On Notice / Dead to Me #2

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

Smokin' Aces

My brother David and I saw Smokin' Aces last night. I really wanted to see the movie because of my friend Jonathan's race review, and it had a host of great actors such as Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, and others. It was also a bunch of people trying to kill a mobster getting ready to squeal. Sounds awesome, no? Unfortunately, it was not. I have to say, the actors did a superb job, but the film just didn't cut it. I blame faulty editing. There were great moments and funny jokes, but the pacing was totally off. It was a major disappointment.

I also finished reading The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents America: The Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction: Teacher's Edition this week. Basically it's the same book as the first edition, but the new Supreme Court justices faces have been planted on naked bodies, and they let a history professor go crazy with a red marker. The mistakes he chose to mark were often very factual, but he was very selective in what he marked, and every once inawhile, it was just plain funny. I'm glad I own both editions.

And Barack Obama has officially entered the race for President. Hilary Clinton and John Edwards are also considered front runners. I honestly expect two of the three to be on the ticket in just over a year when the primaries end. I just am not sure which one. And I read an article or two lately where Al Gore said he wouldn't rule out running, although he couldn't imagine seeking office at this time. One article called him a possible dark horse, swooping in at the last moment. I wonder how that would upset the balance. I am eager to find out.

Qop! (selected reviews from the back of America: The Book: Teacher's Edition - many of them are probably not accurate)
"Even better on the second banning!" ~ Wal-Mart

"I wouldn't have posed nude for any other book." ~ Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"Four and a half stars." ~ Four-and-a-Half Star Review Magazine

"AMERICA (The Book) is an upstanding collection of bound pages, each containing several paragraphs of multiple words, made up of individual letters, that when processed by your brain elicits both humorous feelings - sometimes manifested as laughter - and previously undiscovered insight into..." (cont. on page 3). ~ Senator John Kerry

"This book is gay. You know, like me." ~ Abraham Lincoln