line. You will get bonus tips is you air one of my apologies. Please. :)

Qop! (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "Pilot")
Matt Albie (Matthew Perry): There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber): I wouldn't think it would be hard for anybody. 'Cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.

(Wes Mendell's (Judd Hirsch) rant)
It's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel, change the channel right now or better yet turn off the TV. Now, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but, uh, tomorrow you're gonna find out that it wasn't and by that time I'll have been fired. No, this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy ass broadcast network. Hellbent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We're about to do a sketch that everyone's seen like 500 times. No, no one's gonna confuse George Bush and George Plimpton, yeah we get it. We're all being lobotomized by this countries most influential industry. It just throws in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't involve the courting of 12 year old boys. Not even the smart 12 year olds, the stupid ones, the idiots of which there are plenty thanks to no small mention of this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV do it right now. The struggle between art and commerce. Well, there's always been a struggle between art and commerce and now I'm telling you art is getting it's ass kicked and it's making us mean and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks and that's not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump. We're eating worms for money. "Who wants to screw my sister." Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo. That remote in your hands is a crack pipe, oh yeah sure every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. We're becoming Pornographers! It's not even good pornography. It's just a side of snuff films and friends that's what's next because that's all there is left. And the two things that make them scared gutless of the FCC is and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott... (CUT OFF THE AIR)

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me

Life Without a DVR

I have had no DVR for something like three weeks now, and I am just now realizing how bad I was about watching tv. I watched way too much. I tried to keep up with every show every person I knew tended to talk about, and even then I failed. Plus I watched the shows I really loved, like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Since I no longer have a DVR, I have to rely on a VCR that won't program. I have to actually be home to push record. This means that if I want to watch The Venture Brothers, I have to be home Sunday nights. It runs at 10:30pm and 2:30am. My only other shows I am trying to keep up with, Daily, Colbert, Reno 9-1-1, and Project Runway, all run multiple reruns every week, so I have time to catch them if I miss their regular timeslots. Hence I have been able to watch those five shows. Three of them will be done for the year soon, only the two political shows continue. But thinking about the number of shows coming back and new shows I want to watch, figuring in how little I will actually be home due to full time working and full time schooling, I am afraid I may have to drop quite a few of my shows. And that may be a good thing. I do watch too much and I need to cut back.
On a related note, I am totally not going to miss on Sunday, and I suggest you do not either. I don't know the lineup of roasters they have yet, but Lisa Lampanelli is back, and that is plenty for me. Also, Rob Corrdry is about to leave The Daily Show, as he said this week, although if his new show fails, maybe he'll be back? I don't know what to hope for. With the departure / promotion of Stephen Colbert, Corrdry kind of stepped up as everyone's favorite contributed. Ed Helms has been rarely seen, although he is still listed on imdb as a cast member. At least we still have Lewis Black, when he feels like it, and Samantha Bee, for now, as well as two ofthe slew of new correspondents who joined last year that are fun, including Bee's husband Jason Jones, Dan Bakkedahl. There were lots of others last year, and they disappeared. The one I miss most is the depressingly short lived nephew of Rob, Nathan Corrdry, although he will be seen on the one new show I have to watch this season, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. There are a few new guys who seem ok though. Ah, well. Time to go. I need to quit wasting time talking about tv.

Qop! (from Rumination's e-newsletter)
My dumb brother says life is all about compassion, wisdom and love for our fellow man. What an idiot! Life is about peace and understanding and building a world full of friendship for all mankind. Dumbass.