An Actor's Nightmare

Other Sources

2010-09-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

     I no longer keep a personal blog. However, I have been a very active television review for the past year. If you are interested in reading my articles, please go to http://jeromewetzeltv.blogspot.com This site is updated many times per week, and will continue to be for the forseeable future.

      Thank you,
    James Dailey a.k.a. Jerome Wetzel

Where Have I Been? And When Will I Be Back?

2009-02-10T07:58:00.004-05:00

I do apologize for my absence in the blogging world. Things have been busy, and the time I used to have set aside for regular blogging dried up. Also, much of my blogging was television review. All my reviews have continued with the podcast Geek Out With Jimmy!. Subscribe to it on iTunes!
Anyway, while I don't plan on bringing my reviews back to this site, except on very rare occasion, events in my life will be changing soon, and I will see those of you that read this a lot less. Which is saying something, to some of you. I will be getting married and moving to Kentucky or somewhere (we think). So this blog will return as a way to keep in touch and keep you informed, though it won't be all dry and boring. It will be amusing and enlightening and philosophical. If I can get even one of those in each post, I'd be elated.

In conclusion, this blog returns in LATE SUMMER 2009!!!

D4K Issue 11 is coming along

2008-08-07T15:36:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone, I'm hijacking Jimmy's Blog for two seconds to tell you that Issue 11 is coming along

Indecision 2008

2008-03-13T08:11:00.003-05:00

Indecision 2008. Yes, yes, I stole my posting title from Comedy Central. So sue me. No, actually, please don't. I'm not worth anything. While my bank account is not negative, my student loans and car loan make my worth negative, so please don't, and besides, I don't make any money at all from this blog. Anyway, this election year is turning out to be quite exciting. Who would have though a year ago, when faced with a field of 20 candidates, none of whom stood out to me, we'd be left with three good ones?
First, we have John McCain. Lambasted by conservatives, McCain may be arguably be NOT the most Republican of the trio, which is funny, since he's their nominee. I actually like this man because he reaches across the aisle, wants to unite the country and acts likes it, not just says it, and he seems like he really cares. I can get behind his passion. On the negative side, even throwing out his endorsement by idiot-worst president ever-George W. Bush, he doesn't want to pull out of Iraq. I understand why. That place will go to hell even more than it already is if we leave, but after being falsely led over there, it's time to end it.
Second up, there's Barack Obama. The first guy this year I actually got behind, he is the leading Democrat. Who can resist his message of hope and change? After reading his last book, I saw him as too Mr. Smith goes to Washington, too naive to get anything done. Watching him in the debates, I changed my mind. He's not just cool and passionate, he sounds like he would actually do a great job. So let's all get behind him and vote for him in November.
No, wait, I'm leaving someone out. Hillary Clinton was all but counted out by her resurgence this week. Now I'm feeling sorry for her, and wondering whether I was too hasty to toss her away. After all, her and her husband led this country through eight golden years, economically speaking. And we all know the economy could use a boost. Plus SNL's seeming-endorsement and Tina Fey speaking up for her made me start to like her again. Should we be looking for a Hillary White House? I just don't know. IS bitch the new black?
Either way this goes, we're going to have someone good. Let's just hope they become great.

Qop!
"She is a bitch. So what? So am I. Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic Schools use nuns instead of priests... At the end of the year you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont." ~ Tina Fey on Hillary Clinton, Saturday Night Live

Blah Blahbity Blah Blah Blah

2008-03-04T12:14:00.003-05:00

So much has gone in the last few months, I don't know where to start. I am no longer the lonely pathetic man that most of you know me to be. :) I also have been working a lot, and career prospects are looking up. On top of that, the podcast continues to grow, and I've been hard at work on my next book, the short story collection. I am generally pretty happy and busy, and I miss those friends I have had so little contact with due to our conflicting schedules.

Speaking of missed friends, my friend Jonathan Stewart reminded me that I never wrote a review of Center Stage Player's Rocky Horror Show in October. it was FANTASTIC!!!! I saw it twice! Esther Stinson rocked the stage as Magenta. Jonathan wore a ridiculously cool costume leading the band, and Michael Newsome directed it wonderfully. I can't remember what Mary Sink did, but I remember she did it well, and that she was backstage. Ed Eblin cracked me up as the narrator. I wish I could write in more detail, but it has been a long time. I can't wait for the show next year, as well as the shows the company will do before then, because they always do a great job.

Ohio primary elections are today. I slept through four alarms, even though I set them early and went to bed early. I was actually late for work this morning, although not late enough to matter, they didn't care. But I had planned on going to vote before school. I have to go straight to my second job this evening, so I won't get to vote. Those of you who know me know that I am deeply disappointed. I follow the political stage quite loyally. Oh, well. This sucks.

I saw The Other Boleyn Girl this weekend. For my review of that, the season finale of Project Runway, New Amsterdam, and other stuff, check out the podcast I host, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky at www.dribbleforkids.com/GBG or on iTunes.

Speaking of the podcast, my cohost Nick will be at MegaCon in Orlando, FL this weekend so Jon and I will be doing it without him, though we hope to have a guest fill in. I was not able to attend the convention, but my books are on sale there, and so is a new short story! Well, the short story is free. But only convention attendees will be able to get it, unless you personally know me and ask me nicely. :)

No Qop this time as the post is already too long, but expect another one soon!

January 2008

2008-01-27T19:01:00.001-05:00

I fully expected to update this blog more often once my student teaching was done, but now I wonder if I ever will update as often as I once did. Probably not. Things have been very busy. I am still teaching, and working another job, and trying to have a social life. I have also been updating my web site frequently with reviews. Check them out! There are also plenty of new episodes of The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, which is a great podcast! It has really been growing and solidifying what it is. There are now three hosts, including Jon. I'm sorry I don't have anything real to post here. I'm looking very forward to the season premiere of Lost on Thursday. If you know me, feel free to call me about coming over for it. There'll probably be a few people here. And that's, um, yeah that's all for now. I'll post something more fun soon. Have a good week, loyal readers!

Qop!
"Sir, there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder." ~ Spock, fooling a guard, Star Trek

Iowa Caucus

2008-01-04T09:59:00.000-05:00

The votes are in, and I am encouraged. Michael Moore says that because almost twice the Democrats showed up to the primary as Republicans, Iowa, a traditionally Republican state, will go blue in November. I am not willing to read that much into it, but it was encouraging. Participation in the caucus was up by 93% from 2004, and 2004 was a record year.
Huckabee won the Republican side, and I'm good with that. I like Huckabee, sort of. I was just disappointed that Romney got second because I don't like him. And I was very disappointed in McCain's fourth place finish. I hope he rebounds in New Hampshire.
Obama won the Democrat side. I like Obama, I would just rather he was the Vice candidate. I read his last book, and it was very Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I like that Edwards has rebounded to second, and Hilary took a third. I'm not a huge fan of Hilary. Biden dropped out, which is a little sad, but he's been done for awhile, so it was inevitable.
As primary season kicks off, I still haven't picked a candidate, or even a party. This is such a clusterfuck race, I don't even know what to think. One thing is for sure though, it'll be an interesting election year.

Happy 2008!

2008-01-02T14:06:00.000-05:00

This is the first post in a long while, and the first of the new year. Now that student teaching is over, I hope to be updating this blog once or twice a week again. Thank you all for bearing with me during my hiatus, and hope you will come back now that I have returned. I was on break from many things, not just the blog, but there is still new material on www.actorsnightmare.com with more to come later this week. Check it out for the latest content from me, as well as our weekly podcast, which is also available on iTunes. There is also a short film on that web site that Nick and I did for the holidays entitled The Apartment. Check it out.

MY TOP TEN TELEVISION PREMIERS OF 2007:
10. Life
9. The Big Bang Theory
8. Chuck
7. Private Practice
6. Reaper
5. Hidden Palms
4. Pushing Daisies
3. Dirty Sexy Money
2. Gossip Girl
1. Damages

Qop! (Pushing Daisies)
Chuck: You can't just touch someone's life and be done with it.
Ned: Yes, I can. That's how I roll.

Damages

2007-10-25T19:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you people that still check this blog are getting tired of the very rare updates and vows to fix that. I truly will, come December, when student teaching is over, and I can afford to have a life again. Until then, I am behind on everything. It's already the 25th of the month and I haven't even started my short story for my book web site. I know, I know. I'm terrible. But I will prevail, and after December, you will feel my presence. Until then, if you want your regular does of Jimmy, check out the podcast I do with Nick Nitro, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky. We update every week. We didn't always, but we have kept that schedule for a month or so, and we do intend to keep it going. It's really taking off. You can find it on iTunes, or at the show's web site. It's really something, I think, and we have lots more surprises in store for our loyal listeners! And yes, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 will be out soon.

What could possibly break my once-again lengthy code of silence on the blog? Every once in awhile, a show comes along that just completely wows you. I mean, really. I know I like lots of shows, but the ones that join my top tier are few and far between. We're talking your Buffy the Vampire Slayers, your Deep Space Nines, your Sports Nights. Shows unique in nature, and long lasting in mind. The newest to join that rank: the first year drama Damages, which just completed its initial run on FX. While the show has not yet been picked up for a second season, they should just hand the Emmy and the Golden Globe to Glenn Close. While they're at it, give a supporting actor nod to Zeljko Ivanek (Live Free or Die Hard, Oz, The Manchurian Candidate). Rose Byrne stars, and Ted Danson and Tate Donavan round out the actors you need to know. I haven't watched the finale, it's paused on my tv screen right now, but I know without a doubt it will finish strong.

The show began in the summer, with poor Ellen (Byrne) in a trench coat covered in blood on a dark street. Over the ensuing thirteen weeks, we soon learned that her fiance was dead, and her boss, Patty Hughes (Close), may have tried to kill them both. Most of the story takes place in the months leading up to that fateful scenes as Patty and Ellen attempt to make a case against Ted Danson, but the action catches up the opening by the penultimate episode. I have much to say about this show, and will this Sunday on our podcast, but I can delay my anticipation no longer. It's on to the finale!

Qop!
"I predict that by the time I get back, you and David will be together again." ~ Patty Hughes (Glenn Close) to Ellen (Rose Byrne), Damages

I Broke My Pledge

2007-10-09T05:08:00.001-05:00

Yeah, sorry. I let it go another two weeks and didn't do my Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I've decided not to make any more promises about posting until student teaching is over, because as much as I'd like to keep them, I'm not sure I can. And now for some brief random thoughts that should have been on our podcast, The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, but wasn't.
Did anyone watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend? Chevy Chase on freakin' Weekend Update! How cool was that!!!!
When did Heroes become Star Trek? I mean, yes, shows have had lots of ST people before, from the tv movie Roots: The Gift which featured many ST actors before they were ST actors, and Boston Legal, which starred two major ST alumni, but Heroes got crazy! First they had George Takei (Sulu), whom they recently killed off. And then the villain, Sylar, was cast to play Spock in the new movie. Then last night, Nichelle Nichols (Uhura) showed up, and she will surely be seen again, and Dominic Keeting (Reed from Enterprise) was there, too! It's getting crazy up in here!

Qop!
"I'm still...and you're still not." ~ Chevy Chase, SNL

It's Only Been Two Weeks

2007-09-24T14:35:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry guys, but this time it's only been two weeks! I did much worse over the summer. I also pledge to return to the Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger posts in October. But for now I just want to mention how much I love student teaching! Don't get me wrong, I really wish I was getting paid, but in the past year I started to doubt if I even wanted to teach. However, with the school that I am at, the staff I am working with, and especially my mentor teacher, I am having a really good time. I can't wait to have my own classroom! It would be even better if it was at this school I am at now, but that's beside the point. I am just having a great time.
In the meantime, I am busting my ass to finish Book Three and get it out on time. I am still doing my last run through, but with my student teaching, part time job, etc., I haven't had a lot of time. Plus all of that tv I have to watch for our iTunes podcast, The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky. You should definitely check it out.
Anyway, I have to go clean and do homework. Lisa, Joe, and the gang are coming over for the season premiere of Heroes, so until next time, Bye!

Qop! (Freakazoid, how Nick ends TGTBATG)
"Get out of here with that cheese! You're a creep! Go away! We're having a good time, I tell you, %&#$&%$! Go have some coffee with some cream or something! Because I tell you something, this is a happy place!"

Back to School

2007-09-10T15:52:00.000-05:00

So I began my final leg of my grad school work towards getting my PreK-3 teaching license today. Yes, that's right folks, student teaching. I'm a bit old to be a student teacher, in my opinion, but that's ok. Yes, thirteen weeks seems excessive for someone who has already logged a year and a half in the classroom as a substitute. But it's not like I have a choice. Luckily, I am in my favorite school that I sub for, with a fantastic teacher. I am in a third grade classroom, and from what I've seen so far, the kids are wonderful. I tried all morning to memorize their names, and by lunch I had them, which is amazing, because I am terrible with names. However, I will be spending sixty days with these kids, so it's good that I know them. I am really looking forward to it.

By the way, did anyone know there was a television show called "Ferris Bueller" in 1990 that ran for half a season? That's right. Jennifer Aniston played Bueller's sister, Jennifer Grey's character from the film. The other actors were also NOT the ones from the movie.

Also, Otterbein Alumni Book Club meets this Wednesday in the back room of Graeter's to talk about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Be there!

Qop!
Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.

Slang

2007-09-04T15:39:00.000-05:00

It is interesting to me how slang changes. I am thinking of it because I was inputting the last comments of two of my editors, Lois and Nancy, in Book Three (due out in late October). I smile every time I see them circle and put question marks next to phrases that seem second nature to me. Two in particular I saw today were "Pathetic much?" and "It is so on." It amuses me that these simple things confuse them, having not heard them before. I guess that it part of the generational gap. Of course certain slang words like cool and such make it into the popular lexicon, but certain phrasing remains isolated, sometimes even to an area or group of people, long before it becomes common knowledge. Things I have said since high school sound strange and foreign to people when they first hear them. It makes me a little self-conscious, as my books are set about another generation or two into the future and I have not given them their own little language quirks; I've merely used the ones I know. Also, will people reading this a few years down the road even understand what I mean? Will they just be confused as my editors are and think that there are typos? I don't know, but that's ok. I don't plan on stopping the slang. I think it adds to the characters and gives them a distinct voice. And that is really all that matters.

Qop! (Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson in Clerks the cartoon)
[opening argument to the all-black jury of NBA players] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Dante Hicks is just like you. He lurves grape soda. He knows what it's like when the guy at the supermarket won't take your "food stamps". Or how it feels to wait all month for your "welfare check". [waving his arms from side to side] Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Thank you.

Alone

2007-09-01T14:41:00.001-05:00

So I live alone now. This is, admittedly, probably a temporary situation. I have a roommate lined up for November, a possible one for December, and then maybe another one for next year. This is met with mixed feelings by me, honestly. I have only lived alone for two months. I like it a lot of the time. I can walk around, er, less than fully dressed. The temperature is what I want it set to. I can stay up late or go to bed early. The tv is always mine. Hell, every room in the house is mine. Yet, as I empty out the spare bedroom, that only had clothes and a bed in it anyway, in anticipation of the roommate coming in two months, I do feel a little happy. For one thing, I like to see people. And when I'm home alone all day, and every night, it gets lonely and sad. I think I would like a roommate. I think I would also like a bigger place to share with them, because while this place is big for me, it will not be big for two people. I use every inch in it except the spare room and a few kitchen cabinets. Ah, well. The mixed bag will stay for awhile now, and likely I won't be with roommate for long.

Qop! (this one's for you, Nick!)
"My name is Wil Wheaton. Jack Thompson can suck my balls. If you have a problem with that, go fuck yourself." ~ Wil Wheaton, Pax 07 Keynote Address

I'm off to see the Whizard

2007-08-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

I am heading up to Ashland University today to see the campus briefly. I technically have been an Ashland student for just over a year now, and will only be one for a few short months. Yet, I have never seen the main campus. I go to a small, square building in Columbus just down the street from where I live. It seems strange to me that I have no idea what the place looks like. I do think their colors, purple and yellow, may be slightly less attractive than my undergard alum's red and tan. I don't particularly like either color scheme, but oh, well. Take what you get. Anyway, I am off to a world unknown. When I return, I will have seen wonders that I never dreamed or some such like that. Bon Voyage!

P.S. Yes, I'm just trying to get as many posts as I can in while I still have time. Enjoy!

Qops! (from the movie Strangers With Candy ~ Amy Sedars as Jerri, Stephen Colbert as Chuck, Paul Dinello as Geoffrey, Greg Hollimon as Blackman, Sarah Jessica Parker as Peggy, Debra Rush as Sara, and Joseph Cross as Derrik)
Geoffrey Jellineck: You pushed me away!
Chuck Noblet: I wasn't pushing you away, I was pulling me toward myself.

Jerri Blank: Faggot.
Chuck Noblet: What did you say?
Jerri Blank: What did you hear?
Chuck Noblet: I'd rather not repeat it.
Jerri Blank: Then I guess we'll never know.

Principal Blackman: Why would I doctor the books to improve the overall test scores of the student body just so I could collect bonus funds from the state which I willfully misappropriated in order to pay off large gambling debts? It just doesn't add up, Blank!

Derrick Blank: The coach made me co-captain of the junior varsity squat thrust team!
Jerri Blank: Way to go, faglick.
Sara Blank: Jerri, language!
Derrick Blank: I'll have you know, stump, that the varsity squat thrust team took third in all conference.
Jerri Blank: And how does that make you not gay?
Derrick Blank: What are you talking about, troll? We squat together, we spot each other on the workout mat, and we play grab-ass in the showers. How is that gay?

Jerri Blank: I'm Jerri Blank and my daddy's in a coma.
Grief Counselor Peggy Callas: You know what, Jerri? I wish my daddy was in a coma. He's dead, Jerri. He was executed for war crimes, but for insurance purposes, we say he was eaten by wolves. Anyway, my point is, Jerri, somebody's always got it worse.

Chuck Noblet: It's over.
Geoffrey Jellineck: What are you saying, Chuck?
Chuck Noblet: I need more out of this relationship than I'm willing to put in. I think I deserve better, don't you? Hey, I know this is hard on you. It would be hard on me, too, if I broke up with me. I know what you're losing.

I Dreamed a Dream

2007-08-30T16:26:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes, I just blogged yesterday and you are not used to me blogging, as I have been slacking for several months. I have many blog ideas in me, however, and only a short time until the last few months seem like cake compared to the busy schedule coming, so why not post now? Those friends of mine that have blogs, I promise to link to you soon, but I only have 15 minutes before I have to go back and work the second half of my double shift, so it won't happen today. Sorry.

A few nights ago I had one of my strangest dreams yet. I dreamed I was at a church, and many of my close friends and family were there. That was weird, because I avoid church like the plague. Then I saw my friend Abby from Champps in a wedding dress. Weird, right? Even weirder, I soon found a program that said Abby's wedding was at 1pm and mine was at 4pm. There were lots of details I have mulled over, but the biggest that gets to me is that in my dream, I couldn't remember my bride's name. I remember thinking I was so nervous I forgot who I was marrying. Is it a sign that I need slow down, that I may marry the next girl I date? Or is it a sign that I'm not ready to be married, though I maintain that I have been ready since Kindergarten? Or is it a sign of impending nuptials? Or does it just show how desperate I sometimes am to find that one person for me? Or is it just a meaningless dream? I don't know, but it disturbed me and I spent much effort thinking about it for days afterwards. A wedding is in my not so distant future, I hope, but I haven't even been in a relationship for over four years. Oh, well. How does that help me now? It doesn't. So back to my dull and busy life, back to the things I don't want to do with the hope that if I do them now, I can afford to do what I want to do in the future.

Qop!
"Everything in life is only for now." ~ Avenue Q

Welcome Back, Wetzel

2007-08-29T16:25:00.000-05:00

Taking a cue from my good friend Mr. Kotter, I welcome you all back to a new edition of my blog! The summer is over for me, and as such I promise regular updates of at least once a week. I'd love to do them more often, but things are about to get even more busy for me, if that is possible. I would love to tell you all about my summer, such as all the hours worked and class took, but that would be boring. Instead, I present 7 Fun Things That Happened to me!

1. I played duck-duck-goose with adults. Yes, adults. No, not those young adults in their twenties, but real adults whose age ranged from late 30's up into the 60's. It was quite fun. My family rocks. And are creative on getting a seat when there aren't enough chairs around the campfire.
2. I saw Jonathan star in Bye Bye Birdie. Yes, I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating He did a really great job, and it was really cool.
3. I drove Lisa to and from her job a few times. This was fun because I got to see her. I did hang out with her a couple of times that weren't job related, but I enjoyed those drives and frozen beverages.
4. Karoke night at Havana was also fun. Again, Lisa was involved, as were Joe, Mary, Esther, Cindy, Evan, and many others. I'm not a great singer, but I appreciate their encouragement and support. I look forward to more fun nights with them soon.
5. I watched lots of Gilmore Girls with Amanda and sometimes Andrea. Amanda sat through 12 seasons of Buffy and Angel with me, and this was her TV pick. We're late into Season 4 now, and I'm really enjoying it.
6. I went drinking with my Champps coworkers plenty of times. This was much fun.
7. I got a new kitten less than two weeks ago. His name is Snugglebunny Fucktard. Thanks to my brother David for helping me name him. Pics and stories of S.F. to come soon.

Qop!
"Up your nose with a rubber hose!" ~ Various characters from Welcome Back Kotter!

Bye Bye Birdie

2007-07-31T13:45:00.000-05:00

For those of you who haven't noticed, while I never did post an official announcement, I have been on summer hiatus for the last two months. I have been extremely busy with work, school, moving, etc. I am very sorry if you missed me. By the way, very funny post here from Nick a few days ago. Scroll down and check it out. Thanks, Nick. I do not promise regular updates in August, either, but come September, I will be back in full force. I'll do an extra special Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger when I return.
But what could possibly bring me away from my lovely, and busy, summer to post? Is it Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? Nah, I covered that in our podcast, available through iTunes, The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky, which is not on summer hiatus. Could it be the discovery of adult flushable wipes, making toilet paper nearly obsolete? Nah, I've already told everyone I know about that. It's the summer musical Bye Bye Birdie by Center Stage Players! They perform at Axis downtown, and the show runs through next weekend. I highly recommend checking it out. And so, by popular demand, I break my break to give you My Review!
This was a fantastic show, from the chorus to the star. Mary Sink was a notable member of the chorus, and she was always worth keeping an eye on while onstage. So was Nikki, a character I had never heard of before, a gay male member of the all-girl Conrad Birdie fan club. Greg Holcombe was a natural for birdie, and R. Neil Palik and Emily Wise as the MacAfees kept me rolling. Equally fun were the kids, Nick Villilo, Zachary Justus, and especially Emily Edwards. They made Randolph, Hugo, and Kim come to life! I defintiely believed Emily's performance, and she perfectly balanced her love for Hugo and lust for Conrad. Kristin Gloege as Gloria and Jessica Hanley as Ursula were a delight, and Amber Thompson was also good as Rose. Stealing the show was Joanna Vansickle as Mae Peterson. I've seen several versions, and that character is always fun, but it was great joy to watch Joanna. And of course, the star of the show, my good friend Jonathan Stewart was Albert. He was awesome! Really a good chance to shine. From his facial expressions during "Put on a Happy Face", to his corny improved line, "Rose, I wish I knew how to quit you." kept me highly entertained. I was very impressed by him in this performance. As I said, the show is still running, so go check it out!

Qop! (Albert from Bye Bye Birdie, as portrayed by Jonathan Stewart in a slightly adjusted line)
" He's as sober as a judge! He subscribes to ev'ry charity! And his hobby's packing fudge!"

This Space For Rent

2007-07-21T21:53:00.000-05:00

If this space seems interesting to you, and you would like to buy this space for a small fee, then please contact me. I greatly wish to be used. I feel unloved, un-used and need some attention.

I will even house pictures of naughtiness; that is how desperate for attention I am.

All prospective renters apply inside.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger June 2007 Edition

2007-06-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

TIP OF MY HAT TO iTUNES
For finally letting me get some music that's not locked out of every other program. Hurry up and finish the library please! Copyrights are for pussies. Except for my books. Then copyright rocks.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby don't belong in jail. But while they're there, who are we going to be pissed off at for acting like total buffons and getting away with everything? It takes away the righteous indignation.
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE LAUGH FACTORY
For enslaving Jon Lovitz in Hollywood and spinning it as a good thing, when he got his record breaking contract that means he will perform every Wednesday night there until he dies.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ABC
I don't want to wait until December for the latest seasons of Lost and Grey's Anatomy to come out on DVD. And the price increase? What were you thinking???
TIP OF MY HAT TO MERCURY
Despite recent worries, it turns out you haven't been poising us lately. Good for you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO NON-SLIP SHOES
What do you have that my regular shoes don't? Special gripping action? Ha! Just because you keep from falling down, does that make you think you're better than other shoes?
TIP OF MY HAT TO OIL COMPANIES
Some people actually like being anally raped. On behalf of them, I thank you.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO THE GILMORE GIRLS
For being oh so seductively funny, and hooking me into yet another show. At least they're off the air and have a finite number of episodes. You evil temptresses.
TIP OF MY HAT TO YOUR MOM
It's nice that she's going to college. She can better herself there, and get plastered, making it much easier for me to sleep with her.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO COOL, JUNE DAYS
It's just not fair! You know how much I hate the heat, and you tease me, make me think that maybe this summer won't be so hot. But it will be!

Lots of Sunshine

2007-05-29T13:00:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me, know that I dislike being outside when it's very hot, especially without a good reason. And standing around watching people have fun is not a good reason. :) Search has been my lot for three days of the past six. I won't go into details, but thank goodness it won't continue. I HATE humidity. That's not to say I don't like to be outside. There are lots of fun things to do outside. I just hate being hot. It's why summer is my least favorite season.
Anyway, Memorial Day was great. We had a big family part at the 'rents' house. Lots of food and good times, and corn hole. Someone was even given the nickname 'The Hole', which I think was rather risque, but that's my family for you.
My mother decided to help one of her nieces get even with her older sister (the kids in question here are in Kindergarten and Fourth grade) by getting some water balloons. They all had a little fun tossing some balloons. Then my 17 year old brother Bob told me he needed my help. I said ok, as long as I don't get wet. He assured me I wouldn't. At first, his plan seemed sound. He and I help up two sides of a big slingshot, while another little cousin pulled it to the ground. The balloons sailed over the house and hit the unsuspecting people in the backyard. And the house is TALL, yet they did make it over. Well, mostly they missed people. But there was intent. Then my Uncle Joe, age 35 going on 11, the youngest of my mom's five siblings, comes running around the house and hits...you guess it...ME with a balloon! My shorts were soaked! So I helped them finish off the bucket, saving one balloon for myself. I start to run towards the backyard, payback on my mind, when my uncle comes running around, too, only feet in front of me. Direct hit to the chest! I left a welt. Oops. No hard feelings, though. Then my brother David, age nineteen, sprays me down with a hose, voiding the me not getting wet further. I managed to get the hose and soak David back. Lots of water was tossed around, and my uncle and I both ended up changing clothes, but it was a good time.

Qop! (from Kitchen Confidential)
Jack Bourdain: Tanya, let's talk. Let me start by saying you're very sweet and stylish. One might say that you... you put the "ho" in "hostess."
Tanya: Why, thank you!

To Boldly Go

2007-05-22T12:16:00.000-05:00

It's time for a big shift in gears in An Actor's Nightmare. For those of you who haven't known me forever, actors_nightmare@hotmail.com was an e-mail address I registered in SIXTH GRADE, many years ago. Around that time I launched a series of short comedy stories called Star Wreck: An Actor's Nightmare. Star Wreck became an important part of the now defunct UFK. Other stories were also written and posted, but that project was abandoned years ago. After many more years and several false starts, An Actor's Nightmare reemerged in 2003 an idea, and in early 2004 there was a webcomic. The animation was crappy, and the story was a little cheesy, but many of those first thirty or so pages made their way into the first few chapters of a book, called appropriately enough, An Actor's Nightmare Book One, published in 2005. This was quickly followed by An Actor's Nightmare Book Two in 2006, and the launch of Actor's Nightmare EXtra online.

The next year and a half is going to be big for An Actor's Nightmare. Book Three will be out around October, and ANEX stories will be posted through the end of the year, and beyond. I will be attending a convention in Columbus, OH over Thanksgiving weekend. An issue of Dribble for Kids (a popular webcomic by Nick Arganbright) written by me will begin appearing in the fall. Also, the online sitcom (text only) Excerpts From the Morning Show will premiere in September. By summer 2008, the paperback ANEX Volume One should be out with eighteen short stories (seven of which have never been seen before), and An Actor's Nightmare Book Four will be out later in the year. Beyond that, a wide variety of projects are planned.

Lastly, there is a rumor of a possible merger between An Actor's Nightmare and another online creative company that offers slightly different projects. This is by no means confirmed, but if it happens, it will be announced later this year. I won't go into details about what this would mean for AAN at this time, but it would be very exciting, and I promise to announce it here as soon as anything is confirmed, if it pans out.

Qops! (from A Prairie Home Companion)
Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

And I'm Back

2007-05-21T11:53:00.000-05:00

I have taken, recently, to posting several blogs at once and then just changing all of the dates and times so that it looks like I update my blog on a regular basis. I thought about doing that today, as if I haven't added a blog in two weeks, but I couldn't think of any entries to add, so you all get a brief reprieve. Next week may bring something different. The last couple of weeks have been very busy, finishing a semester at school, starting a new one, working two jobs, reading lots of Janet Evanovich books, watching Gilmore Girls with Amanda B., attending a concert wherein Nathan Haley performed, having drinks at bars with Sarah, seeing Spiderman 3, and watching season finales. Yet, I don't feel the need to write in length about all of that. Usually I do lots of television coverage on this blog, but that has probably changed almost permanently. Which is the topic of this week's blog.

Creatively, I have been branching out quite rapidly. The biggest news right now is The Good, The Bad, & The Geeky, a podcast available on iTunes or through Dribble for Kids. I cohost with my good friend Nick Arganbright. It is entertainment based, thus no need for me to write down all of that on here, as I already give my views in length in a public forum. We also read e-mails of listeners, talk movies, news, etc. We plan on doing an episode every other week or so, although we just did one yesterday and have plans to do one Saturday in a special Season Finale Spectacular two parter! If you didn't check out our previous podcast (The No Name Show), which was very irregular and unstructured, it is still available on iTunes, but this new one is drastically different.

Also, the issue I wrote for Dribble for Kids will begin appearing online in the not too distant future, An Actor's Nightmare Book 3 is still on schedule for a fall release, short stories have continued to appear on my web site (the most recent will be up within the week), and I plan to launch a series of sitcom scripts online in the fall, as if it were a real television show. Lots to keep me busy right now. Plus school, work, a possible move...

Stay tuned and I'll keep you updated!

Qop! (from The Simpsons: "24 Minutes" / 400th episode!)
(Jack Bauer) Chloe, I need those schematics now!
(Bart) Who is this?
(Jack) I'm Jack Bauer - who the hell are you?
(Bart) Me? I'm, uh, Ahmed Adoodie (pronounced "I Made a Doodie")
(Jack) Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoodie. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoodie?
(Chloe) Ahmed Adoodie - wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late '90s.
(Jack) Really?
(Chloe) No, Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up!
(Jack) Dammit!

Great Weekend

2007-05-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

What a fantastic weekend I had! I don't want to go into all of the details, because some things are just not for public consumption, but a big shout out to anyone I came into contact with that made this weekend so much fun: Diane, Sarah, Chris, Susie, Jonathan, Michael, Lisa, Mary, and all the rest. Big shout out to Jonathan. I have to admit, the first time I saw the show, during your first song my attention still kept getting drawn to Michael with his funny hijinks. This time I really paid attention to you, and you were so great, I can't even tell you. Brilliant performance. Twice as funny as last week's show. And of course, Lisa, Michael, and Mary. You were all still fantastic, too. It was awesome. Thank you so much. Can't wait for the next show. Also, a shout out to my mom's garage sale, which netted my personally over $100 from my old junk. Yay!

Qop!
"How many geese in a gaggle?" ~ Lisa as Philia in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger May 2007 Edition

2007-05-04T12:25:00.000-05:00

TIP OF MY HAT TO CENTER STAGE PRODUCTIONS
For putting on A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, and at least half of the gay males in the cast actually acted straight!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO AXIS NIGHTCLUB
You make us sit on bar stools with no backs for over two hours to see the great CTP shows!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO THE MAN
For always bringing me down and keeping my humble.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO ICE-CREAM
It certainly is delicious, isn't it?
TIP OF MY HAT TO JENNIFER HUDSON
For winning the Oscar, and now being available for my viewing pleasure on DVD.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO GREY'S ANATOMY
For introducing so many great new cast members for the spinoff. The last thing I need right now is another show to watch!!!
TIP OF MY HAT TO LOST
For bringing the naysayers back into the fold with your brilliant plot twists.
WAG OF MY FINGER TO LOST
For setting a cancellation date of spring 2009. That's cutting and running! Haven't you learned anything from our president??? Never set a timetable!!! Now the Others just have to sit back and wait until the show goes off the air to kill our heroes.
TIP OF MY HAT TO GHOSTS
Because once I pretended to be one and scared the shit out of my friend and it was HILARIOUS!!!
WAG OF MY FINGER TO EVOLUTION
If I'm so evolved, how come I can't get a date? :)

Qop!
Eh, I don't feel like doing one today. Sorry.

On Notice / Dead to Me #2

2007-05-01T06:15:00.000-05:00

For loyal readers of this blog, you may remember that last September I announced my own Dead to Me and On Notice boards, modeled after my idol, Stephen Colbert. They have not been updated in nearly eight months, so now I present for your pleasure my new lists! Many of the names have been left, but the descriptions changes. As always, there can only be dead per board, so I will give a brief account at the bottom of who got off the list. Lucky bastards. You had better hope that you never make this list. New additions are *ed

ON NOTICE
*Jonathan Stewart (my friend) - I'm sorry, but it's getting confusing to know two people with that name, and The Daily Show's host isn't going to change his. You've got until I do my next update to resolve the situation.
President George W. Bush - You have been moved from "DtM" to "ON" because it's way past time to stop ignoring you. Stand up and impeach the bastard!
J. K. Rowling - You stay here because I haven't read your new book yet, which is only the second longest of the series. Why in the hell isn't it the longest?
Movie Critis - I used to complain about your bad reviews, but lately it seems all the reviews have been good. Find a middle ground!
*Girls - For continuing to not be interested in me. One day I am going to give up on you, and then you'll know what you're missing hos! :)
Bones - There was an episode pulled off the air because of the Virginia Tech coverage stuff, but that episode has apprently disappeared into thin air. What gives?
Fox - You cancelled Drive, but I hadn't watched it yet, so you're not "DtM"...for now.
*Alcohol - I need to lose some wait and you are getting in my way, delicious devil!
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink. Eh, why mess with a truism?
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead. Like Bush, we can't afford to ignore them.

DEAD TO ME
Katie Couric - Hahaha. You switch lists because you're getting fired.
*Anna Nicole - Replacing Steven Irwin for the 'No, seriously. She's dead.'
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself. You're here forever.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe. Yep, no need to change this entry either.
*ABC & NBC - for not airing new episodes of Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl and The Office because of a little rain. I'll consider not watching any of your shows any more, but seriously, that was a prick thing to do and I hate you for it. I had to pay $1.99 an episode on iTunes!
Ashland Financial Aid Office - You continue to perplex me!
Grizzly Bears - Stephen hates you. Enough said.
The International Astonomers - Why hasn't Pluto been reinstated as a planet yet? Did you not hear the outcry of a mourning public?
The Food Service Industry - Still working there... Part time, but still...
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????

Repreives - Democrats. Yes, you won in November. But be careful or I'll put you right back! Iran, Condaleeza Rice, Steven Irwin and Mike DeWine were removed from the list because they are now under the Who Cares? category.

Death of The No Name Show

2007-04-30T19:00:00.000-05:00

Few have heard of the fabled No Name Show, which made its appearance in early 2006, and occasionally delighted us with fifteen episodes over the past sixteen months, including six in the last couple of months alone. The radio show was intended to be like a morning show, hosted by Nick Nitro and Nathan Haley. From the start, Nathan had a bit of a hard time making the podcasts, and so the originally named 'Jimmy the Street Guy' often filled in as co-host. Wendy Webb took a turn or two when Nathan and Jimmy were both unavailable, and once Nick even did the show solo. Many times the show changed format and theme, and was often just rambling... But still, fifteen episodes were released, and no more will be forthcoming. I would recommend you go ahead and subsrcibe on iTunes, though, and download the full run of the show, which will probably still be available for some time, and invoke many chuckles. Highlights include when Nick was compared to Hitler during the Cat Vs. Dog battle, the various insults Jimmy suffered (especially when not present to defend himself), Nathan's distaste for anything good, and Wendy putting up with it with magnominity. For the final cast last night, all four cast members gathered for the first and last time on-air, along with a call-in guest, Paul, who told us all that we watch too much tv, and we agreed with him. It was a bittersweet hour, and a memorable one at that.

That being said, next Sunday, May 6, 2007 will be a pivotal date with the unveiling of a new program, much more structured, from Nick Nitro. The Good, The Bad, and The Geeky, co-hosted by Jimmy, and featuring a structure and schedule of entertainment news. There will be stories, important info, reviews, debates, guests, and tom foolerly. What's more, if you stay current with it, you will be informed of recording times and may call in and participate yourself! It will be a jovial time, and worth listening to, I'm sure. So sit tight gentle listeners, and prepare yourself for the first in what will probably be a series of Arganbright / Dailey joint projects, but more on that later. For now, listen!

Qop!
Let us share a moment of silence for the show that is no more, and not tarnish it with petty quotes.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

2007-04-28T23:35:00.000-05:00

It's time for the long awaited review of Center Stage Player's production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. It was FABULOUS!!! Incredibly hilarious! I cannot emphasize enough just how good it was. Yes, I do have friends in the show, but this isn't a biased review. They were also absolutely incredible. I loved it so much, I will probably go again next Friday. I would love to go on about every cast member, even the ones I am not friends with, but I forgot my program at the show and I don't remember all of their names. So instead, I'll just talk about my friends. But rest assured, this was a great show, and you should go buy tickets right now for Friday and Saturday's upcoming productions!
irst of all, a shout out to Evan, Paul, and Brianna, who kicked it up in the pit orchestra. It was great, guys. Mary Sink was Domina, the overbearing wife. She was deliciously wicked, and yet somehow a bit sympathetic in her control of Senex, her husband, who also performed fantastically. I giggled in glee at her angry rants. Props also to the actor who player Erroneous and his "third time around!" Then Jonathan Stewart in his macho turn as Miles Gloriosis blew me away. I actually believed he was straight. :) His ego ruled the stage, and even I found myself almost admiring the jerk. I saw the all important ending plot twist coming from a mile away, but I still reveled in every second he was on stage, trying to take the girl he rightfully brought.
Speaking of the girl, Philia was played wonderfully by Lisa Pruitt's boobs, er Lisa Pruitt. I'm sorry, but they were totally on display, and were practically the stars of the show for any straight man or lesbian woman. And who knew Lisa could capture the dumb blond who can never remember the difference between three and five so well? As the woman on whom the plot is based, I couldn't wait for Lisa to keep coming back on screen. I do have the mention the chief slave, Hysteria, whose name I forgot, for his part. It was awesome. I especially loved when he was pretending to be a dead Philia he was instructed to "Think Anna Nicole"
And the person who did the instructing? The shining star of the show, Michael Newsome. I do not wish to minimize the others contributions, because without a doubt, each of them performed outstandingly. But Michael was the star, and never had I expected him to rise to the occasion as well as he did. If you read my last review of this cast, you know how dazzled I was by his last part, but that was nothing compared to this one. As Psedulous (and Prologus), the slave who wants to be free, and barely controls the chaos of the story, Michael go to rant and rave and joke and trick and run all over the stage, playing with the audience, and being the perfect host. When he announced during the Prologue that it would take a superb, talented, etc, etc. actor to play the part of Psedulous, and then told us he was doing it, I laughed, and never stopped. Michael Newsome should have a career of acting, truthfully. I can't get over it. The Soothsayer scene may have been my favorite, but it's hard to tell with all of the great bits he had. Again, I urge you all very strongly to make time and see this show next weekend. You will not regret it.

Qops! (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)
Pseudolus: Wait!
Hero: Yes?
Pseudolus: A brilliant idea!
Hero: Yes!
Pseudolus: That's what we need, a brilliant idea.

Senex: A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Lycus: Is it contagious?
Pseudolus: Have you ever seen a plague that wasn't?

Domina: Forgive me for ever having mistrusted you, my darling. But you HAVE been a little distant these past 29 years.

Miles Gloriosus: What is she like?
Pseudolus: A face so fair, a heart so pure - Sir, if you had been born a woman, you would have been she!
Miles Gloriosus: As magnificent as that?

Let's Impeach the President

2007-04-25T13:20:00.000-05:00

News Link

This is great news. It actually seems like there is an effort afoot, and it is starting to build a slight momentum. Whether it will amount to anything or not is very unclear, especially since most of the Democrats in Congress at this point don't support it. I want to know why? I mean, I know impeachment is a very serious matter, and should only be used as a last resort. But the Republicans couldn't wait to impeach Clinton for getting a blowjob, whereas the current president has done so many illegal things that it should have been done years ago. The lying about the war, the toss out of the Geneva conventions, the illegal wire tapping, not to mention the way he has alienated and demonized us around the world. And one, possibly two, rigged elections. Cronyism. And he's never been a good president, working on false information, taking more vacations than any other in history, and just his general smugness that he has the mandate of God herself. Seriously, this should have been done a long time ago. It's one of those 'duh' situations. Why in the hell have we stood by and taken it when we reacted with furor about a fucking blowjob? Can you tell how angry this topic makes me? Anyway, I say we do it, impeach Bush and Cheney, and do it quickly. It's well past time. Send a message. Get worked up people!!! This country is ruled by the people for the people, not by Premiere Bush.

Qop!
"We support your war of terror." ~ Borat

LOST - NO!!!

2007-04-21T11:04:00.000-05:00

TV Guide's website has 'confirmed' that AT LEAST five cast members of LOST will DIE before this third season comes to an end. I am almost speechless. What in the hell!?! FIVE cast members??? Admittedly, the show has had a high death toll. There have been twenty two main characters over the first three seasons, and with these new numbers, that puts that death count at fourteen, more than half the of the cast! Nine castaways have left so far. Let's take a look at those, shall we?
Boone - Fell out of a plane and died from complications. (late Season 1)
Shannon - Accidentally shot to death by Ana Lucia in the jungle. (early Season 2)
Walt - Not dead, but kidnapped, and thus removed from the cast, and then later left the island with his father. (disappeared early Season 2, left island late Season 2)
Ana Lucia - Killed by Michael in the hatch. (late Season 2)
Libby - Killed by Michael when she caught him killing Ana Lucia. She never even got a flashback! (late Season 2)
Michael - Not dead, but left the island on a boat, and so left the show. (late Season 2)
Mr. Echo - Killed in the jungle. (late Season 3)
Nikki & Paolo - Buried alive after being bit by a paralyzing spider that made the others think they were dead. Only episode they actually had a good sized part in, thought they were considered main characters for more than half the season. (mid Season 3)

Now five more will be gone??? Who will it be? Let's look at the main characters and how likely I think it is that they will die. I rank them most likely to least.
Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley - Not at all likely. They are too essential to the story.
Claire - Nah. No one would care. Plus she and Jack need to figure out they're related.
Sayid - Ditto about no one caring. I'm not sure if that should push him closer to death, as he doesn't have any loose end story lines...
Desmond - Prior to this week, I would have put him at least likely, as his girlfriend Penny is definitely going to play a part in what's coming. But after last week, I wonder if it might be coming soon, and his time will be up. Still, someone needs to have happy love.
Sun & Jin - Sun is pregnant and pregnant women don't survive on the island. Also, Jin has been shown a bit more lately, but not in an essential capacity. Might he be next?
Locke - Was always important, but might this may be his final showdown coming up.
Juliet & Ben - They are evil and plotting against our heroes. Of course they're time is limited. But it might be more interesting if one survives and slowly reforms.
Charlie - His life has been saved four times, but death won't rest 'til it gets him.

Now of course next season the cast won't consist of just the nine left from the above list, but who will they add to beef it up? I'd like to see Bernard, Rose, Alex, and Rosseau get a promotion, but past experience tells me it will probably be new people. We'll see.

Qop!
"Lost on an island, Far from home. Lost on an island, but they're not alone." ~ 'Charlie' on the Jimmy Kimmel show, making up a theme song for the show

Blast From the Past

2007-04-20T06:34:00.000-05:00

So, because I'm a total loser, I was googling both my name and the title 'An Actor's Nightmare' to see what I could turn up. I found a tun of stuff that I did back when I was in middle school, and I realized just what a huge dork I was. I also realized that Geocities and Tripod never took down the pages. I obviously had too much time in my hands in those days. Of course, my parents didn't let me go anywhere unless they wanted to take a 'family trip', and I was rarely permitted to go to parties or hang out with friends, so what else was there to do? Then I got to high school and got a life. A very, very busy one. These projects fell to the wayside and were abandoned to one day be dredged up. I still have the same e-mail address. I bet I could still log in and edit them. Hmm. Yes, I even used the pen name back then. And so in the spirit of self emasculation, I present some links for you to click on so you can revel in just how dorky I really was. Am. No. No. Was. Yeah, was.
The Star Wreck Fleet
Data's Joke (click on Star Wreck)
The Geek Space Dominion (I was a contributor, but THAT e-mail doesn't still work)

Also, I've watched three of the four aired episodes so far of Thank God You're Here! The first episode was funny, but the second was fantastic, and the third was pretty good. Anyone who wants to see Harland Williams, Jason Alexander, Edie McClurg (the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Kevin Nealon, Wayne Knight, Jane Lynch, Jennifer Coolidge, George Takei, Richard Kline, Mo'Nique, Shannon Elizabeth, Tom Green, and others battle their way through improvisational scenes, check it out! It's really good. Best reality type show. It's like a better version with more talented people of Who's Line Is It Anyway?

Qops! (from 30 Rock)
Liz Lemon: Where's Gary?
Jack: [Kicks down door and enters room] Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?

Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

Pete: [Tending to one of three cast members who have been rendered unfilmable for that week's episode] Liz Taylor really messed him up! He might have brain damage.
Liz Lemon: God. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. Who is it?
Pete: James Blunt.
Liz Lemon: Ugghh.

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

An Actor's Nightmare

2007-04-19T09:30:00.000-05:00

Raise your hand if you've read at least part of An Actor's Nightmare. If your hand isn't up, why not? If you read my blog, you must know me, so please read my book. Ok, that sounded pathetic. :) Let me give you some reasons on why you should read An Actor's Nightmare.

10. It's like 500 pages long. Who doesn't like reading 500 page books? Also, An Actor's Nightmare Book Two is like 550 pages long, and Book Three (out this fall) will be even longer! Yay for long books! There will be NINE total. In your face Harry Potter. I will beat you!
9. People you know may be in it. Sort of. For legal reasons, they aren't. But some of the characters may have been inspired by real people. That's true. The characters really don't reflect the real people so much any more. Read it anyway.
8. You're my friend. I'm nice to you. Be nice to me and read my book. I'm not even saying you have to buy it. Borrow it. Or go to the Westerville or West Jefferson public libraries. They have copies. Other libraries might, too.
7. I may have let a little of my politics slip into Book Two. Just a bit. Down with Dictator Bush!
6. Flashbacks. There are lots of them. Every seven or eight chapters there is an Intermezzo with back story, much of it ancient. It's deep. Or so I imagine it to be.
5. Death. I kill main characters. Yes, I make you love people, and then I brutally rip them away from you. Hahahaha. I mean, cool deaths. Yeah, cool deaths.
4. The short story (#1-4 available free on the web site right now!) companion book, with seven stories not previously released, will be called ANEX (Actor's Nightmare EXtras). How cool is that title? Thanks Nancy for thinking of it! I mean, thanks me. Yeah, that's the ticket. It was all me.
3. My mom likes it. So does yours. At least, that's what she told me in bed last night. Snap!
2. Geese have nuclear weapons. What more do you need?

AND 1. I said please, goddamnit! What part of please don't you understand!?!

Qops! (from Lost)
Hurley: Great idea dude, go look inside the burning death hole.

Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.

Kate: Come on. You're going to see Jack.
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?

Mr. Artz: I know a clique when I see it. I teach high school, pally! You know, you people think you're the only ones on this island doing anything of value. Well, I've got news for you. There were forty other survivors of this plane crash and we are all people, too.

Danielle Rousseau: You've only got three choices: run, hide... or die.

Boone: [to Locke] John? You been using that wacky paste stuff that made me think my sister got eaten?

Sawyer: [faintly] I would've left you behind.
Michael: Shut up man, don't try that.
Sawyer: [even fainter] I did leave you behind.
Michael: Yeah well, good thing I ain't you.

Shannon: [after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked] What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!

Desmond: Jack, I'm Desmond. Good luck, brother. See you in another life, yeah?

LOST

2007-04-15T08:16:00.000-05:00

After catching up on the last few episodes, Lost has jumped to the top of my favorite shows list once more. Juliet's second flashback, and the surprise ending, led to me yelling at the screen at the top of my lungs at the television set. Thankfully, I was home alone, and so spared the embarrassment. Nikki & Paolo's episode was also awesome, and completely unexpected. I am looking forward to Desmond's third flashback, Ben's first, Charlie's next one (likely resulting, unfortunately, in his death), and even the season finale of yet another Jack episode, as it has promised to be shocking. But as thrilled as I have been, and as excited I am for the last few episodes of the season, I have found that I have forgotten a lot. I haven't rewatched any old episodes, ever. So I popped in Season One, which I remembered as being a bit dry and slow. Not the case. Perhaps it's because I knew where it was going, but I was riveted. I ended up watching twelve episodes, a full half of the season. I plan on watching the rest over the coming weeks, and Season 2 this summer. Ideally, I can buy and rewatch Season 3 in the fall before the Season 4 premiere, but we'll see. This show has it all. It's so smart, and involved. I really hope they do a Rosseau flashback soon, so we can see how everyone went crazy and why she had to kill them. I also want to know what has happened to Mr. Locke, whom I am become bored with until he blew up the sub and found his father on the island. The ratings have dropped, but the show keeps getting better. Let's hope it's kept on the air.

Qop! (from Lost)
Locke: [explaining why he wanted to let the island monster drag him off] I believe that I was being tested.
Jack: Tested?
Locke: Yeah, tested. I think... that's why you and I don't see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack because you're a man of science.
Jack: Yeah, and what does that make you?
Locke: Me, well, I'm a man of faith. Do you really think all this... is an accident? That we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence, especially this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason.
Jack: Brought here? And who brought us here, John?
Locke: The island. The island brought us here. This is no ordinary place, you've seen that, I know you have. But the island chose you, too, Jack. It's destiny.
Jack: Did you talk with Boone about destiny, John?
Locke: Boone was a sacrifice that the island demanded. What happened to him at that plane was a part of a chain of events that led us here that led us down a path, that led you and me to this day, to right now.
Jack: And where does that path end, John?
Locke: The path ends at the hatch. The hatch, Jack all of it. All of it happened so that we could open the hatch.
Jack: No, no, we're opening the hatch so that we can survive.
Locke: Survival is all relative, Jack.
Jack: I don't believe in destiny.
Locke: [pause] Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet.

R.I.P. Shawn Goodrich

2007-04-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

Click to read the brief story in The Columbus Dispatch.

Who has Shawn Goodrich? I've known the kid practically my entire life. Mostly, I felt he was kind of a jerk, racist, but after working with him for awhile in high school, I discovered he wasn't all bad. He once asked me if I would go see a play at OSU with him that he had to go to. I said sure, but never followed up on it. Now I kind of wish I had. I mean, I don't see him as the type of guy I would be friends with, but who knows? Maybe he just needed a friend. I mean, he obviously went through some rough patches in his short life. Would it have been different if he had had a friend there for him? I know he had friends, or at least did at one time. Did they know how upset he'd been?

What can I say about Shawn? This is hard to write. I haven't seen him in years, and probably wouldn't have given him a second thought if not for this. But I can't help but feel weird that this guy I knew is no longer around. No one deserves death, and I definitely don't think that Shawn did. It makes you wonder what drove him to do what he did. And it makes you sad, too.

I know we weren't close, and I may not remember you always, but right now, Shawn, I miss you, and Godspeed.

Pure Plugging

2007-04-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

This post is merely to plug two things I think everyone should check out, because they're awesome.

The first thing is a Myspace blog from my coworker at Champps, Tammy. Tammy is a really cool person, and this blog really hits home to anyone who has ever been a server or had a server. Plus it already has 37 comments so it's obvious it struck some nerves. Support your servers people!

Second, there is a podcast out there called The No Name Show, available on iTunes. You can do a search in your iTunes store or at iTune's website under 'Podcasts'. Nick is the host, and at times either Nathan or I cohost it with him. There are eleven 'shows' at present, but we will add more as time goes on. Even if a couple of months go by (as they have before) without a new entry, stay subscribed, because we WILL be back eventually. Recently, though, there have been three casts, so we're doing pretty good. Let us know what you think!

Qop! (from Tammy's blog)
"DON'T take it out on the server!!! I don't know how many times this has happened. I didn't go back there and cook it! Don't take it out on me and the tip you leave me! You're not hurting the cook or the management by tipping less. You're only hurting the server that did nothing wrong!"

I Have Class

2007-04-04T17:20:00.000-05:00

No, seriously. I have class. Right now. I am in class. And very bored, even though class just started. It was supposed to start twenty minutes ago. I really don't want to be here. I just want to get to Dana's and have movie night.
Do you all read Dribble for Kids? If not, get over there right now. It's a fantastic comic, and this issue is hand drawn. It looks really neat. Different from the others. Yes, my friend Nick makes this comic, and it is the only comic I read, so I am biased. But it's a really good story. He just finished a huge arc called Lord of the Sweaters, that was pretty neat. This new issue is a bit depressing so far, but the new page features yours truly in full Klingon regalia. Cool, huh? Also, I wrote an upcoming issue, so check it out!
Ok, enough stump speech. I might actually pay a little attention to class now. Maybe.
Oh, and BTW, it was NOT the girl from Lost in TMNT.

Qop! (from TMNT)
Michelangelo: Did anyone get the license plate of that thing that hit us last night? It looked like your mom, dude!
[laughs]
Donatello: ...Yeah, that would make her your mom too, doofus.
Michelangelo: ...Nuts.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger April 2007 Edition

2007-04-02T14:00:00.000-05:00

It's April 2nd, but at least I am posting it this month, as this is only my third TOTHWOTF, and only my second keeping to the schedule. Yay!

Tip of the Hat to Lost
As long as Nikki and Paolo are actually dead. Fantastic episode.
Wag of the Finger to my New Manager at Champps
Learn how to make cuts!!!
Tip of the Hat to Steak Quesadillas
I have been eating these delicious things at Champps after work several times in the last few weeks, and they are quite tasty. Everyone should have some.
Wag of My Finger to Network Television
Every year they tease us with tantalizing morsels of good television, such as The Winner, Eyes, The Nine, and Reunion, and then they yank the plug. Some they even let on go long enough for me to fall in love with like What About Brian?, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and The Class. How dare you take away my shows and replace them with shit like Two & A Half Men!!!
Tip of My Hat to Congress
For finally passing a budget that stipulates a pullout from Iraq. Yes, I know it's a mess, but it's over, we can't do any more good without doubling our troops, and no one wants that. Give it up. We're done. Let us go home.
Wag of My Finger to Congress
Since only just over half of you are willing to pass the aforementioned law, you won't be able to overturn Premiere Dictator Bush's veto. Shame on you lame Congressional Republicans!
Tip of the Hat to China
Even though you have been rated our biggest threat for about the last decade, if not longer, you haven't attacked us yet. Thank you!
Wag of My Finger to Paper Cuts
You are small and insignificant. Quit hurting so badly! It's just not fair!

Qops! (from American Dad!)
Steve Smith: I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!

Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location immediately.
Steve Smith: But, Dad, then I'd get killed too.
Stanley Smith: Ah, come on son, there are plenty of kids to play with in heaven. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist. She must be about 16 by now, you could totally tap that.

Hayley Smith: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stanley Smith: And your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute... Daddy didn't think that one through.

April Fool's

2007-04-01T23:44:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday Grandma! 76 years young today.

I walked into Champps tonight to discover a disturbing notice posted on the office door. Apparently there will be a meeting next Saturday morning at 7am, mandatory to all employees. It announced that Champps had been bought out and our location was to be renamed U-Cinema Bar & Grill. Made sense to me. We were right in front of a movie theater, afterall. The notice went on to say there would be hour changes, menu changes, and of course, theme changes. We would each be required to choose three characters from movies or television shows to dress up as. At this point, most of the staff stopped reading and began to loudly complain. Several threatened to work out when they read this. I kept reading and learned that a small stage would be installed, and every hour we would be required to perform skits and scenes. This is when a little bell went off in my head that today was April 1st. April Fool's Day. So as gullible as I am, I didn't fall for it nearly as much as many others, who only half read it. Still, mad props to TJ, for a fantastic April Fool's prank.

Qop!
"She said Paolo lies." ~ Hurley, Lost
(she actually said 'paralyzed' are they dead???)

Birthday Sharers

2007-03-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

I have a Top Ten list today, but first some entertainment news. The season finale of What About Brian? is tonight, and Molly Willow, tv reporter for The Dispatch, whom I usually agree with seemed to think it would be the series finale, and that it was a good thing. That is one of my favorite shows! I loved it at first, and it got much better with some retooling of the cast this year. I will be deeply upset if this is the last episode ever tonight. Also, Shannon and Boone are on Lost this week. What the hell!?! And Billy Dee Williams. Gotta love Lando. And the Battlestar Galactica season finale last night was FANTASTIC!!! OMG!!! I can't believe who The Four are!!! And who is the last one? I have to wait until frackin' January to find out? Come on!

Ok, Top Ten People I'm Glad Share My Birthday (which is today, by the way)
10. J-Kwon - Ok, I don't even know who the rapper is. But I only found ten people who share my birthday. Although a Krogers clerk a couple of weeks ago should prob beat him for #10. And the fictional character of Capt. Kirk (Nimoy's dig on Shatner) also has this birthday. Let's call it a three way tie.
9. Martin Short - Sorry. I don't think he's been funny since Three Amigos.
8. Diana Ross - So, yeah. Um. Yeah.
7. Kenny Chesney - I actually own his greatest hits, though I haven't listened to them since I bought them. I was dating a country music fan at the time, who was in love with him.
6. Alan Arkin - I want to see Little Miss Sunshine!
5. James Caan - Great actor. Just great.
4. Steven Tyler - I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep. Cause you'll probably be dead before I wake up, you old geezer. :)
3. Keira Knightley - Soooooooooo hot!
2. T. R. Knight - Yep, good ol' George from Grey's, even I'm still pissed with him for sleeping with Izzy. You're a married man, George! Tequilia is no excuse!

And #1. Leonard Nimoy. Spock will always be my #1. Yay Spock!

Qop! (I haven't really kept up with Idol since the final 24, but props to this quote)
"Did you know that Sanjaya is an ancient Indian name meaning 'William Hung'?" ~ Jay Leno

Frozen Beverages

2007-03-19T09:48:00.000-05:00

I love frozen beverages. Who doesn't? I always have, from my first Icee or milkshake, to my most recent daiquiri or mudslide. Any one is tasty, even in cold weather, and I indulge from time to time. My problem is that I can never make a truly great one at home. I can do all right with a blender, but they just don't have the consistency to be really really great. You would think with today's technology, and the fact that frozen beverages are not a new invention, that an easy-to-use machine would be available for the general public. Or has there not been enough demand for one? And if so, why not? I, at some point in the next few years, will probably invest in an industrial style drink mixer, so that my frozen beverages will be close to the real thing. But will I ever accomplish my goal of making restaurant or bar quality beverages at home? I don't know.

Qop! (The Nine, Kim Raver & Tim Daly)
Kathryn Hale: Guess we go back to our lives, then...
Nick Cavanaugh: I guess so

My Birthday Celebration!

2007-03-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

My birthday is Monday, March 26th, and as I haven't really done much the last few birthdays, and I have been a very busy guy, I am more than ready to blow off some steam this year. My good friend, Nick Arganbright, has graciously agreed to help me celebrate on FRIDAY, MARCH 23rd. I think we're going to begin the evening fairly tamely, maybe some grub, a showing of TMNT. Then we'll hit some bars at Easton, possibly look for a few more, um, interesting places to go, and then some more bars. Basically a lot of drinking will be involved. It will be very unstructured, and there will be no schedule to keep. If you would like to meet up with us at any point in the evening, just text me (e-mail me if you don't have my phone number and I'll give it to you: me@actorsnightmare.com) and I'll tell you where we are at that moment, and if we are changing venues soon. It should be a blast. Also, we would really really really appreciate it if someone would agree to drive Nick and I around, so that we may partake as much alcohol as we like in a safe and responsible way. Any volunteers? PLEASE???

Qop!
"You gotta fight, for your right, to parrrrr-tay!" ~ Beastie Boys

Grey's Anatomy Spinoff

2007-03-15T09:11:00.000-05:00

I have been getting more and more excited about the new Grey's Anatomy spin off. I love the show, and I can't wait for a double helping every week. Luckily, in the next 3 or 4 episodes before they do the two hour finale slash spin off pilot, there will be some more great things, including a new doctor, and Shoresh Adshaloo, or whatever her name is. I adored her on 24, X-Men 3, and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. And Callie (Tony award winning actress Sara Ramirez) will supposedly be discovered to be a lounge singer during her off shifts from the hospital. Yay! The bad thing is, the cast is supposedly up in arms that Addison got the spin off. They all wanted it. Oh, well. Now for the Top Ten Reasons I'm excited about the new Grey's Anatomy spin off. Most reference actors cast to star in the new show.
10. Chris Lowell... this actor has been so barely used on Veronica Mars this season that I have no idea if he's any good or not.
9. Merrin Dungey... although I was never a big fan of Francie on Alias, it's cool that she's been cast. Maybe I'll like her more this time.
8. Amy Brenneman... Star of Judging Amy and NYPD Blue, I never watched either. I hear she's great. Can't wait to see her.
7. I'm bound to learn to do some medical procedures if I keep watching this stuff.
6. No Meredith. That will make me smile. Meredith can be pretty lame.
5. Kate Walsh is like my favorite Grey's Anatomy star. If anyone deserves the spin off, it's her.
4. Lisa Kudrow... Who doesn't like Phoebe from Friends, or the numerous movie and other tv roles that Lisa has played? It surprises me that she has signed on to star, but I'm ok with it.
3. Marti Noxon... She helped Joss keep Buffy and Angel both high quality shows. I'm sure she can help Shonda do the same.
2. Tim Daly... I was so disappointed when Eyes and The Nine flopped, because I love Tim Daly, and I loved both shows. It's about time he was attached to a winning project. He's being billed at McDreamy 2.0 and a love interest for Addison.
1. Have you read that all star lineup I just talked about? Yeah, enough said. Grey's Anatomy as if it had been made with big names. It's got to do well.

Qop! (from Eyes, which I guess aired the rest of their season one from spring 2005 these past few months, but I missed them :()
Meg Bardo: Sir, with a soundproof room, a butane lighter and a pair of pliers, I'll get him to tell where that girl is.
Chris Didion: Well, be all that you can be.
Meg Bardo: Yes, sir.
Chris Didion: Let's keep that for the backup plan.
Meg Bardo: Right.

New Car!!!

2007-03-09T16:52:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me know what a crappy car I've been driving. Granted, I paid $900 two years ago, so I more than got my money's worth, but it's not a good feeling to have the brakes stop working. I felt like I was in a death trap every time I went out on the road. It got really bad last Saturday when the brakes were gone, and then only the right side got fixed, so every day I hit the brakes, the car lurched to the right majorly. My CV-something or other was also about ready to go, and that repair would have cost me more than I originally paid for the car. Now, after days of frustrating car shopping during time I didn't have, I had found my new car.
Now most people say new and mean new to them. I actually mean new period. It's a 2007 Suzuki Reno. That's a four door hatchback. It had 5 miles on it the first time I got inside. I didn't intend to buy a new car. I was always told that that was a bad idea. Yet the deal offered to me, especially taking into account the fantastic warranties (3 years bumper to bumper....they even change flat tires on the road for free!), it ended up being the best deal I found. I'm back in a year-long finance plan, payments and everything, but it's a really cool car. It gets 30 miles to the gallon. The oil only needs changed every 7,500 miles. It's the first car I've ever owned with a CD player. I'll try to get pictures posted soon. Oh, did I mention that the color is Sunburst? That's orange. Well, a really cool metallic orange; not a lame bright orange. I had my choice of colors, so this was intentional. It is awesome.

Qops! (from The Colbert Report)
"Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job."

Stephen Colbert: Look, I just think that Rosa Parks was overrated.
Conan O'Brien: Rosa Parks was overrated? That's-that's madness!
Stephen Colbert: Conan, last time I checked, she got famous by breaking the law.
Conan O'Brien: Breaking the law? She was standing up for a whole race of people. She was a freedom fighter!
Stephen Colbert: Conan, how do I know that there wasn't an old, sick, white man who needed that seat in the front of the bus?
Conan O'Brien: How can you say that?
Stephen Colbert: Conan, I'm gonna keep saying this until Rosa Parks's children apologize for what their mother did to that bus company!
Conan O'Brien: You want Rosa Parks's children to apologize?
Stephen Colbert: Absolutly.
Conan O'Brien: Gah! Okay, I'm sorry. I have no choice.
[shoots Stephen in the chest, who then rises up a second later]
Stephen Colbert: [unaffected] Typical East-coast, Ivy League educated response.
Conan O'Brien: [pause] We'll take a break. We'll be right back.
Stephen Colbert: Look, I respect your right to disagree with me. Don't get me wrong.
Conan O'Brien: I shot you very near the heart!

Vote Dailey for Vice President

2007-03-08T05:42:00.000-05:00

Joe Blundo, a hilarious Columbus Dispatch columnist is running for President. To read all about his campaign (it is totally worth a read if you want a laugh), click here. I have applied through e-mail to be Vice President, on the ticket, and it would be awesome if you all e-mail Joe at jblundo@dispatch.com and lend your support to me as a Vice Presidential candidate. I don't think that anyone else of the roughly one dozen people that have applied for the position that have had people e-mail Joe. I really want this position. I think it would be awesome, and might even get a mention in the Dispatch, which could be good publicity for my book. Please please please do it! Thank you so much!

Qop! (The West Wing)
President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Poor Car is Dead, Poor Fried Car is Dead...

2007-03-07T10:56:00.000-05:00

So my car is dead. Sort of. The brakes went, and now the CV something or other is about to go. The brakes have been sort of fixed last night, but when you hit the brakes, the car lurches to the right because only the right side brakes work really well. Still better than the last few weeks, as Jonathan can attest to you. I am going car shopping today, but I have no money. I guess I need to do a loan, but with student teaching coming up and stuff, I am wary about committing to big bills. I am prob gonna try to buy about a $2500 car, but we'll see. Anyone know of a car I can buy? I HATE my car! I hate all cars! I need a mechanic who takes care of my car for me so that I don't have to worry about it. Anyone know someone willing to do it for $1 a week? :)

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Beck Bristow: [talking about working on the set of 'OZ'] Funny story about that... see... one time I was filming this scene where this guy was raping me...
Debbie DuPree: Ummm... how exactly is this story funny?
Beck Bristow: Oh, I forgot to say he was wearing a clown suit at the time.

LOST is a PUZZLE!!!

2007-03-05T23:07:00.000-05:00

There are a series of FOUR Lost puzzles out, and there are no pictures to go by. I really wanted them when I saw them at Barnes & Noble before Christmas, but they retail for like $15 a piece! Then I found them last week on the clearance table for only $1! Well, I found two of them. They had two copies of #1 and two copies of #3. For that price, I bought them all, and passed one of each to Jonathan. They are each 1000 pieces. So it takes forever to put them together. When you finally do get it put together, it is just a series of scenes from the show. Then you have to carefully flip the whole thing over and turn off the lights, and letters on the back glow in the dark! Apparently, though, its all coded, and you have to put together all four to figure out the spoilers. I spent a long time this weekend on #1: The Hatch. Thank you David, Bob, Malissa, and Lauren for helping me to finish in just four days! The other ones won't come nearly so quick.

Tomorrow, provided my Ebay box arrives, I will be starting #2: The Others, and then there is #3: The Numbers and #4 Before the Crash. #4 was only released a couple of weeks ago so I don't know when I'll get it. Lots to do! I don't have time for this. Why did I even start??? Still, you have to agree, its way cool!

Speaking of Lost, the recent episodes have been very good. I know that the Hurley episode didn't advance the arcs, but the Hurley / Gin / Sawyer / Charlie stuff was just fantastic dialogue and acting. The Jack episode was lame, like him, but Juliet was pretty good, and Desmond was one of the best to date!

Qop! (from Sealab 2021)
[Discussing what they would have if their brains were in robots]
Captain Murphy: Wait a minute, he gets eye beams, but I can't get x-ray vision?
Sparks: Okay... everybody gets x-ray vision.
Captain Murphy: Yeah, and big chainsaw hands!

Marco: Once again, your stupidity has killed us!

Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Okay, okay. So, say I put my brain in a robot body and there's a war. Robots versus humans. What side am I on?
Debbie DuPree: Humans! You have a human brain.
Sparks: But... the humans discriminate against you. You can't even vote!
Marco: We'd better not have to live on a reservation. That would really chap my caboose.
Captain Murphy: Yeah, but... nobody knows you're a robot. You look the same.
Debbie DuPree: Uh, uh. Dogs know. That's how the humans hunt you.
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: They're gonna' hunt me? For sport?
Marco: That's why we have to CRUSH mankind! So you might as well get on board for the big win, Stormy.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger March 2007 Edition

2007-03-01T10:33:00.000-05:00

I have neglected my 'new' feature that I announced several months ago, a Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger. I now pledge anew to post one every month. This is my edition for March 2007.

Tip of My Hat to NBC
For The Black Donnellys. This show is fantastic! I love it! I did not expect Tommy to go ape shit at the end at all! But then again, it is a drama, and a true one at that. The flashbacks are kind of lame, but everything else is a-ok.
Wag of My Finger to NBC
For pulling Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip off the air for the time being. DO NOT cancel it! DO NOT cancel 30 Rock either. It had a rocky start, but ended up being really funny.
Tip of My Hat to Anna Nicole Smith
Why you may ask? I mean she was totally lame and gross and... But she died! So even though the news is obsessed with her now, that means stories about her will finally go away! YAY! You may think that sounds insensitive, to which I say, I know it is.
Wag of My Finger to Britney Spears
Really, Britney, if you want to be a huge whore slut and dance around without any panties, do it in my room, not in public.
Tip of My Hat to Jonathan Stewart, Lisa Pruitt, Mary Sink, & Michael Newsome
For their fantastic performances in the musical City of Angels! I know I already wrote a whole entry, but I have to say it again. Fantastic. Go see their next show, in which they all play much bigger roles. For information about tickets, go here.
Wag of My Finger to MySpace Blogs
I loved when I had all my friends blogs bookmarked and could just check them periodically, and they didn't post too too often. With MySpace blogs, they get on to check other things and post all the freakin' time and I can't keep up! Damn you MySpace!
Tip of My Hat to You Tube
After the six episodes (and counting) series Chad Vader, and Charlie the unicorn, I have to give You Tube props. Gotta love 'em.
Wag of My Finger to Jack Nicholson
If you want to look like a penis, fine, just don't show up at The Academy Awards looking like one.
Tip of My Hat to the Academy Awards
Ellen made an excellent host and Jennifer Hudson so deserved that Oscar.
Wag of My Finger to President Bush
This will probably be a permanent addition to the TOTHWOMF list, at least until he leaves office. My peeve with him now? The troop surge. Death totals are high again. Give it up! You suck as president, dude! Resign!

Qops! (from Sealab 2021)
Captain Murphy: Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?

(after Stormy called Quinn 'the Black Dr. Quinn')
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Man, how'd you feel if everyone went around calling you "White" Stormy?
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: [Gasps] You mean there's a BLACK Stormy?

City of Angels

2007-02-25T09:15:00.000-05:00

I went down to Axis last night and saw City of Angels, a musical several of my friends were in. It was great. I highly recommend everyone goes and sees it next Friday night. You can get tickets at centerstageplayers.com To be honest, I think my friends were among the most, if not the most, talented in the cast. Jonathan had a small part, but he cracked me up, especially when rubbing lotion on a hot woman's leg and acting like he liked it. :) Mary and Lisa were members of the quartet, which was a sort of chorus but much more interesting, and they were hilarious! They did lots of cool stuff that kind of held the shoe together. Mary's facial expressions were to die for, and when Lisa grabbed Jonathan and held his face in her boobs, I almost peed my pants. I saved Michael for last because all I can say about him is... WOW! He played a Latina cop out to get the detective in the murder mystery, and every time he came on stage, he totally stole the show. He was a larger than life character, and his musical number was the best. I can't wait to see them all star in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum in April. Esther and I are prepetual audience members now. :)

Also, the Grey's Anatomy spinoff, Taye Diggs is going to costar! And it will be an ensemble cast. Cool. Oh, and I moved the speakers and laptop away from my TiVo, and it seems to be working fine again. Who ever knew that that would mess things up?

Qop!
"You bitch!" ~ Jonathan's improved line when the hot women exposes his homosexuality

Change, Change, Change

2007-02-24T15:29:00.000-05:00

First, I would like to tell you all about a little YouTube video called Chad: Vader. The first few episodes were called Chad Vader: Dayshift Manager, and featured a guy in a Darth Vader costume working at a grocery store. After he lost the job, they are now just called Chad Vader. Six episodes have been posted, including the new one a week ago. Each episode is only 5 minutes. They are all well worth a watch.
Also, my favorite Grey's Anatomy stay is leaving the show in May! She is supposed to be leaving with her own spinoff, which I support. Two hours of Grey's a week would be bliss. If she leaves, though, it had better get off the ground.
Right now, I am in a transitional stage of my life. I know that. Change can be good, right? I mean, I will be a full fledged teacher by December, provided I can finish the program and stay sane. Right now I am halfway through an unpaid field experience, so I'm busy, poor, and stressed. Also, I really feel like my car could die at any second, or at least the brakes may give out permanently. To cope, I have allowed other changes to infiltrate my life. For instance, I have officially retired Netscape from my computers. I resisted forever. I was still running like a three year old version of it because I hate the new versions. Finally I faced reality that it was dead, and I am now a Firefox user. So yay. I also rearranged my bedroom. I think it looks good. My recliner is in a cubby corner instead of the middle of the room. The only weird part is my TiVo cord blocks the door, so when I'm not watching TiVo on the tv, I disconnect it. It still records and everthing.
Well, actually, it may not still be recording. Speaking of TiVo, the past 24 hours have been rough for my little box. I left the standard DVR and switched to the big TiVo five months ago with quite a lot of hesitation. My box has been acting up for a day now, only recording partial programs (thankfully nothing important airs on Friday), playing back choppy, and just plain crashing. I called the service line, and they wanted to charge me $60 (for labor and shipping) for a replacement. I only paid $30 for the box in the first place, and my one year contract is not even half over! Turns out they only replace free for 90 days, so I'm stuck with a malfunctioning unit and a contract that I would be penalized for cancelling. So I was going to suck it up and pay the $60, until I found out that I also have to put a $266 deposit down. It will be paid back to me when I ship them the old box. Well I don't know about you, but I don't have $266 in my bank account, and with my current employment status, it will be some time again before I do. I guess if the box dies I might as well just ship it and then I don't have to pay the $266, but that leaves me with no box for a week, which sucks. After 45 minutes with the tech guy, I am still at a loss about what to do. I am transferring programs to my computer so if the box crashes, I will still have last week's show to watch on the new one. Hopefully it will at least stay alive to let me do that. But faced with a week of no TiVo would be a scary thing, because my obsessive compulsiveness doesn't allow me to miss episodes of shows. If it can just hold out until March, when everything is on rerun... We'll see.

Qops! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Alex Karev: Why are you helping me?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [yells] 'Cause it's what Jesus would freaking do!

Dr. Cristina Yang: I need you to help me find the leg!... Aren't boyfriends supposed to help in situations like this?
Dr. Preston Burke: When we're on duty, I can't be your boyfriend.
Dr. Cristina Yang: So, when we're on duty, I can have sex with someone else?

Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No! Why? Because my interns are whiney. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the pit doing the sutures. No-one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary Freaking Poppins.

Dr. George O'Malley: He *likes me*, likes me.
Dr. Alex Karev: Go for it, man. Get yours, I'm down with the rainbow.
[George gives him a strange look]
Dr. Alex Karev: Oh, are you not gay?
Dr. George O'Malley: No.
Dr. Alex Karev: Really? Dude, sorry.
[he walks away]
Dr. George O'Malley: [Cristina walks up] Cristina! Do you... does Meredith think I'm gay?
Dr. Cristina Yang: Are you?
Dr. George O'Malley: No!
Dr. Cristina Yang: Really?

Back to Writing

2007-02-20T16:14:00.000-05:00

So the snow days continued, and I watched more than enough telvision, even for me. I wish I could get paid to do that, instead of sitting at home and making no money. Some of you may ask, well why didn't you pick up extra shifts at Champps? Do you really think with all of that bad weather that it would have a.) been smart to drive all the way across town and b.) enough customers would have been there to make it worth my time? I answered no to those. I did however get somewhat productive on An Actor's Nightmare Book Four. If you follow the series you know that Book Three is in the editing stages and due out this coming fall. Book Four is still a year and a half away from release, but I wanted to get an early start, so I tackled it head on. I have written a prologue that I am very happy with featuring the funeral of one of my main characters. Why would I be so heartless as to kill off one of the most important people in my books after they survived through the action packed trilogy? Because it happens! There's a twenty year time jump. Do you really think that everyone is still alive? Absolutely not. Most of them are, but somebody important will not be. Sorry. Not that you guys can even hazard a guess as to who it is, because you have not read Book Three, and thus do not know who survived the final assault. Hint: Many people did not! :) Well rather than torment anyone further, I'm off to grad school, but hopefully you will all check out the book and enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Qop! (from Grey's Anatomy)
Dr. Derek Shepherd: [to a patient and rapist whose victim bit off his penis] I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Inevitable

2007-02-14T02:57:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me had to expect this type of post. It's 3am on Valentine's Day. Since I was told that school was cancelled like 8 hours ago, I'm not worried about sleep. But I am depressed. I'm drunk. Yes, I drank alone. I don't do it too often, especially not to excess, but I did it, because I'm lonely, and I'm sick of this shit. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I almost have my teaching lisence, I sub, I have two published books available for sale. I like to think that I'm funny and creative. And yet I've been single for three and a half years. Why is that? I don't know. I really don't. But I am definitely sick of it. Somebody please set me up on a blind date or something. Seriously. I'm ready to cast off the single life. Hell, I was ready to do that two decades ago, no exaggeration. I'm ready for marriage. My biological clock is ticking. At least help me score a date or something. I'm not desperate. It would have to be the right girl for me to start a relationship. But I am anxious to meet that right girl, and the more women I meet, the more likely that is to happen. So please set me up with a cutie immediately! :)

Qop!
There is no Qop today. Give me a break.

Smokin' Aces

2007-02-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

My brother David and I saw Smokin' Aces last night. I really wanted to see the movie because of my friend Jonathan's race review, and it had a host of great actors such as Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, and others. It was also a bunch of people trying to kill a mobster getting ready to squeal. Sounds awesome, no? Unfortunately, it was not. I have to say, the actors did a superb job, but the film just didn't cut it. I blame faulty editing. There were great moments and funny jokes, but the pacing was totally off. It was a major disappointment.

I also finished reading The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents America: The Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction: Teacher's Edition this week. Basically it's the same book as the first edition, but the new Supreme Court justices faces have been planted on naked bodies, and they let a history professor go crazy with a red marker. The mistakes he chose to mark were often very factual, but he was very selective in what he marked, and every once inawhile, it was just plain funny. I'm glad I own both editions.

And Barack Obama has officially entered the race for President. Hilary Clinton and John Edwards are also considered front runners. I honestly expect two of the three to be on the ticket in just over a year when the primaries end. I just am not sure which one. And I read an article or two lately where Al Gore said he wouldn't rule out running, although he couldn't imagine seeking office at this time. One article called him a possible dark horse, swooping in at the last moment. I wonder how that would upset the balance. I am eager to find out.

Qop! (selected reviews from the back of America: The Book: Teacher's Edition - many of them are probably not accurate)
"Even better on the second banning!" ~ Wal-Mart

"I wouldn't have posed nude for any other book." ~ Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"Four and a half stars." ~ Four-and-a-Half Star Review Magazine

"AMERICA (The Book) is an upstanding collection of bound pages, each containing several paragraphs of multiple words, made up of individual letters, that when processed by your brain elicits both humorous feelings - sometimes manifested as laughter - and previously undiscovered insight into..." (cont. on page 3). ~ Senator John Kerry

"This book is gay. You know, like me." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Snow, Snow, Go Away

2007-02-08T16:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, I secretly loved having three days off this week. I had my TiVo completely empty for the first time since I got it, as of Wednesday. Then Wednesday night Lost, Knights of Prosperity, and American Idol recorded, so now it's not empty. But briefly, it was nice. However, as this is the last week I am going to get paid for awhile, I needed the money, and now I'm screwed. I did get to work today for a whopping hour and a half, but I got paid for a full day, so I'm not really complaining. I am scheduled tomorrow, too, so we'll see. Next Monday begins my three week multicultural experience at Praire Lincoln Elementary School in the Southwestern district. I have mixed feelings on this. I mean, I'll bet it's a good school, and it'll be fun and all, but it'll be a ton of work coming at a time when I'm very busy (I know, I know. I should have used my snow days more wisely), and plus, I won't be paid for it. I have to pay Ashland for it, actually, more than I would have made in those three weeks. Actually, about the same. But that is ridiculous. They should just let me sub out there for a few weeks or something. Anyway, I is a poor man.

Also, I hope you have been enjoying my new comic strip, Excerpts from The Morning Show. I haven't been real regular in my posting. That means sometimes the day's strip gets posted the night before, sometimes it's late in the day, or once even the next day (tomorrow's is already up)., but I've gotten it drawn out and scanned in for the next month so it's just a matter of remembering to log in and put it up.

And I wrote half my prologue for An Actor's Nightmare Book Four today, which was a totally bad idea, as now I want to keep writing, and the next three weeks will be insanely busy. But I love the series, and it's been killing me to take a break, and I am very happy with what I've written so far, so screw it. It's fun. :)

Qop!
"Rape is just surprise sex." ~ My brother David. He named his Facebook Group that. Don't worry, he got banned from Facebook.

Man Market

2007-02-02T06:44:00.000-05:00

So WNCI's Man Market last night was interesting. Definitely a lot more fun than a couple of years ago when I went. It was at Flannagan's, and it was packed, shoulder to shoulder. I drank semi-heavily (I wasn't driving), and actually got the courage to make it up on stage where Dave Kaelin told them all I looked like John Lennon. I have to say, I was flattered. I've never really looked like any celebrity, but I guess with the longer hair and scruffiness I finally do. And I like John Lennon. Who doesn't? Then the really scary part came. I had to dance. On stage. In front of a mass of screaming women. I did it, looking (I think) semi confident, although as we exited through the parking lot a short time later one girl did comment that she could tell I 'flew' off the stage. Oh, well. I still was a lot braver than I would have been a couple fo years ago. Now if it had only helped me meet girls... :)

Qop! (from Ruminations)
No matter which way you slice it, you've sliced it. And it won't grow back. Way to not pay attention, idiot.

July 21st Will Be a Magical Day

2007-02-01T09:07:00.000-05:00

It's official. Book Seven, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be released on July 21st. Barnes and Noble is already taking preorders for $20.99 ($18.89 at amazon). The last couple of times they released a book, I preordered from amazon.com or Barnes and Noble's website and had to wait all day for my book. I think I'll just go somewhere at midnight this year. There won't be a major, shortage. They plan for this stuff now, unlike the surprise smash of Book Four. I am disappointed that no page count has been announced, but I'm excited, as I was beginning to think the release date would be much further off. The fifth movie will also be out that month. Yay!

On a different note, I am going to WNCI's ManMarket tonight. Any single girls should come. There will be about 400 single guys there. Hopefully that many girls will show up, too, or my chances might not be so good. I tried it a couple of years ago and it was lame, but this time it is at Flannigan's, not the practically deserted Continent, and I have a bit more confidence than a few years ago. Wish me luck! I try to ignore my biological clock, but it's ticking, and I would love to find that special woman sometime soon.

Qop! (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
Harry: Why do they have to travel in packs? And how are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?
[Stops in front of a group of girls, hesitates, then continues walking]
Ron: Blimey, Harry. You've slayed dragons. If you can't get a date, who can?
Harry: I think I'd take the dragon now.

I Should Be in Bed

2007-01-27T09:03:00.000-05:00

I should be in bed right now. I stayed up way too late finishing my cousin's Lego Star Wars. This Saturday morning class at Ashland is pointless for people withdecent computer skills. It is a four week lab for no credit, and I am only attending two sessions: the first one and this one. I was told I had to attend this one because we are 'learning' the library internet system, which is basic stuff. I'm so bored. I'm trying to type quietly. I wish I could just go home. Soon.

By the way, I now have my own daily comic strip. If you know me well, your first reaction is probably something like, "Oh my Jesus. Oh my Tom Cruise. Why in the hell would you try to draw, especially a strip a day! My six year old could do better, and he's parapalegic." Well, rest assured, that although the art may be bad, it will continue to improve, and I think the concept is solid. It's called Excerpts from The Morning Show, and is essentially highlights from a radio show called The Morning Show currently available in several markets and slowly spreading. The hosts are named, creatively, 'Nick' and 'Jimmy'. Shortly I will be adding a recurring sports caser, similiarly showing my creative drive by calling him 'Nate'. In a few weeks I'll add a new girl (she actually will be fictional), and probably an intern named 'David the Weasel'. Stay tuned and check back every day for the strip!

Labels

2007-01-26T06:38:00.001-05:00

By the way all, labels have finally been finished for ALL my blogs, dating back nearly two and a half years. Want to know everything I've written about a certain topic? Click on a label. Have fun. Be safe. :)

Oh, by the way, Depressed is not my most common label. Politics is. But thanks for noticing. :) Other big ones: ActorsNightmare, Alias, books, Buffy, JonStewart, Religion, Romance, StephenColbert, Writing. Nope, Drinking wasn't high enough to top the list. Screw you. :)

I've Been Busy

2007-01-25T18:23:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I know I haven't posted. I've been busy! So sue me. So what have I been doing? Grad school, teaching, working at Champps, my social life, writing, and working on some new projects. BTW, the first five hours of 24 this season are 5 of the greatest hours of television so far.
I did watch the President's State of the Union speech. At first, it was ok, then it went downhill and only got worse. We are in a sorry state, but its no wonder that Bush's approval rating had dropped to an all time low of 28% before the speech. I haven't what it was after, but I can't imagine it was high. His education, immigration, and insurance plans are woefully inadequate. He said he wanted to cut back on our oil consumption, then vowed to increase our supply. Make up your mind! He promised to balance the budget, but plans to balloon the military. It was ugly. The only great part was the beginning, when he praised Nancy Pelosi for before the first woman Speaker. I think McCain and Guiliani can kiss their presidential aspirations away for jumping on board Bush's war plans. I'm sad to see Kerry drop out already, but there are better qualified cantidates running, so that wasn't so bad. I really think that if Bush can, he will reinstitute the draft and invade Iran. Thank goodness for the Democrat congress or we'd all be screwed.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
(referring to imagining New Orleans)
Alan Shore (James Spader): Nobody could I suppose. Unless they were there.
Denny Crane (William Shatner): I was there. Well, I flew over it in my Gulfstream. Doesn't that count?
Alan: To some.

Denny: I like diversity. I date midgets.
Alan: And their moms.

Heros / Villians of 2006

2007-01-03T22:23:00.000-05:00

According to an AP poll, the hero of the year, with 13%, beating out Bono, Oprah, Jesus, Barack Obama, and yes, even our troops was George W. Bush. Reading that, my heart wept a little. But I was thankful it was only 13%. Then I read the biggest villians. Of course Kim Jong Il, President of Iran, Sadam and bin Laden were tops, but the #1 vote getter, who scored a whopping 25%, beating sadam's 6% and bin laden's 8% easily was George W. Bush. I take comfort that his villian score was much higher, but wow, when we're polarized, we're polarized.

In other news, the late President Ford thought Bush really screwed up by invading Iraq, and my faith is further restored in Americans.

And John Edwards and two other guys no one cares about entered the race of 2008. Now I need to go get Obama book so I can tell people why to vote for him. :)

Qop!
Sorry, none today.

I'm an Ungreatful Prick

2006-12-25T22:34:00.000-05:00

So the jury is back. I'm an ungreatful prick. Seriously. I have never considered myself thus before, and am having trouble considering myself that now, but after a truly rotten Christmas, and a ton of alcohol, the conclusion is made. Why is it so? Here is the COMPLETE story, not the ones my relatives seem to be getting. BTW, I am more than a bit drunk as I type this.
Every year ALL of my presents, at least the last few years, have been clothes. Those of you that know me know that I don't like clothes. In fact, I hate clothes. i only buy them when I absolutly need them. At the moment, I have a pretty good supply. So I have told me mom before that I hate getting just clothes, but the last few months, I have emphasized this point to her. While I would prefer no clothes at all, I begged her to just let one present not be clothes. one book, one cd, on dvd, SOMETHING besides the clothes that I hate to get. I said I would rather have money or nothing at all than the endless load to clothes that I hate. So Christmas morning arrives and I open, not just clothes, but really sucky clothes. Present one was white socks. WHITE socks. I wear black sock six days a week because I can ony wear black to the schools or to Champps, and have plenty of just fine white socks. Yet she buys me many pairs, unwrapped, so i can't even return them. Then comes a pair of black dress shoes. The EXACT same dress shoes that were my sole birthday present last march. No, they ar ejust fine. actually, she bought me ugly dress shoes and i returned them for the ones i currently wear. So she bought me anothert pair, even though I don't need them. Then comes a p[air of blue dress pants. Now she knows (I hate blue. I have NEVER worn blue dress pants. EVER. I HATE them. Then a pair of blakc dress pants that I kinda of need, but will take back because of all the clothes. I'm not happy about it, but I don't sitr abnd bitch endlessly about it either.
I take all; the hate dshit to me room and stay away. Yet I am bad mouthed constrantly all day. When the aunt i thought understood me very well told me i should hgave just said thank you and forgotten it, I left. Granted, I had consumed enough alcohol to put me in a decent mood up until then and I shouldn't have driven, but I did, and I made it home just fine, thankfully/. Yet, obviously I am just a selfishprick who should take what I get, even when UI specifgically ask her nbot to get it. Obviously.

Oh, anmd btw, the same 'adult' gift exhancge I have participated in the last four yearts in my family once again ended with me getting nothing. Literally this year, as I let my 5 year old cousin ahve the stuffed snoopy i ended up with. I think I just won't do it next year. And I plan to have a new apartment by feb. 1st. Anyone want to be my roommate? I could really use one.

Qop!
None. I am too angry.

You're A Mean One, Mr. Jim

2006-12-25T08:46:00.000-05:00

I am writing this at a quarter til nine of Christmas morning. This is the latest we have EVER opened presents. Most of the house is still asleep. The last few years, my sister has been waking us up around 7. It was a bit annoying, when my brothers and I tended to stay up hanging out and having fun on Christmas Eve. Last year I came up with a devious scheme to sneak into Malissa's room and set her clock back several hours. She finally came out of her room well after the time Mom and Dad told her she had to sleep to and asked if she could watch tv until it was time. They laughed and told her that it was later than she thought it was. To put it mildly, she was furious. Everyone else thought it was the funniest thing ever, including all the relatives we saw later in the day.
This year, we knew that wouldn't work on her. I convinced my parents to let me keep her up last night watching tv so that she wouldn't wake us all up so early. They agreed pretty easily, probably wanting their sleep, too. So I kept her up until about midnight, let her drink pop and stuff, then I went to sleep, leaving her still awake and wired. When I woke up just a few minutes ago, I crept past the sleeping house up to her room and shook her awake saying, "Hurry up! Get up! Time to open presents!" When she jumped out of bed I laughed and said, "Just kidding! No one else is up." Now she's up earlier than she wanted to be and still can't open presents.

Ain't I a stinker?

:) :) :)

Qops! (courtesy National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
CLARK: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

CLARK: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

ISS

2006-12-21T13:28:00.000-05:00

So I am working the ISS room today. I should be getting stuff done, but of course, I'm not. I've been trading surveys with Amanda, writing a second draft of an upcoming Dribble for Kids issue for Nick, and trying to put labels on the 185 blog entries I have so far. Yes, I don't like the new blogger because I have to go back and put labels on every entry so you people can easily search them. So far, I have applied many, many labels to over one hundred blog entries. Still more to go, unfortunately. I am just taking a quick break. I'm sure I will be right back to work on doing labels, but not finish them today. Those friends are mine that read this, check. Your very name may be a label. :)

Oh, and by the way, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the title of the last Harry Potter book. A release date will be announced early in 2007. Thank you to Lisa for e-mailing me. I was actually just reading the press release when I saw the e-mail. I can't wait!

Qop!
"There once was a time when religion ruled the world, that time was known as the dark ages." ~Unknown

New Blogger

2006-12-20T12:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know it has been more than a month since I posted. I was going to give you a whole spiel about how I have been so busy finishing up the last semester of grad school, working two jobs, starting to date someone, the holidays, and all that other stuff, but then I actually went to the blogger site and came up with a new reason: They made me upgrade to the new blogger! Not made, but I was going to have to soon, so sort of made. hence the extra delay. Now, although I haven't really had a chance to explore it yet, I really liked the old blogger, and those of you who know me know that I hate being forced to change something that I like. I'm sure that this new thing is way cooler, but now I'm supposed to go back and categorize all my old entries, which is a lot of work. I haven't decided if I am going to go it yet or not. Until I get a handle on this thing, I probably won't post again. However, I want to be back to regular posts by the new year, so I'll probably figure it out. Stupid blogger.

Qops! (from Alias)
Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...
Sydney: You got it.

Sloane: Marshall, would you please go back to work?
Agent Marshall Flinkman: Just to clarify, I'm not being fired?
Sloane: Back to work means not fired.

Agent Jack Bristow: If you tell anyone about this conversation, you will no longer be able to wear a hat.

That's My Bush!

2006-11-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

One of the most inspired sitcoms to ever be made, judging from the two episodes I've seen of it, was That's My Bush, which was on Comedy Central in 2001. It followed the hilarious antics of W., Laura, Rove, the maid, the intern, and a neighbor who could just walk in the front door of the White House and plop down on the couch in the main foyer, flipping on the television. Even when the White House was locked down due to security concerns. W. accidently launched nuclear attacks, or scheduled and abortion summit and a date with his wife on the same night, flying through predictable sitcom plots. But in the White House. It was really funny, especially the aborted fetus that somehow survived to lead an anti-abortion group. Now all eight episodes, including six that I have NEVER, EVER SEEN are available on DVD! I cannot tell you how many times in the past couple of years I have gone on Amazon to check for it, and been sorely disappointed to discover that it wasn't for sale. Then today, in my e-mail newsletter form Comedy Central's web site, there it was! A deluxe, two-disc release with commentaries! Yay! Finally I get to see it all. The show wasn't cancelled because it was bad. The show was cancelled because the Twin Towers were destroyed and suddenly it became not funny to make fun of the president. Thank goodness that's over. :)

Qop! (from Team America: World Police because I used TMB a few weeks ago)
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Kim Jong Il: I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran - I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Bardwin / You are worthress Arec Bardwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Bardwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'.

ANOTHER SONG: I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too! Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.

Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: You will die a peasant's death!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Matt Damon: MATT DAMON!

SNL Sweeps Sweeps

2006-11-12T13:07:00.000-05:00

Last night's Saturday Night Live, the first one of sweeps, certainly delivered in star power, even if every skit didn't deliver the laughs. The monologue of Kristen Wiig (who is getting a deserved huge amount of screen time lately) as Nancy Pelosi was funny, and so was the weekend update interview with Rumsfeld. But the guest star parade began in the monologue when Alec Baldwin, who was hosting a record tying 13 times, brought on his co-stars of his new show, 30 Rock, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. The new show is by SNL alumni and produced by the SNL producer, Lorna Michael. Morgan did it in character, and with Fey, it was hard to tell. Then the Platinum Lounge encounter with Steve Martin rocked, as did the wordless appearnaces of Martin Short as their waiter, followed by Paul McCartney. So did Martin host 14 times? I didn't get that. But The Tony Bennet show skit where Baldwin played Bennet and Bennet came on as an impersonator was hilarious, and their duet was good. Christina Arguliera was the musical guest, which of course I didn't watch, except her third segment, which was a duet with the real Bennet, and that was really entertaining. Anyway, I just wanted to comment on the huge amount of guest star power present. The curtain call was impressive. It was great!

Qop! (SNL Weekend Update 11/11/06)
"In an ironic twist Tuesday, Iraw brought about a regime change to the United States."

Yay America!

2006-11-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

I have plenty to blog about, but I am going to put much of it off for now, and write about politics once again. I know a lot of my entries have been politically themed lately, but hey, it's that time of year, so get over it. Besides, if you don't know or care about politics, how are you going to make an informed decision about our leadership, who make decisions for us every day? If you are unhappy with the results of the 2006 election, I suggest you skip this post, and read my next one in a few days. If you are happy like I am, read on and celebrate!
Kudos to Ohio for Strickland's overwhelming majority. Despite the small minority that voted for Blackwell (i.e. my parents), he lost. Thank goodness. It's time we got a governor that wasn't full of lies and corruption. Though my mom wants to believe that Strickland is bad, she also believes that Iraq is part of our war on terror, and so I really don't know what to say to someone stubborn like that. She actually told me that one day I would 'wake up', and I replied 'or vice versa', which did not go over well at all. Ah, well. Enough about the parental sparring. I don't put much credence in people's opinions when they only seem to pay attention to these things once every two years.
In happier news, we are now Smoke Free Ohio! Whoo-Hoo! And Congress is now completely controlled my the democrats. I was a bit sad to see Mike DeWine go, and to vote against him, but I like Brown even more, and had DeWine won, the Senate would not be controlled by the Democrats, so all is well. I also celebrated the failure of some of the anti-gay marriage laws, indicating that we are in the process of swinging back the other way on that as a society. I mourned as we passed discriminatory laws prohibiting many of my friends the right to get married and live in happy bliss, and am glad to see people coming to our senses on gay marriage. I think we will federally legalize it within the next decade, but so many other nations already have, so we're behind. Come on, people! Don't be disrespectful to people just because they're different. It doesn't hurt you if gay people want to get married and live happily. You let Britney Spears do it, twice already. Get over it.
Lastly, thank you all Ohioians for rejecting the slot machine bill. We need to do something to help fund education, but that's not it. Look at how well the lottery (doesn't) work. 2006 was a great election year, after six years of electing lying, thieving, law breaking, idiots. Here's hoping to see another one in 2008!

Qop!
“Ohio State – Michigan, it’s like Sunni – Shiite.” ~ The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Indecision 2006

2006-11-06T09:58:00.000-05:00

The election is tomorrow, and obviously, an extremely important topic this year. Ken Blackwell is still claiming to expect a big victory tomorrow for Ohio governor, despite the fact that the latest polls show him down 34 points! He is crazier than I thought. Of course, what I want to know is, who are these people that are actually considering voting for him? Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just don't understand why anyone can support him. If you do, please reply to this post so I can read something good about him, because it's hard to find anything. I welcome the debate. That also goes for the 30-some percent of you who still support George W. Bush. WHY?
Setting aside Ted Strickland's probable landslide victory as governor, there are quite a few other issues on my mind. For instance, I still have not decided whether to vote for Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown. People who know me may assume I am a hardcore Democrat because of my stance on gay rights and my criticism of the war, but I am also pro-life, and share several Republican viewpoints. I don't consider myself a member of either party, although I am supporting the Democrats this decade because of how badly the Republicans have screwed things up. Still, I don't want to vote for someone just because of their party, especially if there is a better cantidate on the other side. But I can't make up my mind on the Senate race. I like DeWine, but Brown is good, too, and I'd really like to see a Democrat controlled Senate. Hmm.
The last big issue weighing on me is Issues 4 and 5. I am in support of 5, against 4, but I am worried about how the results will come down. Big Tobacco has spent so much money in Ohio campaigning for Issue 4, which would abolish previous smoking bans and make new ones tough. Issue 5 is definitely the best way to go, as it abolishes smoking in most public places, but not altogether, as some fanatics would want you to believe. Also, unlike 4, it is not an amendment, so will be more able to adapt in the future.
Speaking of adapting, I heard a commentator talking about how so many of our current laws are outdated, and I have to agree. The suggestion was to throw out all the alws except for the Bill of Rights and start over, and while I believe that is going too far, it does sound appealing. I think a review would be nice, and a slimming down. Tossing out the pork barrel crap would be good. It would also be great if they make it illegal to quit tacking on crap to good bills and to quit running smear campaigns. Tell us what you stand for, don't trash your opponent. No one puts in any faith in those anymore anyway, at least not in the mainstream public.

Qops! (From the short lived television series, That's My Bush)
Laura Bush: Let's go before you say something stupid.
George W. Bush: Oh Laura, one of these days, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Karl Rove: Republicans are not supposed to ban guns!

Laura Bush: I want you to spread me out on that massive table right under that big picture of Mr. Lincoln and pound me like a wack-a-mole!

Charlton Heston: Damn it, George, you just don't get it! Guns don't kill people.
George W. Bush: They don't?
Charlton Heston: No! BULLETS do! Guns just get 'em going reeally, really fast!

Maggie Hawley: Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker.

Larry O'Shea: If you think it's humane to put an old and sick cat to sleep, then why is it illegal to do it for humans?
George W. Bush: Yeah, how come, Karl?
Karl Rove: Because only human beings have a soul, Mr. President.
George W. Bush: Because only human beings have a soul, Larry.
Larry O'Shea: Not according to a Hendu.
George W. Bush: What's a Hendu?
Larry O'Shea: Lays eggs. Look, George, you need to take a cold, hard look at your stance on euthenasia.
George W. Bush: Huh! I don't care about them. They're conformous and they're communist.
Karl Rove: Who?
George W. Bush: The youth-in-Asia. Come on, you know, Chinese, Japanese, Dirty-Knees, Look-at-these.

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Entertainment Edition

2006-11-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

Tip of the Hat
To The Nine. This show has just gotten better and better every week. John Billingsly is the best part, although I have ti say that Tim Daly and Kim Raver keep me hooked, too. I really hope this show goes on for a nice, long while. And Joshua Malina rocks, too.
Wag of the Finger
The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm not a sports fan, but you don't play the Michigan fight song to a booing crowd in Columbus. They should never even try to seel another album in this town.
Tip of the Hat
To Barry Manilow for giving Stephen Colbert joint custody of the emmy, and signing a notorized contract on The Colbert Report. Also, letting Stephen take the lead in the duet was classy.
Wag of the Finger
To the Barenaked Ladies for not playing "Fun & Games" as their fantastic concert last night. They played in the venue Jon Stewart had been in the night before. This is Ohio, the most important state in the election. And they didn't play their anti-Bush song. What better time for it?
Tip of the Hat
Tyler of BNL for that fantastic rendering of Feliz Halloween. Prospero ano y felici-bean.
Wag of the Finger
To Jon Stewart for having Lebron James, James Mueller, and NOT James Dailey. If you come to town and do a James theme, why not me? :)

Qop! (South Park Season 10 - more to come when IMDB posts newest episodes)
Stan: He was right, you did cause 9-11.
George W. Bush: Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted at the base of the towers, then on 9-11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives and shot down all the witnesses in Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed planm ever, ever.
Kyle: [disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Why?
George W. Bush: The oldest reason in the world: money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil which made us all even richer than before.
Donald Rumsfeld: Beautiful money. Ha ha ha!
Kyle: [even more disbelieving] Really?
Stan: Is the whole government in on this?
George W. Bush: We are all knowing and all powerful. Good-bye boys.
Dick Cheney: [shoots an arrow and misses the boys] Dang it, I missed again.
George W. Bush: For Christ's sake, Cheney.
Stan: Kyle, run!

Some Fantastic Weekend

2006-10-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

This was probably the best weekend I have ever had. I tried to think of better weekends, but was a bit at a loss. Granted, I did have to get up at 6am on Saturday to attend my grad school classes from 7:30-1:30, and then i was stuck in traffic for an hour right after class, but from there it only got better and better. I went to a family party celebrating my cousin Chris's 11th birthday. His birthday isn't until November, but it was fun. My Uncle Mike had the best costume, although some of the other family members dressed up as well, and all the costumes were fun. Then, though I don't care about sports, the Buckeyes totally kicked ass, which made the family happy. After a quick piece of pumpkin cake, I rushed downtown to meet my brother David and head to the Schottenstein Center. We arrived early and got great seats. There we saw, LIVE, Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, and The Daily Show's executive producer and head writer. There were some truly great moments, including Jon's long tirade on Dick Cheney, followed by his "Eh, he's all right" about Donald Rumsfeld. Then when Stewart led the O-H-I-O, and when Jason talked about being pregnant, and basically eveything out of Samantha's mouth. The crowd of over 12,000 people was great, booing Canada and OSU President Holbrook, and Jon characterisitcally scolded them for it. After that, I went to two Halloween parties. Things were even better because it was daylight savings, and though I stayed up until after 2, it was really only after 1. Awesome!
Sunday was just as great, if not better. I slept in, watched some episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then Nick picked me up. His parents bought us a bit of Don Pablo's for dinner, and then as my Christmas present, Nick had broughten me a great seat to the Barenaked Ladies concert, coincidentally, at the Schottenstein Center. He also bought me a B*L*A*M t-shirt in the style of M*A*S*H that advertised the Barenaked Ladies Are Me album tour. They sand for two hours and fifteen minutes. Although I got to bed way too late for my 5:30 wakeup time, it totally rocked. They played more than half of their new album, and one song off their next album, which will be released in February, only four months after the last one. Nick, like anyone who preordered or downloaded, has the new album already. They will likely be back in the spring for the second album, and I'm sure that we will attend. I got tons of great pictures. My only complaint was that they didn't play "Fun & Games", since they were in Columbus, Ohio, hot bed of the election, on a college campus, following up Jon Stewart, ten days before the election. Why not play your one blatant anti-Bush song? But technically, it is on the upcoming album, so I guess it made sense. All the songs were flawless, and Tyler's Feliz Halloween was definitely a highlight. It featured the whole band on different instruments than they usually play.
Ok, now back to school and work. Have a great week all!

Qop! ("Feliz Halloween" by Tyler of BNL)
Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Feliz Halloween, Prosper ano y felici-bean.
Jack-O-Lant!

Three Down; Six To Go

2006-10-26T10:50:00.000-05:00

I just finished writing the first draft of An Actor's Nightmare Book Three. For those of you keeping up with the series, Book Two will be out at the end of next month, November 2006. I am well ahead because I already finished Book Three. Granted, I still have a month or two of editing to do myself on it, then I have to send it to my various editors, then I will do another pass myself, so it is far from over. It will still not be about until next fall, probably around November. But the first draft is done! About four or five months earlier in the year than I finished Book Two. I am torn between wanting to jump right into Book Four, or work on some other project for a few months. I probably should take a break, but I love writing it, and since Book Three closed a triology, Book Four will be so much to get back into. I'm thinking of writing some scripts of Nick's comic strip, Dribble for Kids. I'm thinking about working on the other book I started, The Many Loves of Jimmy Bailey, and I'm thinking about getting out my young adult novel, The Berry Go Round, and retooling it to get it ready for release. I finished writing that book years ago. We'll see. I love to write, and I'm sure I will be writing some more soon.

Qop! (BNL: Bull In A China Shop)
I'm a kid in a candy store /I'm a bull in a china shop / I'm a tired old metaphor / For everything you can't afford / And everything you can't afford to be
I'm a public embarrassment / I'm a bottle of diet poison / I'm a walking advertisement / For everything I never meant / And everything I never meant to be
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening
I'm the reason I don't go out /I'm afraid I might tell me something / I'm the shadow of every doubt / I'm the product this song's about / I'm the product this song's about to be
I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening /I can't hear a thing /Cause I've stopped listening
Every morning / Since I was born / It's been hard to look in the mirror / And see my face for the horns
All the fun that the law allows / All the fun but with half the meaning / Come on over, I'll show you how / If you lived here you'd be home by now / If you still lived here you'd be home now with me
I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening / I can't hear a thing / Cause I've stopped listening

I'm Going to See Jon Stewart

2006-10-21T10:49:00.000-05:00

It is going to happen. I am going to see Jon Stewart. Next Saturday at OSU. I got shut out of the tv show, not unexpectedly, as there are so few tickets available, but I get to go to the big event. Thanks to my brother David for getting me the ticket. We're goin to have a ball.
Also, next Sunday I get to see the Barenaked Ladies. Thanks to Nick for that ticket. I can't wait until next weekend. Expect a great blog a week from Monday or Tuesday.
Right now I am tired. I stayed up until 1am working on cover design for Book 2 and story ideas for Book 4 with Nick. And I had a 7:30am class. Hence the randomness.
Ok. I have to go because I am still in class and we are going to watch Oprah.

Qop! (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
Stephen Colbert: After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said "Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach."
Jon Stewart: No, that was Stalin. Thomas Jefferson said that he'd "Rather have free press and no government, than a government and no free press".
Stephen Colbert: Well, what else would you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler-loving queer?

Harrison Ford: I don't really do action movies.
Jon Stewart: You were Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford: Yeah, but...
Jon Stewart: And Jack Ryan.
Harrison Ford: I always saw Indiana Jones as a comedy.
Jon Stewart: Well, I can assure you it's not.
Harrison Ford: I'll have to let Spielberg know that. "Steve- not funny."
Jon Stewart: You know Spielberg?

Wikipedia is Impentitrable

2006-10-19T08:16:00.000-05:00

Last night, someone decided to test just how strong Wikipedia was. I won't say who that someone was, but that's not the point. The names have been changed (or omitted) to protect the guilty. :) Anyway, for a brief time last night, Stephen Colbert's entry read that his favorite book series was An Actor's Nightmare. Thrilling, huh? My few moments of fame. The idea was derived from Stephen Colbert himself when he announced on tv that anyone could change facts on Wikipedia. It is true. Anyone can. However, there is a dedicated group od editors that keep hacks (cough) from making cheesy edits of putting things up just for publicity. After the Colbert change, entries were added for Jerome Wetzel and An Actor's Nightmare. Both of those were also removed within hours. Being on Wikipedia is an honor that I am not qualified for as of yet. Hopefully someday, when book sales are higher, I will be. If anyone has any ideas for PR, please let me know. I really do believe in the quality of the book. I think if I can get the word out, it will take off. Wikipedia is not the way to do it though, folks, but thanks for trying.

Qop! (from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
In the beginning, the Universe was created. This made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent were of course dolphins. Dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of earth and had on many occasions tried to alert mankind but their warnings were mistakenly interpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Zaphod: In the name of people, and freedom, and democracy, and stuff like that, I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking this ship with me. Whoo!

DJ

2006-10-15T19:57:00.000-05:00

In my last post, I vowed a weekly WOTF, TOTH. By weekly, I of course meant monthly, because sometimes I don't even post weekly. So look for the next installment in about 2-3 weeks. :) On books, though, I have gotten so much work done for the second installment of An Actor's Nightmare, due out in roughly six weeks. Thank you Nick from the bottom of my shoes for his work on the cover design. It is awesome! I can't wait for everyone to see it! Also, the first bimonthly short story is on schedule for a November 1st release, if I can contain my enthusiasm until then. Unlike my blog, the book is always ahead of schedule and up on time. I am also finding some time, albeit a little, to keep up on some of my shows. I have to say The Nine and Six Degrees are two fantastic new shows. Anyway, time to go once more, so until next time, I bid you adieu.

Qop! (from Boston Legal)
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat #1

2006-10-02T12:49:00.000-05:00

In keeping with my Stephen Colbert hero worship, I present my very first weekly Wag of the Finger, Tip of the Hat. Tune in every week for my latest six comments about the world. I promise they won't all be out tv.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Saturday Night Live's Season Premiere. I wasn't impressed. It wasn't terrible. The pre-Weekend Update skit was good, and the end of the water jug skit was good, but I expected better. I really wanted to see Lorne come out and copy Wes from the beginning of the Studio 60 pilot. Please do better next week.

TIP OF THE HAT to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's second episode. The musical number at the end was inspired. Can't wait to see what's next. Also, Smith really raised the bar in its second week. Go you. And Heroes. Nice.

WAG OF MY FINGER to The Megan Mullally Show. Sorry. You already lost my interest. Justice, if you were more important, you'd be On Notice.

TIP OF THE HAT to Andy Borowitz for the hilarious commentary he continues to deliver every week, some of which is reprinted in the Columbus Dispatch's life section.

WAG OF MY FINGER to Terrell Owens. Come on! Get a life, dude! So you killed yourself, but then you didn't, but we all know you did. Jerk.

TIP OF THE HAT to Stephen Colbert for putting up an actual working Jew apology line. You will get bonus tips is you air one of my apologies. Please. :)

Qop! (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "Pilot")
Matt Albie (Matthew Perry): There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Jack Rudolph (Steven Weber): I wouldn't think it would be hard for anybody. 'Cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.

(Wes Mendell's (Judd Hirsch) rant)
It's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel, change the channel right now or better yet turn off the TV. Now, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but, uh, tomorrow you're gonna find out that it wasn't and by that time I'll have been fired. No, this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy ass broadcast network. Hellbent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We're about to do a sketch that everyone's seen like 500 times. No, no one's gonna confuse George Bush and George Plimpton, yeah we get it. We're all being lobotomized by this countries most influential industry. It just throws in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't involve the courting of 12 year old boys. Not even the smart 12 year olds, the stupid ones, the idiots of which there are plenty thanks to no small mention of this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV do it right now. The struggle between art and commerce. Well, there's always been a struggle between art and commerce and now I'm telling you art is getting it's ass kicked and it's making us mean and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks and that's not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump. We're eating worms for money. "Who wants to screw my sister." Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo. That remote in your hands is a crack pipe, oh yeah sure every once in a while we pretend to be appalled. We're becoming Pornographers! It's not even good pornography. It's just a side of snuff films and friends that's what's next because that's all there is left. And the two things that make them scared gutless of the FCC is and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott... (CUT OFF THE AIR)

TV Reviews #1 2006-2007

2006-09-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

So once again the new tv season is underway, and though I promised myself I wouldn't, I am watching too many shows. Here are my reviews of the season premieres so far, broken down by category. I plan on dropping about half of these in the next couple of weeks. Sorry.

NOT SO GOOD (Probably won't watch): Smith - great premise that doesn't work so well with the cast it has.
Shark - James Woods and Jeri Ryan are great, but the script didn't hook me, nor did the supporting characters, except maybe the daughter.
Til Death - Not a bad show, pretty funny, but it is competing against Earl and Smallville

GOOD: Bones - Dr. Brennan still hasn't found her father. Angela and Hobbes? Really?
Justice - Kerr Smith and Victor Garber shine, but will their clients always be innocent?
My Name is Earl - Back to the same old, same old of last year, but funny.
Ghost Whisperer - So is Aisha Tyler off the cast or not? I mean, she's dead. Weird episode.
Family Guy / American Dad - They just aren't as funny as they used to be.

GREAT: The Class - from David Crane, co-creator of Friends. I smell another hit.
The Office - Great episode, but I need Jim & Pam together!
Boston Legal - Aww, bring back Parker Posy. I love Shirley Schmidtho
Prison Break - Run, Michael, Run! And go pick up Sarah!!!!!
How I Met Your Mother - How could Lily & Marshall break up? NOOOOO!
Men In Trees - The show I didn't expect to like, but it's like Sex and the City without the annoying Sarah Jessica Parker, and it doesn't pigeonhole the men.

PHENOMENAL: Grey's Anatomy - Grey's stpped it up last year, and so far, they are still delivering. But what will happen to Izzy? And will Meredith choose Derek?
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Aaron Sorkin is back, and with a cast like Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, Steven Weber, Nate Corrdry, Donna Murphy, etc, how can he lose?

Anticipated Upcoming Shows: Saturday Night Live (down five cast members with Seth Meyers as head writer and Weekend Update cohost), Six Degrees (I know it premiered already, but I'm busy!), Everybody Hates Chris, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Smallville, The Nine, Lost, Twenty Good Years, 30 Rock, Help Me Help You, What About Brian? Veronica Mars

Qop!
"Thank god for digital recording technology and not needing sleep!" ~ Me

Two Weeks Off

2006-09-20T09:29:00.000-05:00

I hope you read yesterday's post, and I hoped that you assumed, like me, that it was referring to George W. Bush and company. And I also hope, like me, you loved it. You need to heat the melody to fully appreciate it, so please check it out soon. The song made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes at the same time. It spoke the truth.
Anyway, the reason for my two weeks absence to the blog right when I got back in the swing of things is a sad one. My grandmother, Malissa Dailey, wasn't doing well and finally passed away on Saturday, September 9th. It was a long time coming, and expected. It was also a bit of a good thing, because she was suffering, and I know it was wearing hard on the family. I didn't write for two weeks because I felt that when something as important as that happens, it isn't right to just ignore it and write something else. Yet, I couldn't figure out what to write. So instead, for two weeks, I logged onto my blog several times, but couldn't finish an entry. I finally decided a simple paragraph would suffice, as she was a simple lady.

Malissa Dailey was in her mid-eighties when she died. Her funeral was well attended, like a young person's we said, but with a large family, that tends to happen. She was a farmer. Her husband, Wilbur Wetzel Dailey, died in 1980, so she was a widow for the last 26 years of her life, the entire time I've known her. She raised 5 boys, my dad the youngest, and worked harder than any woman I've ever known. When we were building our house in the mid-1980's, we lived with her for a couple of winters. After that, I remember spending the night with her. She taught me the few rudimentary sewing skills I know, and how to cut off a chicken's head. That chicken was tasty. She would drive me to Mt. Sterling for an ice-cream. She was soft spoken, and not very talkative, but when she talked, you listened. She loved her news, and she loved to garden. It was a sad day eight years ago when she moved in with my uncle and sold her house and land. We used to make apple cider with her, cherry pies, do canning, and she could always wip up the most delicious home meal. Hers is the house where I learned to love white bread and Pepsi, and tolerate sweet tea. She made the best noodles in the world. At her tallest, I don't know if she hit five feet, and her fatest, I doubt she hit 100 pounds, but I'd also bet that she wrestle you and win if she wanted to. I feel guilty for distancing myself from her over the past decade as her health declined. I didn't want to see her in that shape, and that was selfish. I remember her strong, healthy, virbant. I did visit her a few times, though. She had even started to read my book. I think the copy that I gave her will be a cherished posession of mine for years to come, still with her bookmark and newspaper clipping of my first signing in it. She surrounded herself with mementos of her family and their accomplishments. This wasn't excactly the short paragraph that I had envisoned, but how do you summarize a life with just a handful words? I could never make you feel like you knew her, just through this. Just know that she was loves, and she will be missed.

Qops!
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree

t took me a long time to get used to the reality that my grandmother had passed away. Wherever I was, in the house, in the garden, out on the fields, her face always appeared so clearly to me. ~ Huynh Quang Nhuong

The New Barenaked Ladies Song (Who Do You Think It's About?)

2006-09-19T19:24:00.000-05:00

we sent in the army
they sounded alarms we
saw it coming from a mile away
we kept it off radar
because we had to say our
intentions were to save the day

why did you fail
to see

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and they were shocked and they were awed
and they were blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we kept it all long-range
and made a regime change
you'd have thought it would have been a gas
but when it got ugly
we sat around smugly
because you bought our little joke en masse
don't look at me that way

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
we knew your sons and daughters
would be blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

put a smile on
we're the ones that you selected
leave that dial son
because we just got re-elected
in a while our
bill of rights will be rejected

and all the blame will be deflected [this bit is vaudville style]
the forests will be unprotected
the nation's poor will be neglected
creation myth is resurrected
a new salute is genuflected
a gallup poll will be respected
gallows pole will be erected
all this will go undetected

while you all slumbered
we sat and crunched numbers
of all the causalities we could afford
there's no need to draft them
you could hear us laugh then
the poor and black all need the room and board
did I say that
out loud

it was a gag
it was all for a laugh
and now our very nation has been blown in half

fun and games
we're just pulling legs
we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

we knew this barrel of fun
would be a powderkeg

it's a powderkeg

New Feature

2006-09-05T11:40:00.000-05:00

For the record, before I begin, in the first five days of September, my post number has equaled the entire month of August (also July I think, but not combined). Yay! The topic today is a new feature. Like my hero, Stephen Colbert, I am making my own On Notice and Dead to Me Boards. I will repost and update them on here periodically. If you want to have your own On Notice graphic (this is really cool!), go to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ Or better yet, type mine in so you can see how cool they look. Here are my current lists in no particular order, with explanations since they're new:

ON NOTICE (created 9/5/6)
Iran - Please please please don't give any more reason for our idiot leader to invade you.
The Democrats - Don't you dare screw up this November.
Mike DeWine - I used to like you, and yet I don't think I'll vote for you this fall.
J. K. Rowling - How long does it take to write a freakin' book!!! It had better be 1000 pages!
Movie Critis - Quit telling me good movies and bad and vice versa. There is no way that Invincible is better than Clerks II
Katie Couric - You are annoying. Get out of my media.
Bones - How dare you replace Bones's boss! Kudos for the great new character though.
Fox - If you get me hooked on one more show and prematurely cancel it, I swear...
Clogs - They look so cool, and yet make my feet stink.
Geese - They are EVIL!!!! I won't make you dead to me, though, because you'll attack anyway and then I'll be dead.

DEAD TO ME
President George W. Bush - What did I ever see in you in 2000?
Condaleeza Rice - If you get to be president, I'm moving to Canada
Steve Irwin - No, seriously. He's dead. :(
Walmart - You axis of evil. You're an axis all by yourself.
Macs - I don't care how user friendly you are. I will NEVER own one of you! Maybe.
Ashland Financial Aid Office - I almost didn't get to start grad school on time.
Grizzly Bears - You make Stephen's life hell so I no longer believe in you.
The International Astonomers - How DARE you make Pluto not a planet?
Anyone Who Hasn't Bought My Book - WHY NOT???????
The Food Service Industry - I have a college diploma. Why do I have to keep working there?

Just so you know, each list will always only be ten things wrong, so we'll see how gets a reprieve after the next thing that angers me. :)

Qop! (all from The Colbert Report)
I've swallowed 18 condoms full of truth and I'm headed across the border!

You know, I've been running this show, four nights a week, for... five nights now...

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Facts change, but my opinion never does.

Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

TiVo is a Mac

2006-09-03T11:35:00.000-05:00

I was playing with my new TiVo and I came to a quick conclusion - TiVo is a Mac computer. Not literally, of course. But I am very attached to PCs and Windows, and have no desire to switch to a Mac. I have also become accustomed to cabel company DVRs and am not thrilled with TiVo. I've used it before, since when I was living at my aunt and uncle's house last summer, while they vacationed half of the summer. But I prefer Wow, or better yet, Time Warner's DVR. Why? Well, I admit that TiVo is more user friendly and has more features. Finding your shows to schedule and managing your season passes is easier. Yet, I before the clean cut DVR, where it may take a bit more time, but I can see what's going on with my machine. TiVo, I feel like I really don't get to look at my show list and what's going to record the way I want to. For instance, my favorite way to schedule with the DVR was to peruse the major networks from 8-11pm Sun-Thursday and see what was on, then pick. If I picked a slot where two shows were being recorded, it told me right away. Not so with the TiVo exactly. Instead, you go through a series of menus and there's a To Do list that tells you the list of shows coming up to record, with the times and stuff to the side. I don't like this. However, at least for the next year, a DVR other than TiVo is not available to me, so I will live with it. It's still way better than a VCR.

Qop! (from "Bones")
Booth: We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Angela: I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrel on it.
Brennan: I know him. He's funny.
Angela: That's Will Ferrel.

Booth: I need subtitles when I come in here.

Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Why Is Bush Still in Office?

2006-09-01T08:49:00.001-05:00

Sorry about only getting three entries in August. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, from my Five Year Reunion, to starting grad school, to my web site being down temporarily. Ugh. And I should have a TiVo by the first of the week. Finally. Anyway, the main topic today is, Why is Bush still in office? If you like Bush, even a little, skip this post and join me next time for something more fun and frivilous.
Many of you have probably wandered this. If you know me at all, you know that I certainly have. A lot of people believe he didn't win in 2000. Fewer, but still a significant number, believe he didn't win in 2004. Not that any of that matters because he is in office, so suck it up and forget that old stuff. It's way too late to do anything about either election. Lots of people pretty much acknowledge that Iraq is a mistake, although good ol' Bush is up to his good ol' fear tactics again of telling us that if we pull out, we will be beset upon my terrorists. Not his language. He would say something less intellectual. This morning's Doonesbury reminded me of a few of the things he has done that are illegal: authorizing torture, kidnapping people and throwing them in secret prisons without due process, wiretapping phones. Why is this man still our president? His poll numbers are so low you'd think someone would stand up and say, Look, this is a bad man that is breaking the law and leading our country asunder! Let's at least put him on trial! But other than a reprimand from the Supreme Court, and rapidly dwindling poll numbers, nothing has happened to him. I wish that someone in Washington would take note and get that bastard out of office before he screws anything else up. I guess it's ok to say this. I don't think he has thrown anyone in secret prisons just for critisizing him...yet. :) (Yes, that last part was a joke people!)

Qop!
"Today's secret word is 'Kahn'. You remember what to do when someone says the secret word, don't you? ...That's right. SCREAM REAL LOUD!!!!" ~www.in4mador.com

Life Without a DVR

2006-08-16T08:44:00.000-05:00

I have had no DVR for something like three weeks now, and I am just now realizing how bad I was about watching tv. I watched way too much. I tried to keep up with every show every person I knew tended to talk about, and even then I failed. Plus I watched the shows I really loved, like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Since I no longer have a DVR, I have to rely on a VCR that won't program. I have to actually be home to push record. This means that if I want to watch The Venture Brothers, I have to be home Sunday nights. It runs at 10:30pm and 2:30am. My only other shows I am trying to keep up with, Daily, Colbert, Reno 9-1-1, and Project Runway, all run multiple reruns every week, so I have time to catch them if I miss their regular timeslots. Hence I have been able to watch those five shows. Three of them will be done for the year soon, only the two political shows continue. But thinking about the number of shows coming back and new shows I want to watch, figuring in how little I will actually be home due to full time working and full time schooling, I am afraid I may have to drop quite a few of my shows. And that may be a good thing. I do watch too much and I need to cut back.
On a related note, I am totally not going to miss on Sunday, and I suggest you do not either. I don't know the lineup of roasters they have yet, but Lisa Lampanelli is back, and that is plenty for me. Also, Rob Corrdry is about to leave The Daily Show, as he said this week, although if his new show fails, maybe he'll be back? I don't know what to hope for. With the departure / promotion of Stephen Colbert, Corrdry kind of stepped up as everyone's favorite contributed. Ed Helms has been rarely seen, although he is still listed on imdb as a cast member. At least we still have Lewis Black, when he feels like it, and Samantha Bee, for now, as well as two ofthe slew of new correspondents who joined last year that are fun, including Bee's husband Jason Jones, Dan Bakkedahl. There were lots of others last year, and they disappeared. The one I miss most is the depressingly short lived nephew of Rob, Nathan Corrdry, although he will be seen on the one new show I have to watch this season, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. There are a few new guys who seem ok though. Ah, well. Time to go. I need to quit wasting time talking about tv.

Qop! (from Rumination's e-newsletter)
My dumb brother says life is all about compassion, wisdom and love for our fellow man. What an idiot! Life is about peace and understanding and building a world full of friendship for all mankind. Dumbass.

Top Thirteen Reasons I'm Like Stephen Colbert

2006-08-14T15:30:00.000-05:00

Why thirteen? Because that's how many original colonies were in the U.S.

13. We both have a mother.
12. He was on The Venture Brothers, twice. I LOVE The Venture Brothers.
11. We both have a black friend.
10. We are both geeks who like sci/fi fantasy.
9. We both love Bill Cosby.
8. There is no grey, just black and white. Although we don't see color.
7. We both had bad breakups, although mine wasn't named Charlene.
6. We both have our own shows. Ok, I don't, but someday it would be cool to have one. The same can be said about being named one of Time's 100 Most Influential People
5. We both have foreign last names (Colbert is French and Dailey is derived from the Scottish Daly)
4. We are both AMERICANS! USA! USA! USA!
3. We both like 'facts' that support our beliefs.
2. We both warn the world about an animal that will overtake us humans if we're not careful (him - bears; me - geese, although I have discussed over the years including ninja panda bears)

1. We both have a close personal friend named Jon Stewart.

Qop! (Stephen Colbert, of course, from The Colbert Report, talking about the disgraced author of the 'biography', A Million Little Pieces and his Oprah fiasco
"Now I have my own problems with James Frey. Not because of the inconsistencies in his memoir, nothing wrong with stretching the truth. After all, we stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious. In fact, I respect him for making up his past! It shows character. Too many people just let their past happen to them. It's part of the culture of victimization. "Ooh, I had no control over the circumstances of my birth!" But when you decide to have had a difficult childhood, that... that's really owning your past! And in a fundamentally refreshing way, taking responsibility for it. It's so rare these days. Besides, taking liberties with the truth is an American tradition. In fact, the word liberty is right there in the word liberties! "

Return of Jim-i

2006-08-08T08:42:00.000-05:00

I am done moving. I am not going to apologize for my delay since the last post, although it was weeks, because I had a lot going on in my life. I am going to try to be brief because I have to go to work, but there's a lot I want to post about. First of all, I moved back to West Jeff. Not so thrilled about it, but there are good points. I just got internet back to my desktop last night, hence why I have not posted until now. Hopefully I'll have Ti-Vo (Yes, real Ti-Vo this time, not DVR) by the end of the month. For now I frantically record The Daily Show and The Colbert Report every night, and get Reno 911 and Venture Brothers when I can. Ah, well. Such is life. I realize I watch too much tv anyway and it would probably be better if I never get another Ti-Vo, but then what will happen to all the characters I know and love? It would be devastating. Maybe I can try not watching any new shows this year. Wow, I almost typed that with a straight face.
Last week my 18 year old brother was in the hospital. He had appendicitis. His brief stay strecthed to four days because of complications and internal bleeding. He is doing fine now. We were quite a bit worried for awhile. My mother knew a guy who was sent home from the hospital and ended up dying a little later of internal bleeding that the doctors didn't catch, so it was such a relief to figure out why he wasn't getting better and do another surgery to fix it. Just be warned that a loved one of yours doesn't end up in the same situation.
I read two fantastic books this month. I read more than two books, but two that blew me away. The first was Life of Pi, about a boy who simultaneously practices Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism, and then he gets shipwrecked and his family dies and he ends up on a life boat with a 450 pound Bengal tiger for 280+ days. It was such an interesting read, with a bit of a mind fuck at the end. Check it out. The second was Motherless Brooklyn, about a guy with Tourettes who was taken out of an orphanage to work for a detective/mob man/car service owner. When the guy is murdered, it falls to the main character to figure out the case. I don't read a lot of detective or mystery novels, but this one was great. It was our Otterbein Alumni Book Club book of the month. Speaking of the group, I am not the alumni 'in charge', which basically just means I am going to have to notify members of dates and stuff. During the meetings no one is in charge. We all discuss and contribute. We're thinking about doing a Book and Beer thing, where we have our group meeting, then go to Old Bag of Nails afterwards. Hopefully some of you alumni are reading this, and will be intrigued enough to check it out. Actually, everyone is welcome, alumni or not. The next meeting, the September one, will be early on Wednesday, August 30th at 7:30pm in the Courtright Library. We are reading The Girl in the Hyacinth Blue. You should come!

Qop! (from The Onion)
Republicans accuse Senator Joe Biden of running for president for political reasons.

Prehistoric Ages

2006-07-18T13:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the so long no post. I have a valid excuse this time. I was in Florida for most of the non-posting period, and with no internet access, I was screwed. I depend a lot on technology. Unfortunately, it appears that I am about to descend back into the dark ages, which there is no good reason for that to happen to me so I am bit upset. I am moving back in, very temporarily, like the school year, with my parents to save some money. I don't want to do it, but I have to. I am poor and that's what happens with poor people. My mom isn't opposed to me getting a DVR, like I have had for the last year and a half, there, but the decision is up to my father, a man who grew up on a farm and has very different ideas about life from me. I think part of the problem is that he doesn't understand me, nor does he want to. I understand him. It takes effort, but I do. But he wouldn't recipricate. So when I called and very nicely asked about having a DVR added to his cable me, with me paying for it of course, he said no. Why? Because he doesn't want 'that trash' in the house. They have only a basic cable package, 28 channels. It hasn't always been that way, but my little siblings, and me admittedly, watched things he didn't consider appropriate. I didn't have much time for tv when I last lived there, so it didn't bother me. And I do understand his want to protect his children, although I totally disagree with his method of doing it. I had originally planned to ask to put the DVR in the family room, although since he doesn't want the other siblings (two of them are still at home age. almost 17 and almost 12) to watch it, I said I would put it in my bedroom. He can block the 'unwanted' channels on all of the other tvs, and I would block all the 'trash' and movie channels that he wanted on my system. I only watch the basic channels (4, 6, 10, 28, 53), Comedy Central and Cartoon Network. I guess I will watch Battlestar on SciFi this fall, and Runway on Bravo, and maybe Lovespring on Life. Still, he can block MTV and the like. I don't care. The big exception he took to it seemed to be Comedy Central. I am an avid The Daily Show and The Colbert Report fan. He doesn't get Comedy Central and doesn't want it. I promised to not watch 'that trash with all the f-words', but he doesn't want it available. It is a really dumb situation. If the machine is in my room, I don't see how that's a problem. He didn't think it was fair to allow me, a 23 year old, access to something his much younger children aren't allowed to watch. I think, as an adult, I am entitled to my shows as long as I am willing to pay for them and keep them away from the youngsters. I am really trying to understand him, but I think my compromise of keeping it in my room and allowing him to block most of the channels should satisfy him. It does not. He will allow it only if he can block any channel other than the 28 he gets, which includes none of the cable channels that I watch. This isn't fair and isn't necessary in the 21st century.

Qop!
McCoy: Are you out of your Vulcan mind? (Star Trek)

Princess Leather Shock

2006-07-05T17:54:00.000-05:00

Hello all. Sorry for no recent updates, but I haven't had anything to write about it. Even now, I have nothing. My things are in boxes all around the apartment as I prepare for the temporary move back to my parents' house. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about after that. :) For now, though, I am leaving for Florida very early Friday morning and I just wanted to shoot off a quick hello and happy independence day. To celebrate patriotism, the Supreme Court recently told Bush that what was going on in Guantanamo Bay is illegal. Take that, bitch! Plus, turns out the 2004 election was rigged and Bush lost that too. Best 4th of July in six years! Oh, and if I was a stripper, I found out my name would be Princess Leather Shock. Don't think the Shock part sounds right, but whatever. I didn't make it up. It was one of those random generator thingys. Enjoy July and I will post again soon!

Qop! (Scrubs)
Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
[points at each of the women]
Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

2006-06-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

This was just one of those very bad days. I woke up this morning and my stupid but adorable cats were staring at me. They have hidden my glasses and I don't know where. I've looked everywhere. So I put in the contacts for the first time in months and my eyes are tired right now but I need to see and the glasses are still missing. Then I went to the bank to cash a savings bond so I would have gas money. One bank that I stood in in line for fifteen minutes doesn't cash savings bonds. The second bank informed me that it will not be one year old for two more weeks and they couldn't cash it until then. Savings bonds are stupid anyway. Why would I need $100 in 30 years? To buy a tank of gas, if that? I hope I am not that hard up for money. The savings bond would already be a year old if my former employer hadn't forgotten me last graduation time and given me the bond late. Then the worst thing of the day happens - I find out my grandmother was taken to the hospital again. She's stabalized for now, but I don't know what's going to happen there.
Then the day takes a more positive turn. My second cousin, who is a mere three months younger than me, is getting married. This is the other side of the family from grandma. My parents skip the wedding, but I go and it is a beautiful ceremony. I'm happy for them, I really am, but of course I have this jealousy because she is younger than me, even if only by three months, and I wanted to be married by now. Of course me eight year old cousin points this out to me several times. Thanks. I love my cousin, but it didn't help. Open bar helped, but I also didn't want to drink too much because I was in public and I had to drive home eventually. So I eat and chat and dance my ass off to forget about my grandma, and my being broke, and my being single, not even a girlfriend for the last three years. And I drink. And eventually I start to feel better. For awhile. Then my worries and stuff come rushing back and I wind up at home, miserable, drinking mixed liquors of whatever I had in my cabinet that is strong but tastes terrible. Good day right? Tomorrow will probably be better. I hope. And any single girls out there, who want a nice guy ready to settle down, call me.

Qop!
"Momma said there'd be days like this. There'd be days like this, my momma said."

His Story

2006-06-20T19:59:00.000-05:00

NICK: Wow. As I sit here, or should I say, stand here, playing music for the masses assembling at the Dub Pub, I just am shocked about how bad it sucks tonight here. I mean, we have a country bumpkin couple here wanting country, some guy said he wanted good crap to listen to and what songs I had that wasn’t crap, (which I laughed ‘cause the fucker was wasted and was twenty shades of drunk.)
So alas, here I am. I have no idea how many beers I have consumed, but I believe it’s definitely over like, four. Which for me by 11:30 is well… beyond good. Actually the saving grace of the night will be the journey to and the arrival at Jimmy’s apartment. Either way, I am staying there tonight and I am gonna just chill out and maybe watch some Clerks. Now, going out tonight is a major question; shall I grab a bite to eat on the way there? If so, what shall I grab? Barely anything is open really. I am hoping for some Taco Bell before I get there, but who knows. The nice thing is, it will save me the trouble of driving to Jimmy’s tomorrow when I should be relaxing on Father’s Day.
Shit.
I forgot to grab a card for Father’s Day for Dad. Mother fuckin’ puss bucket.
I wonder how Jimmy’s party is going?

JIMMY: Yay! People are here! Bob showed up and he and I ran to the store real quick. Can I just say how nice it is to have brothers old enough and mature enough and cool enough to hang out with? That’s been one of the best things about the past year or so. Anyway, we got home and Amanda showed up and we watched a sweet episode of Angel. I love that show. Then Kayla showed up. Last night was a really great party, for most of the night, and everyone had quite a bit to drink. Tonight it’s much more relaxed. I am drinking some more of that wine left over from the all day celebration a couple of weeks ago that didn’t actually happen and… well, never mind about that. I’m in a good mood so I don’t want to go into that right now.
Good. It’s time to play a game. People always try to watch movies and stuff during these things, and while I love movies and tv shows as much as the next guy if not more, it’s really hard to pay attention to that stuff during a party. This is just what I needed. A nice game of Scattergories, my favorite game, to distract me from all that has been going wrong in my life the last month or so. I really need that. I find myself lonely and craving company almost every night lately. I hate to be alone. It’s also killing my writing curve. I was writing every day and the last couple of weeks, nothing. I am in the middle of two books I need to get back to it.
Yipee. I am ahead by like fifteen points. I told you that I rock at this game. I wish the judging was better though. These people give no points for creativity. What’s the point of the game if you can’t give off the wall far out answers? I mean, that’s what Scattergories is all about. I thrive on the creative crap. Ah, well. That’s why I’m not winning by thirty points. Oop. Text message. Nick wants to know what’s going on. I’ll let him know. I hope we’re still rocking when he gets here. Maybe he’ll bring us, and by us I mean me, a cute, sweet girl that I can date for a year or two, then propose to, then marry, then move to the suburbs with our 2.4 adorable children and maybe a cat or two, where I support us by writing and… never mind. I need to reply to Nick.

NICK: Apparently… from the text message I just received from him… Scategories is going on. As I stand here, watching a group of fine young ass girls, looking beautiful, I can simply smile. Despite how slow it is and now as busy as the previous weeks, God gives me a luscious view of the fine females out tonight! Hm.

Qop! (Dr. Cox from Scrubs)
The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second ...and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box.

Unemployment

2006-06-17T10:43:00.000-05:00

School ended over a week ago. Almost two weeks ago. And I am unemployed. I lined up two summer jobs at the end of MARCH so this wouldn't happen, then both fell through at the absolute last minute. So I lined up another job, then it fell through. Then I've spent days just going to interview after interview and the jobs that want to hire me are all sales jobs which I can't do. It's not that I don't want to. Some of them would make me lots of money if I could sell, but I can't. I'm not pushy. I'd ask if someone wanted something, they would say no, and I would leave very politely, which isn't how you make money. Something needs to happen fast or I'll be living in a cardboard box. Ok, not literally, but you understand. I am veyr very broke. This whole thing just sucks. I can't wait for school to start again! :)

Qop! (Office Space)
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.

Gay Marriage

2006-06-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

The gay marriage debate is back in the news. It must be an election year. Bush failed to push the constitutional amendment banning it through the Senate, thank god, but it got attention. The Republicans hope it will let them retain some seats in the fall. For me, it just told me not to vote for DeWine. The whole thing is ridiculous. First of all, if these people really care about the 'threat' or want to do something about it, you'd think it would be debated more than every two years. Also, this is a country of freedoms, and for once we fall behind all of the other civilized countries who already allow it.
Jon Stewart had an interesting guest on The Daily Show this week. They argued for two thirds of the show about gay marriage. His opponent argued that it is a perversion that will lead to support of bigamy and other creepy things. Stewart, rightly in my opinion, argued that it is a natual part of the human progression and it is ridiculous that anyone even fight it. People are born gay, it's not an illness or a disorder. Is it really fair to tell them that their love is any less valid or deserving? I think not. Marriage is not a long standing institution, and for centuries it was more of a business than anything else. The idea that conservatives are trying to 'protect' isn't very old anyway. I am not knocking the marriage-for-love theory. I hope one day to find a woman that I fall in love with and marry. But denying gay people the right to be joined in the union of love known as marriage is just plain wrong.
The good news is, both sides of the debate admit that it's pretty much over. Gay marriage is coming and will be protected soon enough. Throughout history people have fought against allowing others equal rights (slavery, the women's movement) and it is has always ended with the rights being afforded and discrimination slowly dissolving. This issue is just the next step in that and it really angers me when people fight against it. 10% of the population is homosexual. Most people have someone in their family that is. Do you really want to deny them a fundamental right such as falling on love and getting married? Come on people. Grow up and get smart. Or if nothing else, be gracious losers because the battle is already over.

Qops!
"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." —Jay Leno

"Conservative groups are demanding that President Bush support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. They feel that when the founding fathers were putting the Constitution together they made a mistake by not outlawing it. Have you ever seen the paintings of the founding fathers? The powdered wigs, the frilly collars, the pedal pushers — I think they were for it." —Jay Leno

Relaxing

2006-05-30T12:21:00.000-05:00

This is only my third post of the month, so I have obviously been busy. In fact, I am subbing right now, but I am at the high school in a home ec class where I am basically a well-paid babysitter. That doesn't happen very often. In the younger grades I do actually get to work. Anyway, things have been crazy. I still don't have a job for the summer. I have several leads, at least two jobs that I thought were guaranteed. But they weren't. Or maybe they still are. I don't know. I have to schedule classes for next fall. I've got at least one close friend about to move hours away. I'll be moving again in two months. I don't know what I'm going to do with the cats. And I am broke as hell. It hasn't been easy. Oh, and I also said goodbye to three wonderful shows forever. Not that I need more new episodes of anything to watched, but it was still sad.
And then yesterday I got to totally relax. Just sit and let my mind drift. It was a holiday, so no school, no work, and not the type of holiday that includes a family party so I didn't leave the apartment complex. It was a strange feeling to have all of the tension and worries just float out of you completely. I have to say I liked the feeling. Of course, by last night they were closing in on me again, but that afternoon was needed and wonderful.

Qops!
ALIAS:
Sydney: Write this down. E. M. E. T. I. B. Got it? Now, reverse it.

Vaughn: Look, if I'm not back in a couple of hours I'm probably dead.
Agent Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Marcus Dixon: Listen, while you're grabbing the Rambaldi manuscript, if you happen to see a sandwich...

Agent Marshall Flinkman: Well, a lot of people who are into spanking, apparently.
[a random woman grabs him and kisses him] Oh my god, I think I just got hepatitis.

Nadia Santos: She asked me if you were tall, dark and handsome. I told her you were tall.

Agent Jack Bristow: Those Cyrillic codes you found in those books - yes, they were orders from the KGB and yes, they were orders to kill. An agent received those orders and carried them out, murdering officers of the C.I.A., including your father, Mr. Vaughn. All this is true. But, Sydney, I was not that agent. Your mother was.

Lauren: I'll see you in Vancouver. Don't be late or call me sweetheart.
Sark: Ambitious and domineering. Fantastic.

Rachel Gibson: Oh, my God, you're...
Kelly Peyton: Not dead?
Rachel Gibson: I was gonna say evil, but...

Francie: Okay, seriously, we are not putting chocolate chips in the pancakes.
Will: I got news for you. Oh yes we are.

Sloane: You know, we should dance.
Sydney: Like hell.

LOST: Season Two

2006-05-07T14:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, so if you watched last week's Lost, you know that there are crazy things going on on that little island. Everyone assumes that Ana is dead, and Michelle Rodriguez admitted that her character wasn't supposed to be on for more than a season in the first place, but what about Libby? She took two bullets, but whether she is dead or not has been hotly debated. For one thing, in next week's previews one character specifically said "She died", not "they died". Also, Ana had just come to terms with something major in her life, as had Shannon and Boone before their deaths. Libby didn't have the moral quandry, so she shouldn't be dead. I hope. She is the only main character who hasn't had a flashback, whereas even Rose and Bernard had one (I'm not complaining; they should be main characters).
Who is Jack's sister (or half sister)? His father was looking for his daughter. Some have speculated it might be Kate because the woman and the house looked familiar, but Kate's mom was in Iowa so that isn't likely. Some speculated that it might be Claire, or Claire's friend Charlotte, as they were Australian. And why did Ana Lucia call him Dad when he went to get out of the car at the bar? Hmm. But we saw Ana's mom in the states, and the blond was clearly not Ana's mom. Of course, when he was yelling at the blond about wanting to see his daughter, maybe he was referring to Ana, who was in the car. I don't know.
Next question, is Michael an other? If not, why did he kill Ana and Libby? And did he kill Henry or rescue him?
And, who is the father of Claire's baby? It has been speculated as Sawyer or Jack's father, both ladies' men in Australia, although Jack's father got there a little late for the time frame to make sense, unless he had been there before.
Lastly, was is Libby's connection to Desmond? It has been leaked that in the finale, she was have a flashback scene with him.
Now if you don't know Lost, I'm sorry for the ramblinbgs, but what the hell is going on? Almost two season gone and so many unanswered questions.

The Book! Buy It Now!

2006-05-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Sorry I haven't posted. I have been seeking employment, part time for now, full time for summer. I still need to pay my rent after school lets out, unfortunately. These extremely high gas prices have not helped one bit. Sigh. Two and a half more years until we get the idiot out of office. But today's topic is not current events. Jon Stewart and Saturday Night Live said everything this week that needed to be said. No, today's topic is my book.
Book One continues to meet with favorable reviews. The discussion with the Otterbein Alumni Book Club went fantastic. I sent copies of Book Two around to my brave volunteer proofreaders, so Book Two will be completed soon. The current estimated deadline is it will be ready to go to press by the end of July. I also have a couple of people considering cover ideas, so hopefully it'll be nice and snazzy. I have also wrote six chapters for Book Three, so it will be fast on the heels of Book Two. I am considering another project or two in between Book Three and Four, but I haven't decided yet. I will of course keep you posted. But the bottom line is, if you haven't bought An Actor's Nightmare Book One yet, go buy it! Now! Seriously! Please?

Qops! (courtesy of Veronia Mars, which promises to have one hell of a Season Two finale this week)
Keith Mars: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica Mars: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Cliff McCormack: [to Logan] My name is Cliff, and I'll be your, "If you cannot afford an attorney" attorney.

I Was Right

2006-04-24T21:32:00.000-05:00

I am pretty humble, so even when I am on right I rarely shout it from the rooftops. I do admit when I'm wrong. But this time, I was absolutly right. As yet another friends told me about her experience confirming my theories, I feel it is finally time to declare it definitively.

GEESE ARE EVIL!!!!

That's all I wanted to say. Book Two just needs a little more proofreading and it will be done. On Monday, May 1st, Book One will be featured at Otterbein's Courtright Library at 7:30pm. You should all come. Also, I am now working two jobs so I am very busy. Just try to get a hold of me. :) And, um, well, I will stay make time to watch Jed Bartlett and Jack Bauer save the world. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Oh, yeah, geese are evil.

Qop!
"We have a contingency plan to invade Canada? " ~ Kate Harper (Mary McCormick), The West Wing

BONUS TRIVIA!!!
According to an interview that he gave to The New York Times, executive producer Lawrence O'Donnell and his fellow writers had planned for Vinick to win the election until John Spencer's sudden, untimely death in December 2005. After that, they decided that Santos losing both his running mate and the election would be too difficult for the audience to watch, and they changed the election's outcome.

What About Jim?

2006-04-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, so go ahead and make fun of me for my TV watching habits. I understand. Lately I have been watching a lot of tv, and if you don't realize why, go back and read my previous post. I picked up four new shows recently. What can I say? Spring break let me catch up and made me feel like I had time for new stuff, which I most definitely do not. I started a new part time job today and now I am working 65+ hours per week, so tv time is about plummet. No big deal there. So new shows. Free Ride is mildly entertaining. So is Pepper Dennis. The Loop is freakin' hilarious. What About Brian? is great. I thought it was a new JJ Abrams show, but while he produced it, he did not create it. It has a good cast including Rosanna Arquette from The Whole Nine Yards. The problem with the show is how the characters take relationships for granted. The plot focuses on 7 characters: six couples and Brian. One couple has been married for thirteen years with two little kids, but haven't had sex since their last baby was born six months ago. The wife has decided to have an open marriage. At first the guy is ticked, but now is kinda starting to go along with it, except he tells all potential lays about his wife and kids. I hate this plot. I want to be married, and I don't want it to ever be six months in between. I certainly would be very upset if my wife suggested an open marriage, even though she claims she'll never leave her husband and loves him. Another couple just got engaged and talk about how they are upset about not ever sleeping with other people again. Again, I am pissed at these characters. The third couple is having problems having a baby, but are devoted. That couple is one reason I watch the show. The main reason is Brian. He's this nice sweet guy who would treat a woman right, like me. Although my friends aren't all getting married, in fact none of them are, I feel like Brian because I feel like I am behind the game. To be perfectly honest, I'm not financially stable enough for marriage yet anyway so it's probably a good thing I'm single. But I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I think things are starting to look up for me. At least, I hope so. If only I could sell more copies of my book, but I'm working on it. The main difference between Brian and I is that he can easily get girls, which I never have been able to do. Plus his friends set him up all the time. Come on people! Set me up. :) The thing that bothered me about Brian in tonight's episode though is that he went after a date's roommate. That ticked me off and made me lose respect for him. Still, I'll keep watching.
I also finally watch the finale of Dawson's Creek last night. WONDERFUL.

Qop! (Jenn's speech to her baby as she is dying from the finale of Dawson's Creek)
Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in god. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that god exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in god, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live.

Spring Break

2006-04-14T08:09:00.000-05:00

I'm poor and past college so I stayed home for spring break. You know what I have spent it doing? Working on my book, watching DVDs and tv shows, and laying around the house. Yeah, I spent like half a day job searching and came back with two new part time jobs, which means as of Monday, my life begins to get extremely busy. I figure that'll last a month or so and then something will have to give. I'll probably ditch one of the two new jobs. First I'm going to see which one I like the most. One is 25 hours a week with a $7/hr base pay, but if your comission is above it, as most people's is, you get that instead. Average pay is like $9/hr. I have a feeling that one will go, as it is Tuesday-Friday 5pm-10pm and Saturday 9am-2pm because it's just too much time. If I could ditch wednesday or thursday it might be tolerable. The other one is a job where I work on specific assignments, can do as many as I want when I want, and then get paid as I do them. This has the potential to be a lot of fun, but we'll see. Plus I'm still subbing, and that is probably the highest paid job of the lot, except for maybe the assignment one, but that one isn't as regular. So I am going to enjoy my last couple of days of break and not feel guilty about being lazy. It won't last much longer.

Qop!
"FAMILY GUY!! I damn you to hell! " ~ Randy Marsh, during the hilarious two part South Park, "Cartoon Wars" aired these past two weeks

Musings Part 1,383,292... or so it seems :)

2006-04-09T14:49:00.000-05:00

So I've been watching Dawson's Creek (Lisa, you can read this. I won't spoil anything). The final season came out and of course I'm addicted to watching it, and of course being emotionally moved, sometimes to tears, as Dawson often does to me. But instead of getting into that, because I don't want to spoil anything for Lisa, I've been thinking about my life and intrests. When I was younger, I read constantly. I was incluenced greatly by Judy Blume, Beverly Clearly, Bruce Coville, Lynn Reid Banks, L. Frank Baum... and then later by Peter David, J.K. Rowling, Diane Carey, and many others. It was probably part of the reason I turned to writing. I wrote my first chapter book in 3rd grade. I have been writing ever since. In contrast, tv meant very little to me. A couple of years ago, however, I discovered what great storytelling can exist on tv. Yes, I still do enjoy the occasional dumb sitcom, but my fascination with tv stems from my fascination with storytelling, not because I'm a couch potato junkie. I couldn't imagine tv shows as good as books until I discovered Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Firefly, Felicity, Lost, 24, and a host of others. The people that create this stuff (Joss Whedon, Ira Steven Behr, J.J. Abrams, etc.) are every bit as good a writer as the authors I loved. The actors they choose bring their stories to life, and while I still love books, there's a lot to be said for television, which is now in it's renaisance. Especially the serial series. When I was writing my first published book, I was just starting to discover the tv world. I think it did influence my writing. I imagined that book as a television season, and I would be thrilled beyond measure if someday it became one. I like to tell a serial story, where the part fit together, the story goes on for years, but it's one long story. One that is complicated, with characters that grow and change. I don't think I'm awesome at it, but I'm not ashamed of my first book, and I think my stories will continue to get better. I live life through my stories since I'm not leading the life I dream of. If I'm lucky, someday I will get to. We'll see. If you haven't read my book, please do so, then if you like it tell everyone. I will follow my dream of telling stories. In the meantime, I'm back to Dawson and watching others' stories. I need to know what's going to happen to Dawson, Joey, Pacey, Jenn, Jack, Grams, Todd, Audrey, Natasha, and the rest!

Qop! (from Season Six of Dawson's Creek)
Joey: Dawson, I'm sorry I don't have the same dreams I had when I was 15 years old, and I'm sorry that I moved on faster than you did, but you know what? Maybe not everything that happens to you is my fault! And maybe just because I want more from my life than...
Dawson: More than what? More than us? You don't know, do you? You've never known. The entire time I've known you, all you've wanted to do is escape. From me, from Capeside. I mean, you say that I'm the dreamer. I'm the one who doesn't wanna live in the real world. Well, I'm doing it, Joey. Right now. I'm living in the real world. It's you who wants the fantasy

Saturday, April 1

2006-04-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

So, yeah I have a girlfriend now. And I'm not longer a virgin. And guess what? We're getting married. We're eloping in June as soon as school gets out.

In other news, I have decided to quit teaching and move to a hippie nudist buddist camp. No more school for me. I'm going to be a blacksmith. Cool, huh? There will be no tv or internet there, so better write me quick before it's too late.

So I've been getting bugged about what's going to happen next in my book, so here it is. You're going to find out that the geese are actually midget polar bears in costumes and no one is dead. The nuclear weapons just mutated everyone and they now roam the countryside eating brains. Also, Vince is gay and he and Romey are totally doing it, Auby and Wesley are too, and Walt is a crossdresser. Tommy is actually a cool actor who worships scientology and Dr. Smith's secret base is located in (GASP!) Atlantis! The series will end after Katie has sex with a goose and their offspring is a polar bear and they figure it all out, only to have aliens show up and blow up the planet.

Oh, yeah, and check the date again, because it's April Fools!!! Seriously, though, if you believed the stuff above, you deserve to be fooled.

Qop!
"After that, everyone treated me a lot different, except my sister. She must have belong to a group bigger and meaner than the Mafia. What's that, maybe Jehovah's Witnesses?" ~ A Girl Name Zippy

So I'm 23. Yawn

2006-03-28T19:42:00.000-05:00

So I turned 23 on Sunday. Big whoop. Honestly, I had a good birthday because I had my favorite dinner with my parents, siblings, and grandparents, played some Euchre, and had a really good time. I also got some great presents, including The Golden Girls Season One from Michael. Yay! But the actuality of turning 23 wasn't all that exciting. I didn't lose any sleep in anticipation of the event, or really give it much thought as it came and went. I couldn't wait for the big 21st. I happened to be in Wales for the 20th and Colorado for the 19th. That was fun. I had a huge party for my 22nd because it was my last year in college. But 23, well, it just doesn't seem that big of a deal. Am I part the point where every birthday is a big day for me? Probably. Am I sad about it? A bit. Ah, well. Life goes on, and you keep getting older, even after 23.

Qop!
"Of course I'm happy. I have an international rock star babysitting my kids." ~ Jimmy Smits as Sanots on The West Wing, after a crazy day on the trail when Bon Jovi takes over kid watching duties

The Return of Chef

2006-03-23T16:18:00.000-05:00

Aren't you guys lucky? I've been updating a lot lately. Today's topic: The Return of Chef. If you missed South Park last night, I am so sorry for you. I'm sure they'll rerun it. Here's the rundown of why it was so great. Isaac Hayes, who has voiced Chef for the nine seasons that have aired thus far, quit the show a week or two ago because South Park made fun of Scientology in a recent episode. Granted, the show makes fun of all religions and Hayes has never had a problem with it, until now. I guess he hold his religion to a higher standard or something. I think he's a big jerky hyprocrite for quitting the show over it, but that's just me. Oh, I know he says that wasn't the reason exactly, but everyone can read between the lines. Trey Parker and Matt Stone put together an amazing episode to transition to a series with no more of Hayes's Chef. The episode was called "The Return of Chef" and it ran last night. They faked a 'previously on South Park' where Chef ran off to join the Super Adventure Club. In last night's episode he returned, but started acting differently. He now wanted to turn his love making charms onto little children, such as the kids he serves lunch to at school. The dialogue was badly edited Hayes dialogue from other episodes, which made it all the funnier that something wasn't right. The boys discover that Chef was brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club. The Adventure Club climbs mountains and such, but the Super Adventure Club travels around the world and molests children. Ensuing is a parallel between the beliefs of the SAC and Scientology that never even tried to be subtle. It was hilarious. And in the end Chef chooses to stay with the SAC anyway, then is promptly impaled then torn apart by a mountain lion and a grzzily bear. The episode ends with a funeral in which Kyle proclaims that they should remember the wonderful man Chef was and not the crappy brainwashing he got sucked into (i.e. Isaac Hayes and Scientology). The coda reveals the SAC has put together a Chef Vadar, with a big reveal and a new voice, allowing the character to continue in a fun new way without Hayes, and as a villian. To top that off, Tom Cruise threatened not to promote MI3 for Paramount if they reran a certain episode last week, so they had to do different reruns instead of the scheduled ones. Paramount claims they switched reruns to honor Hayes, but again, the public knows better. Was that cool or what? Six more episodes left this season! I can't wait.

Qop!
"Oh my God, they killed Chef!"
"You bastards!" ~ Kyle and Stan, "The Return of Chef"

Random TV Mouthoff

2006-03-20T22:35:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the string of shows that I try to keep up with have been frustrating me recently, so hear goes the mouthing off in no particular order. Audrey is not a villian, and they had better not kill of D.B. on 24. Can't wait for Michelle Forbes on Prison Break, and I think Mexican guy is gonna save the day on the execution. Why isn't Ted chasing after his girlfriend, or at least hooking up with Robin on How I Met Your Mother. I am sorry Lost but I am sick of your damn reruns. The West Wing has only three episodes left. I'm glad Toby is getting his focus and I hope he gets cleared even if he doesn't deserve it. Josh had better get back with Donna. Oh, and I hope they find Ainsley-Hayes in the basement. Grey's Anatomy continues to deliver consistently. Take a cue Desperate Housewives, whose place it has switched, although DW has it's moments. The Loop is good, Free Ride is ok, and Sons & Daughters is on it's last leg with me, even though it just premiered. I miss Joey. One episode back and it's gone again. Maybe it's for the best. Four Kings is back and good, Out of Practice is almost back, and where did Crumbs go? I couldn't care less about American Idol anymore. Mandisa is going to lose and there's not really anyone else great left. Sorry Paris. On Will & Grace, I am disappointed Taye ended up being such an ass. Well, Grace will get with Leo and Will will get with the policeman and Jack will be disappointed, but keep chasing. I am already showing that I watch too much tv, aren't I? If it weren't for the actors on Bones I would have stopped watching, although it is good. And Veronica Mars is going to have a thrilling end. Can't think of anything else. Thank goodness these shows aren't on every week or I'd be dead.

Qop! (24)
"Who is your informant?"
"Audrey Rains."
"No!"
"Everyone has their price."