I Should Be in Bed

I should be in bed right now. I stayed up way too late finishing my cousin's Lego Star Wars. This Saturday morning class at Ashland is pointless for people withdecent computer skills. It is a four week lab for no credit, and I am only attending two sessions: the first one and this one. I was told I had to attend this one because we are 'learning' the library internet system, which is basic stuff. I'm so bored. I'm trying to type quietly. I wish I could just go home. Soon.

By the way, I now have my own daily comic strip. If you know me well, your first reaction is probably something like, "Oh my Jesus. Oh my Tom Cruise. Why in the hell would you try to draw, especially a strip a day! My six year old could do better, and he's parapalegic." Well, rest assured, that although the art may be bad, it will continue to improve, and I think the concept is solid. It's called Excerpts from The Morning Show, and is essentially highlights from a radio show called The Morning Show currently available in several markets and slowly spreading. The hosts are named, creatively, 'Nick' and 'Jimmy'. Shortly I will be adding a recurring sports caser, similiarly showing my creative drive by calling him 'Nate'. In a few weeks I'll add a new girl (she actually will be fictional), and probably an intern named 'David the Weasel'. Stay tuned and check back every day for the strip!

Labels

By the way all, labels have finally been finished for ALL my blogs, dating back nearly two and a half years. Want to know everything I've written about a certain topic? Click on a label. Have fun. Be safe. :)

Oh, by the way, Depressed is not my most common label. Politics is. But thanks for noticing. :) Other big ones: ActorsNightmare, Alias, books, Buffy, JonStewart, Religion, Romance, StephenColbert, Writing. Nope, Drinking wasn't high enough to top the list. Screw you. :)

I've Been Busy

Yeah, yeah, I know I haven't posted. I've been busy! So sue me. So what have I been doing? Grad school, teaching, working at Champps, my social life, writing, and working on some new projects. BTW, the first five hours of 24 this season are 5 of the greatest hours of television so far.
I did watch the President's State of the Union speech. At first, it was ok, then it went downhill and only got worse. We are in a sorry state, but its no wonder that Bush's approval rating had dropped to an all time low of 28% before the speech. I haven't what it was after, but I can't imagine it was high. His education, immigration, and insurance plans are woefully inadequate. He said he wanted to cut back on our oil consumption, then vowed to increase our supply. Make up your mind! He promised to balance the budget, but plans to balloon the military. It was ugly. The only great part was the beginning, when he praised Nancy Pelosi for before the first woman Speaker. I think McCain and Guiliani can kiss their presidential aspirations away for jumping on board Bush's war plans. I'm sad to see Kerry drop out already, but there are better qualified cantidates running, so that wasn't so bad. I really think that if Bush can, he will reinstitute the draft and invade Iran. Thank goodness for the Democrat congress or we'd all be screwed.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
(referring to imagining New Orleans)
Alan Shore (James Spader): Nobody could I suppose. Unless they were there.
Denny Crane (William Shatner): I was there. Well, I flew over it in my Gulfstream. Doesn't that count?
Alan: To some.

Denny: I like diversity. I date midgets.
Alan: And their moms.

Heros / Villians of 2006

According to an AP poll, the hero of the year, with 13%, beating out Bono, Oprah, Jesus, Barack Obama, and yes, even our troops was George W. Bush. Reading that, my heart wept a little. But I was thankful it was only 13%. Then I read the biggest villians. Of course Kim Jong Il, President of Iran, Sadam and bin Laden were tops, but the #1 vote getter, who scored a whopping 25%, beating sadam's 6% and bin laden's 8% easily was George W. Bush. I take comfort that his villian score was much higher, but wow, when we're polarized, we're polarized.

In other news, the late President Ford thought Bush really screwed up by invading Iraq, and my faith is further restored in Americans.

And John Edwards and two other guys no one cares about entered the race of 2008. Now I need to go get Obama book so I can tell people why to vote for him. :)

Qop!
Sorry, none today.

I'm an Ungreatful Prick

So the jury is back. I'm an ungreatful prick. Seriously. I have never considered myself thus before, and am having trouble considering myself that now, but after a truly rotten Christmas, and a ton of alcohol, the conclusion is made. Why is it so? Here is the COMPLETE story, not the ones my relatives seem to be getting. BTW, I am more than a bit drunk as I type this.
Every year ALL of my presents, at least the last few years, have been clothes. Those of you that know me know that I don't like clothes. In fact, I hate clothes. i only buy them when I absolutly need them. At the moment, I have a pretty good supply. So I have told me mom before that I hate getting just clothes, but the last few months, I have emphasized this point to her. While I would prefer no clothes at all, I begged her to just let one present not be clothes. one book, one cd, on dvd, SOMETHING besides the clothes that I hate to get. I said I would rather have money or nothing at all than the endless load to clothes that I hate. So Christmas morning arrives and I open, not just clothes, but really sucky clothes. Present one was white socks. WHITE socks. I wear black sock six days a week because I can ony wear black to the schools or to Champps, and have plenty of just fine white socks. Yet she buys me many pairs, unwrapped, so i can't even return them. Then comes a pair of black dress shoes. The EXACT same dress shoes that were my sole birthday present last march. No, they ar ejust fine. actually, she bought me ugly dress shoes and i returned them for the ones i currently wear. So she bought me anothert pair, even though I don't need them. Then comes a p[air of blue dress pants. Now she knows (I hate blue. I have NEVER worn blue dress pants. EVER. I HATE them. Then a pair of blakc dress pants that I kinda of need, but will take back because of all the clothes. I'm not happy about it, but I don't sitr abnd bitch endlessly about it either.
I take all; the hate dshit to me room and stay away. Yet I am bad mouthed constrantly all day. When the aunt i thought understood me very well told me i should hgave just said thank you and forgotten it, I left. Granted, I had consumed enough alcohol to put me in a decent mood up until then and I shouldn't have driven, but I did, and I made it home just fine, thankfully/. Yet, obviously I am just a selfishprick who should take what I get, even when UI specifgically ask her nbot to get it. Obviously.

Oh, anmd btw, the same 'adult' gift exhancge I have participated in the last four yearts in my family once again ended with me getting nothing. Literally this year, as I let my 5 year old cousin ahve the stuffed snoopy i ended up with. I think I just won't do it next year. And I plan to have a new apartment by feb. 1st. Anyone want to be my roommate? I could really use one.

Qop!
None. I am too angry.

You're A Mean One, Mr. Jim

I am writing this at a quarter til nine of Christmas morning. This is the latest we have EVER opened presents. Most of the house is still asleep. The last few years, my sister has been waking us up around 7. It was a bit annoying, when my brothers and I tended to stay up hanging out and having fun on Christmas Eve. Last year I came up with a devious scheme to sneak into Malissa's room and set her clock back several hours. She finally came out of her room well after the time Mom and Dad told her she had to sleep to and asked if she could watch tv until it was time. They laughed and told her that it was later than she thought it was. To put it mildly, she was furious. Everyone else thought it was the funniest thing ever, including all the relatives we saw later in the day.
This year, we knew that wouldn't work on her. I convinced my parents to let me keep her up last night watching tv so that she wouldn't wake us all up so early. They agreed pretty easily, probably wanting their sleep, too. So I kept her up until about midnight, let her drink pop and stuff, then I went to sleep, leaving her still awake and wired. When I woke up just a few minutes ago, I crept past the sleeping house up to her room and shook her awake saying, "Hurry up! Get up! Time to open presents!" When she jumped out of bed I laughed and said, "Just kidding! No one else is up." Now she's up earlier than she wanted to be and still can't open presents.

Ain't I a stinker?

:) :) :)

Qops! (courtesy National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
CLARK: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

CLARK: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

ISS

So I am working the ISS room today. I should be getting stuff done, but of course, I'm not. I've been trading surveys with Amanda, writing a second draft of an upcoming Dribble for Kids issue for Nick, and trying to put labels on the 185 blog entries I have so far. Yes, I don't like the new blogger because I have to go back and put labels on every entry so you people can easily search them. So far, I have applied many, many labels to over one hundred blog entries. Still more to go, unfortunately. I am just taking a quick break. I'm sure I will be right back to work on doing labels, but not finish them today. Those friends are mine that read this, check. Your very name may be a label. :)

Oh, and by the way, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the title of the last Harry Potter book. A release date will be announced early in 2007. Thank you to Lisa for e-mailing me. I was actually just reading the press release when I saw the e-mail. I can't wait!

Qop!
"There once was a time when religion ruled the world, that time was known as the dark ages." ~Unknown

New Blogger

Yes, I know it has been more than a month since I posted. I was going to give you a whole spiel about how I have been so busy finishing up the last semester of grad school, working two jobs, starting to date someone, the holidays, and all that other stuff, but then I actually went to the blogger site and came up with a new reason: They made me upgrade to the new blogger! Not made, but I was going to have to soon, so sort of made. hence the extra delay. Now, although I haven't really had a chance to explore it yet, I really liked the old blogger, and those of you who know me know that I hate being forced to change something that I like. I'm sure that this new thing is way cooler, but now I'm supposed to go back and categorize all my old entries, which is a lot of work. I haven't decided if I am going to go it yet or not. Until I get a handle on this thing, I probably won't post again. However, I want to be back to regular posts by the new year, so I'll probably figure it out. Stupid blogger.

Qops! (from Alias)
Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...
Sydney: You got it.

Sloane: Marshall, would you please go back to work?
Agent Marshall Flinkman: Just to clarify, I'm not being fired?
Sloane: Back to work means not fired.

Agent Jack Bristow: If you tell anyone about this conversation, you will no longer be able to wear a hat.

That's My Bush!

One of the most inspired sitcoms to ever be made, judging from the two episodes I've seen of it, was That's My Bush, which was on Comedy Central in 2001. It followed the hilarious antics of W., Laura, Rove, the maid, the intern, and a neighbor who could just walk in the front door of the White House and plop down on the couch in the main foyer, flipping on the television. Even when the White House was locked down due to security concerns. W. accidently launched nuclear attacks, or scheduled and abortion summit and a date with his wife on the same night, flying through predictable sitcom plots. But in the White House. It was really funny, especially the aborted fetus that somehow survived to lead an anti-abortion group. Now all eight episodes, including six that I have NEVER, EVER SEEN are available on DVD! I cannot tell you how many times in the past couple of years I have gone on Amazon to check for it, and been sorely disappointed to discover that it wasn't for sale. Then today, in my e-mail newsletter form Comedy Central's web site, there it was! A deluxe, two-disc release with commentaries! Yay! Finally I get to see it all. The show wasn't cancelled because it was bad. The show was cancelled because the Twin Towers were destroyed and suddenly it became not funny to make fun of the president. Thank goodness that's over. :)

Qop! (from Team America: World Police because I used TMB a few weeks ago)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran - I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'.

ANOTHER SONG: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: You will die a peasant's death!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Matt Damon: MATT DAMON!

SNL Sweeps Sweeps

Last night's Saturday Night Live, the first one of sweeps, certainly delivered in star power, even if every skit didn't deliver the laughs. The monologue of Kristen Wiig (who is getting a deserved huge amount of screen time lately) as Nancy Pelosi was funny, and so was the weekend update interview with Rumsfeld. But the guest star parade began in the monologue when Alec Baldwin, who was hosting a record tying 13 times, brought on his co-stars of his new show, 30 Rock, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. The new show is by SNL alumni and produced by the SNL producer, Lorna Michael. Morgan did it in character, and with Fey, it was hard to tell. Then the Platinum Lounge encounter with Steve Martin rocked, as did the wordless appearnaces of Martin Short as their waiter, followed by Paul McCartney. So did Martin host 14 times? I didn't get that. But The Tony Bennet show skit where Baldwin played Bennet and Bennet came on as an impersonator was hilarious, and their duet was good. Christina Arguliera was the musical guest, which of course I didn't watch, except her third segment, which was a duet with the real Bennet, and that was really entertaining. Anyway, I just wanted to comment on the huge amount of guest star power present. The curtain call was impressive. It was great!

Qop! (SNL Weekend Update 11/11/06)
"In an ironic twist Tuesday, Iraw brought about a regime change to the United States."

Yay America!

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Entertainment Edition

Tip of the Hat
To The Nine. This show has just gotten better and better every week. John Billingsly is the best part, although I have ti say that Tim Daly and Kim Raver keep me hooked, too. I really hope this show goes on for a nice, long while. And Joshua Malina rocks, too.
Wag of the Finger
The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm not a sports fan, but you don't play the Michigan fight song to a booing crowd in Columbus. They should never even try to seel another album in this town.
Tip of the Hat
To Barry Manilow for giving Stephen Colbert joint custody of the emmy, and signing a notorized contract on The Colbert Report. Also, letting Stephen take the lead in the duet was classy.
Wag of the Finger
To the Barenaked Ladies for not playing "Fun & Games" as their fantastic concert last night. They played in the venue Jon Stewart had been in the night before. This is Ohio, the most important state in the election. And they didn't play their anti-Bush song. What better time for it?
Tip of the Hat
Tyler of BNL for that fantastic rendering of Feliz Halloween. Prospero ano y felici-bean.
Wag of the Finger
To Jon Stewart for having Lebron James, James Mueller, and NOT James Dailey. If you come to town and do a James theme, why not me? :)

Qop! (South Park Season 10 - more to come when IMDB posts newest episodes)
Stan: He was right, you did cause 9-11.
George W. Bush: Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted at the base of the towers, then on 9-11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives and shot down all the witnesses in Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed planm ever, ever.
Kyle: [disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Why?
George W. Bush: The oldest reason in the world: money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil which made us all even richer than before.
Donald Rumsfeld: Beautiful money. Ha ha ha!
Kyle: [even more disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Is the whole government in on this?
George W. Bush: We are all knowing and all powerful. Good-bye boys.
Dick Cheney: [shoots an arrow and misses the boys] Dang it, I missed again.
George W. Bush: For Christ's sake, Cheney.
Stan: Kyle, run!

Some Fantastic Weekend

This was probably the best weekend I have ever had. I tried to think of better weekends, but was a bit at a loss. Granted, I did have to get up at 6am on Saturday to attend my grad school classes from 7:30-1:30, and then i was stuck in traffic for an hour right after class, but from there it only got better and better. I went to a family party celebrating my cousin Chris's 11th birthday. His birthday isn't until November, but it was fun. My Uncle Mike had the best costume, although some of the other family members dressed up as well, and all the costumes were fun. Then, though I don't care about sports, the Buckeyes totally kicked ass, which made the family happy. After a quick piece of pumpkin cake, I rushed downtown to meet my brother David and head to the Schottenstein Center. We arrived early and got great seats. There we saw, LIVE, Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, and The Daily Show's executive producer and head writer. There were some truly great moments, including Jon's long tirade on Dick Cheney, followed by his "Eh, he's all right" about Donald Rumsfeld. Then when Stewart led the O-H-I-O, and when Jason talked about being pregnant, and basically eveything out of Samantha's mouth. The crowd of over 12,000 people was great, booing Canada and OSU President Holbrook, and Jon characterisitcally scolded them for it. After that, I went to two Halloween parties. Things were even better because it was daylight savings, and though I stayed up until after 2, it was really only after 1. Awesome!
Sunday was just as great, if not better. I slept in, watched some episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then Nick picked me up. His parents bought us a bit of Don Pablo's for dinner, and then as my Christmas present, Nick had broughten me a great seat to the Barenaked Ladies concert, coincidentally, at the Schottenstein Center. He also bought me a B*L*A*M t-shirt in the style of M*A*S*H that advertised the Barenaked Ladies Are Me album tour. They sand for two hours and fifteen minutes. Although I got to bed way too late for my 5:30 wakeup time, it totally rocked. They played more than half of their new album, and one song off their next album, which will be released in February, only four months after the last one. Nick, like anyone who preordered or downloaded, has the new album already. They will likely be back in the spring for the second album, and I'm sure that we will attend. I got tons of great pictures. My only complaint was that they didn't play "Fun & Games", since they were in Columbus, Ohio, hot bed of the election, on a college campus, following up Jon Stewart, ten days before the election. Why not play your one blatant anti-Bush song? But technically, it is on the upcoming album, so I guess it made sense. All the songs were flawless, and Tyler's Feliz Halloween was definitely a highlight. It featured the whole band on different instruments than they usually play.
Ok, now back to school and work. Have a great week all!

Qop! ("Feliz Halloween" by Tyler of BNL)
Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Prosper ano y felici-bean.
Jack-O-Lant!

Three Down; Six To Go

I just finished writing the first draft of An Actor's Nightmare Book Three. For those of you keeping up with the series, Book Two will be out at the end of next month, November 2006. I am well ahead because I already finished Book Three. Granted, I still have a month or two of editing to do myself on it, then I have to send it to my various editors, then I will do another pass myself, so it is far from over. It will still not be about until next fall, probably around November. But the first draft is done! About four or five months earlier in the year than I finished Book Two. I am torn between wanting to jump right into Book Four, or work on some other project for a few months. I probably should take a break, but I love writing it, and since Book Three closed a triology, Book Four will be so much to get back into. I'm thinking of writing some scripts of Nick's comic strip, Dribble for Kids. I'm thinking about working on the other book I started, The Many Loves of Jimmy Bailey, and I'm thinking about getting out my young adult novel, The Berry Go Round, and retooling it to get it ready for release. I finished writing that book years ago. We'll see. I love to write, and I'm sure I will be writing some more soon.

Qop! (BNL: Bull In A China Shop)
I'm a kid in a candy store /I'm a bull in a china shop / I'm a tired old metaphor / For everything you can't afford / And everything you can't afford to be
I'm a public embarrassment / I'm a bottle of diet poison / I'm a walking advertisement / For everything I never meant / And everything I never meant to be
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening
I'm the reason I don't go out /I'm afraid I might tell me something / I'm the shadow of every doubt / I'm the product this song's about / I'm the product this song's about to be
I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening /I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening
Every morning / Since I was born / It's been hard to look in the mirror / And see my face for the horns
All the fun that the law allows / All the fun but with half the meaning / Come on over, I'll show you how / If you lived here you'd be home by now / If you still lived here you'd be home now with me
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening / I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening

I'm Going to See Jon Stewart

It is going to happen. I am going to see Jon Stewart. Next Saturday at OSU. I got shut out of the tv show, not unexpectedly, as there are so few tickets available, but I get to go to the big event. Thanks to my brother David for getting me the ticket. We're goin to have a ball.
Also, next Sunday I get to see the Barenaked Ladies. Thanks to Nick for that ticket. I can't wait until next weekend. Expect a great blog a week from Monday or Tuesday.
Right now I am tired. I stayed up until 1am working on cover design for Book 2 and story ideas for Book 4 with Nick. And I had a 7:30am class. Hence the randomness.
Ok. I have to go because I am still in class and we are going to watch Oprah.

Qop! (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
Stephen Colbert: After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said "Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach."
Jon Stewart: No, that was Stalin. Thomas Jefferson said that he'd "Rather have free press and no government, than a government and no free press".
Stephen Colbert: Well, what else would you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler-loving queer?

Harrison Ford: I don't really do action movies.
Jon Stewart: You were Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford: Yeah, but...
Jon Stewart: And Jack Ryan.
Harrison Ford: I always saw Indiana Jones as a comedy.
Jon Stewart: Well, I can assure you it's not.
Harrison Ford: I'll have to let Spielberg know that. "Steve- not funny."
Jon Stewart: You know Spielberg?

Wikipedia is Impentitrable

Last night, someone decided to test just how strong Wikipedia was. I won't say who that someone was, but that's not the point. The names have been changed (or omitted) to protect the guilty. :) Anyway, for a brief time last night, Stephen Colbert's entry read that his favorite book series was An Actor's Nightmare. Thrilling, huh? My few moments of fame. The idea was derived from Stephen Colbert himself when he announced on tv that anyone could change facts on Wikipedia. It is true. Anyone can. However, there is a dedicated group od editors that keep hacks (cough) from making cheesy edits of putting things up just for publicity. After the Colbert change, entries were added for Jerome Wetzel and An Actor's Nightmare. Both of those were also removed within hours. Being on Wikipedia is an honor that I am not qualified for as of yet. Hopefully someday, when book sales are higher, I will be. If anyone has any ideas for PR, please let me know. I really do believe in the quality of the book. I think if I can get the word out, it will take off. Wikipedia is not the way to do it though, folks, but thanks for trying.

Qop! (from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
In the beginning, the Universe was created. This made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent were of course dolphins. Dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of earth and had on many occasions tried to alert mankind but their warnings were mistakenly interpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking this ship with me. Whoo!

DJ

In my last post, I vowed a weekly WOTF, TOTH. By weekly, I of course meant monthly, because sometimes I don't even post weekly. So look for the next installment in about 2-3 weeks. :) On books, though, I have gotten so much work done for the second installment of An Actor's Nightmare, due out in roughly six weeks. Thank you Nick from the bottom of my shoes for his work on the cover design. It is awesome! I can't wait for everyone to see it! Also, the first bimonthly short story is on schedule for a November 1st release, if I can contain my enthusiasm until then. Unlike my blog, the book is always ahead of schedule and up on time. I am also finding some time, albeit a little, to keep up on some of my shows. I have to say The Nine and Six Degrees are two fantastic new shows. Anyway, time to go once more, so until next time, I bid you adieu.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat #1

In keeping with my Stephen Colbert hero worship, I present my very first weekly Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat. Tune in every week for my latest six comments about the world. I promise they won't all be out tv.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Saturday Night Live's Season Premiere. I wasn't impressed. It wasn't terrible. The pre-Weekend Update skit was good, and the end of the water jug skit was good, but I expected better. I really wanted to see Lorne come out and copy Wes from the beginning of the Studio 60 pilot. Please do better next week.

TIP OF THE HAT to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's second episode. The musical number at the end was inspired. Can't wait to see what's next. Also, Smith really raised the bar in its second week. Go you. And Heroes. Nice.

WAG OF MY FINGER to The Megan Mullally Show. Sorry. You already lost my interest. Justice, if you were more important, you'd be On Notice.

TIP OF THE HAT to Andy Borowitz for the hilarious commentary he continues to deliver every week, some of which is reprinted in the Columbus Dispatch's life section.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Terrell Owens. Come on! Get a life, dude! So you killed yourself, but then you didn't, but we all know you did. Jerk.

TIP OF THE HAT to Stephen Colbert for putting up an actual working Jew apology line. You will get bonus tips is you air one of my apologies. Please. :)

Qop! (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "Pilot")
Matt Albie (Matthew Perry): There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber): I wouldn't think it would be hard for anybody. 'Cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.

(Wes Mendell's (Judd Hirsch) rant)
It's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel, change the channel right now or better yet turn off the TV. Now, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but, uh, tomorrow you're gonna find out that it wasn't and by that time I'll have been fired. No, this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy ass broadcast network. Hellbent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We're about to do a sketch that everyone's seen like 500 times. No, no one's gonna confuse George Bush and George Plimpton, yeah we get it. We're all being lobotomized by this countries most influential industry. It just throws in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't involve the courting of 12 year old boys. Not even the smart 12 year olds, the stupid ones, the idiots of which there are plenty thanks to no small mention of this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV do it right now. The struggle between art and commerce. Well, there's always been a struggle between art and commerce and now I'm telling you art is getting it's ass kicked and it's making us mean and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks and that's not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump. We're eating worms for money. "Who wants to screw my sister." Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo. That remote in your hands is a crack pipe, oh yeah sure every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. We're becoming Pornographers! It's not even good pornography. It's just a side of snuff films and friends that's what's next because that's all there is left. And the two things that make them scared gutless of the FCC is and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott... (CUT OFF THE AIR)

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me