Indecision 2008

Indecision 2008. Yes, yes, I stole my posting title from Comedy Central. So sue me. No, actually, please don't. I'm not worth anything. While my bank account is not negative, my student loans and car loan make my worth negative, so please don't, and besides, I don't make any money at all from this blog. Anyway, this election year is turning out to be quite exciting. Who would have though a year ago, when faced with a field of 20 candidates, none of whom stood out to me, we'd be left with three good ones?
First, we have John McCain. Lambasted by conservatives, McCain may be arguably be NOT the most Republican of the trio, which is funny, since he's their nominee. I actually like this man because he reaches across the aisle, wants to unite the country and acts likes it, not just says it, and he seems like he really cares. I can get behind his passion. On the negative side, even throwing out his endorsement by idiot-worst president ever-George W. Bush, he doesn't want to pull out of Iraq. I understand why. That place will go to hell even more than it already is if we leave, but after being falsely led over there, it's time to end it.
Second up, there's Barack Obama. The first guy this year I actually got behind, he is the leading Democrat. Who can resist his message of hope and change? After reading his last book, I saw him as too Mr. Smith goes to Washington, too naive to get anything done. Watching him in the debates, I changed my mind. He's not just cool and passionate, he sounds like he would actually do a great job. So let's all get behind him and vote for him in November.
No, wait, I'm leaving someone out. Hillary Clinton was all but counted out by her resurgence this week. Now I'm feeling sorry for her, and wondering whether I was too hasty to toss her away. After all, her and her husband led this country through eight golden years, economically speaking. And we all know the economy could use a boost. Plus SNL's seeming-endorsement and Tina Fey speaking up for her made me start to like her again. Should we be looking for a Hillary White House? I just don't know. IS bitch the new black?
Either way this goes, we're going to have someone good. Let's just hope they become great.

Qop!
"She is a bitch. So what? So am I. Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic Schools use nuns instead of priests... At the end of the year you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont." ~ Tina Fey on Hillary Clinton, Saturday Night Live

Blah Blahbity Blah Blah Blah

So much has gone in the last few months, I don't know where to start. I am no longer the lonely pathetic man that most of you know me to be. :) I also have been working a lot, and career prospects are looking up. On top of that, the podcast continues to grow, and I've been hard at work on my next book, the short story collection. I am generally pretty happy and busy, and I miss those friends I have had so little contact with due to our conflicting schedules.

Speaking of missed friends, my friend Jonathan Stewart reminded me that I never wrote a review of Center Stage Player's Rocky Horror Show in October. it was FANTASTIC!!!! I saw it twice! Esther Stinson rocked the stage as Magenta. Jonathan wore a ridiculously cool costume leading the band, and Michael Newsome directed it wonderfully. I can't remember what Mary Sink did, but I remember she did it well, and that she was backstage. Ed Eblin cracked me up as the narrator. I wish I could write in more detail, but it has been a long time. I can't wait for the show next year, as well as the shows the company will do before then, because they always do a great job.

Ohio primary elections are today. I slept through four alarms, even though I set them early and went to bed early. I was actually late for work this morning, although not late enough to matter, they didn't care. But I had planned on going to vote before school. I have to go straight to my second job this evening, so I won't get to vote. Those of you who know me know that I am deeply disappointed. I follow the political stage quite loyally. Oh, well. This sucks.

I saw The Other Boleyn Girl this weekend. For my review of that, the season finale of Project Runway, New Amsterdam, and other stuff, check out the podcast I host, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky at www.dribbleforkids.com/GBG or on iTunes.

Speaking of the podcast, my cohost Nick will be at MegaCon in Orlando, FL this weekend so Jon and I will be doing it without him, though we hope to have a guest fill in. I was not able to attend the convention, but my books are on sale there, and so is a new short story! Well, the short story is free. But only convention attendees will be able to get it, unless you personally know me and ask me nicely. :)

No Qop this time as the post is already too long, but expect another one soon!

Iowa Caucus

The votes are in, and I am encouraged. Michael Moore says that because almost twice the Democrats showed up to the primary as Republicans, Iowa, a traditionally Republican state, will go blue in November. I am not willing to read that much into it, but it was encouraging. Participation in the caucus was up by 93% from 2004, and 2004 was a record year.
Huckabee won the Republican side, and I'm good with that. I like Huckabee, sort of. I was just disappointed that Romney got second because I don't like him. And I was very disappointed in McCain's fourth place finish. I hope he rebounds in New Hampshire.
Obama won the Democrat side. I like Obama, I would just rather he was the Vice candidate. I read his last book, and it was very Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I like that Edwards has rebounded to second, and Hilary took a third. I'm not a huge fan of Hilary. Biden dropped out, which is a little sad, but he's been done for awhile, so it was inevitable.
As primary season kicks off, I still haven't picked a candidate, or even a party. This is such a clusterfuck race, I don't even know what to think. One thing is for sure though, it'll be an interesting election year.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger June 2007 Edition

TIP OF MY HAT TO iTUNES
For finally letting me get some music that's not locked out of every other program. Hurry up and finish the library please! Copyrights are for pussies. Except for my books. Then copyright rocks.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby don't belong in jail. But while they're there, who are we going to be pissed off at for acting like total buffons and getting away with everything? It takes away the righteous indignation.
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE LAUGH FACTORY
For enslaving Jon Lovitz in Hollywood and spinning it as a good thing, when he got his record breaking contract that means he will perform every Wednesday night there until he dies.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ABC
I don't want to wait until December for the latest seasons of Lost and Grey's Anatomy to come out on DVD. And the price increase? What were you thinking???
TIP OF MY HAT TO MERCURY
Despite recent worries, it turns out you haven't been poising us lately. Good for you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO NON-SLIP SHOES
What do you have that my regular shoes don't? Special gripping action? Ha! Just because you keep from falling down, does that make you think you're better than other shoes?
TIP OF MY HAT TO OIL COMPANIES
Some people actually like being anally raped. On behalf of them, I thank you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO THE GILMORE GIRLS
For being oh so seductively funny, and hooking me into yet another show. At least they're off the air and have a finite number of episodes. You evil temptresses.
TIP OF MY HAT TO YOUR MOM
It's nice that she's going to college. She can better herself there, and get plastered, making it much easier for me to sleep with her.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO COOL, JUNE DAYS
It's just not fair! You know how much I hate the heat, and you tease me, make me think that maybe this summer won't be so hot. But it will be!

On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

Let's Impeach the President

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Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger April 2007 Edition

It's April 2nd, but at least I am posting it this month, as this is only my third TOTHWOTF, and only my second keeping to the schedule. Yay!

Tip of the Hat to Lost
As long as Nikki and Paolo are actually dead. Fantastic episode.
Wag of the Finger to my New Manager at Champps
Learn how to make cuts!!!
Tip of the Hat to Steak Quesadillas
I have been eating these delicious things at Champps after work several times in the last few weeks, and they are quite tasty. Everyone should have some.
Wag of My Finger to Network Television
Every year they tease us with tantalizing morsels of good television, such as The Winner, Eyes, The Nine, and Reunion, and then they yank the plug. Some they even let on go long enough for me to fall in love with like What About Brian?, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and The Class. How dare you take away my shows and replace them with shit like Two & A Half Men!!!
Tip of My Hat to Congress
For finally passing a budget that stipulates a pullout from Iraq. Yes, I know it's a mess, but it's over, we can't do any more good without doubling our troops, and no one wants that. Give it up. We're done. Let us go home.
Wag of My Finger to Congress
Since only just over half of you are willing to pass the aforementioned law, you won't be able to overturn Premiere Dictator Bush's veto. Shame on you lame Congressional Republicans!
Tip of the Hat to China
Even though you have been rated our biggest threat for about the last decade, if not longer, you haven't attacked us yet. Thank you!
Wag of My Finger to Paper Cuts
You are small and insignificant. Quit hurting so badly! It's just not fair!

Qops! (from American Dad!)
Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!

Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately.
Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too.
Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.

Hayley Smith: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stanley Smith: And your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute... Daddy didn't think that one through.

Vote Dailey for Vice President

Joe Blundo, a hilarious Columbus Dispatch columnist is running for President. To read all about his campaign (it is totally worth a read if you want a laugh), click here. I have applied through e-mail to be Vice President, on the ticket, and it would be awesome if you all e-mail Joe at jblundo@dispatch.com and lend your support to me as a Vice Presidential candidate. I don't think that anyone else of the roughly one dozen people that have applied for the position that have had people e-mail Joe. I really want this position. I think it would be awesome, and might even get a mention in the Dispatch, which could be good publicity for my book. Please please please do it! Thank you so much!

Qop! (The West Wing)
President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger March 2007 Edition

I have neglected my 'new' feature that I announced several months ago, a Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I now pledge anew to post one every month. This is my edition for March 2007.

Tip of My Hat to NBC
For The Black Donnellys. This show is fantastic! I love it! I did not expect Tommy to go ape shit at the end at all! But then again, it is a drama, and a true one at that. The flashbacks are kind of lame, but everything else is a-ok.
Wag of My Finger to NBC
For pulling Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip off the air for the time being. DO NOT cancel it! DO NOT cancel 30 Rock either. It had a rocky start, but ended up being really funny.
Tip of My Hat to Anna Nicole Smith
Why you may ask? I mean she was totally lame and gross and... But she died! So even though the news is obsessed with her now, that means stories about her will finally go away! YAY! You may think that sounds insensitive, to which I say, I know it is.
Wag of My Finger to Britney Spears
Really, Britney, if you want to be a huge whore slut and dance around without any panties, do it in my room, not in public.
Tip of My Hat to Jonathan Stewart, Lisa Pruitt, Mary Sink, & Michael Newsome
For their fantastic performances in the musical City of Angels! I know I already wrote a whole entry, but I have to say it again. Fantastic. Go see their next show, in which they all play much bigger roles. For information about tickets, go here.
Wag of My Finger to MySpace Blogs
I loved when I had all my friends blogs bookmarked and could just check them periodically, and they didn't post too too often. With MySpace blogs, they get on to check other things and post all the freakin' time and I can't keep up! Damn you MySpace!
Tip of My Hat to You Tube
After the six episodes (and counting) series Chad Vader, and Charlie the unicorn, I have to give You Tube props. Gotta love 'em.
Wag of My Finger to Jack Nicholson
If you want to look like a penis, fine, just don't show up at The Academy Awards looking like one.
Tip of My Hat to the Academy Awards
Ellen made an excellent host and Jennifer Hudson so deserved that Oscar.
Wag of My Finger to President Bush
This will probably be a permanent addition to the TOTHWOMF list, at least until he leaves office. My peeve with him now? The troop surge. Death totals are high again. Give it up! You suck as president, dude! Resign!

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?

(after Stormy called Quinn 'the Black Dr. Quinn')
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Man, how'd you feel if everyone went around calling you "White" Stormy?
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: [Gasps] You mean there's a BLACK Stormy?

Smokin' Aces

My brother David and I saw Smokin' Aces last night. I really wanted to see the movie because of my friend Jonathan's race review, and it had a host of great actors such as Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, and others. It was also a bunch of people trying to kill a mobster getting ready to squeal. Sounds awesome, no? Unfortunately, it was not. I have to say, the actors did a superb job, but the film just didn't cut it. I blame faulty editing. There were great moments and funny jokes, but the pacing was totally off. It was a major disappointment.

I also finished reading The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents America: The Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction: Teacher's Edition this week. Basically it's the same book as the first edition, but the new Supreme Court justices faces have been planted on naked bodies, and they let a history professor go crazy with a red marker. The mistakes he chose to mark were often very factual, but he was very selective in what he marked, and every once inawhile, it was just plain funny. I'm glad I own both editions.

And Barack Obama has officially entered the race for President. Hilary Clinton and John Edwards are also considered front runners. I honestly expect two of the three to be on the ticket in just over a year when the primaries end. I just am not sure which one. And I read an article or two lately where Al Gore said he wouldn't rule out running, although he couldn't imagine seeking office at this time. One article called him a possible dark horse, swooping in at the last moment. I wonder how that would upset the balance. I am eager to find out.

Qop! (selected reviews from the back of America: The Book: Teacher's Edition - many of them are probably not accurate)
"Even better on the second banning!" ~ Wal-Mart

"I wouldn't have posed nude for any other book." ~ Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"Four and a half stars." ~ Four-and-a-Half Star Review Magazine

"AMERICA (The Book) is an upstanding collection of bound pages, each containing several paragraphs of multiple words, made up of individual letters, that when processed by your brain elicits both humorous feelings - sometimes manifested as laughter - and previously undiscovered insight into..." (cont. on page 3). ~ Senator John Kerry

"This book is gay. You know, like me." ~ Abraham Lincoln

I've Been Busy

Yeah, yeah, I know I haven't posted. I've been busy! So sue me. So what have I been doing? Grad school, teaching, working at Champps, my social life, writing, and working on some new projects. BTW, the first five hours of 24 this season are 5 of the greatest hours of television so far.
I did watch the President's State of the Union speech. At first, it was ok, then it went downhill and only got worse. We are in a sorry state, but its no wonder that Bush's approval rating had dropped to an all time low of 28% before the speech. I haven't what it was after, but I can't imagine it was high. His education, immigration, and insurance plans are woefully inadequate. He said he wanted to cut back on our oil consumption, then vowed to increase our supply. Make up your mind! He promised to balance the budget, but plans to balloon the military. It was ugly. The only great part was the beginning, when he praised Nancy Pelosi for before the first woman Speaker. I think McCain and Guiliani can kiss their presidential aspirations away for jumping on board Bush's war plans. I'm sad to see Kerry drop out already, but there are better qualified cantidates running, so that wasn't so bad. I really think that if Bush can, he will reinstitute the draft and invade Iran. Thank goodness for the Democrat congress or we'd all be screwed.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
(referring to imagining New Orleans)
Alan Shore (James Spader): Nobody could I suppose. Unless they were there.
Denny Crane (William Shatner): I was there. Well, I flew over it in my Gulfstream. Doesn't that count?
Alan: To some.

Denny: I like diversity. I date midgets.
Alan: And their moms.

Heros / Villians of 2006

According to an AP poll, the hero of the year, with 13%, beating out Bono, Oprah, Jesus, Barack Obama, and yes, even our troops was George W. Bush. Reading that, my heart wept a little. But I was thankful it was only 13%. Then I read the biggest villians. Of course Kim Jong Il, President of Iran, Sadam and bin Laden were tops, but the #1 vote getter, who scored a whopping 25%, beating sadam's 6% and bin laden's 8% easily was George W. Bush. I take comfort that his villian score was much higher, but wow, when we're polarized, we're polarized.

In other news, the late President Ford thought Bush really screwed up by invading Iraq, and my faith is further restored in Americans.

And John Edwards and two other guys no one cares about entered the race of 2008. Now I need to go get Obama book so I can tell people why to vote for him. :)

Qop!
Sorry, none today.

Yay America!

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.

Some Fantastic Weekend

This was probably the best weekend I have ever had. I tried to think of better weekends, but was a bit at a loss. Granted, I did have to get up at 6am on Saturday to attend my grad school classes from 7:30-1:30, and then i was stuck in traffic for an hour right after class, but from there it only got better and better. I went to a family party celebrating my cousin Chris's 11th birthday. His birthday isn't until November, but it was fun. My Uncle Mike had the best costume, although some of the other family members dressed up as well, and all the costumes were fun. Then, though I don't care about sports, the Buckeyes totally kicked ass, which made the family happy. After a quick piece of pumpkin cake, I rushed downtown to meet my brother David and head to the Schottenstein Center. We arrived early and got great seats. There we saw, LIVE, Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, and The Daily Show's executive producer and head writer. There were some truly great moments, including Jon's long tirade on Dick Cheney, followed by his "Eh, he's all right" about Donald Rumsfeld. Then when Stewart led the O-H-I-O, and when Jason talked about being pregnant, and basically eveything out of Samantha's mouth. The crowd of over 12,000 people was great, booing Canada and OSU President Holbrook, and Jon characterisitcally scolded them for it. After that, I went to two Halloween parties. Things were even better because it was daylight savings, and though I stayed up until after 2, it was really only after 1. Awesome!
Sunday was just as great, if not better. I slept in, watched some episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then Nick picked me up. His parents bought us a bit of Don Pablo's for dinner, and then as my Christmas present, Nick had broughten me a great seat to the Barenaked Ladies concert, coincidentally, at the Schottenstein Center. He also bought me a B*L*A*M t-shirt in the style of M*A*S*H that advertised the Barenaked Ladies Are Me album tour. They sand for two hours and fifteen minutes. Although I got to bed way too late for my 5:30 wakeup time, it totally rocked. They played more than half of their new album, and one song off their next album, which will be released in February, only four months after the last one. Nick, like anyone who preordered or downloaded, has the new album already. They will likely be back in the spring for the second album, and I'm sure that we will attend. I got tons of great pictures. My only complaint was that they didn't play "Fun & Games", since they were in Columbus, Ohio, hot bed of the election, on a college campus, following up Jon Stewart, ten days before the election. Why not play your one blatant anti-Bush song? But technically, it is on the upcoming album, so I guess it made sense. All the songs were flawless, and Tyler's Feliz Halloween was definitely a highlight. It featured the whole band on different instruments than they usually play.
Ok, now back to school and work. Have a great week all!

Qop! ("Feliz Halloween" by Tyler of BNL)
Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Prosper ano y felici-bean.
Jack-O-Lant!

Two Weeks Off

I hope you read yesterday's post, and I hoped that you assumed, like me, that it was referring to George W. Bush and company. And I also hope, like me, you loved it. You need to heat the melody to fully appreciate it, so please check it out soon. The song made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes at the same time. It spoke the truth.
Anyway, the reason for my two weeks absence to the blog right when I got back in the swing of things is a sad one. My grandmother, Malissa Dailey, wasn't doing well and finally passed away on Saturday, September 9th. It was a long time coming, and expected. It was also a bit of a good thing, because she was suffering, and I know it was wearing hard on the family. I didn't write for two weeks because I felt that when something as important as that happens, it isn't right to just ignore it and write something else. Yet, I couldn't figure out what to write. So instead, for two weeks, I logged onto my blog several times, but couldn't finish an entry. I finally decided a simple paragraph would suffice, as she was a simple lady.

Malissa Dailey was in her mid-eighties when she died. Her funeral was well attended, like a young person's we said, but with a large family, that tends to happen. She was a farmer. Her husband, Wilbur Wetzel Dailey, died in 1980, so she was a widow for the last 26 years of her life, the entire time I've known her. She raised 5 boys, my dad the youngest, and worked harder than any woman I've ever known. When we were building our house in the mid-1980's, we lived with her for a couple of winters. After that, I remember spending the night with her. She taught me the few rudimentary sewing skills I know, and how to cut off a chicken's head. That chicken was tasty. She would drive me to Mt. Sterling for an ice-cream. She was soft spoken, and not very talkative, but when she talked, you listened. She loved her news, and she loved to garden. It was a sad day eight years ago when she moved in with my uncle and sold her house and land. We used to make apple cider with her, cherry pies, do canning, and she could always wip up the most delicious home meal. Hers is the house where I learned to love white bread and Pepsi, and tolerate sweet tea. She made the best noodles in the world. At her tallest, I don't know if she hit five feet, and her fatest, I doubt she hit 100 pounds, but I'd also bet that she wrestle you and win if she wanted to. I feel guilty for distancing myself from her over the past decade as her health declined. I didn't want to see her in that shape, and that was selfish. I remember her strong, healthy, virbant. I did visit her a few times, though. She had even started to read my book. I think the copy that I gave her will be a cherished posession of mine for years to come, still with her bookmark and newspaper clipping of my first signing in it. She surrounded herself with mementos of her family and their accomplishments. This wasn't excactly the short paragraph that I had envisoned, but how do you summarize a life with just a handful words? I could never make you feel like you knew her, just through this. Just know that she was loves, and she will be missed.

Qops!
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree

t took me a long time to get used to the reality that my grandmother had passed away. Wherever I was, in the house, in the garden, out on the fields, her face always appeared so clearly to me. ~ Huynh Quang Nhuong

The New Barenaked Ladies Song (Who Do You Think It's About?)

we sent in the army
they sounded alarms we
saw it coming from a mile away
we kept it off radar
because we had to say our
intentions were to save the day

why did you fail
to see

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and they were shocked and they were awed
and they were blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we kept it all long-range
and made a regime change
you'd have thought it would have been a gas
but when it got ugly
we sat around smugly
because you bought our little joke en masse
don't look at me that way

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
we knew your sons and daughters
would be blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

put a smile on
we're the ones that you selected
leave that dial son
because we just got re-elected
in a while our
bill of rights will be rejected

and all the blame will be deflected [this bit is vaudville style]
the forests will be unprotected
the nation's poor will be neglected
creation myth is resurrected
a new salute is genuflected
a gallup poll will be respected
gallows pole will be erected
all this will go undetected

while you all slumbered
we sat and crunched numbers
of all the causalities we could afford
there's no need to draft them
you could hear us laugh then
the poor and black all need the room and board
did I say that
out loud

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and now our very nation has been blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

it's a powderkeg

New Feature

For the record, before I begin, in the first five days of September, my post number has equaled the entire month of August (also July I think, but not combined). Yay! The topic today is a new feature. Like my hero, Stephen Colbert, I am making my own On Notice and Dead to Me Boards. I will repost and update them on here periodically. If you want to have your own On Notice graphic (this is really cool!), go to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ Or better yet, type mine in so you can see how cool they look. Here are my current lists in no particular order, with explanations since they're new:

ON NOTICE (created 9/5/6)
Iran - Please please please don't give any more reason for our idiot leader to invade you.
The Democrats - Don't you dare screw up this November.
Mike DeWine - I used to like you, and yet I don't think I'll vote for you this fall.
J. K. Rowling - How long does it take to write a freakin' book!!! It had better be 1000 pages!
Movie Critis - Quit telling me good movies and bad and vice versa. There is no way that Invincible is better than Clerks II
Katie Couric - You are annoying. Get out of my media.
Bones - How dare you replace Bones's boss! Kudos for the great new character though.
Fox - If you get me hooked on one more show and prematurely cancel it, I swear...
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink.
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead.

DEAD TO ME
President George W. Bush - What did I ever see in you in 2000?
Condaleeza Rice - If you get to be president, I'm moving to Canada
Steve Irwin - No, seriously. He's dead. :(
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe.
Ashland Financial Aid Office - I almost didn't get to start grad school on time.
Grizzly Bears - You make Stephen's life hell so I no longer believe in you.
The International Astonomers - How DARE you make Pluto not a planet?
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????
The Food Service Industry - I have a college diploma. Why do I have to keep working there?

Just so you know, each list will always only be ten things wrong, so we'll see how gets a reprieve after the next thing that angers me. :)

Qop! (all from The Colbert Report)
I've swallowed 18 condoms full of truth and I'm headed across the border!

You know, I've been running this show, four nights a week, for... five nights now...

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Facts change, but my opinion never does.

Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

Why Is Bush Still in Office?

Sorry about only getting three entries in August. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, from my Five Year Reunion, to starting grad school, to my web site being down temporarily. Ugh. And I should have a TiVo by the first of the week. Finally. Anyway, the main topic today is, Why is Bush still in office? If you like Bush, even a little, skip this post and join me next time for something more fun and frivilous.
Many of you have probably wandered this. If you know me at all, you know that I certainly have. A lot of people believe he didn't win in 2000. Fewer, but still a significant number, believe he didn't win in 2004. Not that any of that matters because he is in office, so suck it up and forget that old stuff. It's way too late to do anything about either election. Lots of people pretty much acknowledge that Iraq is a mistake, although good ol' Bush is up to his good ol' fear tactics again of telling us that if we pull out, we will be beset upon my terrorists. Not his language. He would say something less intellectual. This morning's Doonesbury reminded me of a few of the things he has done that are illegal: authorizing torture, kidnapping people and throwing them in secret prisons without due process, wiretapping phones. Why is this man still our president? His poll numbers are so low you'd think someone would stand up and say, Look, this is a bad man that is breaking the law and leading our country asunder! Let's at least put him on trial! But other than a reprimand from the Supreme Court, and rapidly dwindling poll numbers, nothing has happened to him. I wish that someone in Washington would take note and get that bastard out of office before he screws anything else up. I guess it's ok to say this. I don't think he has thrown anyone in secret prisons just for critisizing him...yet. :) (Yes, that last part was a joke people!)

Qop!
"Today's secret word is 'Kahn'. You remember what to do when someone says the secret word, don't you? ...That's right. SCREAM REAL LOUD!!!!" ~www.in4mador.com

Princess Leather Shock

Hello all. Sorry for no recent updates, but I haven't had anything to write about it. Even now, I have nothing. My things are in boxes all around the apartment as I prepare for the temporary move back to my parents' house. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about after that. :) For now, though, I am leaving for Florida very early Friday morning and I just wanted to shoot off a quick hello and happy independence day. To celebrate patriotism, the Supreme Court recently told Bush that what was going on in Guantanamo Bay is illegal. Take that, bitch! Plus, turns out the 2004 election was rigged and Bush lost that too. Best 4th of July in six years! Oh, and if I was a stripper, I found out my name would be Princess Leather Shock. Don't think the Shock part sounds right, but whatever. I didn't make it up. It was one of those random generator thingys. Enjoy July and I will post again soon!

Qop! (Scrubs)
Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
[points at each of the women]
Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.